Title: So Close To Heaven
Author: Amber
Pairings: 1x2xR
Warnings: I have taken a few liberties with characters personalities. I'm trying something different; this will be a 1x2xR born from the frustration of Relena finds out stories. Frankly I don't like the idea someone has to be a looser.. If you disagree about character representation here then accept my apologies and please select another story with my blessing having said that one needs to also be aware I'm jumping into the deep end and including graphic lemon scenes in this story that may not suit everyone's taste. Please also avoid, if one is not of age for mature love scenes this story is not for you either. Thank you.
Disclaimer: Gundam belongs to Gundam and any scene or plot similarity to another person's story, movie or anime is purely coincidental.
So Close to Heaven
By: Amber
Chapter 4
Mellow music played softly from the car's speakers selected specifically to soothe over the rock music she normally gravitated toward. Except this night no peace of mind was to be found, no solutions imminent. She did find an irony in her choice of haunt her life began on the beach and now she had chosen it to run to in her time of sorrow. Nothing but more confusion and the on going hurt that so far hadn't relented.
You know I thought if I could remove the source of my temptation giving me the objectivity I desperately need once more good ole Relena would dreg up that crystal clarity, that intuitive thinking that everyone is always toting as my strength allowing me to make some hard choices reevaluate my perceptions. Guess the joke is on me. I couldn't tell anyone what the rest of the day was about much less what had happened yesterday. Or lord save me what tomorrow would even bring.
The slight roar of the waves pounding the beach could be heard from the interior of the car as the sea rushed into caress her shores. But as much as it appealed to walk the beach she knew if she did one way or another someone would find out and she would never hear the end. Besides she wasn't quite ready to die yet and the car did offer a bit more safety than an open stretch of beach. Her head fell back against the seat this was getting her nowhere she should go home. But she loath to move and if the truth were told there was less chance of running into Heero if she didn't.
God when had she become so cowardly? Maybe it was arrogance or folly or both to assume Heero even wanted to talk with her again. Eyes grew weighted as the soothing strains of music coupled with the steady rhythm of the waves rushing to shore carried her to that ethereal place somewhere between a light sleep and the land of dreams. Her body unable to fight the stress and the long hours deprived of rest finally surrendered to the temporary escape sleep offered and for a brief time all the doubts fears and sadness was put on hold.
* * * *
Heero leaned against the door jam watching her shrug into the suit blazer and adjust it. For all intent purposes no one looking at her would suspect her inner turmoil. But he wasn't just anyone he had watched her place last night when she hadn't come home he knew then his failure to factor in the unpredictability of her emotions was a serious strategic error.
Finally in the wee hours of the morning he had surrendered to the growing fear and entered the house to make sure she hadn't by some strange twist snuck past him. Moving through the silent house he stood in the shadowed light of her room staring at their bed with a sick dread. Heero clutched her pillow tightly like a talisman against his darkening thoughts. Impulsively he lifted it to his face and inhaled the sweet scent of wildflowers and something uniquely Relena it wrapped around his senses soothing and comforting him somewhat before the dull edge of the pain and the frustration he brought her from his miscalculation intensified. As the hour grew later his determination sharpened and honed to the single-minded purpose of fixing this no matter what.
Heero tiredly pinched the bridge of his nose idly noticing a build up of pressure behind his eyes as his thoughts had taken a darker and darker slant. She wasn't coming home not if she could avoid it that more than anything spoke volumes on just how much he had hurt her. 'Relena.'
If he had a shred of decency he would just walk away and leave her but he couldn't which was why he was in this mess in the first place. Once the training stopped, once the wars stopped, all there was left for him to do was live. But he hadn't been prepared for that prepped for killing, lying, betraying he had been taught to use his mind, body and soul if necessary to complete the mission regardless the cost. But no one had thought to prepare him for peace for living a life after the death and destruction.
What did he know about the unspoken rules that seemed to absorb from birth to adulthood about love, lovers, and relationships? Was he asking for the world to love.. to need two people equally to exist? And he knew deep down that wasn't an exaggeration the Heero before Duo and Relena could have walked away. Had his life went on without ever meeting them then that person could have used bodies for the gratification without the pain and uncertainty that accompanied this illusive mystery called love. But that boy was gone and as hard as things were he would only change one thing.
Duo had been right he screwed up he should have talked to Relena long ago but he had attributed his fears and uncertainties about her not understanding onto her without giving her a chance to decide for herself. That had to change he had to change. Very well if that was what had to happen to get her back then that's what he would do they would all move forward but together this time.
Heero straightened the time for introspection was over it was time to act. Moving silently into her office he watched her preparations for the day oblivious to his scrutiny. He could almost pity her. Almost. Relena never had a clue what she was letting herself in for when she chose to get involved with him. He had told her more than once she needed to let him go he was no good for her. She chose to ignore him escape for her was no longer an option not from the moment she pledged her heart and body to him.
Growing up as he did once his life became his own again he discovered a hunger and a need to hold tight to what he considered his. And she was his he failed her but not again he would make things right he would find a way to make a life with her and Duo this time. She picked up a brush and started running it through her hair closing the door he locked it then crossing his arms he leaned back against it patiently waiting for her to acknowledge his presence he had a mission now one of the most important ones of his life and he didn't intend to fail.
The soft click was the first thing that filtered into her thoughts and a strange sense of déjà vu surfaced immediately followed by that shiver that always preceded the awareness that Heero was near. Mentally she cringed as that little voice that had been poking at her most of the night to be sensible sarcastically chanted I told you so's.
Calmly setting the brush down she concentrated on keeping her hands steady as she discarded her usual chignon in favor for the simplicity and expediency of a simple French braid. The only problem was the closer she got to the bottom the more contrary her subconscious became and started dragging the process out. The soft sigh reached her even where she was and she knew she couldn't procrastinate any longer.
