Notes: This is another fic produced out of sheer boredom. I know the average reader of a fic knows most of the stuff I talk about here, but hey, it's my fic and I'll do what I want with it! If you have a problem with that, I refer you to my complaint department.
Lina Inverse (wielding the Ragna Blade): Whom do I get to kill?
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the clothes I wear and the computer I type this on.
Phelan steps out of a plot hole, into the ever-present Featureless White Room.
Phelan: Alright, at the request of some of my fans-
Konoko: What fans? Besides, nobody asked you to write this fic.
Phelan tosses his muse into another plot hole.
Phelan (grinding his teeth): As I was saying, I wrote this fic in an attempt to explain in layman's terms some of the unusual words, expressions, and manners that are encountered in a fic written about characters from an anime show. Now, first we need some characters from an anime show. May I present the cast from Gundam Wing!
Pulling on a conveniently placed rope, Phelan opens a trap door in the ceiling, and the five gundam pilots fall through.
Phelan: All right boys, ready to help me teach the finer points of anime actions and phrases to your newer fans?
Duo, Wufei and Quatre: AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Heero: Hn.
Trowa: .....
Phelan: I'll take that as a yes. Okay, this is going to be done kinda like a documentary. We'll start with Japanese phrases and words.
Duo: I'll take Japanese phrases and words for $300, Phelan.
Phelan pulls a foam bat from behind his back and begins beating the irritating pilot.
Phelan: Now cut that out, Duo. I don't have time for this stuff. On with the Fic!
Japanese Words and Phrases
*************
Phelan (doing that voice-over thing): In this chapter, we'll be covering Japanese phrases, most of which are either insults or expressions of anger. For example, the popular "Baka." Used to insult a person's intelligence or actions, it takes the place of the English "idiot." For example:
Wufei: Duo no BAKA! What are you doing? You know what'll happen if you stick that in the microwave!
Duo shuts the microwave door and turns it on to the highest setting. Within thirty seconds, a muffled explosion is heard.
Heero: BAKA, you've ruined it! Clean this mess up!
*************
Phelan: Next up is "Kuso," a popular curse, similar to damn or shit. Let's watch:
Heero is fighting to keep his grip on a rope, when Relena sneaks up next to him and taps him on the shoulder. Heero jumps, releasing his grip, and runs when he sees the rope rapidly vanishing into the sky. Relena looks at Heero's retreating figure, then up at the approaching anvil.
Relena: Kuso.
Anvil: SPLAT!!
Phelan: That's one of my favorites. I even taped it, and made a copy for Heero. Next up, Kisama.
*************
Phelan: Kisama: another curse, but used to insult one's lineage. What most English/American people use it for is calling someone an illegitimate child. What it really translates to is simply "you," but it is a very insulting way of doing so. Forgive me, Kalen, for being slightly off the mark on this one before you corrected me. (bows deeply) Let's go to the tapes!
We see Duo running at full tilt, Wufei in hot pursuit. At least, we think it's Wufei. The Katana is there, the curses and voice are the same, but this figure is wearing a hot-pink miniskirt and a shocking blue tube top.
Person we think is Wufei: KISAMA!!! MAXWELL, GET BACK HERE!
Phelan: Hehe, a Kodak moment. Great for blackmail.
**************
Phelan: Now for a timeless classic, and Heero's tagline. Omae o korosu, it translates into "I'll kill you." Observe:
Heero (pointing a gun at... Relena): Omae o korosu, Relena.
Relena: I love you too, Heero.
Phelan sneaks up behind Relena and quickly ties her to a nearby tree.
Phelan: Heero, if you please.
Heero's gun: Bang!
Relena: X.X
***************
Phelan (big, shit-eating grin on his face): Time for one of *my* favorites. Onna is one of Wufei's lines, and it is a derogatory form of "woman." For this, I'm going to bring in Sally Po.
Phelan summons Sally Po into the Featureless White Room.
Sally: EEK!!
