About ten minutes later Sarah MacKenzie was on her way back from the hospital. It was somewhat hard to drive with her tear filled eyes, but somehow she was managing. Instead of going home though, she found herself driving her way over to her best friend's apartment. As soon as she got there she climbed up the stairs, found his spare key and let herself in. The second the door shut behind her in his empty apartment she started sobbing, and sank to the ground. It couldn't be possible that she would never see Harm again. At the hospital, except for feeling a rising panic, she had been practically numb to everything that was going on. Now that she was here where he lived, surrounded by his things, all the emotions hit her suddenly. She was painfully terrified that she might never see him again; that the time when she had refused to wish him luck before leaving would be the last time that she would see him alive. The doctor's words "might not make it through the night" came to her mind. She didn't know how she would make it through a night if she lost him. She was angry at herself for how she had treated him before he left. He couldn't die with his last memory of her being like that. He had to live.
It was forty minutes later when she picked herself up off the floor. She looked around. There was absolutely nothing she could do here. It was just like at the hospital. She couldn't help him in any way. There weren't even any plants for her to water, or pets for her to take care of. She walked around the apartment looking at his things and reminiscing. She was amazed at how many things she had memories connected with. Mac stopped at his bookshelf where he had a picture of the two of them and smiled. She almost started crying again, but held herself together. Her eyes closed for a moment and the exhaustion that hadn't been noticed before swept over her. She walked over to his bed and leaned back against one of his pillows. She thought that she would just lay there for a few minutes, but instead fell into a restless sleep.
At a little before five-thirty in the morning, Chloe Madison was awake and sitting restlessly on the couch at the Roberts residence, staring at the phone. She was worried about her 'big sister.' She hadn't looked good when they had all left the hospital and Chloe was feeling guilty about not being there for her. Mac had said she needed time alone, but she probably needed someone to talk to. Sarah had always been there for her, after all. She sighed. She wanted to call and check on her, but she wasn't sure she could do it without Bud or Harriet catching her, and Mac might not be awake yet. She debated for a moment with herself over whether she should or not.
"Oh, heck," she muttered to herself. "Sarah never sleeps well, if at all, when she's upset over something anyway." She picked up the phone and started dialing. About halfway through Mac's phone number Lt. Roberts walked in.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"Calling someone," she answered cryptically. Bud gave a slight grin.
"Okay, who are you calling then?"
"Mac." Bud practically panicked.
"Ohmygosh-no, don't!" Chloe put the phone in her lap.
"What?" Bud made himself calm down a bit.
"I really don't think you should do that, Chloe."
"Why?"
"Well, Colonel MacKenzie's probably really upset. She probably doesn't want to chat right now."
"I'm not calling her to 'chat,' I'm calling her to see how she's doing. She didn't look very good last night and I want to make sure she's okay. We promised we'd always be there for each other."
"I'm sure she'll be at the hospital when we get there. Can you talk to her then?"
"I'm not going to talk long. I'm just going to call her and see how she's doing. When we get to the hospital she's just going to try to be strong for everyone else. If I don't talk to her now, I won't know how she's really doing. Please. She's my big sister, and my best friend. Best friends are supposed to look out for each other."
"Okay," Bud finally relented, seeing that she was really worried about Mac. "Just don't talk too long. She's probably trying to get ready to leave, and we need to be doing the same."
"Okay." She dialed the number for Sarah's apartment. No one answered the phone, however, and eventually the answering machine picked up. Chloe hung up the phone, then looked over at Bud. "She's not there."
"Who's not there?" asked Harriet as she walked in the room with little A.J.
"Mac. She didn't answer the phone at her apartment."
"Really?" Bud said. "I would have thought she'd pick up in case someone called about the Commander."
"Maybe she's still asleep," suggested Harriet.
"Maybe," Chloe said, "but I don't think so. She was really upset when she left last night and she never sleeps well when she's upset over something. Anyhow, she has a phone right by her bed. I think it would have woken her up."
"Maybe she didn't leave the hospital," Lt. Roberts wondered. "Of course the Admiral practically ordered us to go home…"
"No, she left," said Chloe. "I saw her driving out of the parking lot."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I know the number on her license plate."
"Maybe she went to the Commander's apartment," Harriet suggested.
"Why would she do that?" Bud asked her.
"Well, she's worried about him. Maybe she thought it would make her feel better to be around his things."
"I don't know, Harriet…"
"Well, where else would she have gone?"