"I know you're aware I'm here stop pretending. You've been avoiding me.... Do you hate me so much now?" Relena paused in the middle of securing the end of her hair, head bent she murmured in a raspy whisper.
"I don't hate you or .. Duo."
"Then why wont you face me?"
Relena sighed she resumed her movements then slid her hair over her shoulder to fall in a thick rope to her butt. Drawing a calming breath she turned. Her eyes slowly took in the stance so familiar, the form so beloved, the eyes that rocked her world with each glance since she first found him so many years ago on that beach. She allowed herself one quick peek at the flash of diamond thru his unruly hair before she lowered her lashes shielding her thoughts from his searching gaze.
Heero frowned. At first he had been reassured with what he had glimpsed in her eyes. Relena's eyes were the windows to her soul but for the first time she hid from him. He had seen her over the years use various methods to insure her privacy but never had she tried to keep him at bay. The analytical side that never went away started cataloging and analyzing the various emotions he was experiencing and how to proceed when he was finished he considered how this occurrence made him feel he conceded the word that fit was. Hurt.
It hurt but it wasn't without a certain irony. He had spent years hiding first himself then his emotions from her now that he was ready to literally and figuratively stand his ground she was the one running. Straightening up off of the door he stalked across the room until he was standing close enough to touch her. He studied her face intently, what he was searching for she wasn't sure. His hand slowly lifted to cup her cheek eyes lids fluttered nervously then slid all the way closed anticipating his touch. Relena missed the flash of satisfaction that flickered across his face followed by uncertainty when she forced her eyes open and casually moved away she took her place behind her desk trying to give herself a much-needed psychological boost.
His eyes narrowed. "We need to talk," he said abruptly.
She lifted her hand to stop him. "I think I know what you're going to say and its not necessary Heero we made no promises to one another. I can't deny I'm not hurt but first and for most I've always wanted your happiness above all else and if that is best accomplished with Duo then there is nothing left to say but be happy."
He blinked startled. "What are you talking about?"
"Er you saying goodbye?"
His face closed revealing nothing. "Are you telling me you don't want to see me anymore?"
Relena's eyes widened, "of course not."
Puzzled he eyed her cautiously. "I thought Duo said he talked to you?"
"He apologized," she hedged. Heero sighed this wasn't getting them anywhere he moved toward the desk and Relena straightened stepping back she crossed her arms. Observing her body language he paused.
"Stop running from me. I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth." He watched her standing there all closed off and was reminded how out of his league he was at opening up.
"Relena." He moved slowly around the desk only to have her go around the other side.
"Would you like some coffee Heero?"
"Don't."
She flinched, swinging around. "Don't what?" She said exasperated.
"Don't do this you've been avoiding me since I walked through the door. Are you afraid of me he blurted." She looked momentarily nonpulsed. "Don't be ridiculous."
"Then why are you so distant?"
"I just don't have allot of time I have the.."
"I know I was suppose to be on the security detail." He interjected.
She grew silent. "Yes well.."
"You had me removed. Why?"
Her head snapped up. "O I don't know Heero I walked in on my lover screwing someone I thought was my best friend and neither one of you thought I should know. Maybe I thought we all needed some time apart to think objectively."
"Is that what you were doing last night thinking?"
She drew a calming breath. "I tried to."
"I waited for you."
Her eyes narrowed. "I changed the locks."
He shrugged, "I got in." She spun away from him of course he did she made a disgusted noise.
"I was angry, I was hurt damn it Heero you hurt me, he hurt me. What's worse is he saw you all that time without telling me all the while all it would have took was a word a gesture to ease my mind. Did he though? Did you? Hell No. Then he's going to bully his way in here insisting." She waved her hands erratically as she searched for words.. "I don't think so.."
"Insisting." He prompted softly as he silently moved closer.
She let out a long breath."That he was attracted to me as well."
"He is." His voice sounded allot closer than she anticipated startled she swung around and found herself in his arms. She stiffened. "Easy. I suspect he has been since that first time on the dock so many years ago."
She met the gentleness of his gaze with a troubled one.. "Doesn't that bother you?"
His mouth quirked slightly. "Only if you didn't love me."
"Heero what do you want from me?"
"You."
A smile lit her face but it gave him no comfort it held such regret that his anxiety increased another level and with it his grip on her waist tightened imperceptibly. "You had me Heero apparently it wasn't enough."
He shook his head, "you know things are rarely black and white. I warned you being in my life was risky you made your choice. The time to run was long ago."
"You have me in your life you don't stop loving that easy or quickly just because someone hurts you."
"Relena please.." She lifted her hand and brushed his bangs back.
"Poor Heero so lost and confused I can't help you. I'm just as lost and confused as you are."
"What do you want me to do? Tell me what you want?" He whispered.
"I don't know."
"I won't let you leave me," his eyes glittered with pain and determination. "Your so deep in here." His fist lifted and he laid it over his heart. "I didn't understand how much until I realized I could loose you. We can't go back and you already know I'm not perfect can't we start over from there?" The subtle beep of the vid phone activating caused her to jump visibly pulling herself together she reluctantly pulled away. Relena walked to her desk.
"Darlian."
"Minister your car is here and Col Chang has just arrived."
"Thank you Kathy. Tell the driver I'll be right there. Ask Col. Chang to please wait a moment more and offer him some refreshment while I finish up in here."
She clasped her hands tightly before turning to stare pensively at Heero. "I don't know. I've loved you for so long that won't change. But I don't know what to do. I've grown to love Duo in my own way but he wants to test that and see what if any boundaries exist with it. What if we try this and instead of making us stronger it tears us apart? What if and I do mean If we get past the hurt to try this and it makes our lives so hard we loose what good we do have? And have you thought about what others will say?"
She lifted her hand to stop the words she intuitively sensed were coming. "Wait. Hear me out. You were uncomfortable with the world knowing about you and I. Think about how we'll be hounded if they learn the Foreign Minister is involved in a ménage a trois . And even if we try to keep our personal lives private are you willing to take the chance? Knowing the risk of exposure is always there? Is Duo?"
