Thank you to Little Witch, who is the sole reviewer for the fic so far! Thanks hun!
Harry Potter and the Dead Detective- Chapter Two
Jeff stood under the clock at Kings Cross station looking confused and worried. He
had agreed to a case without knowing anything about it, thanks to his overactive
imagination and fantasy life. He just couldn't help it though; most of his real life was dull
as dishwater, and smelled worse. As a result his inability to concentrate on anything other
than Jeannie was growing seriously out of proportion. He had been watching telly the
other night when Anne Robinson had actually morphed into Jeannie, bending over him and
breathing "You're the weakest link Jeff, you naughty boy you…"
The pervy little movie playing behind Jeff's eyelids distracted him from the fact that
Jeannie was actually approaching. She smiled at him and his heart melted.
"Ready to go Jeff?"
"Sure. Can I just ask you something?"
"Go ahead."
"Where are we going?" Jeannie rolled her eyes.
"Honestly Jeff I sometimes wonder if you're ever awake. We're going to platform nine
and three quarters."
Jeff wasn't sure he'd heard her properly. He wanted to ask her what she meant, but
didn't want to make himself sound even more stupid. He followed Jeannie, who was
heading in a direct line towards the barrier between platforms nine and ten. Before he
could shout a warning she had vanished, and moments later his own momentum had
carried him through the barrier. Jeannie was standing on the platform talking to a wizard.
Jeff's eyes were drawn to the red and gold steam train. It was like something out of a
storybook. Jeannie grinned as she saw him staring at it fascinated. Jeff had always loved
trains. He was sweet like that, like a child almost. Just then the train whistled. It was time
to be off.
Once on board, Jeff and Jeannie found a compartment to themselves. Jeannie sat
opposite Jeff and smirked at him.
"So Jeff. Can I assume that you actually don't know anything about our current case?"
Jeff felt his pride had been insulted.
"What do you take me for?! I know we're going to a school to track down a missing
ghost"
"Well aren't you the memory man." Jeannie pulled out her notebook. "We've been
hired by Professor Dumbledore, the head teacher. Our task is to find a ghost that's gone
missing. We'll be given a room each in the staff wing. Most of the staff and pupils have
gone home for Christmas, so we can stay as long as we need and we won't be disturbed.."
"That's what I said." Jeannie looked at him. "Well, almost."
The journey passed uneventfully. At one point a witch with a refreshments trolley
came round. She mothered Jeff when she saw him eating a packet of crisps, and persuaded
him to try a pumpkin pasty instead. However, when he tried to pay with ordinary money
the trolley wouldn't accept it, and nearly bit her. The noise woke Jeannie. She fumbled in
her pocket and produced a handful of silver coins. The refreshments witch took her money
then left, still arguing with her trolley. Jeff was astounded.
"How did you get them?"
"Professor Dumbledore gave me them in case we were hungry. Here, there's some for
you as well." She quickly handed him a small pouch containing silver and copper coins.
Jeff weighed it in his hands and grinned.
"Kept these quiet didn't you?"
"Well I can't be expected to think of everything! If you'd been listening back at the
office you'd have known about them as well." She paused. "What were you up to
anyway? You had an awfully dreamy look on your face." Jeff quickly became interested in
the view from the carriage window. Jeannie looked closer and realized he was blushing.
She decided to give up trying to understand Jeff, and went back to sleep instead.
When they reached the school they were greeted by Dumbledore and McGonagal
along with Rubeus Hagrid, a giant of a man who towered over Jeff even more that most
people did, and Severus Snape the potions teacher. Snape was a thin, pale man with a
sallow complexion and greasy hair. Jeff wasn't sure, but he distinctly sensed that Snape
didn't like him.
"Professor Dumbledore", Snape spoke. "I'm sure Mr. Randall and Miss Hurst are
wondering why you chose them to assist us in this matter, and how they, as non-magicals,
can help us. Perhaps you'd care to explain?" Before Dumbledore could reply Jeannie
stepped in.
"Professor Snape. From what you've just said I gather you don't think we'll be much
use in this case. Let me assure you, the Randall and Hopkirk agency are consummate
professionals who tackle cases with enthusiasm, whether they involve magic or not."
