Phelan does a gracefull swan dive through a plot hole, rolling into the Featureless White Room and boosting himself back to his feet. Standing with his arms spread wide, he seems to be waiting for something. When several seconds go by, he drops his arms and forgets the whole thing.
Phelan: Okay folks, welcome back to the fourth installment of "Anime in 12 Easy Steps!" I know it's been awhile since I last documented any of this madness we call a fic, but I'm back with more of the insanity I've become known for. Since I got quite the flood of reviewers (And I'd like to thank all of you, but haven't got the space) I decided to include some of the suggestions you people have made. But enough about you, we all know you're here to watch the pilots try to handle whatever I happen to throw at them. So on with the fic!
Disclaimer: Haven't we seen enough disclaimers? Like I've said before, Gundam Wing and any other references I make to other anime, books, movies, etc. does not mean that I own them. It just means that I liked/hated them enough to show them here.
***************
Phelan: Our first explanation for today will be about the Zero Look. This one is like Quatre's version of Heero's famous Deathglare. Ever since he built and piloted the Wing Zero, Quatre has had the strange ability to go into a very violent state. For reasons unknown, he is the only person to continue to have "flashbacks" where the mind-altering Zero System can affect his actions, even when he isn't connected to the System. Symptoms of the Zero Look include a soft golden light in the eyes, maniacal laughter, (usually sounding like a chipmunk on speed) and body language that just makes other people really nervous and want to wear body armor. When possessed by the Zero Look, Quatre does a complete personality flip, abandoning his usual "We shouldn't be fighting" phrase in favor of merciless, unbridled fury. Because of this, nobody really ever manages to hold out against Quatre. For example...
Phelan drags the usual crew of five into the Featureless White Room. Used to this by now, the pilots roll their eyes and stand around grumbling.
Phelan: Okay boys, time for another set of examples. I need Quatre and a volunteer. And before any of you try running away, I promise that nobody gets hurt, *if* you cooperate.
Quatre steps forwards hesitantly as the other pilots exchange wary glances. They gather into a huddle, and a few words of "One potato, Two potato" are heard. Finally, Duo breaks the huddle with an "Aw, MAN!" and stomps and mutters his way next to Quatre.
Phelan: Gee, I am overwhelmed by your enthusiasm. Alright Duo, I have just hidden a personal item of Quatre's somewhere on you. Quatre, you have to get it back through whatever means it takes, and Duo can't give it to you until the other guys say so.
Duo looks confused, then very unhappy when he sees the faces of Wufei, Heero, and Trowa. All are grinning. And it doesn't look good for the self-proclaimed "God of Death." Phelan steps over and whispers in Quatre's ear. Quatre's face turns red, and he turns to face Shinigami.
Quatre: Duo, can I please have... that item back?
Duo: No.
Quatre goes into Kawaii mode. Duo refuses. Quatre goes into Hyper-Kawaii. Duo manages to hold out. Phelan is busy reinforcing the walls of his Featureless White Room for another fangirl assault. Quatre, his Kawaii attacks failing, stops and closes his eyes. With a calm, distinctly cold tone, he asks Duo to hand "it" over. Duo says no.
Quatre: Duo, this is a warning. Hand it over. Now.
Duo, sensing danger, looks to the other pilots, who shake their head.
Duo: Ah, sorry. I can't.
Quatre: GIVE IT TO ME NOW!!
Duo: EEEP!!
Quatre opens his eyes to reveal the golden Zero Look, and Duo cringes. Looking at the other pilots, they are watching with very amused expressions on their faces.
Duo(sees a chance at escape): Hey guys. Quatre's going to be pretty pissed at you in a few seconds, if you don't let me give him his whatever-it-is back.
The grins falter. They look at each other with a worried expression on their face.
Trowa: We'll just wait a little longer.
Duo gulps, and turns back to Quatre, who is in the process of pulling out a scimitar from hammerspace.
