[Scene 9]
The next morning, Link awoke early to take a brisk ride through the countryside with Epona-he needed something to get the whole Ganon business out of his head-but the sight that greeted him in the marketplace threw a wrench into his plans. The market square was in ruins. The pavement had been ripped apart. Store signs had been removed from their posts and broken into pieces, while a couple were vandalized to say something completely different; the best example? The sign that once said "POTION SHOP" now read "POT O' SHIT."
"Pot o' shit?" Link asked himself as he dismounted. "I know those words, but that sign makes no sense."
He was surveying the damage in the back alleys when he stumbled upon a battered and bruised castle guard. "H-h-help...me..." he gasped as Link rode by.
Link jumped down from his horse and gave him a sip of his spare Lon Lon milk. "What happened here?" Link asked. "Who attacked you?"
The guard coughed and gasped. "G-G-Gerudo," he stuttered traumatically. "Gerudo!"
At the sound of the name, Link brandished his sword and took a quick look around. No one was nearby. "It's all right, man," he reassured the guard. "Looks like they're all gone. Come on, let's get you to safety-"
"Aaaaaauuuuugggghh!!!!" the man screamed. "Gerudo! GERUDO!!!"
Link whirled around to see five of the oldest women he'd ever see. They couldn't have been taller than four feet, each; Link could easily look each of them in the eye. The weirdest thing about them was that they were all dressed in black form head to toe, and their was a bright, almost youthful shade of red. Unaware of any danger, Link lowered his sword and giggled. "Wow! Those are some kick-ass costumes, madams. Is there some kind of dress-up party, or-"
The old woman closest to Link gave him a good whap with her walking cane, knocking him flat against the wall. "Thar he be, gals!" she aimed her stick at the guard. "'Tis the perfect specimen of the Hylian man!"
"Hey, he is cute!" another old lady stepped forward. "He'll make the perfect boyfriend for me."
"You hag," said the first woman, facing the second. "'Twas I who tailed him foist. He's mine!"
"Not if I can help it, wench," said a third, grabbing the guard by his armour. The first old lady let out a shriek of jealousy and smacked the other old lady with her cane. As the riot amongst them broke out, Link ran away on Epona. "What in Hyrule-? Only Ganon could be behind this." He took off in the direction of the desert, leaving the poor young guard to run screaming into the wilderness, chased by the fastest old women you'll ever meet.