"I bet she did go there," Chloe spoke up.
"Wait! She probably went to Mic's place!" said Lt. Sims.
"I don't think so." Both Lieutenants turned to face the girl on their couch.
"Why not?"
"Well, I don't know what happened but I think they called off the wedding."
"I know. They would have delayed everything given the circumstances," Harriet told her.
"No, I mean I think they called it off permanently."
"WHAT!" the two adults yelled, startling both their son and their guest.
"What makes you think that?" Harriet asked.
"When she was driving to the hospital I noticed that her engagement ring was gone, and she and Mic were in that room by themselves for an awfully long time. I didn't think it would be a good idea to ask her anything about it, though. That's one of the reasons I wanted to call her."
"I can't believe they would have just called it off," said Bud.
"Anyway, she probably is over at his apartment."
"Why don't we go over there on the way to the hospital and see if she is there and if she needs a ride," Lt. Roberts suggested. Harriet and Chloe nodded. Thirty-five minutes later they pulled up in front of Commander Rabb's building, and Bud walked upstairs to find the Colonel.
At about six a.m. Mac woke up. As soon as she looked around her the events of the previous night came back to her. She sighed and stood up, glancing fondly down at a picture of Harm and Bud by 'Sarah,' her partner's beloved bi-plane. A noise startled her and she looked up just in time to see Renee Peterson coming into the apartment. They both stopped where they were and stared at each other for about half of a minute before Renee broke the silence.
"What are you doing here?" she demanded.
"N-nothing," Mac said nervously. "I was just going to see if anything needed to be done at his apartment."
"Really," Renee said coldly. Mac nodded. "Well, that's not really your place is it?"
"Excuse me?" Sarah asked, startled at her sharpness.
"Excuse me," Renee mimicked. "You are not his girlfriend. I am. You have no business being here. I do. Get out!"
"What? You're just going to kick me out? This isn't your place."
"Well, it certainly isn't your apartment, either, is it? Harm wanted me to be here. He gave me a key to the place. Can you say that for yourself?" Sarah was taken aback. Renee took her silence to mean that she had no argument against her. "That's what I thought. Now get out before I call the police."
"How dare you!" Mac snapped at her. "I have every right to be here. Harm was my partner and best friend."
"Oh, no, he wasn't. I was his best friend. I was his girlfriend. Do you understand that? I was his. He was mine-not yours. He didn't love you. He was going to let you walk up the aisle tomorrow and not say a thing about it. And why would he do that? Because he didn't want you. He wanted me. He was happy with me. We loved each other. You just kept trying to get in the way, didn't you? Well, you only deluded yourself. He never cared for you. You were a partner, nothing more. I don't know where you get off thinking that he may have loved you, or that he was even a best friend. I mean, Harm was a wonderful person. Why would he want someone like you? Let's see… you're an alcoholic, an adulteress-every man you ever care about winds up dying. Of course, that's it isn't it. You cared for Harm, and now he's dying. How typical." Mac was shocked, and felt like she was in pain, but still tried to defend herself despite the rising tears.
"It's not my fault…"
"OF COURSE IT'S YOUR FAULT! Do you get that? It's all your fault! He was flying home for your wedding. You made him feel guilty, so he was going to make sure he didn't miss it and he's dying because of it! HE'S DYING BECAUSE OF YOU!" Mac stood silently, staring at Renee. She had absolutely nothing to say. Her face was pale and her eyes had a blank, empty look in them. Renee stood about ten yards away from her crying. Lt. Roberts was standing unnoticed by the door, completely unnerved by what he had just seen.
"Umm… Excuse me, Colonel; Miss Peterson," he said, scaring them both. "I'm sorry, ma'am, Chloe tried to call your apartment and you didn't answer, so we thought you might be here and came by. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Lieutenant," Sarah said quietly. "Are you on your way to the hospital?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Okay. I'll follow you there."
"Do you want to ride with us, ma'am… I mean, are you okay driving?" he asked, concerned for her after what he had just seen.
"I'll be fine, Bud, thank you. Is Chloe with you?"
"Yes. She's still in the car with Harriet and baby A.J."
"Okay. I'll let her ride with me."
"Yes, ma'am." Mac walked out of the apartment and went downstairs to get her 'little sister.' When she was gone Bud stood glaring at Renee.
"What? You're not going to offer me a ride?" said Renee sarcastically.