Duo: Ah, guys? C'mon, you wouldn't do this to your old buddy, would you?
Wufei: Yes, we would.
Heero: I seem to recall several incidents in which you made fun of us. It's only fair.
Quatre: Three...
Duo: Please?
Trowa shakes his head.
Quatre: Two...
Duo: C'mon! He'll kill us!
Wufei shakes his head.
Quatre: ONE...
Duo: HEEEELLLLPPPP!!!
Heero: Okay.
Duo pulls out a small box and throws it to Quatre, who catches it as the Zero Look fades away.
Wufei: Injustice! Heero, we were supposed to let Quatre hit him!
Heero: Hn.
************************
Phelan: Well, once again an explanation has dragged on far longer than expected. For this next part, we shall try to explain "pocky" and its effects on Authors and Authoresses. This strange substance has probably caused more "random insanity" fics than any other food. Pocky is basically a short, thin wheat cracker, dipped or covered in various ingredients. For example, chocolate, strawberry, cheese, custard, etc. As I have yet to find pocky in my area, I've called in some help. May I present... Lady Lye!
Lady Lye: Hi Phelan. Nice place you got here. It could use some... stuff in here.
Phelan: Yeah, but then it wouldn't be a *Featureless* White Room, would it?
Lady Lye: Guess so.
Phelan: Did you bring your pocky?
Lady Lye: You bet! It's in one of my subspace pockets. Hold on.
Phelan works on stretching some tense muscles in his neck while Lady Lye roots around in her pockets. Her movements become frantic, as if she's lost something.
Lady Lye: I know I put it in here...
Phelan: Problems?
Lady Lye: I can't find my pocky. I put it in this pocket just before I came over, I know it! Now there's nothing but a few crumbs...
Phelan holds up his hand to stop Lady Lye and turns around to face the pilots, who are off in the distance trying to relax before they are called in to "help."
Phelan: DUO MAXWELL, get your @$$ over here NOW!!
Duo jumps to his feet and glances around before jogging over. When he finally stops, both Lady Lye and Phelan look him over carefully.
Duo(confused): What?!?
Lady Lye: Check him.
Phelan grabs Duo's ankles and lifts off to hover in midair, Shinigami dangling below, uttering curses. Phelan begins to shake, trying to dislodge any crumbs of evidence. Nothing happens, other than the braid swinging wildly about.
Phelan: He's clean.
Duo: Would you mind putting me down?
Rotating around in midair, Phelan is now upside-down, with his hands still around Duo's ankles. Phelan sets the pilot down before re-orienting himself for touchdown.
Duo: How the #$%^ did you do that, and why?
Phelan: We thought you might have stolen her pocky, and as for how I did that, it's Somebody Else's Problem.
Duo: Right... Well, since it wasn't me, I'm outta here!
Lady Lye: Well, if it's not him...
Lady Lye begins to puzzle over her predicament as Phelan zaps the pilots over to join them.
Phelan: Alright, which one of you stole Lady Lye's pocky?
Heero stands his ground, arms crossed. Duo sits on the floor and performs some routine braid maintenance. Trowa has his usual unreadable expression on, while Quatre is looking innocent. (as if he doesn't do that 24/7 anyway) The hint of a smile can be seen on Wufei's face. Apparently, he is still remembering the sight of Duo being yanked off his feet.
Phelan: You all know I *will* find out who did it. Even if I have to lock you into a room with thousands of copies of your worst nightmare, I'll do it. And since it wasn't Duo, for once, you four are all that's left.
The pilots all continue to wait. Duo, finishing the work on his braid, gets up and moves off to the side.
Lady Lye: Quatre, do you know anything?
Quatre twitches, but then shakes his head no. Frustrated, the author and authoress begin to glare at the other three.
Phelan: Trowa? Anything you want to tell us? It's better to give up than try to trick us.
Trowa: ....
