By Ender
After PROF X had finished
yelling at ICEMAN, they turned around and went back to LILANDRA'S ship. CYCLOPS docked the ship and managed to bash
in one side of the Blackbird 6. The
same as the week before, every one of the X-Men beats him up. He stumbles down the ramp onto the ship as
ICEMAN runs past him at a breakneck speed while whimpering.
CYCLOPS: Thith really thmartth you guyth. Why did you have to-
A whole pack of playing
cards hits him dead center on the forehead with a WACHOOM. GAMBIT walks out looking smug and grinning
with ROGUE following close behind. She
and the other X-Men are laughing and thanking the Cajun for a job well done. GAMBIT walks over to the passed-out CYCLOPS.
GAMBIT: Douge.
WOLVERINE: I gotta hand it to you Cajun, that was pretty
good. (he walks over to CYCLOPS on the ground and kicks him) I've been wantin' to do that for a long
time.
They all walk away, leaving
CYCLOPS lying on the deck. They start
to explore the ship in groups. ROGUE,
GAMBIT, and WOLVERINE walk past the prison area. They suddenly see two people standing in one of the cells. They rush over and peer into the cell.
GAMBIT: JAKE?!?
NIGHTCRAWLER: WHERE
WERE YOU?! We've been here for 2 months. They treat us really bad, leave us here, and you never came!
WOLVERINE: We didn't even notice you were gone.
NIGHTCRAWLER: Thanks. (looks pissed off) Nobody likes me. Even the pretty woman doesn't dig the fuzzy dude. (starts to look sad)
GAMBIT: That's 'cause she's a man, mon ami.
WOLVERINE, NIGHTCRAWLER, and ROGUE: WHAT?!?!?!?!?
JAKE: Hey, shut up!
GAMBIT: He's a shape-shifter stuck in that nice body.
JAKE: You are the sickest man alive. I mean you even kissed me that one time-
ROGUE: What? NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
GAMBIT: What? Wait a minute, you t'ink… I'M NOT GAY!!
ROGUE: You sure?
GAMBIT: YES!
ROGUE: Phew…
WOLVERINE: C'mon,
let's get back to the professor… (walks away)
ROGUE: All right. (eyes GAMBIT suspiciously as he walks
behind her)
NIGHTCRAWLER: Hey,
what about us?!
GAMBIT: You can take care of yourself. Why don' you just teleport?
NIGHTCRAWLER: Oh yeah…
JAKE: YOU CAN TELEPORT?!?! WHY YOU LITTLE…
The
others run away to avoid the infamous "wrath of Jake". They meet back up with the team, who has
just been joined by a sheepish NIGHTCRAWLER and a very pissed off JAKE, who is
muttering under his breath.
PROF X: I've just
called a meeting to discuss the way we are going to rescue LILANDRA…
NIGHTCRAWLER: Not again!
GAMBIT: I hear ya.
The
professor herds them into a room with a long table surrounded by chairs. Everyone sits down, then starts to scream
when handcuffs snap over their wrists.
EVERYONE: NOOOO!!! Not another SEMINAR!!!
PROF X: Yes, yet another of my glorious seminars.
4 hours later
PROF
X has been talking the whole time. NIGHTCRAWLER has been trying to teleport and ICEMAN is sobbing. ROGUE, GAMBIT, and WOLVERINE look like
they're going to die and JAKE is still grumbling. The others are either asleep or look like they're about to go
crazy.
GAMBIT: Ahhh! Screw dis.
He
throws a charged card at his handcuffs, then at the wall. It explodes and to everyone's pleasure the
rubble falls on CYCLOPS. GAMBIT goes
over and frees ROGUE and his teammates. They walk over to the buried CYCLOPS.
CYCLOPS: Ow. That was
stupid. (Turns to GAMBIT) Idiot.
GAMBIT nearly throws a card at him.
JEAN: WAIT! Scott, your lisp is gone!
CYCLOPS: What? Oh my
God, the lisp is gone. This is weally
cool.
JEAN: Uh, honey…
CYCLOPS: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Noooooooooooooooooo!
WOLVERINE: Ha.
PROF X: What
happened?
JEAN: His lisp is gone, but now he has another one.
PROF X: Really, what does it sound like?
WOLVERINE: Hey
CYCLOPS, say Rover raced around the room running from the red rooster.
CYCLOPS: (glaring) I hate you.
PROF X: What? Say it
CYCLOPS.