"How could you say those things to Colonel MacKenzie? She didn't do anything wrong."
"She got him killed!"
"He's not dead, Miss Peterson! And what happened wasn't the Colonel's fault. She didn't set the dates for the Commander's carrier qualifications or make the plane malfunction. It was an accident. Blaming people isn't going to make the situation any better. I consider Colonel MacKenzie to be a good friend, so normally after the way you treated her I wouldn't even consider talking to you, but I know you're worried as much as the rest of us, so if you want you can ride with us, but only on one condition."
"Oh, what's that?"
"When we get to the hospital you apologize to Colonel MacKenzie for what you said and tell her that you didn't mean it and only yelled at her because you were so upset."
"Here's the problem with that, Lieutenant. I did mean what I said to her and I have absolutely no intention of apologizing to the woman that put my boyfriend in the hospital."
"Fine. Forget I asked. You can get to Bethesda by yourself."
Bud slammed the door shut as he walked out of the apartment, and Renee collapsed sobbing behind the door.
* * * * * * * * * *
Hours later, Mac was sitting in the waiting room on the fifth floor of Bethesda, staring out the window at the rain. She mentally kicked herself for not having brought a few case files, but then figured that she wouldn't have been able to concentrate on them any more than she had been able to concentrate on the magazines Harriet had let her borrow. All morning her mind had been drifting back to what Renee had said, which was what she was thinking about at the moment.
"She was right," Sarah whispered quietly to herself.
"Did you say something, Colonel?" asked Lt. Sims, who was sitting a few chairs away from her.
"Oh, no. I was just mumbling to myself." She tried to smile convincingly. Harriet frowned slightly. Her husband had informed her of what had happened that morning in Commander Rabb's apartment, and she knew that Colonel MacKenzie wouldn't be taking it lightly. She had tried talking to her some while they were waiting, but Mac hadn't been in the mood. She didn't know what to do. The doctor had said that while it was good that Harm had made it through the night, he still hadn't improved, and now Sarah was trying to act like everything was just fine when in fact she looked exhausted and sick. She wished Bud or the Admiral or even one of the others from the JAG office were there to talk to, but her husband and Chloe had gone with their C.O. to ask the doctor if anything had changed and no one else was coming to the hospital until later that afternoon. Harriet felt her throat getting tight as tears started forming in her eyes. She tried to hide it but started sniffling despite her own efforts. Mac looked up.
"Harriet? Harriet… It's okay. I'm sure Harm will be fine…"
"No, you're not ma'am. You're not any more sure than anyone else is, and it's not just that…"
"What els…"
"You won't even talk to anyone, Colonel! Bud told me about what happened with you and Renee, and I know you're blaming yourself for what happened even though it's not your fault, and you won't talk to me. I thought I was a friend of yours." Mac sighed and handed her a tissue out of her purse.
"Harriet, you are a very good friend of mine. I'm sorry I haven't been very talkative, but I've just been thinking about things. I don't suppose I'm in a very social mood at the moment." They sat silently for a moment before the Lieutenant broke the silence.
"I know. I know, ma'am, and I'm sorry. I guess I just got a little bit upset with everything that has been going on."
"It's okay. We've all been more emotional than usual lately."
"Speaking of emotional, how are you about what Renee said to you earlier?" Mac smiled at her faintly.
"Don't worry about that. She's just as on edge as the rest of us, and I guess she just took it out on me. I'm okay, though."
"Are you sure, ma'am?"
"I'm sure. And listen, when we're off duty, you really should call me Mac."
"Um…. Okay. Mac. Can I ask you something else?"
"Sure. What?"
"What happened to your engagement ring?" Sarah looked down at the finger where the ring had been.
"I gave it back to Mic."
"Temporarily or permanently?" Mac sighed.
"Permanently." She paused briefly. "How long have you been wanting to ask me that?"
"Since this morning when Chloe mentioned it."
"That girl." Mac shook her head.
"She was really worried about you."
"She's a good kid."
"Yes, ma'am…. I mean, Mac." Harriet grinned. "Old habits are hard to break, I guess." Sarah smiled. "Seriously, how are you feeling?"
"Right now I'm just hoping and praying that Harm will be okay. I don't think I've ever prayed so much about anything in my life. I think everything else could fall apart, but if he was okay that would be all that mattered."
"I know how you feel. When Bud was on that submarine that was stolen I didn't care about anything but him being back home and safe. If anything ever happened to him I don't know what I'd do."
