Title: Never Fade (Submission)
Author: Kimmie (tasukichiriko@hotmail.com)
Archive: fanfiction.net (tasukichiriko).
Category: yaoi (male/male sex), lime (mentions of sexual situations), POV (point-of-view)
Pairings: Draco x Harry
Disclaimer: The characters in this story are mine only in spirit and voice. Their "likenesses", names, categorizing features, favourite activities (other than the randiness I like to make them engage in), studies, teachers, friends, acquaintances, etc., etc., belong to J.K. Rowling and not me.
Rating: PG-13.
Warnings: Slash.
Spoilers: None.
Notes: A little bit piece taken from times of extreme emotion... or the influence of NyQuil down there at the end. Enjoy. Harry POV.
"Close the door."
He never asked me to do things. It was always an order... always one of those things that I wanted to lash out and question, but I couldn't. He had no right to tell me what to do, but that's just the kind of thing that he did. He wasn't the type of guy to ask first. He knew what he wanted, and he had his way of getting all of it.
I admired it at first, even if I had the sneaking suspicion that he was up to no good... what else could I do? I asked questions, he gave answers. I wanted direction, he gave me orders. I wanted him, he took me.
He always has this little obstinate smirk set just off-center of his beautiful face. Steel-blue eyes that glinted grey even in an absense of light, pale blonde hair that fell rakishly in front of those eyes always at the exact moment that I wanted to try to catch a glimpse of his emotions through them.
"Lay down on the bed after you've finished undressing."
I never can seem to tear off my clothes fast enough to be able to catch a glimpse of his loss of composure. I always sense it, but never catch it. I can hear the breathy moan he thinks he conceals with a faked cough or a yawn. I can almost feel the way his eyes flutter shut in time with his heartbeat. But, I never get to see it. I think it's his way of making sure I always come back for more; make sure that I don't get the one thing I seem to want, and I'll always wander back to find it.
Somehow, I feel the need to keep something away from him, too. I want to make sure that he keeps coming back, too. But, I've given him everything a guy can give. He has my body, my heart, my soul, my mind (especially at all of those times when I shouldn't be having deliciously dirty thoughts about him).
Then I figure out what he doesn't have... my submission.
And, I know he'll never get it, too. It's what gives us "mystery" and makes it okay that we're supposed to hate each other but we're screwing each other's brains out instead. It makes it okay that we kiss each other roughly and pretend it's just a kiss.
Nothing's been just itself with us. A kiss is never a kiss and a fuck isn't a fuck and I couldn't tell you what all of this is anymore except that it's something I can't make myself leave. I don't want to and I can't yet see why I might have to. It's not a relationship... it's a form of trust. I trust him with my body, and with that, I began to entrust him with my mind and my heart and all of those other things that bleed in the form they're not meant in. My submission can't bleed and that's why no one gets it.
But I can bleed and it's all too easy. I need my submission to fall back on. When it doesn't seem too promising anymore... that's when I have to rely on trust and I let him build me up by breaking me down.
I love it.
However, I don't yet love him. Not when he's keeping so much of himself from me. But, that will change. He'll keep offering me things in hopes that I'll give up my last barrier, all until we're both down to submission.
The road might be a hard one, and the travel might be hard to bear, but when I get there and he realizes that we're one to one and submission doesn't matter when you've got the rest, maybe then we can be happy.
Why? Because happiness is a part of both submitting and never submitting. There are gray areas that fall between the lines and wreck you, but if handled carefully, it can be the only thing in life that can be seen in black and white.
With him, I'll never fade to black.
End Transmission.