Of Christmas Pies
What happens when the four students most likely to cause disaster that Hogwarts has ever produced team up, and try and bake a pie? The disaster that is sure to occur can only be something to laugh at. Follow Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs in their most exciting adventure yet.
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Peter and Sirius could hear the sounds of two sets of feet hitting the pavement. They were sprinting home, for fear they would be late in meeting Remus and James.
At the same time, from the other direction, the other two boys were doing the exact same thing, for the exact same reasons.
Eventually they ran into each other. Peter trod on Remus' toe, and James sent Sirius sprawling to his bottom, on the hard pavement. Dazed, they looked around, and realizing that it was – well – each other, Remus helped Sirius to his feet, while Peter apologized to him about his toe, and James picked up the groceries and returned them to their proper bags.
"Well," said Peter, after this was all through, "Fancy meeting you here." They all grinned, Sirius gave Peter a pat on the back, and the reunited quartet walked in the entrance of their apartment. Upon arriving at their door, they unlocked it, walked in, and set the bags of groceries down on the table in the kitchen.
"Oi," said Peter, "I definitely think that that was loads more trouble than it was worth." James and Remus nodded in agreement, but Sirius said, in a pesky, advertising voice:
"But that's not all! Remember, we still get to enjoy the pleasures of baking!" He grinned. Peter shuddered. Remus groaned. James shook his head.
"Good. Then let's get to it, shall we?"
And so, this was how the four boys could be found sitting, attempting to tie aprons, oven burning, at eleven o'clock on Christmas morning. Sirius had insisted on wearing the aprons, but was just nice enough to let the others get away with plain white ones, rather than some identical to his which read, in clear letters across the front: 'Watch out. I'm the cook. I've got a spatula.'
Peter was the fastest to get the hang of tying the knot in the back, and he began to skim the recipe.
"Good lord," he said, "Sirius, this is a lot harder than it looks. Are you sure we can do it?" But Sirius wasn't listening. He was too busy convincing Remus to put on the apron, which the other apparently wasn't about to do. Peter was in no mood for this – and he, like James, was not known to keep his temper well.
"Bloody Hell, Sirius! Listen to me!" He had yelled this as loud as he could, and Sirius was staring at him, for it was a rare moment when Peter's temper had broken so stiffly that he was forced to yell for the all of London, and Yorkshire, too. And neither was it often that Sirius was so surprised that he found himself at a loss of words.
But, alas, we digress.
When Sirius once again found his voice, he spoke to Peter in his usual grinning manner.
"Really?" But that was all. He didn't have a terribly long attention span, and this wasn't very holding. He resumed chasing Remus, who had taken the convenient silence to hide behind the oven. Peter only sighed, he was now well aware that he wasn't going to be able to hold onto his friend's attention.
Ten minutes or so later, when Remus had agreed to wear the white apron if he might be allowed to do the stirring of ingredients, the four were ready to begin the hard part.
"Alright," said James, reading the recipe, "It says we should stir ¾ of a cup of sugar and ¼ of a cup of cornstarch in a bowl together." Remus grinned.
"I get to do that!" he said, snatching a large wooden spoon and a ceramic bowl that Lily had given James on his birthday last. "Right, Sirius?"
"Right. Get on with it, then." So Remus did. He began stirring, and didn't stop until the two were completely mixed.
"Next we – oh, shoot, we forgot a step!" James cursed angrily, and went off to grab the cherries. He rinsed them, leaving a cup of water in the bowl. And, as he was walking back over to where his friends were standing, he tripped over Peter's shoes, lying on the floor.
The wet cherries went flying and landed on Remus, and James went sprawling onto the floor, skinning both knees on the unpolished linoleum.
"Ow!" James cried out. And he let out another long string of curses. Sirius rolled his eyes and groaned.
"Great, James, wonderful. You've killed the cherries! Now I've got to go buy new ones!" As he walked towards the door, Peter said to James and Remus in a low voice:
"I'd better go with him. Alone, he'll probably end up drunk and in bed with some cocker spaniel or something. You never know…" James and Remus were forced to work very hard to keep strait faces as Sirius strode out the door, Peter chasing after him, yelling at him to wait. When they were finally out of the door, the two remaining boys needed only to exchange glances before they were thrown into a fit of laughter.
When they had finished, and Remus had taken off his apron for the time Sirius wasn't around, he made a suggestion.
"Why don't we," he said, "work on the pie while they're gone? We won't be late, and we won't risk Sirius screwing something up." James's eyes lit up like candles.
"That's an excellent idea!" He grabbed his bowl and mixed a few more times. Remus picked up the recipe.
"Great! I hoped you'd think so. Now, the instructions say –"
"Moony," James cut his friend off. "Directions are for girls. Now come on. It shouldn't be too hard to figure out."