"I don't know what I'd do if I lost Harm. He's been my best friend for so long, and we've been through so much together."
"Permission to speak freely?" Mac nodded.
"Is there a chance that the Commander might be more than just a best friend to you?" Sarah laughed nervously.
"What do you mean?"
"Are you in love with him?" Mac paled. Harriet hadn't thought that it would have been possible for her to become any paler than she already had been from worrying about Harm, but evidently it was.
"We've been best friends for a long time, Harriet. We have done a lot…"
"Respectfully, ma'am, that's not what I asked." Mac's mind was racing. Harriet had come out and asked her the one question she never wanted to answer out loud. What on earth was she supposed to say? Thankfully for her, the Admiral chose just that moment to walk in the door.
"Colonel, Lieutenant. The doctor has some news for us."
* * * * * * * * * *
Meanwhile Mic was on his way from the parking lot to the entrance of Bethesda. Before he got there, however, he saw a familiar woman crying on a bench.
"Renee?" he asked, a little bit worried and surprised at the same time. The blond woman looked up and just barely managed to recognize the tall, dark Australian through her tears. "Harm's not…" She shook her head.
"No, he's not dead. At least I don't think so. I haven't been in there to ask."
"Why not?"
"I can't face them."
"Can't face who?"
"Mac. Bud. All of them. I'm sure they all know by now."
"Know what?"
"What, Mac hasn't told you?"
"No. I haven't talked to her since everyone left JAG to come here when Harm first came in."
"Really?"
"Yeah. We broke off the engagement."
"Oh, no. Are you okay?"
"Not really, but we're not talking about me right now. What happened to you?"
"I happened to me," she replied sarcastically before pouring her heart out about the whole incident and how she had chewed Colonel MacKenzie out. Mic just stared on as if in shock. "I feel just awful. I always worried that somehow she would take him from me, and I suppose when he crashed I thought that in a morbid sort of way, she had. I just kept dwelling on that so when I got to his apartment and saw her there I just blew up at her. I know it's kind of ridiculous."
"No, it's not. You love Harm and thought you might lose him to her. You and I both know how close they are."
"I still shouldn't have said what I did."
"No, probably not. I do understand why you said it, though. I just hope she's not beating herself up about it too much. She's a lot more sensitive than she lets people know, and has a bad habit of taking things too personally."
"It would have been kind of hard for her not to take what I said personally."
"I'm sure she realizes you were upset."
"I still feel bad." She smiled at him. "You're a good man, Mic. I hope you do find someone nice."
"Well, you wouldn't be so bad if you weren't taken," he joked. She laughed for the first time that day. "Come on. Let's go inside and see how he's doing."
It was forty minutes later when she picked herself up off the floor. She looked around. There was absolutely nothing she could do here. It was just like at the hospital. She couldn't help him in any way. There weren't even any plants for her to water, or pets for her to take care of. She walked around the apartment looking at his things and reminiscing. She was amazed at how many things she had memories connected with. Mac stopped at his bookshelf where he had a picture of the two of them and smiled. She almost started crying again, but held herself together. Her eyes closed for a moment and the exhaustion that hadn't been noticed before swept over her. She walked over to his bed and leaned back against one of his pillows. She thought that she would just lay there for a few minutes, but instead fell into a restless sleep.
At a little before five-thirty in the morning, Chloe Madison was awake and sitting restlessly on the couch at the Roberts residence, staring at the phone. She was worried about her 'big sister.' She hadn't looked good when they had all left the hospital and Chloe was feeling guilty about not being there for her. Mac had said she needed time alone, but she probably needed someone to talk to. Sarah had always been there for her, after all. She sighed. She wanted to call and check on her, but she wasn't sure she could do it without Bud or Harriet catching her, and Mac might not be awake yet. She debated for a moment with herself over whether she should or not.
"Oh, heck," she muttered to herself. "Sarah never sleeps well, if at all, when she's upset over something anyway." She picked up the phone and started dialing. About halfway through Mac's phone number Lt. Roberts walked in.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"Calling someone," she answered cryptically. Bud gave a slight grin.
"Okay, who are you calling then?"
"Mac." Bud practically panicked.
"Ohmygosh-no, don't!" Chloe put the phone in her lap.
"What?" Bud made himself calm down a bit.
"I really don't think you should do that, Chloe."
"Why?"
"Well, Colonel MacKenzie's probably really upset. She probably doesn't want to chat right now."
