Title: So Close To Heaven
Author: Amber
Pairings: 1x2xR
Warnings: I have taken a few liberties with characters personalities. I'm trying something different; this will be a 1x2xR born from the frustration of Relena finds out stories. Frankly I don't like the idea someone has to be a looser.. If you disagree about character representation here then accept my apologies and please select another story with my blessing having said that one needs to also be aware I'm jumping into the deep end and including graphic lemon scenes in this story that may not suit everyone's taste. Please also avoid, if one is not of age for mature love scenes this story is not for you either. Thank you.
Disclaimer: Gundam belongs to Gundam and any scene or plot similarity to another person's story, movie or anime is purely coincidental.
So Close to Heaven
By Amber
Chapter 2
"I want to thank you for picking me up Relena. I wanted this to be a surprise and it looks like this year I might actually pull it off." Relena smiled briefly at the small dark haired woman before quickly glancing back at the road. "Not a problem we were planning a surprise party in the conference room anyway his apartment is a shoebox."
Hilde laughed, "yes well it makes more sense to do it this way I guess and he really wants to help the Preventers but we're also trying to save money one day I'm going to get that man to the alter. It's just so hard some times." She suddenly grinned, "besides it's only for a little while and when we do see each other we make up for lost time."
Relena smiled wistfully at the words implied. Unbidden the look on his face this morning when he kissed her flashed through her mind. Shifting restlessly she felt like she had betrayed Hilde no she shook off her uncertainty and focused on the immediate it wasn't like that. "Are you sure you want to go straight there we can stop by my place and let you get freshened up if you want?"
Hilde laughed, "are you saying I stink?" Relena's mouth dropped open.
"Lord no."
Her eyes narrowed, "cute very cute."
Hilde giggled, "no thanks Relena I don't want to waste any time I just want to see Duo." Relena nodded sympathetically.
"I know what you mean there doesn't seem to be enough time in the day for how much you want to be with them."
"Heero?" She asked hesitantly having met him once she still wasn't sure what to make of the silent taciturn man. Relena lips tilted briefly at the unspoken reserve.
"Heero. We're taking one day at a time and hopefully some day he'll let me all the way in." Hilde eyed her in awe, "your braver than I am."
Relena glanced at her quickly in skeptical amusement. "So says the girl that helped bring down Libra."
"That was different.."
"Uum hmm." Relena nodded before signaling to turn off the exit ramp.
"No I'm serious." Relena pulled up to the gate and stopped flashing the guard her ID she waited patiently for him to let them through before meeting Hilde's earnest gaze.
"I can see that."
She slowly pulled forward before composing her thoughts enough to explain. "I know in some circles I'm a joke because of my feelings about Heero but I can't change that even if I wanted to so I concentrate on what I can change." She pulled into the spot delegated for visitors and turned off the engine letting the silence grow.
"Doesn't it frighten you giving him that much control over your heart? Your life while he stays safely noncommittal?"
"Of course," she said her tone so hushed it almost went unheard. Relena turned to meet her worried gaze. "Falling in love with Heero was effortless if happened before I even knew it. Finding the strength to go on and endure those years without him was most difficult thing I've ever done but I knew he needed that time to adjust. It was something I couldn't do for him." She shook off her gloomy thoughts and smiled winningly at Hilde. "Come on don't worry I'm happy and I can be patient for now." Relena swung from the car coming around to meet her at the passenger side. "Why don't we leave your bags here we come back for them later?"
"Ok." Hilde slid her arm through Relena's and squeezed. "I can't thank you enough for helping me I'm so excited this will be great I finally managed to surprise him." Laughing they made their way inside striding through the near deserted halls there seemed something ominous about the echoing of their heels as they repeatedly connected with the polished floors.
Stopping at Lady Anne's door she nudged it open it and frowned. "Hmm looks like her secretary is gone already." She pushed the door all the way open. "Come on we'll peek in her office I thought there was suppose to be some sort of hush hush meeting this evening which is why it seemed a waste to ask Heero if he wanted to come with me." Softly taping on the door Relena waited for acknowledgement.
"Ooooo." Hilde crooned spookily, "this is perfect setting for a horror movie." Relena glanced at her and grinned.
"In this building not likely." Opening the door she looked around the office. "Lady Anne? Lady?" Pulling the door closed she stood there frowning.
"Relena?"
"Hmm .."
"What's wrong?"
"Well I just.. nothing she shook her head. They must be finished."
"Who's going to deliver Duo? Heero?"
Relena's lips twitched humorously. "Can you see Duo buying that? It would be a dead give away I didn't even get the chance to tell Heero. No he'd buy me showing up spontaneously at last minute a lot easier. She smiled wryly, that leaves me hoping against hope Heero won't shoot anyone when they yell surprise."
Hilde snorted , "good luck."
"Thanks pal," she said dryly. "Your allot of comfort. Well lets get on with it."
They moved down the silent halls passing a few officers here and there but it was more than obvious that a skeletal staff at best was present within the building. Turning the corner Relena slammed into someone, falling back a bit she stifled a squeal as she felt strong arms grab and steady her. "O Miss. Relena I'm so sorry."
"Quatre." She placed her hand over her heart and laughed before hugging him hello. "That's all right no harm done the atmosphere is a bit spooky." She exchanged a look with Hilde.
Quatre bowed, "Miss Hilde its lovely to see you again." She grinned.
"Hi Quatre, how's it going?" He smiled, "it's going well."
Relena lowered her voice. "Is everything in place?" He grinned and nodded, "we even managed to get Wufei to stop grumbling long enough to agree to come." Relena's lips twitched. "This I'm eager to see."
"Ok Quatre, point me in the right direction and we'll get this party started. Where is he?"
"Security saw him head into Heero's office about forty minutes ago. Hilde laughed, "you had security keeping track of him?"
Quatre smiled, "we didn't want him ruining his own party he loves surprises but if we act suspicious he wouldn't stop..."
"Until he knew what was going on..." Hilde and Quatre finished in smiling concert.
