A Turn of the Screwy
by Chibi Mercury bluechibimercury@hotmail.com
Author's Note:
Me: Here we have a cross-over of Ronin Warriors and Gundam Wing.
You: I read the synopsis, dope head.
Me: Okay, fine. Here's the screwed up tale...wait, one more thing.
Totally Irrelevent Note: Just in case you were wondering, and I'm sure you weren't, the
title of this fanfic comes from the short story "A Turn of the Screw". Being the literary
giant you are, I'm sure you'd already figured that out. Anyway, I read it once and hated it.
I'm pretty sure I'm not going to like this fic either, but what the heck. I've got time to
waste. Hey, I'll even throw in a disclaimer.
You: Shut up already. I came here for a story, and by Pete, I'm going to get one. hold
gun to my head
Me: Okay, okay, skip the disclaimer. Everybody knows that I don't own Gundam Wing
or Ronin Warriors. On with the stupidity. And extreme Relena bashing.
You: Thank you.
******THE POINT OF NO RETURN******
AC 196
Heero walked into the darkened room, where the four other pilots were waiting for him.
He nodded solumnly to them and took his seat at the round kitchen table.
"Okay, now we can begin," said Quatre. "Any suggestions?"
"I suggest that lover boy over there keeps his promise and pushes her in front of a cement
truck," remarked Duo.
"You don't think I've tried? Every time, every single time, a civilian has gotten in the
way," replied Heero.
"So, how many people have you flattened, Heero?" asked Trowa. He made 8 small tally
marks on a Post-it note.
"36," Heero replied without hesitation. "What do you think we can do? There's just no
getting rid of her!"
Wufei chose to speak next. "Heero, stop being a weak link and kill her already like the
accomplished assassin you are!"
"Um, did you just say 'weak link', Wufei?" Duo asked.
Wufei's face turned red. "Weakling! I said weakling!"
Duo laughed so hard he fell of his chair. "Wufei's been watching NBC Mondays again!"
Wufei stood, trying to look manly. "Okay! I can't help it! Anne Robinson is a sexy fox!
I fantasize about being on the show every night. I dream about taking Anne to a cheap
motel and showing her m..."
"Stop! Stop! I don't want to hear it!" screamed Quatre, covering his ears.
"A little too much information for me, thank you," remarked Trowa. He made 9 more
tally marks on the Post-it note.
Heero leaned over to see what Trowa was writing. "What are you doing?"
Quatre answered for him. "He joined a self-help group. Now he has a goal of 40 words
a day and he gets a gold star at the end of the week."
"Aww, I could have been done for the day, Quatre!" Trowa whined. He made 10 more
marks on the paper.
"I don't think 'aww' is a word, Trowa," said Duo.
"Shut up," said Trowa. Two more marks on the paper.
"I think he's improving already. I usually just get a look," Duo said.
Heero banged on the table. All heads turned to his direction. "Okay, we're happy for
Trowa and scared by Wufei. We're getting off the topic, here. How are we going to
dispose of Relena?" Silence greeted him. Heero buried his head in his hands. "What
are we going to do? If only she were someone else, anyone else..."
2000 AD, Japan
Ryo walked silently down the dark alley in his street clothes. White Blaze, his faithful
tiger, followed him like a shadow. They reached the burnt out storage building just as the
clock struck midnight. Inside, they found the other four boys hanging around the area.
Cye, Rowan, and Kento sat on anything available. Sage leaned against a file cabinet.
Ryo found a trunk and sat down. White Blaze sat obediently by his side.
Rowan was the first to speak. "So, any bright ideas?" Crickets chirped a melody in the
background. "Okay, well, there has to be something we can do! It's not like we can't just
bump them off, ya know?"
"As much as I'd like to, we can't just blast the kid and have his parents come looking for
him," remarked Kento, in a blinding moment of intellect.
Ryo noticed Sage still leaning against the file cabinet, arms crossed, head down. "Hey,
Sage, why don't you come over and sit with us? We can, like, put our heads together."
Sage shook his head rapidly. "No thanks, I'm fine here."
Cye cocked his head in a curious manner. "Why is it you never seem to sit down? You're
always leaning against something."
"Yeah, I've wondered that too, Sage. Tell us," Rowan said.
"Um, well, I...that is...well...never mind," stuttered Sage. He knew he was doomed.
Kento stood up. "Well, then I'm gonna make you sit with us!" He crossed over to his
friend and pushed him towards an empty crate. "Now sit!"
"Listen, Kento, don't do this, really..." begged Sage.
"C'mon! Sit down!" Kento pushed down on Sage's shoulders, but to no avail. He kicked
Sage behind his knees while pushing on his shoulders. Finally, he gave up. "Wow, are
you on vitamins or steroids or something? That's unnatural!"