"Excellent Ms Hurst", said Dumbledore, beaming. "Then allow me to introduce Sir De
Mimsy-Porpington, the Reverend Hufflepuff and Baron Slytherin."
Jeannie shrieked as four ghosts promptly appeared, causing Snape to roll his eyes
tellingly at Dumbledore. She glared back at him. Jeff noticed and casually positioned
himself as a kind of human shield between them. His concern was not so much for
Professor Snape's safety as that he would enjoy any form of contact with Jeannie, even
being hit. Especially being hit… He noticed that Dumbledore was speaking, and was
determined to pay attention this time.
"… So you see each house is haunted by one ghost, who is traditionally was a member
of that house before his death. There are four houses, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw
and Slytherin." He paused. "The Ravenclaw house ghost is missing, and we would like
you to find him." One of the ghosts drifted forwards.
"Mr. Randall, I am Sir Nicholas De Mimsy-Porpington, and can I just say how
delighted I am to meet you. Ms Hurst! You look wonderful! Perhaps you would care for a
guided tour of the school?" They left together, while Jeff desperately tried to contain his
jealousy. It was obvious that Jeannie's exit had been arranged for a purpose, but what? It
soon became obvious. Dumbledore raised his wand and pointed down.
"Accio, Marty Hopkirk!" Marty promptly appeared where the wand had pointed, still
clutching an imaginary pint glass. He had spilled imaginary lager down his imaginary white
suit, and as usual when things went wrong he had decided to blame Jeff.
"What d'you think yer playing at, eh? It takes seconds to imagine this suit clean again!"
Jeff scowled at him.
"I bet it takes you ages to think of anything clean Marty." McGonagal coughed. Marty
realized where he was.
"This is it then? Hogwarts? Bit of a dump don't you reckon?" He winked at Jeff, who
sighed.
"Marty, they're wizards, they can see you you moron!"
"And not only wizards", broke in McGonagal in an icy tone of voice. "The atmosphere
of magic around the school is so strong that anyone can see you, Ms Hurst included.
Which is why we thought we'd better get her out of the way before summoning you, given
the history between you." Snape rolled his eyes again.
"Are you telling me half of the partners in this detective agency can't see the other half
on compassionate grounds? How on earth are they ever going to get anything done?
Muggles!" He spat the word contemptuously.
"Severus!" Dumbledore's voice was sharp. "Don't you have some ingredients you need
to add to that Polyjuice Potion? Snape left, and Dumbledore was once again his genial
self.
"Mr. Randall, Mr. Hopkirk, perhaps you'd care for the grand tour?"
Jeff was fascinated by Hogwarts. The classrooms appeared ordinary at first glance, but
then you saw the cauldrons, the bats, the spells written on the blackboards. Jeff's parents
had both been teachers, and he was sure they'd have loved a place like this. Marty didn't
seem so bothered, and spent most of the tour arguing rather heatedly with the Baron.
In the end they came to the large dining hall. Marty decided to take his leave. It made
him envious to watch others eating real food, and besides he could see Jeannie sat at one
of the tables. She was talking animatedly to a student, a girl with pigtails and glasses.
"Give my regards to Wyvern", said Dumbledore. Marty vanished with a confused look
on his face.
Dumbledore left Jeff to speak to another teacher. He spotted Jeannie and began to make
his way towards her. He stumbled, to the sound of laughter from behind him. A small pale
boy followed by two very large ones swept past him.
"Sorry, Muggle!" Jeff regained his balance and stared appalled at the boy. He heard
Jeannie giggle, and turned. She had been joined at the table by three boys and a small girl,
all with red hair. Together, they formed an instant group. Jeff felt saddened. Jeannie had
fitted in straight away; while he couldn't escape the school bully even aged forty. Jeannie
waved him over, and his spirits lifted. He joined the table, and was introduced to
Hermione Granger. The boys with red hair were Fred, George and Ron Weasly, and the
girl was their sister Ginnie. They were joined by a boy with jet-black hair and a strange
scar on his head. This was Harry Potter. Jeff learned they were all members of Gryffindor
house, who stayed over for Christmas.
