Quick note to Lady Tamara Lynn: I know that this characterization of you is entirely not accurate. I strove mightily to create an accurate character of you, but I believe, failed miserably within the first three paragraphs. This character is based not on you but on my mom in a bad mood. Please do not take offense, and please remember that my stories tend to go where they will, and obey no mortal, whether author or LITTLE BROTHER WHO HAD BETTER GET OUT OF MY ROOM OR I WILL STRANGLE HIM. Thank you for watching. Enjoy the show.
When we finally got to the school, I was asleep. Jenny had to shake me to wake me up.
I trudged to the Hall with my stuff, and sat down somewhere. "Wake me when this is over," I mumbled.
Jenny sighed. "Rachel, we got to be Sorted," she said.
I blinked. "What the hell is being Sorted?"
Jenny pointed to a large, black witch hat that lay on a table in the center of the Hall. "See, we got to put that on, and it tells us which house we be in."
I shrugged. "Whatever. Wake me when it's my turn."
Jenny considerately let me sleep for about five seconds, and then shook me awake. "It's the scholarship kids' turn now," she said, dragging me up to the hat. "Come on, let's go."
I was the first scholarship kid to put on the hat. I sat in a chair while the hat was dumped on my head, and sat back, waiting.
What have we here? I heard a voice in my head.
What the fuck are you? I asked it.
I'm the Sorting Hat, the voice explained. What house should we put you in?
You're the hat, you tell me, I said.
The hat was silent for a moment. Let's see. You're very rebellious, aren't you? And rather manipulating. I think you belong in "SLYTHERIN!"
Jenny got into Slytherin too. The other scholarship kids in Slytherin were Emily Englesoot, a half-fey with corkscrew black hair, freckles, and braces; Erika Snowfire, a short girl with carrot-red hair and a snub nose; Kirsten Locksley, who wore a huge green cloak with a hood; and Alyssa Crowley, a skater chick with dyed blue hair in pigtails and tons of makeup.
We stood around looking stupid for a while, until it was time for the feast. I grabbed my stuff and followed everyone else into the dining hall, but this guy with a long white beard stopped me.
"You're Rachel Fear, aren't you?" he asked me.
I blinked. "Huh? No. Rachel Phoebus. Who're you?"
"My name is Albus Dumbledore," he said. "I am the headmaster of this school. You are related to a witch named Tammy, are you not?"
"Yeah, she's my aunt," I said. "She kicked me out of the house because I wanted to come to school here. Why, do you know her?"
"And you were put in Slytherin," Dumbledore murmured to himself. "I don't think she'll be very happy about that."
"I don't care about what that bitch thinks," I said. "She kicked me out of the house. I don't think she really cares at all."
Jenny and I got put in an old, unused dorm at the top of Slytherin house with Emily, Erika, Kirsten, and Alyssa.
Emily immediately bounced on the top bunk. "I call this bunk!" she screeched.
Alyssa plopped her stuff on the bunk below Emily. "Whatever," she mumbled. She dug her headphones out of her bag and started listening to a CD.
Erika clambered up onto another top bunk and sat heavily on it. "This is great!" she yelled.
Kirsten quietly put her stuff on the bottom bunk. "I guess I'll take this one."
Jenny jumped onto the top bunk and grinned down at me. "I guess you got this one, Rachel."
I sat on the bottom bunk. The springs squeaked. "Well, isn't this nice," I observed.
"I think we should all get to know each other," Erika said. She jumped down from the top bunk and sat on the floor. "Come on, let's get started."
We all looked at each other. "I'll start," I said eventually. "My name is Rachel Phoebus. My parents, Jake and Mara, are divorced. My dad lives in California with his girlfriend. Same with my mom. I live with my aunt Tammy, who's in a wheelchair, and my brother Andrew, who didn't come. Tammy didn't want me to come here because she's afraid of Voldemort. I have a Komodo dragon named Kora."
"I'll go next," Jenny said. "I'm Rachel's best friend. My family won the lottery a while ago, and we live across from Rachel. I live with my mom, dad, a bunch of brothers and sisters, and my aunt. I have a crush on Rachel's little brother, and I'm a fey. I have a Vulpix." She looked at everyone nervously.
