Chapter 1: Dateline is Bad for you Health
by Yami-chan
Disclaimer: Um... I suck at these since I have to write them before I actually write the story, or else I forget to put them in at all. It's a bad circle, isn't it? 'Kay- I don't own Slayers, Golden Boy (for which I'm profoundly sad), the Crocodile Hunter, Dateline, Cane Toads, X-Men, or Trigun. But I own myself and Pepper! Woo-hoo!
A/N: Okay, it's around six-thirty, I've had six cups of coffee since four, and I'm watching the Crocodile Hunter and listening to Aerosmith and Ozzy Osbourne. Care to continue? Be my guest. Also, pretty much everybody is OOC.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
::We see that several people are all sitting in a den, watching the Crocodile Hunter on a big-screen t.v.. Scattered around the room are a lot of empty cans of Dr. Pepper and those little otter-pop tubey things. There are also a lot of empty coffee cups.::
Yami-chan: Y'know, the Croc Hunter is really cute.
Pepper: No way. Jeff Corwin is.
Vash: ::spits out mouthful of Dr. Pepper:: What?!
Lina: No, Yami's right. Steve Irwin is cute.
Amelia: Lina-san, Steve Irwin is no match when compared to Jeff Corwin.
Gourry: I'll have to agree with Amelia.
::everyone turns to look at Gourry::
Gourry: What?
Everyone: ::sweatdrops::
Kintaro: ::enters the room and turns on the stereo. Yami-chan is a huge fan of Ozzy, and Bark at the Moon turns on full blast::
Yami-chan: Hey! We're watching the Croc Hunter!
Kintaro: No, you're drooling. You can still see him, you just can't hear him. What's the matter?
Pepper: He... has a point.
Yami-chan: Fine.
::We see that Steve is holding a toad::
Zelgadis: What is that and why is he holding it?
Yami-chan: It's a cane toad, idiot.
Zelgadis: ::sticks out his tongue at Yami-chan::
Yami-chan: Watch where you aim that thing, bub. I'm the author, and it could be somewhere odd next time you do so.
Zelgadis: ::puts tongue back into his mouth and turns a bit pale::
Pepper: What's he doing with the toad?
Yami-chan: ::turns attention back to the screen:: He's just giving it a pet.
Lina: Is he going to lick it?
Amelia: Holy shit! He's going to lick the fucking toad!
Everybody: ::turns to look at Amelia and sweatdrop::
Yami-chan: Oh, I understand. You guys ever hear that, if you lick a cane toad, you can get high?
Xellos: ::pops into the room:: That's true, Yami, but it also has medical values. Medical values that might interest someone like you, Zelgadis.
Zelgadis: Nice try, fruitcake. Get lost.
Xellos: ::pouts:: Fine, be that way. ::shrugs and sits next to Yami-chan::
Lina: That's disgusting.
Yami-chan: What, the fact that he's licking a toad?
Lina: No, the fact that you're cuddling Xellos.
Yami-chan: So I am. ::cuddles into Xellos further::
Xellos: ::smiles::
Everyone but Xellos and Yami-chan: ::shudders::
Xellos: I'm not that bad, am I?
Lina: Yes.
Gourry: Yes.
Zelgadis: Yes.
Amelia: No... I mean, yes.
Yami-chan: Shut up.
Vash: Hey, weren't we talking about licking toads?
Kintaro: Yeah.
Yami-chan: Well, I heard on... I think it was Dateline, that if you lick a cane toad, you get all high and shit.
Zelgadis: Lovely phrasing.
Yami-chan: ::smirks:: Thank you.
(A/N: I know what it looks like, but I don't hate Zelgadis! In fact, he's really cute, but he's all sarcastic, and I'm trying to keep him in at least the last vestiges of In-Characterness I can.)
Gourry: Hey, why don't we go to Australia?
Lina: Jellyfish brains! You can't just take a flight from London to Australia on a whim! It costs a lot, and Yami-chan is so poor it's not even funny!
Yami-chan: Even in my own fics I'm being burned. Lina, thanks for the defense, even if it was a bit... insulting.
Lina: You're welcome.