After the meal Fred and George invited them all to a party in the Gryffindor common
room.
"It's a very select gathering", explained Fred. George joined in.
"Only the crème de la crème."
"Upper school students."
"And lower of course!" added George when he saw Ginnie.
"Familiars…"
"Ghosts…"
"Detectives…"
"The people they let in nowadays!" they chorused.
Jeff and Jeannie stayed at the table a long time talking with the others. Eventually
though they made their excuses and headed up to their rooms to pack. However when Jeff
saw the grounds he refused to stay inside a moment longer.
"How long has it been since we've had snow? Aww, look at it!" He ran out into the
snow, grinning.
"You are such a child!" Jeannie shook her head. "Hey Jeff, catch!" She began to pelt
him with snowballs. Jeff had had a traditional boyhood, and one thing he knew how to do
very well was make snowballs. As a result he soon had the upper hand, and pursued
Jeannie, who was shrieking with laughter. Jeff slipped and lay flat on his back. Jeannie
dashed over with the intention of filling his collar with snow. As she got near she realized
how still he was lying.
"Jeff? Are you alright?" Suddenly he grabbed Jeannie and started to pile snow on top of
her. They rolled around in the snow giggling like kids. Suddenly their eyes met. Jeannie
realized it felt rather good to have Jeff lying on top of her. Jeff took a deep breath and
kissed her gently. They embraced and kissed again. It seemed to last forever. Jeannie felt
Jeff's hands begin to explore her body gently. She sat up.
"We can't do this here."
"Why not?"
"This is a school! There could be thousands of little children watching!"
"They've all gone home for Christmas…"
Jeannie got to her feet and took his hand.
"Race you to my bedroom!"
They ran hand in hand to the entrance and up the stairs. Jeff held the door for Jeannie as
they reached her room. His heart was pounding and his palms were sweaty with nerves.
Jeannie shut the door and kissed him softly. His nervousness vanished as she unfastened
his shirt. Jeannie was beginning to wish she'd never seen Austin Powers Two. The
temptation to shriek, "You are hairy like animal!" was becoming extremely strong, but
she knew he'd be hurt.
"Go and lock the door", she breathed. Jeff turned away, his pulse racing. When he
turned back Jeannie's clothes were in a pile on the floor. She was in bed, beckoning him.
Jeff felt it would be rude to refuse such an invitation.
Meanwhile, Marty was sat in the Gryffindor common room talking to Harry and Ron.
Fred and George had sneaked off to the kitchens to try and steal some food. Ron was
angry.
"I don't know why they don't let me go with them. I know where the kitchens are just
as well as they do."
"Maybe they don't want you to get caught. It must be quite difficult to steal food from
a wizard." Ron sighed resentfully.
"It's not dangerous at all. Not with the map." Marty didn't understand. "It's called the
Marauder's Map. Watch this." As Marty watched, Harry brought out a piece of old
parchment. He tapped it with his wand.
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!" To Marty's astonishment, lines began to
spread over the whole parchment. Within seconds a map of the school had been drawn. As
he looked closer Marty saw that there were dots on the parchment, each one labeled with
a name. Ron bent over and peered at the parchment.
"There's Fred and George, look- Ha! Filch has got them!" Marty joined in the laughter
as the Weasly twins were led away by Argus Filch, the school caretaker. His attention was
drawn by a dot labeled 'The Bloody Baron'. He shivered; the Baron well deserved his
nickname in Marty's opinion. There was something strange about the Baron's position.
"Hey Ron, look at this. Forgive me if I'm being thick, but isn't this dot in the wrong
place?" Ron frowned.
"He's in the dungeons, isn't he?" Harry leaned forward.
"No, look, Marty's right. He's on the wrong side of the wall to be in the dungeon…"
Harry and Ron looked at one another.
"There must be a secret passage!"
Harry Potter and the Dead Detective- Chapter Two
Jeff stood under the clock at Kings Cross station looking confused and worried. He
had agreed to a case without knowing anything about it, thanks to his overactive
imagination and fantasy life. He just couldn't help it though; most of his real life was dull
as dishwater, and smelled worse. As a result his inability to concentrate on anything other
than Jeannie was growing seriously out of proportion. He had been watching telly the
other night when Anne Robinson had actually morphed into Jeannie, bending over him and
breathing "You're the weakest link Jeff, you naughty boy you…"
The pervy little movie playing behind Jeff's eyelids distracted him from the fact that
Jeannie was actually approaching. She smiled at him and his heart melted.