Lady Lye: I think that's a no. Heero?
Heero: Hn.
Duo: That's a no. I guess that leaves you, Wu-man!
Wufei hauls his katana out and prepares to give chase to the God of Death. As he does, Lady Lye zips over to check for proof. Phelan, not in the mood for chase music, freezes Wufei's sword in midair, leaving Wufei cursing as he tries to swing the blade around.
Lady Lye: Wufei, why do I smell food on you?
Wufei: Err...
Phelan opens up Wufei's hammerspace pocket and roots around for a second before pulling out a small wrapper.
Phelan: Lady? Is this what I think it is?
Lady Lye: WUFEI CHANG!! How could you!?!
Wufei: I was hungry?
While the, uh... discussion is taking place, Duo is on his back, holding his stomach and trying to breathe while he laughs. Wufei has let go of his katana and is now taking small steps away from the upset Lady.
Heero: Wufei, just hold still. It'll end faster that way.
Phelan sends the other pilots back into a plot hole and pulls out what appears to be a video camera and a large box. Setting the camera on a tripod, he starts fiddling with it, while Lady Lye starts advancing on Wufei.
Lady Lye: Wufei, I'll give you thirty seconds. One.
Wufei ponders this for an instant, then starts running.
Phelan: Hey Lady, sorry about Wufei. Here, take this.
He tosses the box over to Lady Lye, who opens it and grins in her most evil way.
Lady Lye(holding up a large feather): two, three, thirty!!!
Lady Lye disappears in a cloud of smoke and within seconds, Wufei's cries of agony start filling the Featureless White Room.
Wufei: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!! Onna, I WAHAHAHAHAHA can't WOHAHAHAHAHA breathe!!
Phelan turns to face the camera and shakes his head.
Phelan: I'm so glad Sally told me he was ticklish...
**************************
Okay, I know this was long, *LONG* overdue, but Konoko was visiting some old friends. Anyway, you all know the drill: review, enjoy, email me with ideas. And I hope the Lady enjoyed this, as I did it without consulting her. So if she seems OOC, I apologize here and now.
Phelan: Okay folks, welcome back to the fourth installment of "Anime in 12 Easy Steps!" I know it's been awhile since I last documented any of this madness we call a fic, but I'm back with more of the insanity I've become known for. Since I got quite the flood of reviewers (And I'd like to thank all of you, but haven't got the space) I decided to include some of the suggestions you people have made. But enough about you, we all know you're here to watch the pilots try to handle whatever I happen to throw at them. So on with the fic!
Disclaimer: Haven't we seen enough disclaimers? Like I've said before, Gundam Wing and any other references I make to other anime, books, movies, etc. does not mean that I own them. It just means that I liked/hated them enough to show them here.
***************
Phelan: Our first explanation for today will be about the Zero Look. This one is like Quatre's version of Heero's famous Deathglare. Ever since he built and piloted the Wing Zero, Quatre has had the strange ability to go into a very violent state. For reasons unknown, he is the only person to continue to have "flashbacks" where the mind-altering Zero System can affect his actions, even when he isn't connected to the System. Symptoms of the Zero Look include a soft golden light in the eyes, maniacal laughter, (usually sounding like a chipmunk on speed) and body language that just makes other people really nervous and want to wear body armor. When possessed by the Zero Look, Quatre does a complete personality flip, abandoning his usual "We shouldn't be fighting" phrase in favor of merciless, unbridled fury. Because of this, nobody really ever manages to hold out against Quatre. For example...
Phelan drags the usual crew of five into the Featureless White Room. Used to this by now, the pilots roll their eyes and stand around grumbling.
Phelan: Okay boys, time for another set of examples. I need Quatre and a volunteer. And before any of you try running away, I promise that nobody gets hurt, *if* you cooperate.
