I gazed blankly out the window of the Ragnarok and tried to call upon some sort of inner
strength. All these disjointed thoughts swirled around in my head. What was wrong with
her? Why did Matron seem so calm? And what on earth did she want to give me?
I didn't have answers to any of these questions now, but I had the sneaking suspicion that
I would find out eventually. Whether I wanted to or not...
Desperate to think of anything else, I glanced around and noticed everyone had already
gotten changed. All the men looked dashing in their dark SeeD uniforms, especially
Squall. I always loved it when he wore his uniform. The shade of it out the blue in his eyes
until he was almost sinful to look at.
Rinoa had a sumptuous little black number on that went down to right above her knees
but was slit to practically her navel. I rolled my eyes and almost smiled. Selphie, on the
other hand, couldn't have looked sweeter than in the frilly charcoal dress she was wearing,
with sparkling jet beads laced into every seam.
Grabbing the bag my new outfit was in, I slipped off to the bathroom. I had wanted to
wear my SeeD uniform, but it had mysteriously gone missing. Some scheme Selphie had
concocted, I'm sure.
I made a sharp right down the hallway and found the correct room, my boots slapped the
pale pink tile as I entered. My lonely footsteps echoed around me; bouncing off the bare walls
and back to my
No,no,no, don't go bardic on me now, Quistis. I turned on the lights and placed the small
burden in my arms on the sink. Ugh, old overhead lighting. I could feel the vitamins
being sucked from my skin.
Holding up the thin bag I placed my finger on the zipper and hesitated. I sort of had no
idea what was in it. I pursed my lips and yanked the zipper down; pulling out the dress the
plastic had concealed and held it up to the light.
......Hyne, I should have known. Never trust anyone to pick out clothes for you.
It was an hour before we were to leave and my uniform was gone. Not in the room, under
my bed, certainly not in my closet or in the laundry, just disappeared from the planet
entirely. I grabbed my car and cell phone and raced to Balamb, telling the dress shop attendant
to give me 'something in black that would look very proper', and charge it to my SeeD account.
I don't know where she got her definition of proper, but I'd wager an older brother was an
influence.
I divulged myself of my usual clothing and slipped into it, careful to not to trip on the
gauzy train covering the bathroom tile and break my neck. It was simply not the eulogy I
wanted to have. Applauding myself for having a morbid sense of humor, I stepped back and
looked into the mirror.
"Wow, I..."
The sooty dress was simplistic in cut and design. Just a swatch of lovely dark fabric that
hugged every curve. It came with a pair of matching gloves that went from the top of my
upper arm and extended into points at my fingertips; alla-sorceress. Nothing covered my
bare shoulders and I had the sudden impulse to let my hair down. And then the even more
sudden impulse to put back on my regular clothing and say I couldn't find anything in
time.
I looked nervously at my own reflection and pulled at the hem of the gown to see my
boots. Somehow, that made me feel a little better. At least part of me felt the same.
Tilting my chin up, I left the bathroom and flicked off the buzzing lights.
I took my time entering the hanger, anticipating many reactions, and somehow hoping there
wouldn't be one and I'd slide back into my seat unnoticed. I glanced in and saw them all
preoccupied so I slipped in from the back.
Then I tripped.
Not only that; I tripped and fell on my face...in someone's lap. I glanced up, cheeks burning,
and saw Zell's shocked expression. He looked like he might faint. Standing quickly I apologized
and then I caught the look on everyone's faces, and it was priceless. It was almost worth feeling
practically naked. This dress might cover more of me than theirs did, but it fit like a second
skin.
Irvine took off his hat in shock, Zell was about to drool in his lap, and Seifer just
looked surprised and quickly turned away. I started back to my seat and snuck a glance
at Squall who couldn't seem to take his eyes off me. He was LOOKING at me! Not as an i
nstructor, a sister, or a friend, but as a woman.
Rinoa caught him staring and promptly elbowed him in the ribs.
My insides did a little dance and I almost glowed. I think it was then I decided that this
dress really wasn't so bad after all. Except maybe the train. I was going to shear that
thing offthe second I got my hands on some scissors.
Selphie jumped up in surprise and ran towards me with the first smile she gave anyone
since she heard of Ellone's condition. I smiled back at her.