"I'm not calling her to 'chat,' I'm calling her to see how she's doing. She didn't look very good last night and I want to make sure she's okay. We promised we'd always be there for each other."
"I'm sure she'll be at the hospital when we get there. Can you talk to her then?"
"I'm not going to talk long. I'm just going to call her and see how she's doing. When we get to the hospital she's just going to try to be strong for everyone else. If I don't talk to her now, I won't know how she's really doing. Please. She's my big sister, and my best friend. Best friends are supposed to look out for each other."
"Okay," Bud finally relented, seeing that she was really worried about Mac. "Just don't talk too long. She's probably trying to get ready to leave, and we need to be doing the same."
"Okay." She dialed the number for Sarah's apartment. No one answered the phone, however, and eventually the answering machine picked up. Chloe hung up the phone, then looked over at Bud. "She's not there."
"Who's not there?" asked Harriet as she walked in the room with little A.J.
"Mac. She didn't answer the phone at her apartment."
"Really?" Bud said. "I would have thought she'd pick up in case someone called about the Commander."
"Maybe she's still asleep," suggested Harriet.
"Maybe," Chloe said, "but I don't think so. She was really upset when she left last night and she never sleeps well when she's upset over something. Anyhow, she has a phone right by her bed. I think it would have woken her up."
"Maybe she didn't leave the hospital," Lt. Roberts wondered. "Of course the Admiral practically ordered us to go home…"
"No, she left," said Chloe. "I saw her driving out of the parking lot."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I know the number on her license plate."
"Maybe she went to the Commander's apartment," Harriet suggested.
"Why would she do that?" Bud asked her.
"Well, she's worried about him. Maybe she thought it would make her feel better to be around his things."
"I don't know, Harriet…"
"Well, where else would she have gone?"
"I bet she did go there," Chloe spoke up.
"Wait! She probably went to Mic's place!" said Lt. Sims.
"I don't think so." Both Lieutenants turned to face the girl on their couch.
"Why not?"
"Well, I don't know what happened but I think they called off the wedding."
"I know. They would have delayed everything given the circumstances," Harriet told her.
"No, I mean I think they called it off permanently."
"WHAT!" the two adults yelled, startling both their son and their guest.
"What makes you think that?" Harriet asked.
"When she was driving to the hospital I noticed that her engagement ring was gone, and she and Mic were in that room by themselves for an awfully long time. I didn't think it would be a good idea to ask her anything about it, though. That's one of the reasons I wanted to call her."
"I can't believe they would have just called it off," said Bud.
"Anyway, she probably is over at his apartment."
"Why don't we go over there on the way to the hospital and see if she is there and if she needs a ride," Lt. Roberts suggested. Harriet and Chloe nodded. Thirty-five minutes later they pulled up in front of Commander Rabb's building, and Bud walked upstairs to find the Colonel.
At about six a.m. Mac woke up. As soon as she looked around her the events of the previous night came back to her. She sighed and stood up, glancing fondly down at a picture of Harm and Bud by 'Sarah,' her partner's beloved bi-plane. A noise startled her and she looked up just in time to see Renee Peterson coming into the apartment. They both stopped where they were and stared at each other for about half of a minute before Renee broke the silence.
"What are you doing here?" she demanded.
"N-nothing," Mac said nervously. "I was just going to see if anything needed to be done at his apartment."
"Really," Renee said coldly. Mac nodded. "Well, that's not really your place is it?"
"Excuse me?" Sarah asked, startled at her sharpness.
"Excuse me," Renee mimicked. "You are not his girlfriend. I am. You have no business being here. I do. Get out!"
"What? You're just going to kick me out? This isn't your place."
"Well, it certainly isn't your apartment, either, is it? Harm wanted me to be here. He gave me a key to the place. Can you say that for yourself?" Sarah was taken aback. Renee took her silence to mean that she had no argument against her. "That's what I thought. Now get out before I call the police."
"How dare you!" Mac snapped at her. "I have every right to be here. Harm was my partner and best friend."