Quatre steps forwards hesitantly as the other pilots exchange wary glances. They gather into a huddle, and a few words of "One potato, Two potato" are heard. Finally, Duo breaks the huddle with an "Aw, MAN!" and stomps and mutters his way next to Quatre.
Phelan: Gee, I am overwhelmed by your enthusiasm. Alright Duo, I have just hidden a personal item of Quatre's somewhere on you. Quatre, you have to get it back through whatever means it takes, and Duo can't give it to you until the other guys say so.
Duo looks confused, then very unhappy when he sees the faces of Wufei, Heero, and Trowa. All are grinning. And it doesn't look good for the self-proclaimed "God of Death." Phelan steps over and whispers in Quatre's ear. Quatre's face turns red, and he turns to face Shinigami.
Quatre: Duo, can I please have... that item back?
Duo: No.
Quatre goes into Kawaii mode. Duo refuses. Quatre goes into Hyper-Kawaii. Duo manages to hold out. Phelan is busy reinforcing the walls of his Featureless White Room for another fangirl assault. Quatre, his Kawaii attacks failing, stops and closes his eyes. With a calm, distinctly cold tone, he asks Duo to hand "it" over. Duo says no.
Quatre: Duo, this is a warning. Hand it over. Now.
Duo, sensing danger, looks to the other pilots, who shake their head.
Duo: Ah, sorry. I can't.
Quatre: GIVE IT TO ME NOW!!
Duo: EEEP!!
Quatre opens his eyes to reveal the golden Zero Look, and Duo cringes. Looking at the other pilots, they are watching with very amused expressions on their faces.
Duo(sees a chance at escape): Hey guys. Quatre's going to be pretty pissed at you in a few seconds, if you don't let me give him his whatever-it-is back.
The grins falter. They look at each other with a worried expression on their face.
Trowa: We'll just wait a little longer.
Duo gulps, and turns back to Quatre, who is in the process of pulling out a scimitar from hammerspace.
Duo: Ah, guys? C'mon, you wouldn't do this to your old buddy, would you?
Wufei: Yes, we would.
Heero: I seem to recall several incidents in which you made fun of us. It's only fair.
Quatre: Three...
Duo: Please?
Trowa shakes his head.
Quatre: Two...
Duo: C'mon! He'll kill us!
Wufei shakes his head.
Quatre: ONE...
Duo: HEEEELLLLPPPP!!!
Heero: Okay.
Duo pulls out a small box and throws it to Quatre, who catches it as the Zero Look fades away.
Wufei: Injustice! Heero, we were supposed to let Quatre hit him!
Heero: Hn.
************************
Phelan: Well, once again an explanation has dragged on far longer than expected. For this next part, we shall try to explain "pocky" and its effects on Authors and Authoresses. This strange substance has probably caused more "random insanity" fics than any other food. Pocky is basically a short, thin wheat cracker, dipped or covered in various ingredients. For example, chocolate, strawberry, cheese, custard, etc. As I have yet to find pocky in my area, I've called in some help. May I present... Lady Lye!
Lady Lye: Hi Phelan. Nice place you got here. It could use some... stuff in here.
Phelan: Yeah, but then it wouldn't be a *Featureless* White Room, would it?
Lady Lye: Guess so.
Phelan: Did you bring your pocky?
Lady Lye: You bet! It's in one of my subspace pockets. Hold on.
Phelan works on stretching some tense muscles in his neck while Lady Lye roots around in her pockets. Her movements become frantic, as if she's lost something.
Lady Lye: I know I put it in here...
Phelan: Problems?
Lady Lye: I can't find my pocky. I put it in this pocket just before I came over, I know it! Now there's nothing but a few crumbs...
Phelan holds up his hand to stop Lady Lye and turns around to face the pilots, who are off in the distance trying to relax before they are called in to "help."
Phelan: DUO MAXWELL, get your @$$ over here NOW!!
Duo jumps to his feet and glances around before jogging over. When he finally stops, both Lady Lye and Phelan look him over carefully.