Xellos: Yami-chan, since you're the author, shouldn't you be able to take us to Australia?
Yami-chan: Technically, yes.
Kintaro: What do you mean, 'technically'?
Yami-chan: Well, I can do that, but I don't see the point. You want to go to Australia so we can lick toads. Why?
Pepper: Because they're a bunch of freaks.
Xellos: No, we don't ALL want to lick toads, we just want Zelgadis to.
Zel: What?! You've got to be --cking kidding me!
Xel: Why? Hey, it might help.
Yami-chan: Well, since you put it that way, okay. ::Nods her head and they're in the outback::
Everybody: Oh my Akasha, it's hot!
Yami-chan: What do you expect? Even though it's technically winter here, this is still the hottest continent (in my opinion) on earth.
Xel: ::changes to tank top and shorts:: Much better.
Everyone: o.O
Yami-chan: You're really pale, Xellos.
Xel: ::blushes:: Yes, well, I have to wear that cape all the time, what did you expect?
Yami-chan: I don't know. Not that, obviously.
Vash: Can we just find a freakin' toad and go?
Pepper: Yes, back to the subject.
Yami-chan: ::nods her head and Toad from X-Men appears next to Steve Irwin and his film crew. Steve is licking Toad::
Steve: What happened?
Yami-chan: Terribly sorry, Steve-o, but we need to take the toad from you.
Toad: Yes! Please help me! This guy's been licking me for hours!
Steve: Why? And what are all you weirdo's doing in the outback?
Pepper: As we said, we are just taking the toad. We are figments of your imagination.
Steve: No you're not.
Xellos: You're right. We're not. Now give us the bloody toad.
Steve: Why should I?
Xellos: Sore wa himitsu desu.
Steve: What's that mean?
Yami-chan: It means 'because it would be an act of diplomacy.' ::glares at Xellos.
Steve: Is that bloke Japanese?
Yami-chan: Yeah. In fact, me and Pepper are the only people here that aren't.
Steve: Cool.
Yami-chan: 'Cool'? How many times did you lick that toad?
Steve: Lost count a while ago.
Yami-chan: ::rubs chin:: A high Crocodile Hunter could be worth a laugh.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Three Hours Later and back in Yami-chan's flat....
Yami-chan: ::laughing:: Hey, pass Toad this way!
Toad: Gladly. ::walks over to Yami-chan and sits on her lap::
Yami-chan: ::licks Toad:: This is good shit.
Toad: ::obviously jaded also:: Maybe I shouldn't have licked myself.
Kintaro: ::making out with Amelia::
Vash: ::making out with Gourry::
(A/N: Okay, I don't think Vash is gay, but Gourry is. I swear, he is! And Vash is high, so don't blame me for what he does!)
Lina: ::making out with Steve::
Steve: ::has lampshade on as a hat::
Zelgadis: ::passed out::
Pepper: Hey, you know what?
Xellos: What?
Pepper: Zelgadis is human.
Xellos: Yeah, I know.
Pepper: No, man. He's HUMAN.
Xellos: Wow. ::walks over to where Yami-chan is making out with Toad (author grins)::
Yami-chan: ::pulls away from Toad:: What?
Xellos: Can I lick you now?
Toad: No.
Xellos: I wasn't talking to you.
Everybody still awake: o.O
Toad: Get lost.
Xellos: Fine. Pepper!
Pepper: No. ::passes out::
Xellos: Shit. ::phases out::
Xellos' voice: Finally had a chance to get laid.
Yami-chan: No you didn't.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
What will happen next? ::cough:: not much ::cough:: Stay tuned for Chapter 2: The Morning After!
Chorus of Small Children:
Gobu the land shark
He'll eat all the mean-
Yami-chan: Shut the fuck up and get lost! You're in the wrong bloody fic, morons!