CYCLOPS: Oh do I have
to? (sighs and turns red) Wover waced awound the woom wunning fwom the wed
Wooster.
The whole room bursts into laughter and CYCLOPS goes into a
corner to cry.
WOLVERINE: Wuss.
Suddenly
a guy with longish-shortish black hair and blue eyes runs past the X-Men
screaming as a girl with long brown hair chases after him. He is wearing tight leather pants with a
white and very wet tight tank top and the girl is carrying a fire hose.
GIRL: I'm sorry Ian! Come back!
She stops to laugh at CYCLOPS, who is still in the corner,
then continues her pursuit. The X-Men
stare at them as they run past. Then
another person appears running after the first two.
Ender (the Author): Don't ask. Ignore them please!
The
author runs away, leaving the X-Men to try to figure out what the hell just
happened.
GAMBIT: Right.
PROF X: All right,
let's go get LILANDRA.
WOLVERINE: First thing's first.
He locks CABLE, ICEMAN, and PROF X in one of the prison
cells.
PROF X: Hey! Why am I in here?
WOLVERINE: One word. Seminar.
The X-Men board the ship and prepare to leave. In the background they can here ICEMAN
crying.
ICEMAN: But I have to
go to the bathroom!
They ignore him.
JEAN: Where's CYCLOPS?
WOLVERINE: No.
JEAN: Yes.
WOLVERINE: NO!
JEAN: (uses powers)
YES!
GAMBIT: Fine.
He drags the passed out CYCLOPS onto the ship. They blast off and steer the Blackbird
towards EVIL BOB'S ultra-secret hideout, Planet Bob. CYCLOPS starts to regain consciousness.
CYCLOPS: Ow. That'th
how many timeth.
JEAN: What?
CYCLOPS: I mean fiwtht I wath hit by the thovel, then I wath
wweaked by the othew thovel and know thith.
ROGUE: I didn't get a word of that.
GAMBIT: Neither did I.
WOLVERINE: (cracking up) Somebody get him a pad of paper.
JEAN: Why not. (gives
pad of paper and pencil to CYCLOPS)
CYCLOPS writes down the sentence.
WOLVERINE: Can anybody read the idiot's writing?
GAMBIT: Nope.
JAKE: Uh-uh.
JEAN: How about the computer?
They sit CYCLOPS in front of the computer. He takes a minute to find each letter key.
JEAN: This is hopeless. Just shut up, honey.
CYCLOPS sits in the corner as the Blackbird lands on Planet
Bob. As the X-Men step on the planet,
they can see LILANDRA standing with two armed guards around her.
CYCLOPS: I pwomptly
owdew you to theath and dethitht.
GUARDS: Huh?
X-MEN: SHUT UP!
JEAN: LILANDRA, PROF
X want you to come home.
LILANDRA: You must
fight BOB first, or he won't let me go.
ROGUE: You mean he's here? Where?
Everyone starts to look around. All of a sudden, there is a scream and a SQUISH.
GAMBIT: Oops. (looks at bottom of his boot)
GUARDS: NOOO! Our glorious leader!
GAMBIT: Heh, heh. Sorry. (scrapes shoe off on a
rock)
LILANDRA: Fine then, I'll come back with you.
GAMBIT: (to the GUARDS) Sorry 'bout dat.
The X-Men board the Blackbird and head back to the space
station.
ROGUE: So why'd you do it?
LILANDRA: It's that damn hover "massage" chair of his. He love it more than me.
JEAN: I can see
that. We'll blow it up again for you,
as long as you stay home on Earth.
LILANDRA: Okay.
As they enter the space station they see the girl with the
hose and the guy, IAN, who is still really wet. They walk off arm in arm.
GAMBIT: Now dis is getting' weird.
The X-Men let the professor, ICEMAN, and CABLE out of the
cell and fly back home. CYCLOPS tries
to land the plane, but it crashes and blows up.
WOLVERINE: You dick!
The X-Men hit CYCLOPS with all of their powers. Three days later he wakes up .
CYCLOPS: Adusyfskj sfkjs dsfhsdklh hdjhjh dhjh hjd euyi djvn.
PROF X: I think this lisp thing is getting a little out of
hand. Anyone opposed to putting him in
a mental hospital. (looks around) Okay, let's go.
CYCLOPS lived the rest of his life in his favorite room with
white padded walls in the Shady Acres mental institution.