She bent down pulling her briefcase out. "All those questions have been circling around buzzing like angry little bees since Duo dropped his little surprise on me. But more importantly if I hadn't walked in on you that night would you have ever told me Heero? Or would things have gone on as they were indefinitely? You see you had him all those years and you obviously love him I guess I can't see why you need me you managed quite well it seems without me. Would you have ever trusted me enough to let me in? Would Duo have finally told Hilde? He held my secrets, my trust, you my heart, but I didn't have his or yours. You see?"
She walked to the door staring back at him wanly. "I have to ask myself after appearing to endure the relative comfortableness of silence all this time why the sudden overwhelming hunger for the three of us in a relationship with each other?" Relena glanced away before she began speaking again in a hesitant tone. "I stood there in the doorway watching you and Duo for some time. Shall I tell you what I saw Heero?"
"The same thing you would see when I'm with you." he said fiercely. "Are you asking me to choose?" He asked flatly.
Her mouth kicked up slightly at the corners. "Do you believe I would ask?" She countered curiously.
The knock on the door when it came while not unexpected was not welcome. Heero glanced away from her long enough to glare at the intrusion. "Minister your transportation is waiting if we want to keep to the schedule we need to be leaving."
Wufei's voiced carried through the door as she continued to hold his gaze solemnly. "It's time for me to go."
He started forward as if to protest but stopped crossing his arms his face became unreadable. His tone was barely audible but it was enough for her to hear it. "I don't believe you would." She blinked confused then her face softened. The pinched look around her eyes disappeared as she acknowledged his words.
"Goodbye, Heero." She turned to unlock the door.
"Relena.. believe in me one more time." His eyes entreated her. His voice once more working its spell on her senses. She closed her eyes trying to block out the temptation and it was tempting. How many times had she secretly thought if she could take part of Heero and Duo and combine them she would have the kind of man every woman dreamt of? And honesty compelled her to admit two handsome men both claiming to love her was flattering. If she allowed herself to believe.
"I don't know." she whispered. "Would you have ever told me about you and Duo?"
He stared at her silently with eyes that held so many conflicting emotions. Relena smiled wistfully. "And that's why I'm stuck unable to go forward impossible to turn back. Some would say an insignificant thing in light of what I would gain believe me I don't like this limbo any more than you." Relena opened the door nodding at Wufei as he appeared in the opening she glanced back for a moment before walking away.
Wufei and Heero stared measuring each other silently. "Bring her back safely." Wufei inclined his head and turned away.
* * * *
Heero let himself into the apartment and listlessly dropped his keys on the counter. A small smile lightened his brooding features as he followed the off key singing into the bathroom. Nudging the door open he squinted through the steam filled room to the figure beyond. Moving inside he started shrugging out of his clothes as he made his way across the floor to the shower. Opening the door he slipped inside.
"Shit Heero. You took a year off my life. Where you been? Never mind." Duo cupped Heero's face trailing kisses along the path the water droplets took until he reached his mouth. He flicked his tongue over his lips before he pulled back and smiled into Heero's eyes. "I missed you last night."
Duo slid his hand down and cupped Heero's erection stroking and squeezing it in a slow lazy rhythm. "Nice very nice. I think you missed me to." Duo bent licking a bead of water at the hollow of his neck before gently mouthing the skin. He smiled when Heero moaned and tilted his head to allow him better access. Bemused he blinked then forced himself to gaze into Duo's grinning countenance. He had withdrawn his hands from Heero's crotch but apparently he wasn't done yet because he felt his teeth nip his ear lobe.
Pulling away Duo grabbed the soap working it between his palms. "Duo.."
"Shh patience." He pushed Heero back against the wall of the shower. Then slid his lathered hands across his shoulders and chest before lightly sliding them up both sides of Heero's throat.
Gliding upwards Duo used his thumbs against Hero's jaw to gently tilt his face up. Softly Duo brushed his lips across Heero's flicking his tongue across his top lip he drew back enough to catch the bottom between his teeth before letting go. Heero moaned hoarsely. "Don't tease."
Duo's mouth curved in a smile. "Who's teasing? Have I told you I like the earring? Sexy, very sexy. Lena's got good taste." He husked.
Duo covered Heero's mouth languidly savoring the taste before sliding his tongue within. Leaning against Heero he ground his cock against him in a steady circular motion. The steamy warmth of his body was slippery and wet beneath his hand and he shivered at the erotic sensation of skin on skin. He writhed helplessly trying to press closer to the highly defined torso.
Duo pulled back taking in the hazy pleasure tightening Heero's normally impassive face while increasing the pace of his hips against his. "You like?"
Heero blinked hazily before sinking a trembling hand deep into Duo's hair and fisting it. "You talk to much." Jerking him forward, he slammed his mouth down on top of Duo's. His warm mouth repeatedly kissed, nibbled, and sucked, tongues twining together pouring into it all his hunger and need.
Drawing back breathless Duo laughed. Grabbing Heero's shoulders he spun him pressing his front against the cool tile. "Your impatient tonight aren't you?"
Pressing his rigid length against Heero. Duo brushed soapy hands across his shoulders then glided down the middle of his back before rising once more to firmly kneed his shoulders. His hand inched downward brushing a soapy finger along the crack of his rear then thrust his knee between Heero's legs. "Is this what you want hmm?"
Duo slipped his finger deeper between his legs and lightly rubbed it against the twin sacs. "Duo." He groaned. "Enough.."
Duo leaned in placing his lips against his ear. Heero shivered. The warm breath sent quivers down his body as his already overloaded system tried to hang on a little bit longer. "You didn't answer me.. all you have to do is tell me what you want."
He withdrew the finger languorously drawing teasing circles on his balls and slid it tauntingly against his opening as Heero pushed back pleadingly against his finger. "Ah uh that's cheating."
