Well first off... my usual disclaimer.. I don't own eva.. and I don't own the song once upon a time by the smashing pumpkins... both are works of art that inspire me... You know.. I'm a fan... please don't sue me *begs* Oh and I took out a line or two taking about um being a son since this is an Asuka fic... wouldn't make much sense now would it? A-anyway...
Questions... comments... tacos.. mmm... tacos.... mail them to: asuka@animesteam.com
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Once Upon a Time...
---
Mother I'm tired
time has ravaged on my soul
no plans to leave but still I go
Fallin' with the leaves
Fallin' out of sleep
to the last good-byes
who cares why?
---
Sometimes I think I can relate all the things in my life back to how I used to play as a child... swinging as fast and as furious as I possibly could... reaching for the sky with one free hand as I watched the clouds swirl above my head... close enough in my eyes to reach out and touch. I would try so hard to take flight, that it would cause the swing-set to shake... then... in one last valiant effort I would make a jump for it... hoping maybe.. just maybe I wouldn't come crashing to the ground again... I was always denied the heavens though. ...
**************
10 years later I sit atop a giant red beast... the majestic visage towering above the buildings beside me... the clouds still look like I could reach out and grab them....
**************
A barrage of images once again strikes my mental interior.... reapers of my death looming overhead... my own voice calling for that idiot... who never came... the searing pain... mother... all of it.. my whole life... Kaji... Misato... Hikari... all of them melding into one vague memory... the taste in my mouth grows bitter sweet and my eyes burn.... screaming out for the replenishment of tears to fill my empty reservoir... I blink... stars... and a red ring dancing around the atmosphere of earth... is this a dream?
The abrasive grit of the sand under my bandages seems to say otherwise... wait... bandages??? I try to stand yet... my body feels as if it weighs as much as my Eva unit... rustling... the silence of a dead planet is broken... Shinji? I try to ask questions... my mouth doesn't open... you move towards me... straddling my waist... the look in your eyes... it isn't human... it... it isn't anything... dead eyes... are you just like me? Breathing ceases.... I didn't do this for you to kill me... stop... My hand moves not of my own cognition but by some unknown force... a caress...
Those dead eyes... the eyes of the betrayer... like Judas.... Ikari... you disgust me... you left me to die.. you selfish sack of ... s-... oh god... I think I'm going to puke...
"I feel sick..."
With that said I roll to the side and get rid of the remaining LCL out of my stomach... gross.
---
Mother I've tried
wasting my life
I haven't given up, I lie
to make you so proud in my eyes
---
Mother... I came back for this?!? Why didn't you let him squeeze the remainder of my life out of me??? I can't... be stuck having to look at his face day in and day out... for the rest of eternity... wait... maybe I did die... and this is hell. I did all this... for you... for... you to look at me... and you did... is this the price I have to pay for your love mother?
"A-asuka?.... Is that really you?" the quivering voice behind me states... the whimpering I've endured for the past 20 minutes is enough to drive me insane... or at least to homicide.
"Yes... it's me." I spit my words at the boy like poison shooting from the mouth of a cobra... I am not in the mood for his spineless behavior... "Did... YOU do this?"
Silence... the spineless twat can't even find the courtesy after abandoning me to the vultures to give me a proper answer.... "You did.... " I am at a loss... how do I respond... "everything in my life has been ruined because of you...."
"Hikari... Misato... Pen Pen... they are all dead because of YOU..." My tone is becoming erratic... I can feel the eye under the bandage start to twitch... words can't describe the pains shooting through my skull. "y-... YOU... left mE... aLOne... THEY... kiLLed MOthe...rr... I couldn't stop... alone... I... hATE... yoouuu...." ...I can't even see straight now I'm so.... angry.
Tears begin to stream uncontrollably down my face... it makes my entire body hurt... and you... cower.
---
Fallin' out of sleep
crawlin' over me
to the last good-bye
who cares why?
---
I smirk... the expression of someone without any sense of the moral code.. it's too late for that now. "iKARi... I can't even LOOK at you.... " I pace frantically around the boy... suddenly I stop... and with wild eyes... I smile... a toothy and frantic then... I spit in your face... it rolls down your cheek into the trail of tears... I can't help but laugh... you are pathetic.
You begin to rock... and whimper more... uttering the words "tasuke Asuka... tasuke..." Memories flash into the forefront of my vision... the hospital room.. the panting... the degradation... "you are the lowest of the low...." ... "You... violated me... " *my anger rises to levels that I couldn't fathom moments before... I charge at you... grabbing you by the throat this time"
"How does it feel Ikari? Huh... ??? Bet it doesn't arouse you like I did does it?".... I want him to die.
Your eyes begin to pale... the storm cloud gray fading as clouds dissipate after a fierce storm... your breathing slows... and you cease to exist.... I sit... for days... hours... seconds... over your body... glaring... unable to control the rage... it's still present... I still burn inside to destroy you... you took my life... you took my world... You make me sick Shinji Ikari.
I shake your limp body for a long time... "You're not getting off that easy... fight!!!! GOD DAMN YOU!!!!! RRRRRRRRRGH! ".. eventually... I give up... you're dead. I fall back to stare at the sky... figures everyone else would make it to the clouds but me.
---
Once upon a time in my life...