"Ready to go Jeff?"
"Sure. Can I just ask you something?"
"Go ahead."
"Where are we going?" Jeannie rolled her eyes.
"Honestly Jeff I sometimes wonder if you're ever awake. We're going to platform nine
and three quarters."
Jeff wasn't sure he'd heard her properly. He wanted to ask her what she meant, but
didn't want to make himself sound even more stupid. He followed Jeannie, who was
heading in a direct line towards the barrier between platforms nine and ten. Before he
could shout a warning she had vanished, and moments later his own momentum had
carried him through the barrier. Jeannie was standing on the platform talking to a wizard.
Jeff's eyes were drawn to the red and gold steam train. It was like something out of a
storybook. Jeannie grinned as she saw him staring at it fascinated. Jeff had always loved
trains. He was sweet like that, like a child almost. Just then the train whistled. It was time
to be off.
Once on board, Jeff and Jeannie found a compartment to themselves. Jeannie sat
opposite Jeff and smirked at him.
"So Jeff. Can I assume that you actually don't know anything about our current case?"
Jeff felt his pride had been insulted.
"What do you take me for?! I know we're going to a school to track down a missing
ghost"
"Well aren't you the memory man." Jeannie pulled out her notebook. "We've been
hired by Professor Dumbledore, the head teacher. Our task is to find a ghost that's gone
missing. We'll be given a room each in the staff wing. Most of the staff and pupils have
gone home for Christmas, so we can stay as long as we need and we won't be disturbed.."
"That's what I said." Jeannie looked at him. "Well, almost."
The journey passed uneventfully. At one point a witch with a refreshments trolley
came round. She mothered Jeff when she saw him eating a packet of crisps, and persuaded
him to try a pumpkin pasty instead. However, when he tried to pay with ordinary money
the trolley wouldn't accept it, and nearly bit her. The noise woke Jeannie. She fumbled in
her pocket and produced a handful of silver coins. The refreshments witch took her money
then left, still arguing with her trolley. Jeff was astounded.
"How did you get them?"
"Professor Dumbledore gave me them in case we were hungry. Here, there's some for
you as well." She quickly handed him a small pouch containing silver and copper coins.
Jeff weighed it in his hands and grinned.
"Kept these quiet didn't you?"
"Well I can't be expected to think of everything! If you'd been listening back at the
office you'd have known about them as well." She paused. "What were you up to
anyway? You had an awfully dreamy look on your face." Jeff quickly became interested in
the view from the carriage window. Jeannie looked closer and realized he was blushing.
She decided to give up trying to understand Jeff, and went back to sleep instead.
When they reached the school they were greeted by Dumbledore and McGonagal
along with Rubeus Hagrid, a giant of a man who towered over Jeff even more that most
people did, and Severus Snape the potions teacher. Snape was a thin, pale man with a
sallow complexion and greasy hair. Jeff wasn't sure, but he distinctly sensed that Snape
didn't like him.
"Professor Dumbledore", Snape spoke. "I'm sure Mr. Randall and Miss Hurst are
wondering why you chose them to assist us in this matter, and how they, as non-magicals,
can help us. Perhaps you'd care to explain?" Before Dumbledore could reply Jeannie
stepped in.
"Professor Snape. From what you've just said I gather you don't think we'll be much
use in this case. Let me assure you, the Randall and Hopkirk agency are consummate
professionals who tackle cases with enthusiasm, whether they involve magic or not."
"Excellent Ms Hurst", said Dumbledore, beaming. "Then allow me to introduce Sir De
Mimsy-Porpington, the Reverend Hufflepuff and Baron Slytherin."
Jeannie shrieked as four ghosts promptly appeared, causing Snape to roll his eyes
tellingly at Dumbledore. She glared back at him. Jeff noticed and casually positioned
himself as a kind of human shield between them. His concern was not so much for
Professor Snape's safety as that he would enjoy any form of contact with Jeannie, even
being hit. Especially being hit… He noticed that Dumbledore was speaking, and was
determined to pay attention this time.
