LYING, BETRAYAL, AND A LOT OF MEATBALLS. THE TRUE STORY OF MARIO
Disclaimer: This is the story of Mario Nintendo doesn't want you to know about. If Nintendo sues me, I will get Johnny Cochran on there @$$.
Mario and Luigi were resting in their apartment in Brooklyn. They were both unemployed but Luigi was the only one dedicated to finding a job.
L: Check this out Mario, how about models? We… uhh… I have a killer body and I can go far with it. At least that's what mom told me.
M: mouth stuffed with about 5 meatballs mhhhhmmm… modeling great…
L: OK, how about flight attendants?
M: swallows meatballs Dude, that's what chicks do, seriously.
L: OK, how about plumbing? Plumbers get paid a lot. We could buy a house.
M: Luigi. That is the stupidest idea I've ever heard. Stuffs 10 more meatballs in mouth
L: Well at least I'm trying to find a job. You're their eating meatballs.
M: As a matter of fact, I found a job. But they said I have to eat twice my bodyweight in meatballs.
L: Whatever, I'm applying us both for the plumbing job. And that's that
So they stuck with the plumbing job for about 3 years until the president was forced to make layoffs and surprise, surprise, they got fired
L: Great, we finally get a steady job for three years, make a nice income, then the economy goes POW. Now we have to go back to job hunting
M: And I can go back to my first love. Come here you tasty, meaty… balls
L: Whatever, hey look there is an acting job. If I'm chosen they'll put my name on the game. I can't wait. Super Luigi World. How does that sound?
M: It sounds like me chewing on 20 meatballs.
L: Ok… well I'm applying
So Luigi applied but wasn't getting a response. After a year, he finally gave up and went job hunting again. Mario found a job as a meatball tester but got sick from the new idea of cheddar meatballs. He got sick and was forced to retire. They were unemployed until one day they got a Phone call.
Phone: Is Luigi there.
L: Speaking
P: Well the original star for our acting part had a fatal heart attack. So you are the other pick congrats.
L: Speechless… Mumbling
P: I'll take that as thank you. I almost committed suicide but then you called and now I won't thank you thank you thank you. I'm at room 134. Come visit me for manly love.
L: hangs up Mario I got a part for the acting gig.
M: That's great let me show you how much I care. Does nothing
The next day Mario and Luigi went to the acting place and Luigi was ready to act
Director: Ok, we need you to make an Italian accent
L: Ok. Luigi tries to do his best but is no good at making an Italian
D: I'm sorry mister Luigi, but frankly, a monkey up a mule's ass could do a better job then you could. Frankly you are going to amend to nothing. This was the only thing holding your self-esteem from completely disappearing…. And you blew it. We'll find a replacement.
Luigi starts to cry. He cries so hard that he could support an ocean. He ran back in the car so he won't be seen by anyone else. Mario upon seeing his brother cry tries to convince the director to give him another chance.
M: Uhh… mister director I…
D: you must be the replacement. Ok try saying stuff in an Italian accent.
M: actually, I just wanted to ask you to…
D: Italian accent!
M repeats in an Italian accent
D: That was brilliant. You have to be the star of this. Super…What's your name. Looks at nametag Ah yes… Super Mario World.
M: well… actually… umm. Ok sure
Mario just betrayed his brother. How could he? Check out Chapter 2 of the true story of Mario. Coming soon.