I went falling
Mother I hope you know
that I miss you so
time has ravaged on my soul
to wipe the mothers tears grown cold
---
Authors Notes:
Oh well... on a side note tasuke means help me in Japanese.. like shinji was uttering when he *cough* yeah... in EoE... anyway... ja.
Questions... comments... tacos.. mmm... tacos.... mail them to: asuka@animesteam.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once Upon a Time...
---
Mother I'm tired
time has ravaged on my soul
no plans to leave but still I go
Fallin' with the leaves
Fallin' out of sleep
to the last good-byes
who cares why?
---
Sometimes I think I can relate all the things in my life back to how I used to play as a child... swinging as fast and as furious as I possibly could... reaching for the sky with one free hand as I watched the clouds swirl above my head... close enough in my eyes to reach out and touch. I would try so hard to take flight, that it would cause the swing-set to shake... then... in one last valiant effort I would make a jump for it... hoping maybe.. just maybe I wouldn't come crashing to the ground again... I was always denied the heavens though. ...
**************
10 years later I sit atop a giant red beast... the majestic visage towering above the buildings beside me... the clouds still look like I could reach out and grab them....
**************
A barrage of images once again strikes my mental interior.... reapers of my death looming overhead... my own voice calling for that idiot... who never came... the searing pain... mother... all of it.. my whole life... Kaji... Misato... Hikari... all of them melding into one vague memory... the taste in my mouth grows bitter sweet and my eyes burn.... screaming out for the replenishment of tears to fill my empty reservoir... I blink... stars... and a red ring dancing around the atmosphere of earth... is this a dream?
The abrasive grit of the sand under my bandages seems to say otherwise... wait... bandages??? I try to stand yet... my body feels as if it weighs as much as my Eva unit... rustling... the silence of a dead planet is broken... Shinji? I try to ask questions... my mouth doesn't open... you move towards me... straddling my waist... the look in your eyes... it isn't human... it... it isn't anything... dead eyes... are you just like me? Breathing ceases.... I didn't do this for you to kill me... stop... My hand moves not of my own cognition but by some unknown force... a caress...
Those dead eyes... the eyes of the betrayer... like Judas.... Ikari... you disgust me... you left me to die.. you selfish sack of ... s-... oh god... I think I'm going to puke...
"I feel sick..."
With that said I roll to the side and get rid of the remaining LCL out of my stomach... gross.
---
Mother I've tried
wasting my life
I haven't given up, I lie
to make you so proud in my eyes
---
Mother... I came back for this?!? Why didn't you let him squeeze the remainder of my life out of me??? I can't... be stuck having to look at his face day in and day out... for the rest of eternity... wait... maybe I did die... and this is hell. I did all this... for you... for... you to look at me... and you did... is this the price I have to pay for your love mother?
"A-asuka?.... Is that really you?" the quivering voice behind me states... the whimpering I've endured for the past 20 minutes is enough to drive me insane... or at least to homicide.
"Yes... it's me." I spit my words at the boy like poison shooting from the mouth of a cobra... I am not in the mood for his spineless behavior... "Did... YOU do this?"
Silence... the spineless twat can't even find the courtesy after abandoning me to the vultures to give me a proper answer.... "You did.... " I am at a loss... how do I respond... "everything in my life has been ruined because of you...."
"Hikari... Misato... Pen Pen... they are all dead because of YOU..." My tone is becoming erratic... I can feel the eye under the bandage start to twitch... words can't describe the pains shooting through my skull. "y-... YOU... left mE... aLOne... THEY... kiLLed MOthe...rr... I couldn't stop... alone... I... hATE... yoouuu...." ...I can't even see straight now I'm so.... angry.
Tears begin to stream uncontrollably down my face... it makes my entire body hurt... and you... cower.
---
Fallin' out of sleep
crawlin' over me
to the last good-bye
who cares why?
---
I smirk... the expression of someone without any sense of the moral code.. it's too late for that now. "iKARi... I can't even LOOK at you.... " I pace frantically around the boy... suddenly I stop... and with wild eyes... I smile... a toothy and frantic then... I spit in your face... it rolls down your cheek into the trail of tears... I can't help but laugh... you are pathetic.
You begin to rock... and whimper more... uttering the words "tasuke Asuka... tasuke..." Memories flash into the forefront of my vision... the hospital room.. the panting... the degradation... "you are the lowest of the low...." ... "You... violated me... " *my anger rises to levels that I couldn't fathom moments before... I charge at you... grabbing you by the throat this time"
"How does it feel Ikari? Huh... ??? Bet it doesn't arouse you like I did does it?".... I want him to die.
Your eyes begin to pale... the storm cloud gray fading as clouds dissipate after a fierce storm... your breathing slows... and you cease to exist.... I sit... for days... hours... seconds... over your body... glaring... unable to control the rage... it's still present... I still burn inside to destroy you... you took my life... you took my world... You make me sick Shinji Ikari.
I shake your limp body for a long time... "You're not getting off that easy... fight!!!! GOD DAMN YOU!!!!! RRRRRRRRRGH! ".. eventually... I give up... you're dead. I fall back to stare at the sky... figures everyone else would make it to the clouds but me.
---
Once upon a time in my life...
I went falling
Mother I hope you know
that I miss you so
time has ravaged on my soul
to wipe the mothers tears grown cold
---
Authors Notes:
Oh well... on a side note tasuke means help me in Japanese.. like shinji was uttering when he *cough* yeah... in EoE... anyway... ja.