Sage faced the group. "Well, it's because of a ligament disease contracted from eating too
much Raisin Bran. The chemical combination of the bran and the raisins causes the
ligaments in the knees to become stiff. I'm physically unable to sit."
The group nodded in understanding. "Ohhhhh..."
Sage reassumed his position against the file cabinet. "Anyway, what are we going to do
about the wench and the brat?"
Ryo stood up somberly. "I don't know. I'd give anything to trade Mia and Yuli for
someone, anyone, else..."
Suddenly, there is a bright flash of pink light in both times. Traffic lights don't function.
Computers go blank. VCRs blink "12:00".
Duo blinks in shock. "What the heck is that?"
Heero shrugs. "Got me."
Kento rubs his eyes. "Argh! I can't see!"
"What's happening?" asks Cye to no one in particular.
As the light slowly dissolves back to normality, the Gundam pilots look around in
amazement.
"Everything looks pretty much the same," Quatre observed.
"Except for that pink glowing area over there," said Wufei, pointing.
The remaining pink light was forming two distinct shapes: one large, one small.
Eventually, the pilots stood face to face with a young woman and a small boy.
The little boy spoke to the lady. "Mia! I'm scared! Who are those strange men?"
The woman, apparently named Mia, picked up the little boy and held him close.
"Don't worry Yuli, I'll protect you at great risk to my own safety!"
The pilots exchanged worried glances with each other...
Back in 2000
Cye got the other warriors' attention. "Hey! The pink stuff is forming a person!"
The five young men watched in astonishment as the pink glowing substance slowly
revealed a young lady of about the same age as them. She faced them, looking regal.
"I order you to tell me who you are!"
Ryo stepped forward. "We're the Ronin Warriors, lady."
The girl looked appalled. "You are warriors! I shun you! There should be no fighting in
the world! It is time for everyone to discard all their weapons! And furthermore, you will
not address me as 'lady', you will address me as 'Her Royal Highness Queen Relena'. And
I expect a curtsy!"
The warriors faced each other. Rowan thought of a fitting quote. "Be careful what you
wish for..."
Completed July 9th, 2001 at 12:30 AM. That's right. It's a half hour after midnight and
I'm sitting here in the illumination of my computer screen. I beg for your pity. Please
send me something so I'll know I'm still alive. Flames, comments, ideas, whatever.
Send me Bob Barker's home phone number for all I care. Just e-mail me if you want to.
bluechibimercury@hotmail.com
Part Two coming soon...
by Chibi Mercury bluechibimercury@hotmail.com
Author's Note:
Me: Here we have a cross-over of Ronin Warriors and Gundam Wing.
You: I read the synopsis, dope head.
Me: Okay, fine. Here's the screwed up tale...wait, one more thing.
Totally Irrelevent Note: Just in case you were wondering, and I'm sure you weren't, the
title of this fanfic comes from the short story "A Turn of the Screw". Being the literary
giant you are, I'm sure you'd already figured that out. Anyway, I read it once and hated it.
I'm pretty sure I'm not going to like this fic either, but what the heck. I've got time to
waste. Hey, I'll even throw in a disclaimer.
You: Shut up already. I came here for a story, and by Pete, I'm going to get one. hold
gun to my head
Me: Okay, okay, skip the disclaimer. Everybody knows that I don't own Gundam Wing
or Ronin Warriors. On with the stupidity. And extreme Relena bashing.
You: Thank you.
******THE POINT OF NO RETURN******
AC 196
Heero walked into the darkened room, where the four other pilots were waiting for him.
He nodded solumnly to them and took his seat at the round kitchen table.
"Okay, now we can begin," said Quatre. "Any suggestions?"
"I suggest that lover boy over there keeps his promise and pushes her in front of a cement
truck," remarked Duo.
"You don't think I've tried? Every time, every single time, a civilian has gotten in the
way," replied Heero.
"So, how many people have you flattened, Heero?" asked Trowa. He made 8 small tally
marks on a Post-it note.
"36," Heero replied without hesitation. "What do you think we can do? There's just no
getting rid of her!"
Wufei chose to speak next. "Heero, stop being a weak link and kill her already like the
accomplished assassin you are!"
"Um, did you just say 'weak link', Wufei?" Duo asked.
Wufei's face turned red. "Weakling! I said weakling!"
Duo laughed so hard he fell of his chair. "Wufei's been watching NBC Mondays again!"
Wufei stood, trying to look manly. "Okay! I can't help it! Anne Robinson is a sexy fox!
I fantasize about being on the show every night. I dream about taking Anne to a cheap
motel and showing her m..."
"Stop! Stop! I don't want to hear it!" screamed Quatre, covering his ears.
"A little too much information for me, thank you," remarked Trowa. He made 9 more
tally marks on the Post-it note.
Heero leaned over to see what Trowa was writing. "What are you doing?"