"I'm a fey, too," offered Emily, "if that helps. My dad died a while ago, and my mom is Dame Renee of Dame Renee's Apothecary. My little sister Hannah is going to be coming here next year. Oh yeah, and I have a Quantum Weather Butterfly named Storm. Also, I'm like a total freak. I get hyper a lot." She giggled.
"I'll go!" yelled Erika. "Okay, my parents are divorced, like Rachel's." She beamed at me. "My dad Larry is a Muggle lawyer. My mom Lisa works at the Ministry of Magic. And I have two little brothers, Ben and John. They're both freaks. Ben is a third year at Durmstrang and John is a second year there, too. I'm only going here 'cause my cousins go here, and my mom got me in the custody deal and she's living with her sister. And I have a sheepdog named Rocky. He's coming on the next train." She poked Alyssa. "Hey, it's your turn."
Alyssa grunted and removed her headphones. "Shit. Okay, my name's Alyssa Crowley. I live with my parents. They're Squibs or whatever and they're really stupid. I only came here 'cause I can do magic with normal human stuff, like CD players." She gestured toward her CD player lying on her bed. "Like, it isn't supposed to work here, but I can make it work. I have a Cheshire cat named Schroedinger." She looked around. "Damn, where is that stupid thing? She's never around." A black shadow of a cat rubbed up against her ankles. "There you are." She picked it up and continued talking. "I have a brother who's off at college, and he's a total idiot, too. He's totally conservative and stupid. Oh yeah, and I really like Rage Against the Machine and Eminem."
"I suppose it's my turn," Kirsten said.
I jumped. "I didn't notice you there."
Kirsten shrugged. "That's what usually happens." She pulled off her hood. She was actually very pretty, with brown hair of the type that's usually described as tresses, and big green eyes. She had a star-shaped scar on her left cheekbone. "My parents died when I was quite young. They were Death Eaters. They were trying to make me become a Death Eater, but I refused. That's how I got this scar and that's how they died. I live with my brother Mike and his wife Rebecca. Mike is a total asshole. He hates me. Rebecca resents me because she's shallow and she thinks that Mike likes me more than her. I totally hate them. I have a snake named Mercury." She showed it to us. It was a little silver snake.
"It's so cute!" squealed Erika. "We are going to have the best year!"
The next morning, at breakfast, sandwiched in between Jenny and Kirsten, I got a letter from Tammy.
"Oh damn, it's a Howler," Erika commented.
"A what?" I stared at the envelope.
"A Howler," Emily said. "I send them to guys sometimes. When you open the letter, it yells at you."
"Well, I'm not having that," I said. I ripped the envelope in two.
A thin wail came up from the pieces of the envelope. "…Dumbledore called me…can't believe…Slytherin…your father…I can't take it…not anymore. You…disowned…on your own."
I threw the pieces of the envelope onto the floor. "Well, fuck that!" I stood up. "I don't care. I am going to show that bitch that I can do perfectly well on my own!" I yelled. I glared around the room. "And you had better not try to stop me!" I added. I stomped up to my room.
The first class was Defense Against the Dark Arts. I just followed some kids until I found the classroom.
Jenny, Emily, Erika, Alyssa, Kirsten, and I all sat in the back row. I sat behind none other than Draco Malfoy, whose owl I had rescued from certain destruction.
I poked him in the back. "Hey," I whispered loudly.
Draco turned around to look at me. "Oh. Um…Rachel, right?"
I sat back. "Hey, you remember me!"
"Yeah, and your lizard. Hey, see that kid sitting two desks in front of Jenny?" Draco pointed.
I craned my neck to look. "The one with the black hair and glasses?"
Draco nodded. "Yeah. That's Harry Potter."
"Ah." I nodded slowly. "I see. Um…should I know this guy?"
Draco smirked. "Jeez, yeah. Ask anyone who he is. God, he's such a self-righteous little prick."
Erika leapt up. "RON!" she yelled.
A red-haired kid sitting next to Harry slumped down in his seat. "Please, God, no…" he whimpered.
Erika ran over and hugged him. "RON! OHMYGOD! I haven't seen you in so long!" She gave him a noogie. He blushed and tried to slide under his desk.
The door slammed open. Erika scrambled back to her seat.
I leaned over to her. "How do you know him?" I whispered.
"He's my cousin," Erika explained. "My mom's staying with his family."
And the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher stepped into the room.