COSC: ::starts crying::
Yami-chan: Oh, no. That shit doesn't work on me! Get going! ::starts beating random children::
Ending Disclaimer: As you can tell, Yami-chan is a violent person, but she doesn't really hate kids, and she's never beaten one (while sober)-
Yami-chan: You too! Get fucking lost! ::throws slipper and Ending Disclaimer::
Ending Disclaimer: Owies.
by Yami-chan
Disclaimer: Um... I suck at these since I have to write them before I actually write the story, or else I forget to put them in at all. It's a bad circle, isn't it? 'Kay- I don't own Slayers, Golden Boy (for which I'm profoundly sad), the Crocodile Hunter, Dateline, Cane Toads, X-Men, or Trigun. But I own myself and Pepper! Woo-hoo!
A/N: Okay, it's around six-thirty, I've had six cups of coffee since four, and I'm watching the Crocodile Hunter and listening to Aerosmith and Ozzy Osbourne. Care to continue? Be my guest. Also, pretty much everybody is OOC.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
::We see that several people are all sitting in a den, watching the Crocodile Hunter on a big-screen t.v.. Scattered around the room are a lot of empty cans of Dr. Pepper and those little otter-pop tubey things. There are also a lot of empty coffee cups.::
Yami-chan: Y'know, the Croc Hunter is really cute.
Pepper: No way. Jeff Corwin is.
Vash: ::spits out mouthful of Dr. Pepper:: What?!
Lina: No, Yami's right. Steve Irwin is cute.
Amelia: Lina-san, Steve Irwin is no match when compared to Jeff Corwin.
Gourry: I'll have to agree with Amelia.
::everyone turns to look at Gourry::
Gourry: What?
Everyone: ::sweatdrops::
Kintaro: ::enters the room and turns on the stereo. Yami-chan is a huge fan of Ozzy, and Bark at the Moon turns on full blast::
Yami-chan: Hey! We're watching the Croc Hunter!
Kintaro: No, you're drooling. You can still see him, you just can't hear him. What's the matter?
Pepper: He... has a point.
Yami-chan: Fine.
::We see that Steve is holding a toad::
Zelgadis: What is that and why is he holding it?
Yami-chan: It's a cane toad, idiot.
Zelgadis: ::sticks out his tongue at Yami-chan::
Yami-chan: Watch where you aim that thing, bub. I'm the author, and it could be somewhere odd next time you do so.
Zelgadis: ::puts tongue back into his mouth and turns a bit pale::
Pepper: What's he doing with the toad?
Yami-chan: ::turns attention back to the screen:: He's just giving it a pet.
Lina: Is he going to lick it?
Amelia: Holy shit! He's going to lick the fucking toad!
Everybody: ::turns to look at Amelia and sweatdrop::
Yami-chan: Oh, I understand. You guys ever hear that, if you lick a cane toad, you can get high?
Xellos: ::pops into the room:: That's true, Yami, but it also has medical values. Medical values that might interest someone like you, Zelgadis.
Zelgadis: Nice try, fruitcake. Get lost.
Xellos: ::pouts:: Fine, be that way. ::shrugs and sits next to Yami-chan::
Lina: That's disgusting.
Yami-chan: What, the fact that he's licking a toad?
Lina: No, the fact that you're cuddling Xellos.
Yami-chan: So I am. ::cuddles into Xellos further::
Xellos: ::smiles::
Everyone but Xellos and Yami-chan: ::shudders::
Xellos: I'm not that bad, am I?
Lina: Yes.
Gourry: Yes.
Zelgadis: Yes.
Amelia: No... I mean, yes.
Yami-chan: Shut up.
Vash: Hey, weren't we talking about licking toads?
Kintaro: Yeah.
Yami-chan: Well, I heard on... I think it was Dateline, that if you lick a cane toad, you get all high and shit.
Zelgadis: Lovely phrasing.
Yami-chan: ::smirks:: Thank you.
(A/N: I know what it looks like, but I don't hate Zelgadis! In fact, he's really cute, but he's all sarcastic, and I'm trying to keep him in at least the last vestiges of In-Characterness I can.)
Gourry: Hey, why don't we go to Australia?
Lina: Jellyfish brains! You can't just take a flight from London to Australia on a whim! It costs a lot, and Yami-chan is so poor it's not even funny!
Yami-chan: Even in my own fics I'm being burned. Lina, thanks for the defense, even if it was a bit... insulting.
Lina: You're welcome.
Xellos: Yami-chan, since you're the author, shouldn't you be able to take us to Australia?