"Gee, Quisty, you look great!", she chirped while jumping and clapping her hands. "Much better
than that old SeeD uniform, don'tya think?" Selphie winked at me and I laughed softly.
"Yeah, Selph, much better, thank you."
She just grinned and Irvine practically pushed her to gave me is best sure-to-melt-your-knickers
smile. Rolling my eyes, I turned away as he slid into the seat next to me. I just gazed out the
window refusing to look at him. Yawning he lamely attempted to wrap his arm around my shoulders.
Hmmm, a lousy attempt, even by Irvine standards.
"Not a chance", replied dryly. "Go away."
"Never let it be said I don't know a hint when I hear one", he commented chuckling
softly as he climbed back into his usual seat. Selphie and Rinoa looked at their
boyfriends and then exchanged identical looks of amused chagrin.
Turning back to my clouds I heard Seifer mutter something about how he might as well
paste a sign on me that says: Warning! Frostbite Danger
Bastard...
I ignored him and eventually all our thoughts turned back to the matter at hand: to see
Ellone, and then, sometime shortly after, attend her funeral.I wasn't sure if I could face
seeing her as any different than the last time we were together. I conjured her image up in
my mind's eye.
Ellone had a calm strength about her...she gave us unity and courage when we needed it
most...her voice was always so lilting and calming...her hair was soft and the deep, deep
brown of the earth after it rained...she was always smiling softly with a hint of sadness
in her dark hazel eyes...
A surge of anger tore through me. What could be sucking her life away? I felt so helpless.
She said she was ready to go now. Ready to die. But she's so young, hardly older than we are.
A lazy cumulus drifted in front of my vision and began to blur at the edges.
And Gods, I hated feeling this way. I hated not knowing, my sadness, her fate, and especially
not having a way to fight back.
Closing my eyes slowly, I dispersed of the condemning tears and gazed dispassionately at
the sky, searching again for comfort. Humanity is but shadows and dust. The quintessential
in fleeting impermanence, and the remnants of eternity. I almost smiled. Heh, you're in the
wrong line of work, Quisty.
The world's edges blurred once more.
Oh Ellone...
I felt the airship start to descend and my heart leapt into my throat. We were here.
Docking took an annoyingly short time. I had this irrational hope that if I never set foot
on Esthar, never saw Ellone, she wouldn't die. I knew this was nonsense, but I couldn't help
dreading having to see her one last time.
Silently I waited in my seat a little while after everyone else had left. I just needed
a moment alone before I faced this. After blankly contemplating the ceiling for some time,
I quietly stood up and started towards the door. A light hand on my shoulder sent a shock
through me. I thought everyone had left! I glanced behind and saw Matron with a tenderly sad
expression on her face.
"Alone again?", she inquired, her voice laced with meaning.
"Yes", I choked out softly.
She opened her arms to me and I fell into them. She held me softly and it seemed to give me
strength.
"Quistis... ", she whispered "I'm sorry...."
Her tone was again layered, but I didn't care. I held her a little tighter, and swallowed my
fears around the lump in my throat.
"I'm ready, Matron."
She nodded and we silently walked out together. The usually impressive spectacle of
the bright lights and flash of the advanced city went unnoticed and unnapreciated.
We hadn't gone far when we caught up to everyone else. With a reassuring glance she left
me and drifted to Cid's side.
Kiros and Ward had been waiting for us at the airstation. I looked at their haggard faces and knew
that we would all be wearing that same expression by the end of the day. My heart beat with pure
anxiety and I couldn't pinpoint why. ...what was telling me I should run?
"...Ellone has been waiting for all of you. The palace's medical bay is this way."
I had never heard Kiros speak so monotonously, without his usual spark and wit.
Ward tapped him on the shoulder and looked into his eyes.
"....."
Kiros turned and glanced at Ward.
"Oh yes, Quistis, please don't enter with everyone else. She wishes to speak with you last."
Everyone turned questioning eyes towards me and I had nothing to answer them with but my own
bewildered expression.
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I fidgeted on my chair in the waiting room and watched the second-hand on the clock move.
I never realized how annoying an aptly named room could be. Licking my lips, I glanced at
the door for the hundredth time and tried to discern what they were saying. And for the
hundredth time I turned away without the slightest idea.