Phelan (Making Sally vanish back into the plot hole): Er, we'll let her get out of the shower first. We don't really need her, though. I'm sure Duo'd be glad to help. Right, Duo?
Duo: Ah, no.
Phelan (brandishing big-a$$ scissors): What was that?
Duo (pales): I said I'd be delighted!
Phelan: Thought so. Now hop to it, I have a looong fic to write.
Phelan hands a large cream pie to Duo, who spins around and mashes it into Wufei's face.
Wufei: INJUSTICE!! ONNA, KISAMA! KILLLLLLLL!!!!
Duo (runs): EEP!
***************
Phelan: Let's see, have I forgotten anything? Oh yeah!! Itai, a word used to express pain.
Quatre and Dorothy are standing next to each other. Suddenly, Dorothy stomps on Quatre's foot.
Quatre: Itai!
Quatre is handed a (All my true fans know what's coming next) Ludicrously-Oversized-Mallet-of-ASS-Whupping, aka Bob. With the Zero Look(tm) in his eyes, Quatre brings the mallet down on Dorothy's head.
Dorothy: ITAI!!
****************
Phelan: I'll let Duo handle this one. Take it away!
Duo: Shinigami is my nickname, and it means the "God of Death" from the Shinto religion. I also call my Deathscythe "Shinigami," because both of us are drop-dead cool and-
Phelan (stuffing the end of Duo's braid into Duo's mouth): Sure... Sorry there isn't an example for this, since it's so easy to picture.
Duo unrolls a giant poster, proudly displaying Deathscythe in action. Phelan snatches the poster, rolls it back up, and beats Duo over the head with it.
Phelan: Now cut that out, before I cut *it* off!
Duo grabs his braid and pouts.
*****************
Phelan: Now for a popular word that has nothing to do with death, swearing, or violence. In most cases. Kawaii, used to describe something cute. Quatre?
Quatre steps out in front, and concentrates. His eyes widen, begin to go all starry, and develop the beginnings of tears in the corners. Taking a deep breath, Quatre gathers his strength and manages to bring a beam of light down to gather in his hair, making it glow and wreathe the pilot in a halo of golden energy. Again, Quatre takes an even deeper breath, and grunts with the effort. Bubbles and sparkles begin to multiply within the Featureless White Room, and the effect is immediate. As Wufei tries to hold down his lunch, Duo and Heero try to hold back Trowa. A low rumble begins, slowly building up to earthquake proportions.
Phelan: Oh, crap. It's the fangirls. RUNNNNNN!!!!
The four pilots abandon their earlier tasks and jump into the plot hole Phelan creates. Throwing himself in, Phelan looks back as an entire wall collapses and an army of onnas charge through. The girls in the lead (those who manage to avoid being trampled by those in the rear) catch sight of Quatre and begin the call.
Fangirls: It's Quatre!! KAWAII!!!
Quatre (his concentration broken, he looks around): Oh, this isn't good.
Phelan opens a plot hole beneath the lone pilot, spilling him into the relative safety of his comrades.
Phelan: Damn, Quatre! Went a little overboard, didn't you?
Quatre (smug): You wanted an example of Kawaii-ness, you got it.
Phelan: Yeah, but it'll take *forever* to clear them all out! Good thing I had a few other Featureless White Rooms built before this fic.
Duo: Kuso, I thought we'd be free.
Phelan: Oh, c'mon. I've been easy on you so far. Show *some* enthusiasm, huh?
Gundam Pilots (monotone voice): Yay.
Phelan: Eh, that'll do. Go on home, it'll take awhile for the second room to appear.
Gundam Pilots: ALRIGHT!!
The five pilots vanish into the Gundam Wing Universe while Phelan stays behind, still concealed within the pitch-black plot hole.
Phelan: Where'd I put that flashlight?
Phelan remembers he still has an audience.
Phelan: Alright, people! REEEEVVVVIIIIEEEEWWWW!!!! Remember, I happen to have an army of fangirls locked away; it'd be easy to turn them loose on those who forget to review. If I get enough of you guys and gals to review, I'll post some more. Till then, I hope you have a better day than mine, locked away in a cubicle...(Phelan continues to kvetch about his working environment)
Lina Inverse (wielding the Ragna Blade): Whom do I get to kill?