Relena nodded thoughtfully before looking at Hilde speculatively. "You want to spring your surprise now or later?" She shifted excitedly from foot to foot. "Now please."
Quatre nodded understandingly. "This way then."
He led them through the hall to a set of offices the outer one was dark and silent but a faint trace of light shown underneath the inner one and the quite murmur of sounds could be heard. Relena looked at Quatre and inclined her head inquiringly. Nodding he looked at them for a moment a slight frown creased his brow concerned Relena touched his arm inquiringly. He shook his head negating the concern and smiled as Hilde stifled a giggle.
Relena lifted her finger to her mouth indicating silence before quietly moving through the outer office. Drawing a breath she looked back shaking her head wryly at Hilde's antics and waved them back a bit before turning once more. Smoothing her expression into one of innocence she knocked softly not wanting to disturb them if it was important. She frowned as the voices grew in rhythm and she wondered for a split second if he was in a meeting. Swinging back she looked at her cohorts who shooed her on shrugging she knocked again when nothing happened she turned the knob and looked in skimming the empty desk she silently peered around the door toward the small couch against the wall.
Breath froze as time stood still a terrible pain started from the depths of her soul and climbed building in intensity and strength until she fully expected to have someone turn to see what all the screaming was about but no one did. The door slipped from her grasp slowly inching inward by increments. So much for vigilance. They hadn't faltered once in their thrusting amazing. She lifted a shaken hand to her mouth to still the trembling they didn't even know she was there. Idly she wondered why they hadn't locked the door anyone could walk in on them and had or was the great Heero Yuy above interlopers entering unannounced? Apparently she was the only lucky recipient of this show.
She stood there transfixed there was a terrible beauty in their movements and she found herself as much drawn to their expression of love as she was hurt by it. Two vibrant young beings the affection the love all was evident regardless of the gender. No her mind shied away from that thought not quite ready to deal with it. Stick to incidentals Relena. Part of Duo's hair had come unbraided the ends flowed down his back and sides like a separate entity as he tossed his head from side to side. Honesty compelled her to admit his look of ecstasy was enthralling she felt her breathing unwillingly quicken to join theirs as they anticipated their release. There was a hunger, a fluidness of movement without awkwardness or hesitation it spoke of a long-term familiarity and a deep understanding of what each partner needed physically and mentally.
She watched fascinated when Heero's face suddenly tightened as they reached their climax and he hissed his release. Distracted her eyes followed a drop of sweat down Heero's back until it reached his buttocks as if it was the most important thing in the universe and all she could think was if he loved Duo that much why was he with her?
"Relena?" Hilde called softly.. But as softly as it was it was enough for her. No not anymore not hers.. never had been apparently... The perfect soldier to hear. He stiffened head swinging around his eyes locked with hers quicksilver emotions came and went to quickly for her to make sense of them. "Relena."
Beneath him Duo struggled to stand. "Lena," he whispered. "god I ."
"Happy Birthday Duo. I'm sorry." She gave a glassy eyed smile. "I knocked but you didn't hear me so I waited until you finished." She husked
"Lena?" Hilde called out. Numbly Relena watched Duo's efforts to hastily dress in comparison to Heero's calm and methodical actions. Turning her head slightly she heard Hilde's rapid footsteps approaching stepping back she pulled the door to and turned stepping in front of the entrance. "Hey what's the hold up?"
"Hil," her first attempt faltered clearing her throat she dug deep and tried again but her tone sounded strained even to her own ears. "Hilde lets step down to the conference room and wait they
will meet us there." Hilde frowned studying the pale woman before her it seemed like every bit of the color and life had been leeched out of her.
"Relena?" Lifting blind eyes toward Quatre's hesitant voice she watched him wince. "Its all right Quatre." She heard her voice come from a distance. "Now just isn't a good time."
Hilde's expression cleared and she smiled reassuringly. "Hey it'll be fine it's his birthday after all I've never known him to pass up junk food. Relena?" She blinked her mind scrambled to make sense out of what Hilde just said and came up blank. Hilde frowned stepping around Relena she pushed the door open and trilled surprise.
"No Hilde, wait! " Relena made a belated grab and missed. Relena closed her eyes and waited for the obvious to become evident. The gasp the pained cry of betrayal she envied her that ability to give voice to it.
Her eyes snapped open when she felt her hand forced off her skirt and then clasped between the comforting warmth of two others lifting her eyes to his she clung to understanding she saw there like it was the only thing on earth keeping her sane. "
"Quatre it hurts." She lost track of how long they stood there eyes locked with each other him silently offering what comfort he could the sounds of anger and pleading followed with murmured explanations drifted away interspersed occasionally with Heero's flat tone.
Distantly she felt Hilde brush past her at a run and silence descend on the office. "Did you know?" He eyed her with eyes full of sorrow and pain.
"Duo and Heero never said a word." Relena squeezed his hand before slipping free she turned back into the room her mouth kicked up at the corner in a failed mimicry of a smile they stood at opposite ends of the room. She cleared her throat.
"Relena I."
"Don't." Meeting Heero's enigmatic look she seriously felt like she was loosing her mind the urge to take him apart with her bare hands was over whelming especially when he merely asked why she had come. She laughed cynically. "It's Duo's birthday Heero. Hilde asked me to pick her up so she could surprise him at his party. Surprise."
"Duo?" He lifted his troubled gaze to hers but she found looking at him painful so her eyes locked in on Heero's as she braced herself for the answer she knew before she opened her mouth.
"How long Duo? How long have you and Heero been seeing each other?" Interesting was that a slight flinch my Heero? What is there to flinch at now?
"Lena I."
"How long?"
"A while listen.."
"A while is that six months? Eight? A year, two, what Duo how long does it take to find the words to tell me we're screwing the same man?" He winced bracing himself he met her gaze with pleading eyes.
"We've seen each other on and off since right after Mariemaia." Her eyes slid closed before she could stop it she forced them open through sheer will moving close enough to reach out and touch Heero she held his gaze while she sought her answers from Duo.