Duo slid in a bit slightly working it Heero whimpered. "You.." Duo laughed huskily. He pushed in deeper then pulled all the way out. Heero protested reaching back he grabbed Duo's rear. Letting his head fall back against Duo shoulder his hands tensely massaged Duo's cheeks spreading them wider and wider with each motion of his hands.
"Hmm much better but that was a who Heero. I want to know what you want?"
Duo slid the finger slowly back in and continued to skillfully work his body never increasing his strokes yet keeping them shallow and steady barely grazing the prostate. Heero's moans were constant now as Duo leaned his forehead against Heero's back.
"You better hurry and decide how you want me to finish." He slid another finger in increasing the stroke and changing the angle.
Shaking Heero rocked back harder with his thrusts, trying to drive Duo deeper. "End it I want you. hard .. fast.. Stop the ache.."
"About time." Slowly withdrawing his fingers Heero whimpered. "Alright alright." Sliding his hands down Heero's arms until he reached his hands he laced their fingers together guiding upward to the edge glass partition to the shower. Placing Heero's hands there with the unspoken understanding to keep them there. He slowly trailed his hands down the center of Heero's back.
Cupping his hands Duo firmly grasped his cock sliding it through soapy hands his head fell back and a mewling cry escaped. It felt so good. He was so close one stroke more. o god yes just one more he whimpered. Another I can get in another. Yessss almost there.. No... Clenching his cheeks Duo bit his lip not yet.
Pulling back from the edged he massaged Heero's rear gradually spreading it wider and wider. He brushed against him teasingly once more before he slowly pushing into his body finally giving Heero and himself what they both wanted. Sliding his hands up over Heero's he interlocked them together and buried himself to the hilt in Heero's body. Duo hung there shaking he had almost waited to late this time. Closing his eyes he savored the tightness. the reflexive clenching of his anus in anticipation of ecstasy. Leaning in close to Heero's ear he whispered.
"Is that what you wanted?" He laughed as Heero mumbled something under his breath.
Releasing his fingers Duo tightly gripped Heero's waist then wrapped a soapy hand around Heero's erection slowly pulling out almost all the way he thrust back in keeping a slow steady rhythm. For a while it eased the ache somewhat until the edge became unbearable their whimpers now were in concert and bordering on just short of agony. The warm water pounded their already sensitive skin and coupled with the cool slick feel of flesh it was too much Duo could taste his release right there on the back of his throat.
Increasing the pace another notch Duo slammed into Heero harder and harder now. it seemed a race to see who came first as Heero pushed back impaling himself over and over driving Duo deeper into his body. Duo felt his ejaculation start. Though fragmented he became frantic in his desire for completion. Tiny pinpricks of light dotted his vision. Letting his lids flutter and close a hoarse moan escaped through gritted teeth his hips continued to pump helplessly a slave to his orgasm. When he felt Heero jerk convulsively against him and join him.
Heero growled as his body shuddered for what seemed like an endlessly period then weep sticky seed down Duo's arm and hand. Duo still rocked languorously against his lover, comforted by the continued connection. Leaning his head against Heero he let the warm water sooth his tired body before found the energy to lift up and drop a kiss on Heero's shoulder.
Duo pulled him back against his chest and wrapped his arms around him. " Remind me to thank the water processing facility for the unfailing hot water.." Heero choked back a laugh.
* * * *
The light from the bathroom lit the room enough to define the objects within yet dark enough to ease and aid those baring their soul. Even if the person with them was a part of that soul admitting hopes and fears to yourself was one thing to another continued to remain hard to do. The body stretched out along his gently slid fingers through the damp tresses. There was almost a hypnotic quality to it that soothed as much as it stirred. Duo wanted nothing more than to lay here and savor the easy boneless feeling. But he knew neither one of them would really rest until they addressed what was on both of their minds.
"Did you see her?" The fingers paused then resumed their repeated path.
"Yes," he whispered.
"Is she still angry?" The chest beneath him shifted as Heero drew in a deep breath. He considered his answer carefully.
"No not angry."
"You want to talk about it?" Duo moved up crossing his arms over Heero's chest he leaned down and rested his chin on his hands as he studied him thoughtfully. Heero's mouth quirked sadly. "I don't think it will do any good."
"Then you have nothing to loose." Duo said solemnly.
"True my silence has already destroyed something precious." he said broodingly.
Duo shrugged. "I don't believe that."
"No?" Heero cut him a sharp look.
"No."
Heero stared into the shadows his expression distant. "She doesn't believe us Duo."
He frowned. "What do you mean?"
"She doesn't believe in me anymore.. Even in the darkest times I could look into her eyes and see an unswerving belief in something beautiful.. within me."
Duo smiled teasingly, trying to lighten his mood. "I've always thought so."
"Not anymore."
Duo frowned. "Heero, I don't.."
"I've always felt beautiful in her eyes. Inside especially where it shows the least. She was the first to see me at my worst, see past all the walls the silence. The death and destruction and still love me for me."
"She still does Heero right now she's hurt and angry but she has one of the most forgiving souls. I swear to god she scares me at times with just how forgiving she is. But I know how you feel though. When she looked at me yesterday her eyes so heartbroken I bled inside for each tear she cried."
"She'll forgive us but will she come back to us?" Heero murmured with a far off look. "She thinks we're lying or we pity her. She refuses to believe after keeping you and I secret for so long that we now desperately want her love. She called it a Ménage a trois. Nothing I said or tried worked she was so distant."
Duo sighed leaning down he kissed Heero's chest where his heart lay then placed his ear against the area to listen to it's reassuring beat. "What else?"
"Hn?"
"What are you not you telling me?"
"She asked me if she hadn't caught me would I ever have told her the truth."
"What did you say?" he said softly.
"Nothing. I failed and because I didn't find the words she can't believe we're being truthful now."
"Then we'll tell her over and over again as many times as she needs to hear it until she believes us. And if that doesn't work we'll show her. Whatever it takes we'll do it."