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the clothes I wear and the computer I type this on.
Phelan steps out of a plot hole, into the ever-present Featureless White Room.
Phelan: Alright, at the request of some of my fans-
Konoko: What fans? Besides, nobody asked you to write this fic.
Phelan tosses his muse into another plot hole.
Phelan (grinding his teeth): As I was saying, I wrote this fic in an attempt to explain in layman's terms some of the unusual words, expressions, and manners that are encountered in a fic written about characters from an anime show. Now, first we need some characters from an anime show. May I present the cast from Gundam Wing!
Pulling on a conveniently placed rope, Phelan opens a trap door in the ceiling, and the five gundam pilots fall through.
Phelan: All right boys, ready to help me teach the finer points of anime actions and phrases to your newer fans?
Duo, Wufei and Quatre: AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Heero: Hn.
Trowa: .....
Phelan: I'll take that as a yes. Okay, this is going to be done kinda like a documentary. We'll start with Japanese phrases and words.
Duo: I'll take Japanese phrases and words for $300, Phelan.
Phelan pulls a foam bat from behind his back and begins beating the irritating pilot.
Phelan: Now cut that out, Duo. I don't have time for this stuff. On with the Fic!
Japanese Words and Phrases
*************
Phelan (doing that voice-over thing): In this chapter, we'll be covering Japanese phrases, most of which are either insults or expressions of anger. For example, the popular "Baka." Used to insult a person's intelligence or actions, it takes the place of the English "idiot." For example:
Wufei: Duo no BAKA! What are you doing? You know what'll happen if you stick that in the microwave!
Duo shuts the microwave door and turns it on to the highest setting. Within thirty seconds, a muffled explosion is heard.
Heero: BAKA, you've ruined it! Clean this mess up!
*************
Phelan: Next up is "Kuso," a popular curse, similar to damn or shit. Let's watch:
Heero is fighting to keep his grip on a rope, when Relena sneaks up next to him and taps him on the shoulder. Heero jumps, releasing his grip, and runs when he sees the rope rapidly vanishing into the sky. Relena looks at Heero's retreating figure, then up at the approaching anvil.
Relena: Kuso.
Anvil: SPLAT!!
Phelan: That's one of my favorites. I even taped it, and made a copy for Heero. Next up, Kisama.
*************
Phelan: Kisama: another curse, but used to insult one's lineage. What most English/American people use it for is calling someone an illegitimate child. What it really translates to is simply "you," but it is a very insulting way of doing so. Forgive me, Kalen, for being slightly off the mark on this one before you corrected me. (bows deeply) Let's go to the tapes!
We see Duo running at full tilt, Wufei in hot pursuit. At least, we think it's Wufei. The Katana is there, the curses and voice are the same, but this figure is wearing a hot-pink miniskirt and a shocking blue tube top.
Person we think is Wufei: KISAMA!!! MAXWELL, GET BACK HERE!
Phelan: Hehe, a Kodak moment. Great for blackmail.
**************
Phelan: Now for a timeless classic, and Heero's tagline. Omae o korosu, it translates into "I'll kill you." Observe:
Heero (pointing a gun at... Relena): Omae o korosu, Relena.
Relena: I love you too, Heero.
Phelan sneaks up behind Relena and quickly ties her to a nearby tree.
Phelan: Heero, if you please.
Heero's gun: Bang!
Relena: X.X
***************
Phelan (big, shit-eating grin on his face): Time for one of *my* favorites. Onna is one of Wufei's lines, and it is a derogatory form of "woman." For this, I'm going to bring in Sally Po.
Phelan summons Sally Po into the Featureless White Room.
Sally: EEK!!
Phelan (Making Sally vanish back into the plot hole): Er, we'll let her get out of the shower first. We don't really need her, though. I'm sure Duo'd be glad to help. Right, Duo?