"Seen? I guess from her reaction Hilde didn't know either?" She offered conversationally before bracing herself to address Heero. "It never bothered you, the lying the sneaking around? You couldn't trust me with the truth?"
"Relena."
Her eyebrow lifted, " Tell me Heero." She moved close enough that there bodies touched looking up into his eyes intently. "What do you see?" They shared a look his softened with some silent appeal regret love yearning? He lifted his hand to cup her cheek when she flinched moving abruptly beyond reach.
Swinging around she moved toward the door pausing in the entrance she glanced back her look encompassed them both. They stared fascinated some of the most dangerous men on the planet watching her with something akin to wariness and worry. Any other time disconcerting them would have been a triumph it was difficult to hold ones on with such strong personalities even on her best days unfortunately at the moment she couldn't enjoy much of anything.
"Congratulations gentleman love is a precious thing apparently you've found it." Relena bowed. "I'm sorry you felt you couldn't be honest with me in the beginning but what's done is done. I'm not so cruel as to bother you anymore."
"Relena wait."
Swing out of the room she paused glancing around for Quatre before continuing on with strides just short of running. Heero's voice hoarse with some unnamed emotion asking me to stop echoed in a relentless beat to match the rhythm of my steps. Slowing slightly Relena pulled out her cell phone.
"Agnes hmm no not tonight but I need two things I want a locksmith out to the house within the hour money is no object I want my locks changed now. Leave me a key, yes. You know where. Secondly I want Heero's things packed and sent to Duo's apartment. Yes I'm sure. Not now Agnes." Her voice cracked.
"Lets just say we've mutually agreed to some time apart. Thank you I appreciate your kind thoughts I want you and the staff to take a few days off." She winced. "No," she said firmly. "I appreciate it Agnes but I need some time alone once the locks are dealt with and Heero's things returned go on a holiday my treat hell take a month. Thank you yes I hope so too. Goodbye."
Rounding the corner she slammed into the second person for the night and like the first time she felt strong hands cup her shoulders to steady her. Unlike the first time she didn't scream. Glancing up quickly she took in the Asian features, the tightly restrained hair now shoulder length peace and time had done much to mature him still the trademark look of barely concealed impatience was a dead give away.
O lord not tonight. "I beg your pardon." Nodding she made to move around him.
"Minister? Quatre sent me to make sure you were all right."
Relena stopped. "Why wouldn't I be? And please for the love of god call me Relena if anyone can maintain propriety and decorum and still use my given name it would be you."
She felt him shrug more than saw him. "Very well. Relena. Only you could answer if you are alright."
She nodded, "your right. If you'll excuse me I must hurry." Once more she moved around him and continued on stiffening when he fell into step with her. Closing her eyes she stopped struggling for patience. "Was there something more I can do for you Colonel?"
His eyebrow lifted at her tone but other than that he ignored it. "With the lateness of the hour I thought I would escort you to your car. And if we are forsaking formality my name is Wufei"
Relena laughed tautly, her hands clenching. "Wufei I don't think the danger is assassins or terrorists I will be fine on my own so your escort while appreciated won't be necessary."
He stared at her his expression unreadable. "Lying doesn't become you." Relena blinked looking momentarily nonpulsed before she shook her head and continued on. "Do what you want I don't have time for this I have to catch Hilde."
"Schbeiker? Quatre went after her." Relena stopped yet again and stared at him blankly. "After her? Where is she? She can't leave I have her things in my car."
The corner of his mouth lifted slightly. "She is as reckless as Maxwell and over the years nothing I've seen has changed that assessment I doubt that would have stopped her." The scene in the office replayed in slow motion behind closed lids.
"Maybe not, she whispered hoarsely."
Her eyes snapped open at the hand on her forearm. "Ms. Darlian? Relena?" He amended. Focusing on the impersonal concern in his eyes she forced a conciliatory smile.
"I'm fine shall we then I don't want to trouble you any longer than necessary." Without waiting she moved on entering the elevator for the descent to the lobby a hundred and one inconsequential things ran thru her mind why was leaving taking three times longer than the trip inside had? Staring at the pale composed face looking back at her within the elevators polished walls her bare ear seemed to mock her no one knowing her would guess she had just had her world ripped apart yet again unless they looked into her eyes.
Maybe she wasn't meant to find happiness maybe in another life she had horribly wronged someone and now it was coming back to haunt her. A derisive smile twisted her mouth before sadness once more weighed her down. Not much longer she chanted then I can let my guard down. An uncomfortable silence had descended over the elevator and the ride downward while brief seemed rife with tension. Glancing out of the corner of her eye at Wufei it appeared here was another one that nothing bothered. Leaning back against the wall of the elevator with his eyes closed and arms crossed against his chest he reminded her of a panther she saw once at a preserve power and lethalness carefully reserved until needed. Lost in her thoughts she didn't realize the elevator had stopped and the doors opened until she felt him move to keep the doors from closing.
Wufei stood there staring at her with a thoughtful look on his face and she wondered what her own had revealed in those moments. Was the mask she used to hold the world at bay cracking? Relena swallowed feeling like her emotions were trying to choke her. Dismayed she realized Wufei had been holding the elevator doors open patiently waiting on her to exit. Nodding her thanks they entered the lobby the click of her heels echoed eerily around the nearly deserted building but try as she might she couldn't hear the steps of the man beside her. How ironic it seemed everything was determined to hammer home just how alone she truly was.
The shrill ringing of her cell phone dragged her from her self-pity into the present. "Darlian." Wufei moved to a respectful distance to her privacy and found himself watching with more curiosity than normal as a slight smile flitted across her face. "Quatre."
Concerned he watched as the sorrow descended once more what could have happened to make a strong woman so frail in such a short amount of time. "Where is she now? Alright tell her I'm coming over now to bring her things. Quatre is she sure this is what she wants to do?" Relena closed her eyes her hand absently rubbing the side of her temple. Very well I understand. I'll see you in a few minutes."
Closing the phone she stood there staring into space. "Relena?" She looked at him blankly. "Are you ready?" She looked at him with such pain and sorrow.