Author: Amber
Pairings: 1x2xR
Warnings: I have taken a few liberties with characters personalities. I'm trying something different; this will be a 1x2xR born from the frustration of Relena finds out stories. Frankly I don't like the idea someone has to be a looser.. If you disagree about character representation here then accept my apologies and please select another story with my blessing having said that one needs to also be aware I'm jumping into the deep end and including graphic lemon scenes in this story that may not suit everyone's taste. Please also avoid, if one is not of age for mature love scenes this story is not for you either. Thank you.
Disclaimer: Gundam belongs to Gundam and any scene or plot similarity to another person's story, movie or anime is purely coincidental.
So Close to Heaven
By: Amber
Chapter 4
Mellow music played softly from the car's speakers selected specifically to soothe over the rock music she normally gravitated toward. Except this night no peace of mind was to be found, no solutions imminent. She did find an irony in her choice of haunt her life began on the beach and now she had chosen it to run to in her time of sorrow. Nothing but more confusion and the on going hurt that so far hadn't relented.
You know I thought if I could remove the source of my temptation giving me the objectivity I desperately need once more good ole Relena would dreg up that crystal clarity, that intuitive thinking that everyone is always toting as my strength allowing me to make some hard choices reevaluate my perceptions. Guess the joke is on me. I couldn't tell anyone what the rest of the day was about much less what had happened yesterday. Or lord save me what tomorrow would even bring.
The slight roar of the waves pounding the beach could be heard from the interior of the car as the sea rushed into caress her shores. But as much as it appealed to walk the beach she knew if she did one way or another someone would find out and she would never hear the end. Besides she wasn't quite ready to die yet and the car did offer a bit more safety than an open stretch of beach. Her head fell back against the seat this was getting her nowhere she should go home. But she loath to move and if the truth were told there was less chance of running into Heero if she didn't.
God when had she become so cowardly? Maybe it was arrogance or folly or both to assume Heero even wanted to talk with her again. Eyes grew weighted as the soothing strains of music coupled with the steady rhythm of the waves rushing to shore carried her to that ethereal place somewhere between a light sleep and the land of dreams. Her body unable to fight the stress and the long hours deprived of rest finally surrendered to the temporary escape sleep offered and for a brief time all the doubts fears and sadness was put on hold.
* * * *
Heero leaned against the door jam watching her shrug into the suit blazer and adjust it. For all intent purposes no one looking at her would suspect her inner turmoil. But he wasn't just anyone he had watched her place last night when she hadn't come home he knew then his failure to factor in the unpredictability of her emotions was a serious strategic error.
Finally in the wee hours of the morning he had surrendered to the growing fear and entered the house to make sure she hadn't by some strange twist snuck past him. Moving through the silent house he stood in the shadowed light of her room staring at their bed with a sick dread. Heero clutched her pillow tightly like a talisman against his darkening thoughts. Impulsively he lifted it to his face and inhaled the sweet scent of wildflowers and something uniquely Relena it wrapped around his senses soothing and comforting him somewhat before the dull edge of the pain and the frustration he brought her from his miscalculation intensified. As the hour grew later his determination sharpened and honed to the single-minded purpose of fixing this no matter what.
Heero tiredly pinched the bridge of his nose idly noticing a build up of pressure behind his eyes as his thoughts had taken a darker and darker slant. She wasn't coming home not if she could avoid it that more than anything spoke volumes on just how much he had hurt her. 'Relena.'
If he had a shred of decency he would just walk away and leave her but he couldn't which was why he was in this mess in the first place. Once the training stopped, once the wars stopped, all there was left for him to do was live. But he hadn't been prepared for that prepped for killing, lying, betraying he had been taught to use his mind, body and soul if necessary to complete the mission regardless the cost. But no one had thought to prepare him for peace for living a life after the death and destruction.
What did he know about the unspoken rules that seemed to absorb from birth to adulthood about love, lovers, and relationships? Was he asking for the world to love.. to need two people equally to exist? And he knew deep down that wasn't an exaggeration the Heero before Duo and Relena could have walked away. Had his life went on without ever meeting them then that person could have used bodies for the gratification without the pain and uncertainty that accompanied this illusive mystery called love. But that boy was gone and as hard as things were he would only change one thing.
Duo had been right he screwed up he should have talked to Relena long ago but he had attributed his fears and uncertainties about her not understanding onto her without giving her a chance to decide for herself. That had to change he had to change. Very well if that was what had to happen to get her back then that's what he would do they would all move forward but together this time.
Heero straightened the time for introspection was over it was time to act. Moving silently into her office he watched her preparations for the day oblivious to his scrutiny. He could almost pity her. Almost. Relena never had a clue what she was letting herself in for when she chose to get involved with him. He had told her more than once she needed to let him go he was no good for her. She chose to ignore him escape for her was no longer an option not from the moment she pledged her heart and body to him.
Growing up as he did once his life became his own again he discovered a hunger and a need to hold tight to what he considered his. And she was his he failed her but not again he would make things right he would find a way to make a life with her and Duo this time. She picked up a brush and started running it through her hair closing the door he locked it then crossing his arms he leaned back against it patiently waiting for her to acknowledge his presence he had a mission now one of the most important ones of his life and he didn't intend to fail.
The soft click was the first thing that filtered into her thoughts and a strange sense of déjà vu surfaced immediately followed by that shiver that always preceded the awareness that Heero was near. Mentally she cringed as that little voice that had been poking at her most of the night to be sensible sarcastically chanted I told you so's.
Calmly setting the brush down she concentrated on keeping her hands steady as she discarded her usual chignon in favor for the simplicity and expediency of a simple French braid. The only problem was the closer she got to the bottom the more contrary her subconscious became and started dragging the process out. The soft sigh reached her even where she was and she knew she couldn't procrastinate any longer.
"I know you're aware I'm here stop pretending. You've been avoiding me.... Do you hate me so much now?" Relena paused in the middle of securing the end of her hair, head bent she murmured in a raspy whisper.
