Fenix vs. Qui Gonn Ginn
(there isn't a whole lot of objectionable language, but
some scenes may be inappropriate for pre-teens)
Qui Gonn: (sigh) ok but make it quick, your majesty.
Raynor: (sniff) you could at least have taken a shower while you were on
board
Kerrigan:
I tried to one time, but you were already in there.
(Obi
Wann and Qui Gonn approach them, light Sabers armed.)
Raynor:
(talking to the Jedi) Um, boys, Halloween was 6 months ago, and I think it's
bright enough out here for you not to have to use flashlights.
Qui
Gonn Jin: I am Qui Gonn Jin and this is my aprentice Obi Wan Kenobi. And if you are here to interfere with our
mission I am going to have to destroy you.
Fenix:
We come in peace, human. We just need a
new ship that will get us back to the Planet Aiur.
Qui
Gonn Jin: (disarms lightsaber) Um, yes and aren't you guys a little old to play
pretend?
Fenix:
567 years, human. And if I had time to play I would.
Tassadar:
We need to borrow one of your ships!! Marcraft is going to attack Aiur and must
warn the Conclave!!
Qui
Gonn: There is only one ship here, and we are taking it to Coruscant. The welfare of justice on this planet
depends on it. And we are going to
leave as soon as her majesty comes back from her vanity.
Kerrigan:
cold you ask her if I can borrow it? I had to hide in a pantry for 3 days and I
look like crap.
QGJ:
No one is to enter the palace. Now if you will excuse us, we are in a hurry.
Zeratul:
You must direct us to your hangar, we need to borrow your ship, that is, if it
isn't so primitive it doesn't even have a warp drive.
QGJ:
We will not give you our ship so you can play Space Pirates!!! I don't think you know what you are dealing
with!! Me and my apprentice here are
Jedi Knights.
(they
arm their lightsabers again)
Fenix:
Oh, how cute, your little flashlights. Well I'll have you know that me and my
friends are of the best warriors in the Koprulu sector!!
Obi
Wan Kenobi: Wow, whot is that?? Sectah of the flea peepull?
Fenix: If you think you stand a chance against the
power of the Khali and the Templar, you are badly mistaken!!
(Obi
Wan charges forward at Fenix, but he dodges and slashes Obi Wann with his Psi
Blades. Obi Wan Screams in pain, and Qui gonn dashes forward and he and Fenix
do fencing with psi blades and light saber, Tassadar tries to join in, but Obi
Wan had already recovered, he does a savage slash at Tassadar with his light
saber, and Tassadar quickly creates a plasma shield with his powers. It didn't block Obi Wan's attack completely
and Tassadar fell backward from the force of the blow. Obi Wann charges forward
at the fallen Tassadar but is kicked to the ground by Kerrigan. Padme and
Captain hold out their blasters at Kerrigan and Raynor but Raynor has a Gauss
rifle and Kerrigan has the All new C-11 Canister rifle)
Voice:
stop!! You are disturbing the peace!!
(a
group of 30 or 40 droids come running in!! Obi Wann dropped his light saber and
had Tassadar in a headlock)
QGJ:
Obi Wan!! Droids!!
Tassadar:
Fenix, are those conclave droids?
Fenix:
Tassadar!! I thought they were supposed to be Hydralisk spine resistant!!
Weren't you in charge of making sure?
Tassadar:
We ordered them off an infomercial, but they never came, so I told the engineer
to come up with something himself. He is definitely going to hear something
about this.
Raynor:
Ahhh!! they are firing at us!!!
Fenix:
Those things are equipped with lasers!!!
Weren't they supposed to come with phase disrupters?
Tassadar:
I seriously need to talk to the war department about this. Hey, those two weirdos are desrtroying the
droids!!
(Obi
Wan and Qui Gonn slash through all of the droids.)
Zeratul:
(talking to Obi Wan and Qui Gonn, who are looking around to make sure they have
finished off all of the droids) Humans, you are under arrest for causing damage
to cheap Conclave property. I am going to have to insist that you come back to
Aiur with us.