"Oh, no, he wasn't. I was his best friend. I was his girlfriend. Do you understand that? I was his. He was mine-not yours. He didn't love you. He was going to let you walk up the aisle tomorrow and not say a thing about it. And why would he do that? Because he didn't want you. He wanted me. He was happy with me. We loved each other. You just kept trying to get in the way, didn't you? Well, you only deluded yourself. He never cared for you. You were a partner, nothing more. I don't know where you get off thinking that he may have loved you, or that he was even a best friend. I mean, Harm was a wonderful person. Why would he want someone like you? Let's see… you're an alcoholic, an adulteress-every man you ever care about winds up dying. Of course, that's it isn't it. You cared for Harm, and now he's dying. How typical." Mac was shocked, and felt like she was in pain, but still tried to defend herself despite the rising tears.
"It's not my fault…"
"OF COURSE IT'S YOUR FAULT! Do you get that? It's all your fault! He was flying home for your wedding. You made him feel guilty, so he was going to make sure he didn't miss it and he's dying because of it! HE'S DYING BECAUSE OF YOU!" Mac stood silently, staring at Renee. She had absolutely nothing to say. Her face was pale and her eyes had a blank, empty look in them. Renee stood about ten yards away from her crying. Lt. Roberts was standing unnoticed by the door, completely unnerved by what he had just seen.
"Umm… Excuse me, Colonel; Miss Peterson," he said, scaring them both. "I'm sorry, ma'am, Chloe tried to call your apartment and you didn't answer, so we thought you might be here and came by. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Lieutenant," Sarah said quietly. "Are you on your way to the hospital?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Okay. I'll follow you there."
"Do you want to ride with us, ma'am… I mean, are you okay driving?" he asked, concerned for her after what he had just seen.
"I'll be fine, Bud, thank you. Is Chloe with you?"
"Yes. She's still in the car with Harriet and baby A.J."
"Okay. I'll let her ride with me."
"Yes, ma'am." Mac walked out of the apartment and went downstairs to get her 'little sister.' When she was gone Bud stood glaring at Renee.
"What? You're not going to offer me a ride?" said Renee sarcastically.
"How could you say those things to Colonel MacKenzie? She didn't do anything wrong."
"She got him killed!"
"He's not dead, Miss Peterson! And what happened wasn't the Colonel's fault. She didn't set the dates for the Commander's carrier qualifications or make the plane malfunction. It was an accident. Blaming people isn't going to make the situation any better. I consider Colonel MacKenzie to be a good friend, so normally after the way you treated her I wouldn't even consider talking to you, but I know you're worried as much as the rest of us, so if you want you can ride with us, but only on one condition."
"Oh, what's that?"
"When we get to the hospital you apologize to Colonel MacKenzie for what you said and tell her that you didn't mean it and only yelled at her because you were so upset."
"Here's the problem with that, Lieutenant. I did mean what I said to her and I have absolutely no intention of apologizing to the woman that put my boyfriend in the hospital."
"Fine. Forget I asked. You can get to Bethesda by yourself."
Bud slammed the door shut as he walked out of the apartment, and Renee collapsed sobbing behind the door.
* * * * * * * * * *
Hours later, Mac was sitting in the waiting room on the fifth floor of Bethesda, staring out the window at the rain. She mentally kicked herself for not having brought a few case files, but then figured that she wouldn't have been able to concentrate on them any more than she had been able to concentrate on the magazines Harriet had let her borrow. All morning her mind had been drifting back to what Renee had said, which was what she was thinking about at the moment.
"She was right," Sarah whispered quietly to herself.
"Did you say something, Colonel?" asked Lt. Sims, who was sitting a few chairs away from her.
"Oh, no. I was just mumbling to myself." She tried to smile convincingly. Harriet frowned slightly. Her husband had informed her of what had happened that morning in Commander Rabb's apartment, and she knew that Colonel MacKenzie wouldn't be taking it lightly. She had tried talking to her some while they were waiting, but Mac hadn't been in the mood. She didn't know what to do. The doctor had said that while it was good that Harm had made it through the night, he still hadn't improved, and now Sarah was trying to act like everything was just fine when in fact she looked exhausted and sick. She wished Bud or the Admiral or even one of the others from the JAG office were there to talk to, but her husband and Chloe had gone with their C.O. to ask the doctor if anything had changed and no one else was coming to the hospital until later that afternoon. Harriet felt her throat getting tight as tears started forming in her eyes. She tried to hide it but started sniffling despite her own efforts. Mac looked up.
"Harriet? Harriet… It's okay. I'm sure Harm will be fine…"
"No, you're not ma'am. You're not any more sure than anyone else is, and it's not just that…"
"What els…"
"You won't even talk to anyone, Colonel! Bud told me about what happened with you and Renee, and I know you're blaming yourself for what happened even though it's not your fault, and you won't talk to me. I thought I was a friend of yours." Mac sighed and handed her a tissue out of her purse.
