Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, blah blah blah... I dreamt that I did though... ;)
~*~*~*~ My Everything ~*~*~*~
What am I doing? Or should I say, what have I done? Oh yeah, I remember now. I had given my useless brain for the sorceress who threatened to take over the whole world, risked the lives of everyone in what was once my home, burdened my two best friends and then almost put an end to my ex-girlfriend's life. Life's just great isn't it? You do all the bad things and still have people who are willing to be by your side. The truth is, I know I deserve less. So much so that I think I would've been living in this world in solitude after all that has happened. So this is what it feels like to have the whole world turned against you...
Not that I haven't been trying to mend my ways. I've persuaded Raij and Fuuj to return to Garden and get a decent SeeD rank, and to lead of life of dignity and pride. I certainly don't have no nothing to offer them. I mean, come on, with a reputation like this, I'll never get a job outside and make a living on my own. I really dunno how to take it from here. I know that if I wanna save my butt, my only option is to return to where I told my two friends to go. Back to the Garden. It's definitely not a good choice, but it's the only one, which makes it the worst and the best all at once. It's worth a try anyway, although I can picture Squall charging at me like a furious buffalo. I cringe at the thought but pushed it away as quickly as it had come. Can't afford to pity myself right now, not when I yearn so much to be forgiven again.
Seeing that I have no time to waste, I grabbed my Hyperion and hopped off the docks, making my way out of town. I could hear Raij and Fuuj drop their poles and catching up behind me, and feeling surprised they didn't question me about my sudden departure. I guess they know me too well. I tried to make myself as unnoticeable as possible - something which I've never done. I've always craved for attention, and I guess that's what drove me to commit those atrocious acts. But I've gotta put the past behind me now, and turn over a new leaf. Seriously, I feel like a convict who just got released from prison, only that my heart is filled with guilt and practically nothing else. All I wanna do right now is to see my friends at Garden smiling back at me, telling me that they understand how badly I want to get back there. My friends. I suppose they don't feel the same way, not after what I've done to them. How can Zell ever forgive me for my incessant tauntings? And Squall... what I had done to him at the D-District prison. My thoughts then drift to Quistis... I was the very reason she lost what was most dear to her - her instructor's license. Of all the people that I have let down, it hurt me most that one of them had to be her. I knew that when she wished me luck before we headed for my previous exam, that she actually cared. But my ego got the best of me, and I ended up screwing up everything. I guess she was really disappointed, considering that was the umpteenth time I was retaking the exam. After we got back, I really couldn't face her, and so I left in a hurry, brooding over the incident outside the library. I can't believe I had the nerve to put her on "The List". It was the last thing I wanted to do.
As we left town, the Garden was within our line of vision. Still as beautiful as always, I told myself. Wonder how she's doing now. Has she got her license reissued after her heroic contributions to bring me down? Does she have a...... boyfriend? Yeah, why not, I mentally slapped myself. She definitely got the looks and brains to have a whole string of admires behind her trail. I really anticipate seeing her again, but as I had mentioned earlier, I have nothing to offer. Not to my best friends, not to Garden, not to her. My heart, maybe. All of it, might I add, but problem is, I don't think she wants it even if I wished with all my might that she will. Whatever it is, I've lost it to her anyway.
After fighting some irritating Bite Bugs which got in our way, we finally reached the entrance. Gone are the front gates and beautiful garden, since the Garden is mobile now, so we were greeted with the automatic doors. After entering in a single file, my chest heaved a big sigh. This is it, the hardest thing I've ever done yet, and I know that some other challenges are also ahead of me...
~*~*~*~ My Everything ~*~*~*~
What am I doing? Or should I say, what have I done? Oh yeah, I remember now. I had given my useless brain for the sorceress who threatened to take over the whole world, risked the lives of everyone in what was once my home, burdened my two best friends and then almost put an end to my ex-girlfriend's life. Life's just great isn't it? You do all the bad things and still have people who are willing to be by your side. The truth is, I know I deserve less. So much so that I think I would've been living in this world in solitude after all that has happened. So this is what it feels like to have the whole world turned against you...
Not that I haven't been trying to mend my ways. I've persuaded Raij and Fuuj to return to Garden and get a decent SeeD rank, and to lead of life of dignity and pride. I certainly don't have no nothing to offer them. I mean, come on, with a reputation like this, I'll never get a job outside and make a living on my own. I really dunno how to take it from here. I know that if I wanna save my butt, my only option is to return to where I told my two friends to go. Back to the Garden. It's definitely not a good choice, but it's the only one, which makes it the worst and the best all at once. It's worth a try anyway, although I can picture Squall charging at me like a furious buffalo. I cringe at the thought but pushed it away as quickly as it had come. Can't afford to pity myself right now, not when I yearn so much to be forgiven again.
Seeing that I have no time to waste, I grabbed my Hyperion and hopped off the docks, making my way out of town. I could hear Raij and Fuuj drop their poles and catching up behind me, and feeling surprised they didn't question me about my sudden departure. I guess they know me too well. I tried to make myself as unnoticeable as possible - something which I've never done. I've always craved for attention, and I guess that's what drove me to commit those atrocious acts. But I've gotta put the past behind me now, and turn over a new leaf. Seriously, I feel like a convict who just got released from prison, only that my heart is filled with guilt and practically nothing else. All I wanna do right now is to see my friends at Garden smiling back at me, telling me that they understand how badly I want to get back there. My friends. I suppose they don't feel the same way, not after what I've done to them. How can Zell ever forgive me for my incessant tauntings? And Squall... what I had done to him at the D-District prison. My thoughts then drift to Quistis... I was the very reason she lost what was most dear to her - her instructor's license. Of all the people that I have let down, it hurt me most that one of them had to be her. I knew that when she wished me luck before we headed for my previous exam, that she actually cared. But my ego got the best of me, and I ended up screwing up everything. I guess she was really disappointed, considering that was the umpteenth time I was retaking the exam. After we got back, I really couldn't face her, and so I left in a hurry, brooding over the incident outside the library. I can't believe I had the nerve to put her on "The List". It was the last thing I wanted to do.
As we left town, the Garden was within our line of vision. Still as beautiful as always, I told myself. Wonder how she's doing now. Has she got her license reissued after her heroic contributions to bring me down? Does she have a...... boyfriend? Yeah, why not, I mentally slapped myself. She definitely got the looks and brains to have a whole string of admires behind her trail. I really anticipate seeing her again, but as I had mentioned earlier, I have nothing to offer. Not to my best friends, not to Garden, not to her. My heart, maybe. All of it, might I add, but problem is, I don't think she wants it even if I wished with all my might that she will. Whatever it is, I've lost it to her anyway.
After fighting some irritating Bite Bugs which got in our way, we finally reached the entrance. Gone are the front gates and beautiful garden, since the Garden is mobile now, so we were greeted with the automatic doors. After entering in a single file, my chest heaved a big sigh. This is it, the hardest thing I've ever done yet, and I know that some other challenges are also ahead of me...