"I don't hate you or .. Duo."
"Then why wont you face me?"
Relena sighed she resumed her movements then slid her hair over her shoulder to fall in a thick rope to her butt. Drawing a calming breath she turned. Her eyes slowly took in the stance so familiar, the form so beloved, the eyes that rocked her world with each glance since she first found him so many years ago on that beach. She allowed herself one quick peek at the flash of diamond thru his unruly hair before she lowered her lashes shielding her thoughts from his searching gaze.
Heero frowned. At first he had been reassured with what he had glimpsed in her eyes. Relena's eyes were the windows to her soul but for the first time she hid from him. He had seen her over the years use various methods to insure her privacy but never had she tried to keep him at bay. The analytical side that never went away started cataloging and analyzing the various emotions he was experiencing and how to proceed when he was finished he considered how this occurrence made him feel he conceded the word that fit was. Hurt.
It hurt but it wasn't without a certain irony. He had spent years hiding first himself then his emotions from her now that he was ready to literally and figuratively stand his ground she was the one running. Straightening up off of the door he stalked across the room until he was standing close enough to touch her. He studied her face intently, what he was searching for she wasn't sure. His hand slowly lifted to cup her cheek eyes lids fluttered nervously then slid all the way closed anticipating his touch. Relena missed the flash of satisfaction that flickered across his face followed by uncertainty when she forced her eyes open and casually moved away she took her place behind her desk trying to give herself a much-needed psychological boost.
His eyes narrowed. "We need to talk," he said abruptly.
She lifted her hand to stop him. "I think I know what you're going to say and its not necessary Heero we made no promises to one another. I can't deny I'm not hurt but first and for most I've always wanted your happiness above all else and if that is best accomplished with Duo then there is nothing left to say but be happy."
He blinked startled. "What are you talking about?"
"Er you saying goodbye?"
His face closed revealing nothing. "Are you telling me you don't want to see me anymore?"
Relena's eyes widened, "of course not."
Puzzled he eyed her cautiously. "I thought Duo said he talked to you?"
"He apologized," she hedged. Heero sighed this wasn't getting them anywhere he moved toward the desk and Relena straightened stepping back she crossed her arms. Observing her body language he paused.
"Stop running from me. I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth." He watched her standing there all closed off and was reminded how out of his league he was at opening up.
"Relena." He moved slowly around the desk only to have her go around the other side.
"Would you like some coffee Heero?"
"Don't."
She flinched, swinging around. "Don't what?" She said exasperated.
"Don't do this you've been avoiding me since I walked through the door. Are you afraid of me he blurted." She looked momentarily nonpulsed. "Don't be ridiculous."
"Then why are you so distant?"
"I just don't have allot of time I have the.."
"I know I was suppose to be on the security detail." He interjected.
She grew silent. "Yes well.."
"You had me removed. Why?"
Her head snapped up. "O I don't know Heero I walked in on my lover screwing someone I thought was my best friend and neither one of you thought I should know. Maybe I thought we all needed some time apart to think objectively."
"Is that what you were doing last night thinking?"
She drew a calming breath. "I tried to."
"I waited for you."
Her eyes narrowed. "I changed the locks."
He shrugged, "I got in." She spun away from him of course he did she made a disgusted noise.
"I was angry, I was hurt damn it Heero you hurt me, he hurt me. What's worse is he saw you all that time without telling me all the while all it would have took was a word a gesture to ease my mind. Did he though? Did you? Hell No. Then he's going to bully his way in here insisting." She waved her hands erratically as she searched for words.. "I don't think so.."
"Insisting." He prompted softly as he silently moved closer.
She let out a long breath."That he was attracted to me as well."
"He is." His voice sounded allot closer than she anticipated startled she swung around and found herself in his arms. She stiffened. "Easy. I suspect he has been since that first time on the dock so many years ago."
She met the gentleness of his gaze with a troubled one.. "Doesn't that bother you?"
His mouth quirked slightly. "Only if you didn't love me."
"Heero what do you want from me?"
"You."
A smile lit her face but it gave him no comfort it held such regret that his anxiety increased another level and with it his grip on her waist tightened imperceptibly. "You had me Heero apparently it wasn't enough."
He shook his head, "you know things are rarely black and white. I warned you being in my life was risky you made your choice. The time to run was long ago."
"You have me in your life you don't stop loving that easy or quickly just because someone hurts you."
"Relena please.." She lifted her hand and brushed his bangs back.
"Poor Heero so lost and confused I can't help you. I'm just as lost and confused as you are."
"What do you want me to do? Tell me what you want?" He whispered.
"I don't know."
"I won't let you leave me," his eyes glittered with pain and determination. "Your so deep in here." His fist lifted and he laid it over his heart. "I didn't understand how much until I realized I could loose you. We can't go back and you already know I'm not perfect can't we start over from there?" The subtle beep of the vid phone activating caused her to jump visibly pulling herself together she reluctantly pulled away. Relena walked to her desk.
"Darlian."
"Minister your car is here and Col Chang has just arrived."
"Thank you Kathy. Tell the driver I'll be right there. Ask Col. Chang to please wait a moment more and offer him some refreshment while I finish up in here."
She clasped her hands tightly before turning to stare pensively at Heero. "I don't know. I've loved you for so long that won't change. But I don't know what to do. I've grown to love Duo in my own way but he wants to test that and see what if any boundaries exist with it. What if we try this and instead of making us stronger it tears us apart? What if and I do mean If we get past the hurt to try this and it makes our lives so hard we loose what good we do have? And have you thought about what others will say?"
She lifted her hand to stop the words she intuitively sensed were coming. "Wait. Hear me out. You were uncomfortable with the world knowing about you and I. Think about how we'll be hounded if they learn the Foreign Minister is involved in a ménage a trois . And even if we try to keep our personal lives private are you willing to take the chance? Knowing the risk of exposure is always there? Is Duo?"