"Harriet, you are a very good friend of mine. I'm sorry I haven't been very talkative, but I've just been thinking about things. I don't suppose I'm in a very social mood at the moment." They sat silently for a moment before the Lieutenant broke the silence.
"I know. I know, ma'am, and I'm sorry. I guess I just got a little bit upset with everything that has been going on."
"It's okay. We've all been more emotional than usual lately."
"Speaking of emotional, how are you about what Renee said to you earlier?" Mac smiled at her faintly.
"Don't worry about that. She's just as on edge as the rest of us, and I guess she just took it out on me. I'm okay, though."
"Are you sure, ma'am?"
"I'm sure. And listen, when we're off duty, you really should call me Mac."
"Um…. Okay. Mac. Can I ask you something else?"
"Sure. What?"
"What happened to your engagement ring?" Sarah looked down at the finger where the ring had been.
"I gave it back to Mic."
"Temporarily or permanently?" Mac sighed.
"Permanently." She paused briefly. "How long have you been wanting to ask me that?"
"Since this morning when Chloe mentioned it."
"That girl." Mac shook her head.
"She was really worried about you."
"She's a good kid."
"Yes, ma'am…. I mean, Mac." Harriet grinned. "Old habits are hard to break, I guess." Sarah smiled. "Seriously, how are you feeling?"
"Right now I'm just hoping and praying that Harm will be okay. I don't think I've ever prayed so much about anything in my life. I think everything else could fall apart, but if he was okay that would be all that mattered."
"I know how you feel. When Bud was on that submarine that was stolen I didn't care about anything but him being back home and safe. If anything ever happened to him I don't know what I'd do."
"I don't know what I'd do if I lost Harm. He's been my best friend for so long, and we've been through so much together."
"Permission to speak freely?" Mac nodded.
"Is there a chance that the Commander might be more than just a best friend to you?" Sarah laughed nervously.
"What do you mean?"
"Are you in love with him?" Mac paled. Harriet hadn't thought that it would have been possible for her to become any paler than she already had been from worrying about Harm, but evidently it was.
"We've been best friends for a long time, Harriet. We have done a lot…"
"Respectfully, ma'am, that's not what I asked." Mac's mind was racing. Harriet had come out and asked her the one question she never wanted to answer out loud. What on earth was she supposed to say? Thankfully for her, the Admiral chose just that moment to walk in the door.
"Colonel, Lieutenant. The doctor has some news for us."
* * * * * * * * * *
Meanwhile Mic was on his way from the parking lot to the entrance of Bethesda. Before he got there, however, he saw a familiar woman crying on a bench.
"Renee?" he asked, a little bit worried and surprised at the same time. The blond woman looked up and just barely managed to recognize the tall, dark Australian through her tears. "Harm's not…" She shook her head.
"No, he's not dead. At least I don't think so. I haven't been in there to ask."
"Why not?"
"I can't face them."
"Can't face who?"
"Mac. Bud. All of them. I'm sure they all know by now."
"Know what?"
"What, Mac hasn't told you?"
"No. I haven't talked to her since everyone left JAG to come here when Harm first came in."
"Really?"
"Yeah. We broke off the engagement."
"Oh, no. Are you okay?"
"Not really, but we're not talking about me right now. What happened to you?"
"I happened to me," she replied sarcastically before pouring her heart out about the whole incident and how she had chewed Colonel MacKenzie out. Mic just stared on as if in shock. "I feel just awful. I always worried that somehow she would take him from me, and I suppose when he crashed I thought that in a morbid sort of way, she had. I just kept dwelling on that so when I got to his apartment and saw her there I just blew up at her. I know it's kind of ridiculous."
"No, it's not. You love Harm and thought you might lose him to her. You and I both know how close they are."
"I still shouldn't have said what I did."
"No, probably not. I do understand why you said it, though. I just hope she's not beating herself up about it too much. She's a lot more sensitive than she lets people know, and has a bad habit of taking things too personally."
"It would have been kind of hard for her not to take what I said personally."
"I'm sure she realizes you were upset."
"I still feel bad." She smiled at him. "You're a good man, Mic. I hope you do find someone nice."
"Well, you wouldn't be so bad if you weren't taken," he joked. She laughed for the first time that day. "Come on. Let's go inside and see how he's doing."