I just realized that about a third of the fics here at TPFFN is romance. Ugh! Anyway, I've been wanting to do this for a while and this is my excuse.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of Tamora Pierce's stuff, so don't sue me.
~*~
*SORRY, I'M NOT INTERESTED*
Kel walked down the hallway, books in hand. It was the end of a long day, and all she wanted to do was finish her homework and go to bed. Her eyelids drooped, and she smothered a yawn with one hand as she turned around a corner.
"What the-" she bumped straight into Neal, bowling him over and knocking her books out of her hands.
Neal looked sheepish. "Uh, I got you some flowers," he said, and held up some slightly squashed daisies.
"Uh, thanks." She picked up her books and the flowers and then walked away.
As soon as he was out of sight, Kel threw the flowers out a nearby window.
"Bloody romantics." She muttered.
Two steps later she bumped into Roald. "Hey," he said, blushing. "I got you some chocolates."
At least it's something useful this time, she thought. She took the chocolates and munched them as she walked down the hallway.
As soon as she climbed another staircase, she bumped into Faleron. "Oh, hi, Kel," he said. "I got you some eardrops."
How nice, she thought as she looked down at the neon pink heart-shaped eardrops in her hand. I could only wish he had taste.
Next Kel bumped into Seaver. Then Merric. Then Owen. Then Warric. Then Joren. Then Numair. Then Raoul. Then Gary. Then Wyldon. Then Hakuin (Seastone). Then Sarge. Then King Jonathan. Then Evin (Larse). Then so many males (half of them married) she couldn't even remember half their names, all bearing romantic gifts.
She bumped into Cleon. "Hello, my pearl," he said, and kissed her full on the lips.
"Fresh!" she yelled, and slapped his face.
"Bloody male mumble mumble…" she muttered as she walked down the hallway. Finally she halted outside the door to her room. She looked up.
Standing outside the door was a huge crowd of what had to be every male in the palace. "So, who's it going to be, Kel?" they said in unison.
She stared at them. They stared at her.
Finally she snorted. "Gods, you're all such idiots! Why didn't you ask me that an hour ago?"
They stared. She stared. "What do you mean?" they asked.
Kel put her hands on her hips. "For crying out loud. Why didn't you tell me that an hour ago- I've just taken a vow of chastity!"
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Please no flames!