Title:
Dairy Entry 1/1 (maybe)
Summery:
Kind of short for a Summery. Xander is
being a friend to Tara B/X sort of
Disclaimer:
I am a thief, but I mean well.
Spoilers:
Nothing really. Season 5
Note:
In my little world Xander and Anya are broken up.
Dear
Dairy,
There I was working on a spell to
make us more helpful in the battle with evil of the world and other world for
that matter. I didn't feel like I was
part of the team. Now don't get me wrong, I love the "Scoobie
Gang", I just feel kind of outside of the root of group. I know Anya feels the same way. Heck everyone
knows Anya feels that way, she really isn't the shiest
one in the world, while I might be. Willow
was out having lunch with Buffy. Having her "best bud bonding time", she calls
it. I am jealous, not jealous that Buffy
is stilling my girlfriend jealous, jealous in that there is a connection there
between, Willow, Buffy and Xander
that I have never seen before. Sure
Giles is in there to, at the core, but he is the father, of them. I guess if they were really siblings I
wouldn't have this jealousy, well I guess I would. My family isn't a bed of roses, now is it?
Siblings don't have the love they share either, is more then sisterly love and
brotherly love. So now I am sitting here
thinking to myself about this group and depressing myself even more. Then something happened that changed my view
of them. There was a knock on the door.
I walk up to the door, and open
it slowly to see who it was. Xander is
standing there with is trademark lopsided grin.
"Hey Tara, how is half of my favorite spell
casting duo?"
I smile slightly, "I am fine, eh,
Willow is
out to lunch with Buffy." I hate when I blurt things out like that.
Xander not missing a beat, "Why
that hussy, going out like that with the fair Buffness
in public even, and then leaving you here." I have to admit I did smile
while he called his best friend a hussy, but he wasn't done. "Well, my fair
Lady Tara. We shall fight fire with
fire. You shall have lunch with me. We'll show them lunch eating wenches not to
mess with us." He is now buffing his chest and grabbing my arm pulling me out
the door.
"Er,
um, Xander I really think I should lock the door or something." But it was too late,
he already dragged me out of the dorm by the time I got the sentence out. He didn't say much on the way to the car,
just pulls me along, as if he was almost afraid I wouldn't come with him. He opens the door for me, he is such a
gentleman, Willow claims she taught
him well, I will have to agree with her.
After he started the engine and
we where on our way, he looked at me seriously, which honestly kind of scared
me coming off of him. "Tara, I didn't come over to see Willow."
He pause with a sigh, "I in fact, called Buffy and told her that Willow kinda
missed her, and she wasn't spending enough time with her, then I called Willow
and told her the same."
I was silent for a moment, trying
to figure out what he said then asked "Why Xander?"
He must have seen the confused
look in my face, for he had a slight smile and answered, "I wanted to talk to
you alone. I need to tell you a few
things, then ask a favor of you." He answered.
"Eh, ok, I guess. What is up?" I tried to sound brave,
supportive, I don't know. Why would
Xander want to talk to me, alone? I
felt, I don't know, scared. I am not
sure why. This was odd, even for
Xander. He was, I wasn't sure what it
was, but it was freaky.
"Tara, " He paused again, it
wasn't shyness, he was afraid of what he was going to say. I was getting more freighted by the
moment. If I didn't know better he was
trying to tell my kitten died, but I knew that wasn't so because she was fine
before I was dragged off. I looked back
at him, and then realized he stopped the car at a park. He was getting out, and I followed. He walked me over to some benches that over
looked a baseball field. "Tara, " he
started again. "I am worried about you.
I see the Zeppo fear in your eyes."
Zeppo
fear, I was confused, was that some kind of demon disease or something., again he must have
seen the fear and confused look in my face and explained.
"Zeppo, is the fifth Marx
Brothers, the useless member of the team." Again, I must have expressed, "How
did you know" look, for he went on," I not sure why, you feel that way, Tara. You have mystical powers that I could never
dream of having. You are far from
useless in the battles that we face. You
have a lot of knowledge that Willow
and Giles use all the time, you can help with spells and Control the wild beast
known as Willow." He smiled when he
mentioned my girlfriend's name.