(Qui
Gonn, who after destroying the droids, disarmed his lightsaber, reactivates
it.)
Qui
Gonn: ah, so the weird creatures with glowing eyes are from the trade
federation!! I am going to suggest that we take YOU off to prison after we deal
with the rest of your droids!!
Zeratul:
did you hear that!!! These are enemies of the conclave!! Let's take these crazy
old men out!!
(the
fighting is resumed, and is interrupted by a voice)
Amidala:
STOP!!! Qui Gonn, can you go one hour without doing a training exercise? I sware you Jedi have no life!!
Obi
Wan: (thinking to himself) This from a woman that takes an hour to put her
makeup on. (out loud) yore mahjesty,
these life forms are agents of the federation, and we are going to have to
arrest them before we leave.
Tassadar:
(referring to Amidala) Your majesty?? This must be the leader of the Rebels!!
Raynor, handcuff her!!
(Raynor
approaches Amidala, she resists some, but is no match for Raynor, who handcuffs
her just as instructed)
Tassadar:
Young lady, you are under arrest for conspiring against the conclave. We will take you before the Conclave
Parliament, who will set your execution date.
Kerrigan:
(watching Raynor keep Queen Amidala secure, thinks to herself:) He's staring at
her boobs. Ha!! If it's boobs he likes,
I'll show him boobs!! He can't like her
more than me. Just look at that outfit,
where'd she come from, the circus??
Tassadar:
You are all under arrest for damaging
conclave property, assaulting conclave warriors and conspiring against the Conclave.
Will you come quietly as traitors or die as enemies of the homeworld??
Obi
Wan: (looks confused for a minute, then arms his lightsaber and says) The onleh
enemeh is you, you federation scum.
Raynor:
(to Fenix) why do they refer to the conclave as the federation??
Fenix:
Um, I don't know Raynor. Maybe they are
socialists. Like Bill …uh …
Raynor:
Clinton
Fenix:
yeah, the Earth leader
(With
a quick move, Obi wan Kenobie frees Queen Amidala of the handcuffs with his
lightsaber and beckons Jim to back off, who threatens him with his gun. Kerrigan comes over and she and Amidala get
into a cat fight)
Amidala:
if you mess up makeup I just fixed, I will have you thrown in prison!!
(Obi
Wan joins Qui Gonn fighting the three Protoss while Jar Jar Binks decides to
take action, knocking Raynor's gun out of his hands. They both get into a fist
fight.)
Raynor:
Great, so these flashlight rebels are working with Zerg.
Jar
Jar: Meesa no Zerg. Meesa Jar Jar. I-sa a Gungun!!
Raynor:
Talking Zerg, what will the overmind think of next?
(Kerrigan
strangles Queen Amidala with this weird head ornament which is supported with a
neck strap and eventually falls down unconscious)
Kerrigan:
(thinking to herself) Maybe one of the shopping centers here have breast
enlargement pills. Ill show that Queen Amismalla Tits.
(Jar
Jar Binks punches Raynor with all his might, but misses. Raynor counters with a
Kick that knocks Jar Jar on the ground. Raynor grabs his dropped gun and fires,
It goes through Jar Jar's first layer of skin, not killing him, but knocking
him out. Raynor joins Zeratul fighting Obi Wan, where next to him Fenix is
fighting Qui Gonn.)
Obi
Wan: Mastah, there blahstahs don't fire lasers!!
Qui
Gonn: They're probably just toys Obi Wan, just keeping defending yourself until
they give up.
(Zeratul
strikes Obi Wan, making a relatively shallow wound on his arm. Fenix hits his PSI blade on Qui Gonn's Light
saber so hard that it explodes. There is a patch of ashes where it exploded and
everyone gets up from falling down, covered in ashes, some with burns)
Scene
IV: Kerrigan finds a shop in a town.