"No but then when has that mattered." Turning she slowly moved out the doors with him following thoughtfully behind they reached her car in silence but it was one now more comfortable than strained. Touching her arm to halt her he moved ahead to give the car a thorough going over before she entered once he was satisfied he opened her door and stepped courteously back. She moved to the driver side tossing her things in.
"Relena!" Glancing back over her shoulder she stiffened she didn't want to do this not now.
Wufei sighed impatiently, "baka he doesn't have the sense to know when it's time to hold and when to let go." Watching the emotions flicker across her face he chose his words with a care he seldom bothered to exercise she looked for the first time since he had known of her existence. Fragile.
"Maxwell will wait. You do not owe him peace of mind at the expense of your own." Looking at him she reminded him nothing more than of a bewildered child that had been punished for a transgression she couldn't comprehend. "You know?"
He stared at her enigmatically. "Only what your eyes tell me and Quatre's concern about your upset have shown me."
"Relena!" She turned again watching him run across the parking lot getting closer and closer. Looking Wufei in the eye a smile of thanks trembled and died but the questions in her eyes remained. "You surprise me Col Chang I had heard you loath weakness they neglected to say you could be merciful and kind."
He inclined his head. "Then we are both surprised this night because I would never have guessed you were the type to form an opinion on gossip."
Her voice broke slightly but other than that her expression remained composed. "Yes well I've had several of my certainties rocked tonight one has to utilize everything they can when it involves survival. You've been kind and discreet in you assistance tonight I thank you. I believe I will accept your advice and take my leave now before Mr. Maxwell arrives please give him my regrets about missing his party."
He nodded as she climbed in, other than the lifting of his eyebrow he said nothing further and for that she was thankful. Her reserves were running low right now and her trip in to hell had one more detour before she could lock herself in and grieve. Meeting his eyes through the glass she mouthed thank you as she pulled away never realizing that silent tears slid down her face already giving expression to her grief.
Wufei watched Duo run after the car a few feet before he swore turning his anger on him. "Damn it Wu you heard me calling her why didn't you stop her?"
"Because the woman didn't want to talk to you Maxwell wasn't that obvious?"
"Was she ok? Was Hilde with her?"
"No."
"What do you mean no?"
"She left earlier the Minister was going to meet her. And no she wasn't OK."
"Damn it we hurt them both." Rubbing his hands across his face he slumped. "I screwed up Wu."
"You're about to screw up again as you so eloquently put it. Stop calling me Wu." He studied Duo speculatively when he didn't rise to the taunt as he normally would. "Kisama Maxwell please tell me you weren't that stupid?" He asked incredulously.
Duo looked up staring at him in silent misery. "You were. Darlian caught you with Yuy and neither of you thought to prepare her beyond the obvious? Did you two really think Darlain would never find out? Or were you hoping she would find out on her own breaking Yuy's status quo?" Duo glared at him silently a moment before his head dropped hiding his expression. "Who or what are you mourning Maxwell Schibecker's friendship or Relena's?"
Duo's head snapped up again his eyes narrowed. "Relena? Since when did you call any woman other than Sally something other than onna or their last name? " Duo stared at Wufei intently but whatever he was thinking or feeling he couldn't tell his face remained unreadable in the shadowed light of the moon.
"Since she asked me to." He said simply. He shrugged there was no figuring Wufei unless he wanted you to he was like Heero that way shoving his hands into the pocket of his jeans his troubled gaze went again toward the direction the car disappeared.
"Amazing." Wufei continued thoughtfully. "Didn't the two of you ever once consider the consequences of your actions? Did you think because of her feelings for you she would miraculously ignore years worth of lies?" He shook his head staring at the direction the car disappeared. "Your right you have much to answer for." He turned back studying his silent companion. "Come nothing more can be accomplished now you'll have to try making reparation later. She cares for you both perhaps I'm wrong and that in the end will be enough."
Surprised she lifted her hand to her face tears slid continuously from her eyes as her mind went in circles trying to figure out where she went wrong. What more should I have or could have done or didn't do why couldn't two of the most important people in my life be honest enough with me to tell me the truth. Over the years she had clung to Duo and Quatre the most. Quatre became her sounding board, and mutual support when they were both waiting for their respective loves to get a clue. He Trowa. I Heero. I could count on and trust Quatre with my sanity when I felt my loneliest we both swam the murky waters dealing with the government.
Duo.. Duo became my best friend, my confidant to my most secret yearnings. With Duo as my guard the ache of Heero's long absence had been bearable he reminded me that Relena was just a girl and she needed to stop sometimes and remind herself what all the sacrifices had been for. He basically reminded me to live life to the fullest sometimes as a nagging little voice in my ear others as my friend and co-conspirator. If Quatre was my touchstone and Duo my soul then Heero was literally the heart of Relena Darlian, she shook her head o god now I question everything I knew and believed not only had I lost my friend, but my lover as well. I no longer know what I'm doing suddenly the path I could always see so clearly didn't exist anymore and I didn't have the first clue what I was going to do about it.
Hilde o god a harsh laugh that sounded more like a sob escaped how was I suppose to find the words to comfort her when I couldn't even comfort myself? I'd come across like a raving hypocrite. Swiping at my cheeks again I tried to regain control I was almost there now and Relena Darlian had to be strong confident an island unto herself it was a trick she had used many times and once you've done it enough you almost start to believe it yourself. That was my lot in life no matter how much I resisted everyone needed the knowledge that once more they could draw on me for strength whether I had it to spare or not.
So once more the Relena that was just a girl lost as everyone else retreated. The tears slowed inhaling several times deeply I stopped hitching with every other breath I took. The public persona stepped forward the one that had all the answers, the one who regardless the act turned the other cheek and that always smiled graciously through the pain.
Relena pulled into the entrance of the hotel and stopped while she was waiting for the attendant to park her car she nervously smoothed her hair back. When the door opened she pasted a distant yet gracious smile on her face and no hint of uncertainty or despair showed through her mask. "I need the bags in the trunk taken to Mr. Winner suite please." Then taking one last calming breath she moved into the hotel to try giving someone else the solace that eluded her.