"Famous last words," Remus muttered under his breath.
"What was that?"
"Nothing." James started emptying out all of the bags of groceries that each team had brought back. When he began on the last bag, his face changed from delight to bewilderment faster than a flick of Professor McGonagall's wand.
"I don't think we'd need that much peanut butter for only one pie," he said.
"Er – Prongs," began Remus, "The directions don't say anything about Peanut Butter…"
"Remus, what did I just tell you?"
"Yes, yes I know. I'll shut up. Do it your way."
So James shrugged his shoulders, and got a spoon from the drawer. He opened one of the jars of peanut butter, and began spooning it all into the powdery mixture, which was quickly becoming sticky. After two-and-a-half jars, he stood back to admire his work, licking his peanut-buttery fingers.
"Well then," he said, "I think that's enough peanut butter." Remus stood, shaking his head, aghast, at the sight. The once floury mixture looked almost like pure peanut butter.
"Well," he said to himself, hearing Sirius and Peter's footsteps outside, "maybe they won't notice."
Sirius came bursting in, a month's supply of cherries in his arms, followed by a very out-of-breath Peter.
Peter rinsed the cherries in a bowl, and poured the cherry liquid leftover into the bowl of peanut butter. Peter noticed something was amiss. Sirius didn't. The former looked at Remus, and raised his eyebrows. Remus rolled his eyes, and mouthed the words 'Long story. I'll tell you about it later."
The chefs continued to mix the ingredients, without any further trouble. And finally, it was time to stick it in the oven.
"It says to stick it in the oven for 25 minutes at a temperature of 375 degrees," Sirius read.
"We don't have time for that," said Peter, glancing at his watch. "We're supposed to be at your Mum's at two, Sirius. It's quarter of. Even if we apparate there, the pie won't be done."
"I have an idea!" It was James who made the announcement. "We could just double the temperature, and cut the time in half! It'll work for sure!" No one could see any reason why this mightn't work, so they did. They set a timer for twelve-and-a-half minutes, and set the oven at 750 degrees.
Sirius went off to take a quick nap, James went to read his new Wimbourne Wasps Quidditch Handbook, and Remus and Peter lingered about the kitchen, waiting.
"So," said Peter, "What was wrong with the ingredients when Sirius and me got back?"
"Ugh," groaned the other, rolling his eyes, "That. Well, I guess it was my fault, I made a suggestion that James and I would work on the pie while you were gone, so we would have a better chance of being on time. He said it was a great idea, emptied out the groceries, and decided not to read the instructions, even though I told him to. So he put a couple of jars of the peanut butter you and Sirius bought, and then you came home." Peter slapped his palm to his forehead.
"That absolute moron!"
"Why? What's going to happen?" But Peter didn't answer his friend. He was too busy putting his fingers in his ears. "Err – Peter?"
Peter opened one squeezed shut eye, and said, "Just cover your ears. Trust me."
Not five seconds after jamming his index fingers into his ears, there came a deafening explosion.
BANG!
Sparks flew, and Peter rushed to turn the oven off, while Remus grabbed his wand, shouted a spell, and sent water shooting from it. It put out the fire just as Sirius and James came running in.
"What happened?" inquired James, aghast, as the smoke began to clear. Remus shot his friend a look.
"It was your Peanut Butter. And maybe the oven being too hot, also."
"But – but – that idea was supposed to work!" spluttered Sirius.
"Well," said Peter sensibly, "It obviously didn't, now did it?" Sirius couldn't argue with that very well at all.
"I wonder," mused James, "If the pie survived the explosion." The four glanced at one another, and then turned their gazes toward the oven, which had finally stopped smoking.
Slowly, without taking his eyes from the contraption, Peter reached behind him, running his hand along the counter until he came to a pair of oven mitts. Eyes still in the same spot, he slid them gently on his fingers, and reached forward, towards the hot oven door.
He pulled, and another burst of smoke poured into his face. Peter brought his fist to his mouth and coughed, but still kept his squinting vision focused on the inside of the oven.
The boy spotted the near-destroyed pie-pan, pulled it out, and placed it on the couter.
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Disclaimer: The characters of Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling. Anything else belongs to me.
Author's Note: I'm really terribly sorry that this chapter took so long to get out. For a while, I wasn't allowed online and then we went to somewhere without computers for a week and a half. But anyway, It's finally out! Hooray for me! Special thanks goes to my cousin for Beta-reading this for me. By the way, in writing this, I'm referring to a real recipe for Cherry Pie, and if anyone wants a copy, email me, and I'll be happy to send it to you:
Please be so kind as to leave a review. Thank you, and have a wonderful day (or night).