Yami-chan: Technically, yes.
Kintaro: What do you mean, 'technically'?
Yami-chan: Well, I can do that, but I don't see the point. You want to go to Australia so we can lick toads. Why?
Pepper: Because they're a bunch of freaks.
Xellos: No, we don't ALL want to lick toads, we just want Zelgadis to.
Zel: What?! You've got to be --cking kidding me!
Xel: Why? Hey, it might help.
Yami-chan: Well, since you put it that way, okay. ::Nods her head and they're in the outback::
Everybody: Oh my Akasha, it's hot!
Yami-chan: What do you expect? Even though it's technically winter here, this is still the hottest continent (in my opinion) on earth.
Xel: ::changes to tank top and shorts:: Much better.
Everyone: o.O
Yami-chan: You're really pale, Xellos.
Xel: ::blushes:: Yes, well, I have to wear that cape all the time, what did you expect?
Yami-chan: I don't know. Not that, obviously.
Vash: Can we just find a freakin' toad and go?
Pepper: Yes, back to the subject.
Yami-chan: ::nods her head and Toad from X-Men appears next to Steve Irwin and his film crew. Steve is licking Toad::
Steve: What happened?
Yami-chan: Terribly sorry, Steve-o, but we need to take the toad from you.
Toad: Yes! Please help me! This guy's been licking me for hours!
Steve: Why? And what are all you weirdo's doing in the outback?
Pepper: As we said, we are just taking the toad. We are figments of your imagination.
Steve: No you're not.
Xellos: You're right. We're not. Now give us the bloody toad.
Steve: Why should I?
Xellos: Sore wa himitsu desu.
Steve: What's that mean?
Yami-chan: It means 'because it would be an act of diplomacy.' ::glares at Xellos.
Steve: Is that bloke Japanese?
Yami-chan: Yeah. In fact, me and Pepper are the only people here that aren't.
Steve: Cool.
Yami-chan: 'Cool'? How many times did you lick that toad?
Steve: Lost count a while ago.
Yami-chan: ::rubs chin:: A high Crocodile Hunter could be worth a laugh.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Three Hours Later and back in Yami-chan's flat....
Yami-chan: ::laughing:: Hey, pass Toad this way!
Toad: Gladly. ::walks over to Yami-chan and sits on her lap::
Yami-chan: ::licks Toad:: This is good shit.
Toad: ::obviously jaded also:: Maybe I shouldn't have licked myself.
Kintaro: ::making out with Amelia::
Vash: ::making out with Gourry::
(A/N: Okay, I don't think Vash is gay, but Gourry is. I swear, he is! And Vash is high, so don't blame me for what he does!)
Lina: ::making out with Steve::
Steve: ::has lampshade on as a hat::
Zelgadis: ::passed out::
Pepper: Hey, you know what?
Xellos: What?
Pepper: Zelgadis is human.
Xellos: Yeah, I know.
Pepper: No, man. He's HUMAN.
Xellos: Wow. ::walks over to where Yami-chan is making out with Toad (author grins)::
Yami-chan: ::pulls away from Toad:: What?
Xellos: Can I lick you now?
Toad: No.
Xellos: I wasn't talking to you.
Everybody still awake: o.O
Toad: Get lost.
Xellos: Fine. Pepper!
Pepper: No. ::passes out::
Xellos: Shit. ::phases out::
Xellos' voice: Finally had a chance to get laid.
Yami-chan: No you didn't.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
What will happen next? ::cough:: not much ::cough:: Stay tuned for Chapter 2: The Morning After!
Chorus of Small Children:
Gobu the land shark
He'll eat all the mean-
Yami-chan: Shut the fuck up and get lost! You're in the wrong bloody fic, morons!
COSC: ::starts crying::
Yami-chan: Oh, no. That shit doesn't work on me! Get going! ::starts beating random children::
Ending Disclaimer: As you can tell, Yami-chan is a violent person, but she doesn't really hate kids, and she's never beaten one (while sober)-
Yami-chan: You too! Get fucking lost! ::throws slipper and Ending Disclaimer::
Ending Disclaimer: Owies.