Disclaimer: The characters
aren't mine, they're KA Applegate's.
Author's Note: I'm trying a
new type of story here, one full of reflections and thinking and stuff like
that. Call me crazy, call me insane, but after a five-day weekend with no
homework I kind of needed to think. So, after reading #50, finally, I decided
to do something that I've never done before. Reflection pieces, each chapter
with a different character.
Spoilers: Not sure
everything yet, but definitely #50.
Jake
by leiadude
Could I have done it? Could I have done the unthinkable, to
kill my own brother? Sure, I could have, technically speaking. I had the
resources, I had the ability, I had the experience of killing.
Would
have I done it?
I
don't know. I honestly don't know.
It
only happened yesterday, but I've battled with myself more times than I care to
count.
Could've
I done it? Would've I done it? Probably, if it weren't for Cassie.
Oh,
Cassie. Caring, beautiful Cassie. I've been ignoring her. She's the one who
stopped me, as you know, from killing my brother, from becoming what I've been
avoiding since this war started. From becoming the enemy, from killing innocent
people.
What
the heck am I talking about? I've killed. I've killed more Controllers than I
can count, more innocent people than I'd like to admit.
I'm
sorry, Cassie. Sorry I've been ignoring you. You deserve more than that, more
than me. I just wish I hadn't had to deal with losing my parents because of my
stupidity, my act of…I don't know what. I was just stupid, that's all. I still
am, for thinking that I can hide from you.
I
know there's no excuse for the way I've been acting, but I'm still gonna make
up some BS about whatever. I just want to puke, you know, because everyone else
has their families back. I mean, Marco's parents are finally back together, Tobias
has his mom back even though she can't remember anything, and what do I have?
Who do I have? Nobody. No parents, no siblings, nothing. Just Cassie.
And
now, thanks to my selfishness, I've lost her. I just hope not forever.