Quatre answered for him. "He joined a self-help group. Now he has a goal of 40 words
a day and he gets a gold star at the end of the week."
"Aww, I could have been done for the day, Quatre!" Trowa whined. He made 10 more
marks on the paper.
"I don't think 'aww' is a word, Trowa," said Duo.
"Shut up," said Trowa. Two more marks on the paper.
"I think he's improving already. I usually just get a look," Duo said.
Heero banged on the table. All heads turned to his direction. "Okay, we're happy for
Trowa and scared by Wufei. We're getting off the topic, here. How are we going to
dispose of Relena?" Silence greeted him. Heero buried his head in his hands. "What
are we going to do? If only she were someone else, anyone else..."
2000 AD, Japan
Ryo walked silently down the dark alley in his street clothes. White Blaze, his faithful
tiger, followed him like a shadow. They reached the burnt out storage building just as the
clock struck midnight. Inside, they found the other four boys hanging around the area.
Cye, Rowan, and Kento sat on anything available. Sage leaned against a file cabinet.
Ryo found a trunk and sat down. White Blaze sat obediently by his side.
Rowan was the first to speak. "So, any bright ideas?" Crickets chirped a melody in the
background. "Okay, well, there has to be something we can do! It's not like we can't just
bump them off, ya know?"
"As much as I'd like to, we can't just blast the kid and have his parents come looking for
him," remarked Kento, in a blinding moment of intellect.
Ryo noticed Sage still leaning against the file cabinet, arms crossed, head down. "Hey,
Sage, why don't you come over and sit with us? We can, like, put our heads together."
Sage shook his head rapidly. "No thanks, I'm fine here."
Cye cocked his head in a curious manner. "Why is it you never seem to sit down? You're
always leaning against something."
"Yeah, I've wondered that too, Sage. Tell us," Rowan said.
"Um, well, I...that is...well...never mind," stuttered Sage. He knew he was doomed.
Kento stood up. "Well, then I'm gonna make you sit with us!" He crossed over to his
friend and pushed him towards an empty crate. "Now sit!"
"Listen, Kento, don't do this, really..." begged Sage.
"C'mon! Sit down!" Kento pushed down on Sage's shoulders, but to no avail. He kicked
Sage behind his knees while pushing on his shoulders. Finally, he gave up. "Wow, are
you on vitamins or steroids or something? That's unnatural!"
Sage faced the group. "Well, it's because of a ligament disease contracted from eating too
much Raisin Bran. The chemical combination of the bran and the raisins causes the
ligaments in the knees to become stiff. I'm physically unable to sit."
The group nodded in understanding. "Ohhhhh..."
Sage reassumed his position against the file cabinet. "Anyway, what are we going to do
about the wench and the brat?"
Ryo stood up somberly. "I don't know. I'd give anything to trade Mia and Yuli for
someone, anyone, else..."
Suddenly, there is a bright flash of pink light in both times. Traffic lights don't function.
Computers go blank. VCRs blink "12:00".
Duo blinks in shock. "What the heck is that?"
Heero shrugs. "Got me."
Kento rubs his eyes. "Argh! I can't see!"
"What's happening?" asks Cye to no one in particular.
As the light slowly dissolves back to normality, the Gundam pilots look around in
amazement.
"Everything looks pretty much the same," Quatre observed.
"Except for that pink glowing area over there," said Wufei, pointing.
The remaining pink light was forming two distinct shapes: one large, one small.
Eventually, the pilots stood face to face with a young woman and a small boy.
The little boy spoke to the lady. "Mia! I'm scared! Who are those strange men?"
The woman, apparently named Mia, picked up the little boy and held him close.
"Don't worry Yuli, I'll protect you at great risk to my own safety!"
The pilots exchanged worried glances with each other...
Back in 2000
Cye got the other warriors' attention. "Hey! The pink stuff is forming a person!"
The five young men watched in astonishment as the pink glowing substance slowly
revealed a young lady of about the same age as them. She faced them, looking regal.
"I order you to tell me who you are!"
Ryo stepped forward. "We're the Ronin Warriors, lady."
The girl looked appalled. "You are warriors! I shun you! There should be no fighting in
the world! It is time for everyone to discard all their weapons! And furthermore, you will
not address me as 'lady', you will address me as 'Her Royal Highness Queen Relena'. And
I expect a curtsy!"
The warriors faced each other. Rowan thought of a fitting quote. "Be careful what you
wish for..."
Completed July 9th, 2001 at 12:30 AM. That's right. It's a half hour after midnight and
I'm sitting here in the illumination of my computer screen. I beg for your pity. Please
send me something so I'll know I'm still alive. Flames, comments, ideas, whatever.
Send me Bob Barker's home phone number for all I care. Just e-mail me if you want to.
bluechibimercury@hotmail.com
Part Two coming soon...