Looking at him, I realized that
he knew this, "Zeppo" thing first hand. I was
surprised to see that Xander noticed it in me, even if he didn't fully
understand. "Xander, you are right and you are wrong." I never seen someone's
face go from "I am right?" to "Dang I am wrong" so fast in my life, and it was
a funny sight on Xander's face. "I feel the, "Zeppo", but not in the
useless in helpful way, but useless in a friend way." This time it was his face
that gave away his confusion, "In the world of Willow,
Buffy and you. I feel like I don't
belong." He looked at me for a moment or
two, then nodded in understanding. This boy was full of surprises.
"I am sorry, if I ever made you
feel left out." I was about to interrupted
him and tell that wasn't it
but he put is finger to my lips to stop me. "Please, let me
finish." I nodded, and he put is finger down. "I need to tell you about Willow
and me first. I hope I can make you
understand. Willow,
is me." Ok, my eyes must have grown pretty wide, which made him giggle a
little. "I mean to say is, without Willow,
there wouldn't be a Xander. I am her
creation. She also named me Xander. ", His eyes melted into pools of emotion,
as he must have recalled that memory. "Everything I ever learned was because of
Willow. Even now, I hear her in my head, explaining
to me how things work, how to break them down so I can understand it. Even when I started learning about
construction at work, When they showed me something, I
would have Willow in my head making
me understand it." His smile grows wider." I love her Tara, she will always be
my Willow," I must have given him a look because he added, " now I am willing
to share," He gives me a quick little wink, "but I hope to god, part of her
will always be mine." I guess I was smiling too even if I am still a little
jealous.
"Now, Will and I go way back, I
trusted her with my life, soul, pride, everything, for she use to be my everything. We are
hardly our everything to each other now-a-days but, we
use to be." He was still smiling with a little sadness in his eyes." It took a
lifetime to build our friendship, and since then we have to rely on each other
to save each other's lives, most people say they will do that for their
friends, be we lived it day after day in high
school." I guess that could explain
their closeness.
"While Willow,
would be the one who made me, Buffy is who I want to be. She is my Hero, corny but true. I love Willow,
but I don't really want to be like Willow. I doubt I could if I tried, I don't have the
gray matter to be like her. Buffy gave me something to inspire to. I fell in
love with her the moment I saw her and to be honest I don't think I ever fell
out. She is why I am here today, and why
I will always be there tomorrow. I fear
the day she dies, for I think I might die with her. Every woman that I have
been with has had to share my heart with Buffy. I live to make her life easier
if I can. It's because of her I save peoples lives. Tara, we saved peoples
lives, heck we saved the world. Can you
imagine saving the world, not once but many times? I hardly can, and I was there. I was part of
it, we all were. There is no job, no
goal that can compare to that." He nods over to the baseball field where little
kids are playing. "Tara, we saved those kids from hell.
I would have never been more then a drunken bum like
my father if it weren't for those two woman.
Now I can tell you, I helped saved those kids. I didn't do it alone, I had help, from Angel,
Oz, Amy, Giles, Cordy, Willow,
Riley, and
many, many others. And you, Tara you
helped. And more importantly your still here,
helping. Once it in your blood you can't
get it out. Hell, even Cordy is fighting the good
fight in LA., trust me, no one in High School would ever think Cordy would help anyone, much less the helpless" He sounded
proud, he made me proud. "You're a Scoobie, some days you'll wish you weren't, and on those
days, come to a park and watch them." We
sat there for a long moment. Watching a little kid hit a grounder, other kids
falling over each other to pick the ball up. I was sucking it all in. Here was Xander, the clown in the group,
trying to make me feel part of it. A
normal man who fought against darkness and evil with nothing but his heart to
protect him and his friends. I think I fell in love with him that day. Not the love what Willow would have to be
jealous of, for she already had that love from him. Now could I be jealous of her now?
"Thank you Xander, I do feel
better." I told him with a small smile.
He lent in and gave me a small kiss on the cheek. And can you believe I blushed. Then he pulled back with a wicked grin.
"So, Tara are you interested in helping snagging the now boyfriendless Buffy Summers?"
And then he went through his
detailed plan on how to gain the woman of his dream's love. I did ask him why not have Willow
help, he told me, she couldn't keep a secret to save
her life. True my, I mean, our Willow
isn't known for her secret keeping skill.
Now I have to prepare for
Operation: Swoon the Slayer, as Xander put it (he had detail drawings, battle
plans and I swear to god I think I saw a box that said," ACME" on it). This is going to be an interesting week. I will tell you all about it later.
Love, Tara