Duo(confused): What?!?
Lady Lye: Check him.
Phelan grabs Duo's ankles and lifts off to hover in midair, Shinigami dangling below, uttering curses. Phelan begins to shake, trying to dislodge any crumbs of evidence. Nothing happens, other than the braid swinging wildly about.
Phelan: He's clean.
Duo: Would you mind putting me down?
Rotating around in midair, Phelan is now upside-down, with his hands still around Duo's ankles. Phelan sets the pilot down before re-orienting himself for touchdown.
Duo: How the #$%^ did you do that, and why?
Phelan: We thought you might have stolen her pocky, and as for how I did that, it's Somebody Else's Problem.
Duo: Right... Well, since it wasn't me, I'm outta here!
Lady Lye: Well, if it's not him...
Lady Lye begins to puzzle over her predicament as Phelan zaps the pilots over to join them.
Phelan: Alright, which one of you stole Lady Lye's pocky?
Heero stands his ground, arms crossed. Duo sits on the floor and performs some routine braid maintenance. Trowa has his usual unreadable expression on, while Quatre is looking innocent. (as if he doesn't do that 24/7 anyway) The hint of a smile can be seen on Wufei's face. Apparently, he is still remembering the sight of Duo being yanked off his feet.
Phelan: You all know I *will* find out who did it. Even if I have to lock you into a room with thousands of copies of your worst nightmare, I'll do it. And since it wasn't Duo, for once, you four are all that's left.
The pilots all continue to wait. Duo, finishing the work on his braid, gets up and moves off to the side.
Lady Lye: Quatre, do you know anything?
Quatre twitches, but then shakes his head no. Frustrated, the author and authoress begin to glare at the other three.
Phelan: Trowa? Anything you want to tell us? It's better to give up than try to trick us.
Trowa: ....
Lady Lye: I think that's a no. Heero?
Heero: Hn.
Duo: That's a no. I guess that leaves you, Wu-man!
Wufei hauls his katana out and prepares to give chase to the God of Death. As he does, Lady Lye zips over to check for proof. Phelan, not in the mood for chase music, freezes Wufei's sword in midair, leaving Wufei cursing as he tries to swing the blade around.
Lady Lye: Wufei, why do I smell food on you?
Wufei: Err...
Phelan opens up Wufei's hammerspace pocket and roots around for a second before pulling out a small wrapper.
Phelan: Lady? Is this what I think it is?
Lady Lye: WUFEI CHANG!! How could you!?!
Wufei: I was hungry?
While the, uh... discussion is taking place, Duo is on his back, holding his stomach and trying to breathe while he laughs. Wufei has let go of his katana and is now taking small steps away from the upset Lady.
Heero: Wufei, just hold still. It'll end faster that way.
Phelan sends the other pilots back into a plot hole and pulls out what appears to be a video camera and a large box. Setting the camera on a tripod, he starts fiddling with it, while Lady Lye starts advancing on Wufei.
Lady Lye: Wufei, I'll give you thirty seconds. One.
Wufei ponders this for an instant, then starts running.
Phelan: Hey Lady, sorry about Wufei. Here, take this.
He tosses the box over to Lady Lye, who opens it and grins in her most evil way.
Lady Lye(holding up a large feather): two, three, thirty!!!
Lady Lye disappears in a cloud of smoke and within seconds, Wufei's cries of agony start filling the Featureless White Room.
Wufei: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!! Onna, I WAHAHAHAHAHA can't WOHAHAHAHAHA breathe!!
Phelan turns to face the camera and shakes his head.
Phelan: I'm so glad Sally told me he was ticklish...
**************************
Okay, I know this was long, *LONG* overdue, but Konoko was visiting some old friends. Anyway, you all know the drill: review, enjoy, email me with ideas. And I hope the Lady enjoyed this, as I did it without consulting her. So if she seems OOC, I apologize here and now.