She bent down pulling her briefcase out. "All those questions have been circling around buzzing like angry little bees since Duo dropped his little surprise on me. But more importantly if I hadn't walked in on you that night would you have ever told me Heero? Or would things have gone on as they were indefinitely? You see you had him all those years and you obviously love him I guess I can't see why you need me you managed quite well it seems without me. Would you have ever trusted me enough to let me in? Would Duo have finally told Hilde? He held my secrets, my trust, you my heart, but I didn't have his or yours. You see?"
She walked to the door staring back at him wanly. "I have to ask myself after appearing to endure the relative comfortableness of silence all this time why the sudden overwhelming hunger for the three of us in a relationship with each other?" Relena glanced away before she began speaking again in a hesitant tone. "I stood there in the doorway watching you and Duo for some time. Shall I tell you what I saw Heero?"
"The same thing you would see when I'm with you." he said fiercely. "Are you asking me to choose?" He asked flatly.
Her mouth kicked up slightly at the corners. "Do you believe I would ask?" She countered curiously.
The knock on the door when it came while not unexpected was not welcome. Heero glanced away from her long enough to glare at the intrusion. "Minister your transportation is waiting if we want to keep to the schedule we need to be leaving."
Wufei's voiced carried through the door as she continued to hold his gaze solemnly. "It's time for me to go."
He started forward as if to protest but stopped crossing his arms his face became unreadable. His tone was barely audible but it was enough for her to hear it. "I don't believe you would." She blinked confused then her face softened. The pinched look around her eyes disappeared as she acknowledged his words.
"Goodbye, Heero." She turned to unlock the door.
"Relena.. believe in me one more time." His eyes entreated her. His voice once more working its spell on her senses. She closed her eyes trying to block out the temptation and it was tempting. How many times had she secretly thought if she could take part of Heero and Duo and combine them she would have the kind of man every woman dreamt of? And honesty compelled her to admit two handsome men both claiming to love her was flattering. If she allowed herself to believe.
"I don't know." she whispered. "Would you have ever told me about you and Duo?"
He stared at her silently with eyes that held so many conflicting emotions. Relena smiled wistfully. "And that's why I'm stuck unable to go forward impossible to turn back. Some would say an insignificant thing in light of what I would gain believe me I don't like this limbo any more than you." Relena opened the door nodding at Wufei as he appeared in the opening she glanced back for a moment before walking away.
Wufei and Heero stared measuring each other silently. "Bring her back safely." Wufei inclined his head and turned away.
* * * *
Heero let himself into the apartment and listlessly dropped his keys on the counter. A small smile lightened his brooding features as he followed the off key singing into the bathroom. Nudging the door open he squinted through the steam filled room to the figure beyond. Moving inside he started shrugging out of his clothes as he made his way across the floor to the shower. Opening the door he slipped inside.
"Shit Heero. You took a year off my life. Where you been? Never mind." Duo cupped Heero's face trailing kisses along the path the water droplets took until he reached his mouth. He flicked his tongue over his lips before he pulled back and smiled into Heero's eyes. "I missed you last night."
Duo slid his hand down and cupped Heero's erection stroking and squeezing it in a slow lazy rhythm. "Nice very nice. I think you missed me to." Duo bent licking a bead of water at the hollow of his neck before gently mouthing the skin. He smiled when Heero moaned and tilted his head to allow him better access. Bemused he blinked then forced himself to gaze into Duo's grinning countenance. He had withdrawn his hands from Heero's crotch but apparently he wasn't done yet because he felt his teeth nip his ear lobe.
Pulling away Duo grabbed the soap working it between his palms. "Duo.."
"Shh patience." He pushed Heero back against the wall of the shower. Then slid his lathered hands across his shoulders and chest before lightly sliding them up both sides of Heero's throat.
Gliding upwards Duo used his thumbs against Hero's jaw to gently tilt his face up. Softly Duo brushed his lips across Heero's flicking his tongue across his top lip he drew back enough to catch the bottom between his teeth before letting go. Heero moaned hoarsely. "Don't tease."
Duo's mouth curved in a smile. "Who's teasing? Have I told you I like the earring? Sexy, very sexy. Lena's got good taste." He husked.
Duo covered Heero's mouth languidly savoring the taste before sliding his tongue within. Leaning against Heero he ground his cock against him in a steady circular motion. The steamy warmth of his body was slippery and wet beneath his hand and he shivered at the erotic sensation of skin on skin. He writhed helplessly trying to press closer to the highly defined torso.
Duo pulled back taking in the hazy pleasure tightening Heero's normally impassive face while increasing the pace of his hips against his. "You like?"
Heero blinked hazily before sinking a trembling hand deep into Duo's hair and fisting it. "You talk to much." Jerking him forward, he slammed his mouth down on top of Duo's. His warm mouth repeatedly kissed, nibbled, and sucked, tongues twining together pouring into it all his hunger and need.
Drawing back breathless Duo laughed. Grabbing Heero's shoulders he spun him pressing his front against the cool tile. "Your impatient tonight aren't you?"
Pressing his rigid length against Heero. Duo brushed soapy hands across his shoulders then glided down the middle of his back before rising once more to firmly kneed his shoulders. His hand inched downward brushing a soapy finger along the crack of his rear then thrust his knee between Heero's legs. "Is this what you want hmm?"
Duo slipped his finger deeper between his legs and lightly rubbed it against the twin sacs. "Duo." He groaned. "Enough.."
Duo leaned in placing his lips against his ear. Heero shivered. The warm breath sent quivers down his body as his already overloaded system tried to hang on a little bit longer. "You didn't answer me.. all you have to do is tell me what you want."
He withdrew the finger languorously drawing teasing circles on his balls and slid it tauntingly against his opening as Heero pushed back pleadingly against his finger. "Ah uh that's cheating."