February 2001
Author: Amber
Pairings: 1x2xR
Warnings: I have taken a few liberties with characters personalities. I'm trying something different; this will be a 1x2xR born from the frustration of Relena finds out stories. Frankly I don't like the idea someone has to be a looser.. If you disagree about character representation here then accept my apologies and please select another story with my blessing having said that one needs to also be aware I'm jumping into the deep end and including graphic lemon scenes in this story that may not suit everyone's taste. Please also avoid, if one is not of age for mature love scenes this story is not for you either. Thank you.
Disclaimer: Gundam belongs to Gundam and any scene or plot similarity to another person's story, movie or anime is purely coincidental.
So Close to Heaven
By Amber
Chapter 2
"I want to thank you for picking me up Relena. I wanted this to be a surprise and it looks like this year I might actually pull it off." Relena smiled briefly at the small dark haired woman before quickly glancing back at the road. "Not a problem we were planning a surprise party in the conference room anyway his apartment is a shoebox."
Hilde laughed, "yes well it makes more sense to do it this way I guess and he really wants to help the Preventers but we're also trying to save money one day I'm going to get that man to the alter. It's just so hard some times." She suddenly grinned, "besides it's only for a little while and when we do see each other we make up for lost time."
Relena smiled wistfully at the words implied. Unbidden the look on his face this morning when he kissed her flashed through her mind. Shifting restlessly she felt like she had betrayed Hilde no she shook off her uncertainty and focused on the immediate it wasn't like that. "Are you sure you want to go straight there we can stop by my place and let you get freshened up if you want?"
Hilde laughed, "are you saying I stink?" Relena's mouth dropped open.
"Lord no."
Her eyes narrowed, "cute very cute."
Hilde giggled, "no thanks Relena I don't want to waste any time I just want to see Duo." Relena nodded sympathetically.
"I know what you mean there doesn't seem to be enough time in the day for how much you want to be with them."
"Heero?" She asked hesitantly having met him once she still wasn't sure what to make of the silent taciturn man. Relena lips tilted briefly at the unspoken reserve.
"Heero. We're taking one day at a time and hopefully some day he'll let me all the way in." Hilde eyed her in awe, "your braver than I am."
Relena glanced at her quickly in skeptical amusement. "So says the girl that helped bring down Libra."
"That was different.."
"Uum hmm." Relena nodded before signaling to turn off the exit ramp.
"No I'm serious." Relena pulled up to the gate and stopped flashing the guard her ID she waited patiently for him to let them through before meeting Hilde's earnest gaze.
"I can see that."
She slowly pulled forward before composing her thoughts enough to explain. "I know in some circles I'm a joke because of my feelings about Heero but I can't change that even if I wanted to so I concentrate on what I can change." She pulled into the spot delegated for visitors and turned off the engine letting the silence grow.
"Doesn't it frighten you giving him that much control over your heart? Your life while he stays safely noncommittal?"
"Of course," she said her tone so hushed it almost went unheard. Relena turned to meet her worried gaze. "Falling in love with Heero was effortless if happened before I even knew it. Finding the strength to go on and endure those years without him was most difficult thing I've ever done but I knew he needed that time to adjust. It was something I couldn't do for him." She shook off her gloomy thoughts and smiled winningly at Hilde. "Come on don't worry I'm happy and I can be patient for now." Relena swung from the car coming around to meet her at the passenger side. "Why don't we leave your bags here we come back for them later?"
"Ok." Hilde slid her arm through Relena's and squeezed. "I can't thank you enough for helping me I'm so excited this will be great I finally managed to surprise him." Laughing they made their way inside striding through the near deserted halls there seemed something ominous about the echoing of their heels as they repeatedly connected with the polished floors.
Stopping at Lady Anne's door she nudged it open it and frowned. "Hmm looks like her secretary is gone already." She pushed the door all the way open. "Come on we'll peek in her office I thought there was suppose to be some sort of hush hush meeting this evening which is why it seemed a waste to ask Heero if he wanted to come with me." Softly taping on the door Relena waited for acknowledgement.
"Ooooo." Hilde crooned spookily, "this is perfect setting for a horror movie." Relena glanced at her and grinned.
"In this building not likely." Opening the door she looked around the office. "Lady Anne? Lady?" Pulling the door closed she stood there frowning.
"Relena?"
"Hmm .."
"What's wrong?"
"Well I just.. nothing she shook her head. They must be finished."
"Who's going to deliver Duo? Heero?"
Relena's lips twitched humorously. "Can you see Duo buying that? It would be a dead give away I didn't even get the chance to tell Heero. No he'd buy me showing up spontaneously at last minute a lot easier. She smiled wryly, that leaves me hoping against hope Heero won't shoot anyone when they yell surprise."
Hilde snorted , "good luck."
"Thanks pal," she said dryly. "Your allot of comfort. Well lets get on with it."
They moved down the silent halls passing a few officers here and there but it was more than obvious that a skeletal staff at best was present within the building. Turning the corner Relena slammed into someone, falling back a bit she stifled a squeal as she felt strong arms grab and steady her. "O Miss. Relena I'm so sorry."
"Quatre." She placed her hand over her heart and laughed before hugging him hello. "That's all right no harm done the atmosphere is a bit spooky." She exchanged a look with Hilde.
Quatre bowed, "Miss Hilde its lovely to see you again." She grinned.
"Hi Quatre, how's it going?" He smiled, "it's going well."
Relena lowered her voice. "Is everything in place?" He grinned and nodded, "we even managed to get Wufei to stop grumbling long enough to agree to come." Relena's lips twitched. "This I'm eager to see."
"Ok Quatre, point me in the right direction and we'll get this party started. Where is he?"
"Security saw him head into Heero's office about forty minutes ago. Hilde laughed, "you had security keeping track of him?"
Quatre smiled, "we didn't want him ruining his own party he loves surprises but if we act suspicious he wouldn't stop..."
"Until he knew what was going on..." Hilde and Quatre finished in smiling concert.