The Shopkeeper is a Human-Twi-lek hybrid (the Twi-Lek are those humanoid
beings with two "tails" sticking out on opposite ends of their head that were
seen in the original Star Wars series.)
Shopkeeper:
Can I help you?
Kerrigan:
Yes, I'm looking for the T-760 pills.
Shopkeeper:
Huh? Ma'm I don't think they sell any of those here.
Kerrigan:
Where can I find them?
Shopkeeper:
The prozac is on Isle two. If your not going to buy anything, I suggest you
leave.
Kerrigan:
I'm looking for breast enlargement drugs.
Do you have any or not?
Shopkeeper:
You know, you can always use bottles to feed you babies if your mammary glands can't
keep up with you.
Kerrigan:
I don't mean that kind of drug. I mean the kind that enhances your appearance.
Shopkeeper:
(Folds hands) please don't tell me she's here shopping for the queen!!
Kerrigan:
No, I'm not shopping for the queen!!
Shopkeeper:
Oh thank God!! We don't have any drugs like that but I do have something that
will help. I have two products. Zab
Cream and Flab cream. Zab cream grows all
parts of the body it is applied to and fills it with muscle, Flab creem
does the same thing but fills it with fat.
Kerrigan:
I'll take one tube of Flab cream please!!
(Kerrigan
goes into a back ally and applies the cream.
Within minutes her hooters grow to the size of cantaloupes. She feels them.)
Kerrigan:
(thinking to herself) Ah, big and plump, yet soft. Now we'll see who has the
biggest guns!!
(Kerrigan
then finds that her bra does not fit. She tries and tries, but can't get it
back on.)
Kerrigan:
(thinking to herself) Great, now I'll have to find a new Bra. Now every guy on
the street will start hitting on me.
(she
buts her small size bra in her pocket and puts on her shirt, and sets off to
find a bra)
Scene
V: after some bickering, Zeratul and Qui Gonn get into an argument about who's
ship is stronger. They decide to have a contest. They take the fuel out of the only remaining Nubian Transport and
place it in a Naboo Cruiser. Tassadar, Raynor and the others ready the Equinox
to do battle. Now all is set.
Zeratul:
Tassadar, deploy the interceptors, this should not be a long confrontation.
(They
deploy the interceptors, which zip off towards the approaching Naboo Cruiser)
**meanwhile
onboard the Naboo Cruiser**
Obi
Wan: Masta!! They have deployed
fightuhs!! It's a trap!!
Qui
Gonn: Those aren't fightas Obi Wan. They are Robot-driven. None the less we
must destroy them quick so we can get to Coruscant.
(The
interceptors are extremely fast, the cruiser tries to shoot one of them down,
but can't. The interceptors fire their
pulse cannons – they don't do much damage. The Interceptors turn around for
another run)
Fenix:
You had to wreck that Corsair he had, Raynor.
Raynor:
Hey was it my fault the controls were so complicated? Besides, it was real
foggy, that Skyscraper came out of no- where. Hey, I've got an idea!!
(the
interceptors attach themselves to the cruiser, the cruiser then approaches the
Equinox to fire, thinking it has done away with the interceptors, then Zeratul
activates the interceptors self desturct sequence. It doesn't destroy the ship,
but it cripples it and makes it slowly
waft about 400 feet to the ground, where it catches on fire)
Fenix:
now let's go down there and arrest that scum.
(they
land the carrier)
Obi
Wan: Masta, wheh is the queen?
Qui
Gonn: I don't know, but I'm tired of
her girly little whims getting in the way. Let's just take the transport and
leave her here.
Obi
Wan: only one problem, we used it to fuel the cruisah!!
Qui
Gonn: Blast!! We will have to use the fuel from that flying blimp!! Obi Wan, we will just have to let them take
us away, maybe we can trick them into taking us to Coruscant….
This
is only a prelude of a story of a battle between two sets of heroes from two
different science fiction universes.
For
more, keep checking this site.