Duo: Ah, no.
Phelan (brandishing big-a$$ scissors): What was that?
Duo (pales): I said I'd be delighted!
Phelan: Thought so. Now hop to it, I have a looong fic to write.
Phelan hands a large cream pie to Duo, who spins around and mashes it into Wufei's face.
Wufei: INJUSTICE!! ONNA, KISAMA! KILLLLLLLL!!!!
Duo (runs): EEP!
***************
Phelan: Let's see, have I forgotten anything? Oh yeah!! Itai, a word used to express pain.
Quatre and Dorothy are standing next to each other. Suddenly, Dorothy stomps on Quatre's foot.
Quatre: Itai!
Quatre is handed a (All my true fans know what's coming next) Ludicrously-Oversized-Mallet-of-ASS-Whupping, aka Bob. With the Zero Look(tm) in his eyes, Quatre brings the mallet down on Dorothy's head.
Dorothy: ITAI!!
****************
Phelan: I'll let Duo handle this one. Take it away!
Duo: Shinigami is my nickname, and it means the "God of Death" from the Shinto religion. I also call my Deathscythe "Shinigami," because both of us are drop-dead cool and-
Phelan (stuffing the end of Duo's braid into Duo's mouth): Sure... Sorry there isn't an example for this, since it's so easy to picture.
Duo unrolls a giant poster, proudly displaying Deathscythe in action. Phelan snatches the poster, rolls it back up, and beats Duo over the head with it.
Phelan: Now cut that out, before I cut *it* off!
Duo grabs his braid and pouts.
*****************
Phelan: Now for a popular word that has nothing to do with death, swearing, or violence. In most cases. Kawaii, used to describe something cute. Quatre?
Quatre steps out in front, and concentrates. His eyes widen, begin to go all starry, and develop the beginnings of tears in the corners. Taking a deep breath, Quatre gathers his strength and manages to bring a beam of light down to gather in his hair, making it glow and wreathe the pilot in a halo of golden energy. Again, Quatre takes an even deeper breath, and grunts with the effort. Bubbles and sparkles begin to multiply within the Featureless White Room, and the effect is immediate. As Wufei tries to hold down his lunch, Duo and Heero try to hold back Trowa. A low rumble begins, slowly building up to earthquake proportions.
Phelan: Oh, crap. It's the fangirls. RUNNNNNN!!!!
The four pilots abandon their earlier tasks and jump into the plot hole Phelan creates. Throwing himself in, Phelan looks back as an entire wall collapses and an army of onnas charge through. The girls in the lead (those who manage to avoid being trampled by those in the rear) catch sight of Quatre and begin the call.
Fangirls: It's Quatre!! KAWAII!!!
Quatre (his concentration broken, he looks around): Oh, this isn't good.
Phelan opens a plot hole beneath the lone pilot, spilling him into the relative safety of his comrades.
Phelan: Damn, Quatre! Went a little overboard, didn't you?
Quatre (smug): You wanted an example of Kawaii-ness, you got it.
Phelan: Yeah, but it'll take *forever* to clear them all out! Good thing I had a few other Featureless White Rooms built before this fic.
Duo: Kuso, I thought we'd be free.
Phelan: Oh, c'mon. I've been easy on you so far. Show *some* enthusiasm, huh?
Gundam Pilots (monotone voice): Yay.
Phelan: Eh, that'll do. Go on home, it'll take awhile for the second room to appear.
Gundam Pilots: ALRIGHT!!
The five pilots vanish into the Gundam Wing Universe while Phelan stays behind, still concealed within the pitch-black plot hole.
Phelan: Where'd I put that flashlight?
Phelan remembers he still has an audience.
Phelan: Alright, people! REEEEVVVVIIIIEEEEWWWW!!!! Remember, I happen to have an army of fangirls locked away; it'd be easy to turn them loose on those who forget to review. If I get enough of you guys and gals to review, I'll post some more. Till then, I hope you have a better day than mine, locked away in a cubicle...(Phelan continues to kvetch about his working environment)