Relena nodded thoughtfully before looking at Hilde speculatively. "You want to spring your surprise now or later?" She shifted excitedly from foot to foot. "Now please."
Quatre nodded understandingly. "This way then."
He led them through the hall to a set of offices the outer one was dark and silent but a faint trace of light shown underneath the inner one and the quite murmur of sounds could be heard. Relena looked at Quatre and inclined her head inquiringly. Nodding he looked at them for a moment a slight frown creased his brow concerned Relena touched his arm inquiringly. He shook his head negating the concern and smiled as Hilde stifled a giggle.
Relena lifted her finger to her mouth indicating silence before quietly moving through the outer office. Drawing a breath she looked back shaking her head wryly at Hilde's antics and waved them back a bit before turning once more. Smoothing her expression into one of innocence she knocked softly not wanting to disturb them if it was important. She frowned as the voices grew in rhythm and she wondered for a split second if he was in a meeting. Swinging back she looked at her cohorts who shooed her on shrugging she knocked again when nothing happened she turned the knob and looked in skimming the empty desk she silently peered around the door toward the small couch against the wall.
Breath froze as time stood still a terrible pain started from the depths of her soul and climbed building in intensity and strength until she fully expected to have someone turn to see what all the screaming was about but no one did. The door slipped from her grasp slowly inching inward by increments. So much for vigilance. They hadn't faltered once in their thrusting amazing. She lifted a shaken hand to her mouth to still the trembling they didn't even know she was there. Idly she wondered why they hadn't locked the door anyone could walk in on them and had or was the great Heero Yuy above interlopers entering unannounced? Apparently she was the only lucky recipient of this show.
She stood there transfixed there was a terrible beauty in their movements and she found herself as much drawn to their expression of love as she was hurt by it. Two vibrant young beings the affection the love all was evident regardless of the gender. No her mind shied away from that thought not quite ready to deal with it. Stick to incidentals Relena. Part of Duo's hair had come unbraided the ends flowed down his back and sides like a separate entity as he tossed his head from side to side. Honesty compelled her to admit his look of ecstasy was enthralling she felt her breathing unwillingly quicken to join theirs as they anticipated their release. There was a hunger, a fluidness of movement without awkwardness or hesitation it spoke of a long-term familiarity and a deep understanding of what each partner needed physically and mentally.
She watched fascinated when Heero's face suddenly tightened as they reached their climax and he hissed his release. Distracted her eyes followed a drop of sweat down Heero's back until it reached his buttocks as if it was the most important thing in the universe and all she could think was if he loved Duo that much why was he with her?
"Relena?" Hilde called softly.. But as softly as it was it was enough for her. No not anymore not hers.. never had been apparently... The perfect soldier to hear. He stiffened head swinging around his eyes locked with hers quicksilver emotions came and went to quickly for her to make sense of them. "Relena."
Beneath him Duo struggled to stand. "Lena," he whispered. "god I ."
"Happy Birthday Duo. I'm sorry." She gave a glassy eyed smile. "I knocked but you didn't hear me so I waited until you finished." She husked
"Lena?" Hilde called out. Numbly Relena watched Duo's efforts to hastily dress in comparison to Heero's calm and methodical actions. Turning her head slightly she heard Hilde's rapid footsteps approaching stepping back she pulled the door to and turned stepping in front of the entrance. "Hey what's the hold up?"
"Hil," her first attempt faltered clearing her throat she dug deep and tried again but her tone sounded strained even to her own ears. "Hilde lets step down to the conference room and wait they
will meet us there." Hilde frowned studying the pale woman before her it seemed like every bit of the color and life had been leeched out of her.
"Relena?" Lifting blind eyes toward Quatre's hesitant voice she watched him wince. "Its all right Quatre." She heard her voice come from a distance. "Now just isn't a good time."
Hilde's expression cleared and she smiled reassuringly. "Hey it'll be fine it's his birthday after all I've never known him to pass up junk food. Relena?" She blinked her mind scrambled to make sense out of what Hilde just said and came up blank. Hilde frowned stepping around Relena she pushed the door open and trilled surprise.
"No Hilde, wait! " Relena made a belated grab and missed. Relena closed her eyes and waited for the obvious to become evident. The gasp the pained cry of betrayal she envied her that ability to give voice to it.
Her eyes snapped open when she felt her hand forced off her skirt and then clasped between the comforting warmth of two others lifting her eyes to his she clung to understanding she saw there like it was the only thing on earth keeping her sane. "
"Quatre it hurts." She lost track of how long they stood there eyes locked with each other him silently offering what comfort he could the sounds of anger and pleading followed with murmured explanations drifted away interspersed occasionally with Heero's flat tone.
Distantly she felt Hilde brush past her at a run and silence descend on the office. "Did you know?" He eyed her with eyes full of sorrow and pain.
"Duo and Heero never said a word." Relena squeezed his hand before slipping free she turned back into the room her mouth kicked up at the corner in a failed mimicry of a smile they stood at opposite ends of the room. She cleared her throat.
"Relena I."
"Don't." Meeting Heero's enigmatic look she seriously felt like she was loosing her mind the urge to take him apart with her bare hands was over whelming especially when he merely asked why she had come. She laughed cynically. "It's Duo's birthday Heero. Hilde asked me to pick her up so she could surprise him at his party. Surprise."
"Duo?" He lifted his troubled gaze to hers but she found looking at him painful so her eyes locked in on Heero's as she braced herself for the answer she knew before she opened her mouth.
"How long Duo? How long have you and Heero been seeing each other?" Interesting was that a slight flinch my Heero? What is there to flinch at now?
"Lena I."
"How long?"
"A while listen.."
"A while is that six months? Eight? A year, two, what Duo how long does it take to find the words to tell me we're screwing the same man?" He winced bracing himself he met her gaze with pleading eyes.
"We've seen each other on and off since right after Mariemaia." Her eyes slid closed before she could stop it she forced them open through sheer will moving close enough to reach out and touch Heero she held his gaze while she sought her answers from Duo.
"Seen? I guess from her reaction Hilde didn't know either?" She offered conversationally before bracing herself to address Heero. "It never bothered you, the lying the sneaking around? You couldn't trust me with the truth?"