Duo slid in a bit slightly working it Heero whimpered. "You.." Duo laughed huskily. He pushed in deeper then pulled all the way out. Heero protested reaching back he grabbed Duo's rear. Letting his head fall back against Duo shoulder his hands tensely massaged Duo's cheeks spreading them wider and wider with each motion of his hands.
"Hmm much better but that was a who Heero. I want to know what you want?"
Duo slid the finger slowly back in and continued to skillfully work his body never increasing his strokes yet keeping them shallow and steady barely grazing the prostate. Heero's moans were constant now as Duo leaned his forehead against Heero's back.
"You better hurry and decide how you want me to finish." He slid another finger in increasing the stroke and changing the angle.
Shaking Heero rocked back harder with his thrusts, trying to drive Duo deeper. "End it I want you. hard .. fast.. Stop the ache.."
"About time." Slowly withdrawing his fingers Heero whimpered. "Alright alright." Sliding his hands down Heero's arms until he reached his hands he laced their fingers together guiding upward to the edge glass partition to the shower. Placing Heero's hands there with the unspoken understanding to keep them there. He slowly trailed his hands down the center of Heero's back.
Cupping his hands Duo firmly grasped his cock sliding it through soapy hands his head fell back and a mewling cry escaped. It felt so good. He was so close one stroke more. o god yes just one more he whimpered. Another I can get in another. Yessss almost there.. No... Clenching his cheeks Duo bit his lip not yet.
Pulling back from the edged he massaged Heero's rear gradually spreading it wider and wider. He brushed against him teasingly once more before he slowly pushing into his body finally giving Heero and himself what they both wanted. Sliding his hands up over Heero's he interlocked them together and buried himself to the hilt in Heero's body. Duo hung there shaking he had almost waited to late this time. Closing his eyes he savored the tightness. the reflexive clenching of his anus in anticipation of ecstasy. Leaning in close to Heero's ear he whispered.
"Is that what you wanted?" He laughed as Heero mumbled something under his breath.
Releasing his fingers Duo tightly gripped Heero's waist then wrapped a soapy hand around Heero's erection slowly pulling out almost all the way he thrust back in keeping a slow steady rhythm. For a while it eased the ache somewhat until the edge became unbearable their whimpers now were in concert and bordering on just short of agony. The warm water pounded their already sensitive skin and coupled with the cool slick feel of flesh it was too much Duo could taste his release right there on the back of his throat.
Increasing the pace another notch Duo slammed into Heero harder and harder now. it seemed a race to see who came first as Heero pushed back impaling himself over and over driving Duo deeper into his body. Duo felt his ejaculation start. Though fragmented he became frantic in his desire for completion. Tiny pinpricks of light dotted his vision. Letting his lids flutter and close a hoarse moan escaped through gritted teeth his hips continued to pump helplessly a slave to his orgasm. When he felt Heero jerk convulsively against him and join him.
Heero growled as his body shuddered for what seemed like an endlessly period then weep sticky seed down Duo's arm and hand. Duo still rocked languorously against his lover, comforted by the continued connection. Leaning his head against Heero he let the warm water sooth his tired body before found the energy to lift up and drop a kiss on Heero's shoulder.
Duo pulled him back against his chest and wrapped his arms around him. " Remind me to thank the water processing facility for the unfailing hot water.." Heero choked back a laugh.
* * * *
The light from the bathroom lit the room enough to define the objects within yet dark enough to ease and aid those baring their soul. Even if the person with them was a part of that soul admitting hopes and fears to yourself was one thing to another continued to remain hard to do. The body stretched out along his gently slid fingers through the damp tresses. There was almost a hypnotic quality to it that soothed as much as it stirred. Duo wanted nothing more than to lay here and savor the easy boneless feeling. But he knew neither one of them would really rest until they addressed what was on both of their minds.
"Did you see her?" The fingers paused then resumed their repeated path.
"Yes," he whispered.
"Is she still angry?" The chest beneath him shifted as Heero drew in a deep breath. He considered his answer carefully.
"No not angry."
"You want to talk about it?" Duo moved up crossing his arms over Heero's chest he leaned down and rested his chin on his hands as he studied him thoughtfully. Heero's mouth quirked sadly. "I don't think it will do any good."
"Then you have nothing to loose." Duo said solemnly.
"True my silence has already destroyed something precious." he said broodingly.
Duo shrugged. "I don't believe that."
"No?" Heero cut him a sharp look.
"No."
Heero stared into the shadows his expression distant. "She doesn't believe us Duo."
He frowned. "What do you mean?"
"She doesn't believe in me anymore.. Even in the darkest times I could look into her eyes and see an unswerving belief in something beautiful.. within me."
Duo smiled teasingly, trying to lighten his mood. "I've always thought so."
"Not anymore."
Duo frowned. "Heero, I don't.."
"I've always felt beautiful in her eyes. Inside especially where it shows the least. She was the first to see me at my worst, see past all the walls the silence. The death and destruction and still love me for me."
"She still does Heero right now she's hurt and angry but she has one of the most forgiving souls. I swear to god she scares me at times with just how forgiving she is. But I know how you feel though. When she looked at me yesterday her eyes so heartbroken I bled inside for each tear she cried."
"She'll forgive us but will she come back to us?" Heero murmured with a far off look. "She thinks we're lying or we pity her. She refuses to believe after keeping you and I secret for so long that we now desperately want her love. She called it a Ménage a trois. Nothing I said or tried worked she was so distant."
Duo sighed leaning down he kissed Heero's chest where his heart lay then placed his ear against the area to listen to it's reassuring beat. "What else?"
"Hn?"
"What are you not you telling me?"
"She asked me if she hadn't caught me would I ever have told her the truth."
"What did you say?" he said softly.
"Nothing. I failed and because I didn't find the words she can't believe we're being truthful now."
"Then we'll tell her over and over again as many times as she needs to hear it until she believes us. And if that doesn't work we'll show her. Whatever it takes we'll do it."