"Relena."
Her eyebrow lifted, " Tell me Heero." She moved close enough that there bodies touched looking up into his eyes intently. "What do you see?" They shared a look his softened with some silent appeal regret love yearning? He lifted his hand to cup her cheek when she flinched moving abruptly beyond reach.
Swinging around she moved toward the door pausing in the entrance she glanced back her look encompassed them both. They stared fascinated some of the most dangerous men on the planet watching her with something akin to wariness and worry. Any other time disconcerting them would have been a triumph it was difficult to hold ones on with such strong personalities even on her best days unfortunately at the moment she couldn't enjoy much of anything.
"Congratulations gentleman love is a precious thing apparently you've found it." Relena bowed. "I'm sorry you felt you couldn't be honest with me in the beginning but what's done is done. I'm not so cruel as to bother you anymore."
"Relena wait."
Swing out of the room she paused glancing around for Quatre before continuing on with strides just short of running. Heero's voice hoarse with some unnamed emotion asking me to stop echoed in a relentless beat to match the rhythm of my steps. Slowing slightly Relena pulled out her cell phone.
"Agnes hmm no not tonight but I need two things I want a locksmith out to the house within the hour money is no object I want my locks changed now. Leave me a key, yes. You know where. Secondly I want Heero's things packed and sent to Duo's apartment. Yes I'm sure. Not now Agnes." Her voice cracked.
"Lets just say we've mutually agreed to some time apart. Thank you I appreciate your kind thoughts I want you and the staff to take a few days off." She winced. "No," she said firmly. "I appreciate it Agnes but I need some time alone once the locks are dealt with and Heero's things returned go on a holiday my treat hell take a month. Thank you yes I hope so too. Goodbye."
Rounding the corner she slammed into the second person for the night and like the first time she felt strong hands cup her shoulders to steady her. Unlike the first time she didn't scream. Glancing up quickly she took in the Asian features, the tightly restrained hair now shoulder length peace and time had done much to mature him still the trademark look of barely concealed impatience was a dead give away.
O lord not tonight. "I beg your pardon." Nodding she made to move around him.
"Minister? Quatre sent me to make sure you were all right."
Relena stopped. "Why wouldn't I be? And please for the love of god call me Relena if anyone can maintain propriety and decorum and still use my given name it would be you."
She felt him shrug more than saw him. "Very well. Relena. Only you could answer if you are alright."
She nodded, "your right. If you'll excuse me I must hurry." Once more she moved around him and continued on stiffening when he fell into step with her. Closing her eyes she stopped struggling for patience. "Was there something more I can do for you Colonel?"
His eyebrow lifted at her tone but other than that he ignored it. "With the lateness of the hour I thought I would escort you to your car. And if we are forsaking formality my name is Wufei"
Relena laughed tautly, her hands clenching. "Wufei I don't think the danger is assassins or terrorists I will be fine on my own so your escort while appreciated won't be necessary."
He stared at her his expression unreadable. "Lying doesn't become you." Relena blinked looking momentarily nonpulsed before she shook her head and continued on. "Do what you want I don't have time for this I have to catch Hilde."
"Schbeiker? Quatre went after her." Relena stopped yet again and stared at him blankly. "After her? Where is she? She can't leave I have her things in my car."
The corner of his mouth lifted slightly. "She is as reckless as Maxwell and over the years nothing I've seen has changed that assessment I doubt that would have stopped her." The scene in the office replayed in slow motion behind closed lids.
"Maybe not, she whispered hoarsely."
Her eyes snapped open at the hand on her forearm. "Ms. Darlian? Relena?" He amended. Focusing on the impersonal concern in his eyes she forced a conciliatory smile.
"I'm fine shall we then I don't want to trouble you any longer than necessary." Without waiting she moved on entering the elevator for the descent to the lobby a hundred and one inconsequential things ran thru her mind why was leaving taking three times longer than the trip inside had? Staring at the pale composed face looking back at her within the elevators polished walls her bare ear seemed to mock her no one knowing her would guess she had just had her world ripped apart yet again unless they looked into her eyes.
Maybe she wasn't meant to find happiness maybe in another life she had horribly wronged someone and now it was coming back to haunt her. A derisive smile twisted her mouth before sadness once more weighed her down. Not much longer she chanted then I can let my guard down. An uncomfortable silence had descended over the elevator and the ride downward while brief seemed rife with tension. Glancing out of the corner of her eye at Wufei it appeared here was another one that nothing bothered. Leaning back against the wall of the elevator with his eyes closed and arms crossed against his chest he reminded her of a panther she saw once at a preserve power and lethalness carefully reserved until needed. Lost in her thoughts she didn't realize the elevator had stopped and the doors opened until she felt him move to keep the doors from closing.
Wufei stood there staring at her with a thoughtful look on his face and she wondered what her own had revealed in those moments. Was the mask she used to hold the world at bay cracking? Relena swallowed feeling like her emotions were trying to choke her. Dismayed she realized Wufei had been holding the elevator doors open patiently waiting on her to exit. Nodding her thanks they entered the lobby the click of her heels echoed eerily around the nearly deserted building but try as she might she couldn't hear the steps of the man beside her. How ironic it seemed everything was determined to hammer home just how alone she truly was.
The shrill ringing of her cell phone dragged her from her self-pity into the present. "Darlian." Wufei moved to a respectful distance to her privacy and found himself watching with more curiosity than normal as a slight smile flitted across her face. "Quatre."
Concerned he watched as the sorrow descended once more what could have happened to make a strong woman so frail in such a short amount of time. "Where is she now? Alright tell her I'm coming over now to bring her things. Quatre is she sure this is what she wants to do?" Relena closed her eyes her hand absently rubbing the side of her temple. Very well I understand. I'll see you in a few minutes."
Closing the phone she stood there staring into space. "Relena?" She looked at him blankly. "Are you ready?" She looked at him with such pain and sorrow.
"No but then when has that mattered." Turning she slowly moved out the doors with him following thoughtfully behind they reached her car in silence but it was one now more comfortable than strained. Touching her arm to halt her he moved ahead to give the car a thorough going over before she entered once he was satisfied he opened her door and stepped courteously back. She moved to the driver side tossing her things in.
"Relena!" Glancing back over her shoulder she stiffened she didn't want to do this not now.
Wufei sighed impatiently, "baka he doesn't have the sense to know when it's time to hold and when to let go." Watching the emotions flicker across her face he chose his words with a care he seldom bothered to exercise she looked for the first time since he had known of her existence. Fragile.
"Maxwell will wait. You do not owe him peace of mind at the expense of your own." Looking at him she reminded him nothing more than of a bewildered child that had been punished for a transgression she couldn't comprehend. "You know?"
He stared at her enigmatically. "Only what your eyes tell me and Quatre's concern about your upset have shown me."
"Relena!" She turned again watching him run across the parking lot getting closer and closer. Looking Wufei in the eye a smile of thanks trembled and died but the questions in her eyes remained. "You surprise me Col Chang I had heard you loath weakness they neglected to say you could be merciful and kind."
He inclined his head. "Then we are both surprised this night because I would never have guessed you were the type to form an opinion on gossip."
Her voice broke slightly but other than that her expression remained composed. "Yes well I've had several of my certainties rocked tonight one has to utilize everything they can when it involves survival. You've been kind and discreet in you assistance tonight I thank you. I believe I will accept your advice and take my leave now before Mr. Maxwell arrives please give him my regrets about missing his party."
He nodded as she climbed in, other than the lifting of his eyebrow he said nothing further and for that she was thankful. Her reserves were running low right now and her trip in to hell had one more detour before she could lock herself in and grieve. Meeting his eyes through the glass she mouthed thank you as she pulled away never realizing that silent tears slid down her face already giving expression to her grief.
Wufei watched Duo run after the car a few feet before he swore turning his anger on him. "Damn it Wu you heard me calling her why didn't you stop her?"
"Because the woman didn't want to talk to you Maxwell wasn't that obvious?"
"Was she ok? Was Hilde with her?"
"No."
"What do you mean no?"
"She left earlier the Minister was going to meet her. And no she wasn't OK."
"Damn it we hurt them both." Rubbing his hands across his face he slumped. "I screwed up Wu."
"You're about to screw up again as you so eloquently put it. Stop calling me Wu." He studied Duo speculatively when he didn't rise to the taunt as he normally would. "Kisama Maxwell please tell me you weren't that stupid?" He asked incredulously.
Duo looked up staring at him in silent misery. "You were. Darlian caught you with Yuy and neither of you thought to prepare her beyond the obvious? Did you two really think Darlain would never find out? Or were you hoping she would find out on her own breaking Yuy's status quo?" Duo glared at him silently a moment before his head dropped hiding his expression. "Who or what are you mourning Maxwell Schibecker's friendship or Relena's?"
Duo's head snapped up again his eyes narrowed. "Relena? Since when did you call any woman other than Sally something other than onna or their last name? " Duo stared at Wufei intently but whatever he was thinking or feeling he couldn't tell his face remained unreadable in the shadowed light of the moon.
"Since she asked me to." He said simply. He shrugged there was no figuring Wufei unless he wanted you to he was like Heero that way shoving his hands into the pocket of his jeans his troubled gaze went again toward the direction the car disappeared.
"Amazing." Wufei continued thoughtfully. "Didn't the two of you ever once consider the consequences of your actions? Did you think because of her feelings for you she would miraculously ignore years worth of lies?" He shook his head staring at the direction the car disappeared. "Your right you have much to answer for." He turned back studying his silent companion. "Come nothing more can be accomplished now you'll have to try making reparation later. She cares for you both perhaps I'm wrong and that in the end will be enough."
Surprised she lifted her hand to her face tears slid continuously from her eyes as her mind went in circles trying to figure out where she went wrong. What more should I have or could have done or didn't do why couldn't two of the most important people in my life be honest enough with me to tell me the truth. Over the years she had clung to Duo and Quatre the most. Quatre became her sounding board, and mutual support when they were both waiting for their respective loves to get a clue. He Trowa. I Heero. I could count on and trust Quatre with my sanity when I felt my loneliest we both swam the murky waters dealing with the government.
Duo.. Duo became my best friend, my confidant to my most secret yearnings. With Duo as my guard the ache of Heero's long absence had been bearable he reminded me that Relena was just a girl and she needed to stop sometimes and remind herself what all the sacrifices had been for. He basically reminded me to live life to the fullest sometimes as a nagging little voice in my ear others as my friend and co-conspirator. If Quatre was my touchstone and Duo my soul then Heero was literally the heart of Relena Darlian, she shook her head o god now I question everything I knew and believed not only had I lost my friend, but my lover as well. I no longer know what I'm doing suddenly the path I could always see so clearly didn't exist anymore and I didn't have the first clue what I was going to do about it.
Hilde o god a harsh laugh that sounded more like a sob escaped how was I suppose to find the words to comfort her when I couldn't even comfort myself? I'd come across like a raving hypocrite. Swiping at my cheeks again I tried to regain control I was almost there now and Relena Darlian had to be strong confident an island unto herself it was a trick she had used many times and once you've done it enough you almost start to believe it yourself. That was my lot in life no matter how much I resisted everyone needed the knowledge that once more they could draw on me for strength whether I had it to spare or not.
So once more the Relena that was just a girl lost as everyone else retreated. The tears slowed inhaling several times deeply I stopped hitching with every other breath I took. The public persona stepped forward the one that had all the answers, the one who regardless the act turned the other cheek and that always smiled graciously through the pain.
Relena pulled into the entrance of the hotel and stopped while she was waiting for the attendant to park her car she nervously smoothed her hair back. When the door opened she pasted a distant yet gracious smile on her face and no hint of uncertainty or despair showed through her mask. "I need the bags in the trunk taken to Mr. Winner suite please." Then taking one last calming breath she moved into the hotel to try giving someone else the solace that eluded her.
February 2001