"… So you see each house is haunted by one ghost, who is traditionally was a member
of that house before his death. There are four houses, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw
and Slytherin." He paused. "The Ravenclaw house ghost is missing, and we would like
you to find him." One of the ghosts drifted forwards.
"Mr. Randall, I am Sir Nicholas De Mimsy-Porpington, and can I just say how
delighted I am to meet you. Ms Hurst! You look wonderful! Perhaps you would care for a
guided tour of the school?" They left together, while Jeff desperately tried to contain his
jealousy. It was obvious that Jeannie's exit had been arranged for a purpose, but what? It
soon became obvious. Dumbledore raised his wand and pointed down.
"Accio, Marty Hopkirk!" Marty promptly appeared where the wand had pointed, still
clutching an imaginary pint glass. He had spilled imaginary lager down his imaginary white
suit, and as usual when things went wrong he had decided to blame Jeff.
"What d'you think yer playing at, eh? It takes seconds to imagine this suit clean again!"
Jeff scowled at him.
"I bet it takes you ages to think of anything clean Marty." McGonagal coughed. Marty
realized where he was.
"This is it then? Hogwarts? Bit of a dump don't you reckon?" He winked at Jeff, who
sighed.
"Marty, they're wizards, they can see you you moron!"
"And not only wizards", broke in McGonagal in an icy tone of voice. "The atmosphere
of magic around the school is so strong that anyone can see you, Ms Hurst included.
Which is why we thought we'd better get her out of the way before summoning you, given
the history between you." Snape rolled his eyes again.
"Are you telling me half of the partners in this detective agency can't see the other half
on compassionate grounds? How on earth are they ever going to get anything done?
Muggles!" He spat the word contemptuously.
"Severus!" Dumbledore's voice was sharp. "Don't you have some ingredients you need
to add to that Polyjuice Potion? Snape left, and Dumbledore was once again his genial
self.
"Mr. Randall, Mr. Hopkirk, perhaps you'd care for the grand tour?"
Jeff was fascinated by Hogwarts. The classrooms appeared ordinary at first glance, but
then you saw the cauldrons, the bats, the spells written on the blackboards. Jeff's parents
had both been teachers, and he was sure they'd have loved a place like this. Marty didn't
seem so bothered, and spent most of the tour arguing rather heatedly with the Baron.
In the end they came to the large dining hall. Marty decided to take his leave. It made
him envious to watch others eating real food, and besides he could see Jeannie sat at one
of the tables. She was talking animatedly to a student, a girl with pigtails and glasses.
"Give my regards to Wyvern", said Dumbledore. Marty vanished with a confused look
on his face.
Dumbledore left Jeff to speak to another teacher. He spotted Jeannie and began to make
his way towards her. He stumbled, to the sound of laughter from behind him. A small pale
boy followed by two very large ones swept past him.
"Sorry, Muggle!" Jeff regained his balance and stared appalled at the boy. He heard
Jeannie giggle, and turned. She had been joined at the table by three boys and a small girl,
all with red hair. Together, they formed an instant group. Jeff felt saddened. Jeannie had
fitted in straight away; while he couldn't escape the school bully even aged forty. Jeannie
waved him over, and his spirits lifted. He joined the table, and was introduced to
Hermione Granger. The boys with red hair were Fred, George and Ron Weasly, and the
girl was their sister Ginnie. They were joined by a boy with jet-black hair and a strange
scar on his head. This was Harry Potter. Jeff learned they were all members of Gryffindor
house, who stayed over for Christmas.
After the meal Fred and George invited them all to a party in the Gryffindor common
room.
"It's a very select gathering", explained Fred. George joined in.
"Only the crème de la crème."
"Upper school students."
"And lower of course!" added George when he saw Ginnie.
"Familiars…"
"Ghosts…"
"Detectives…"
"The people they let in nowadays!" they chorused.
Jeff and Jeannie stayed at the table a long time talking with the others. Eventually
though they made their excuses and headed up to their rooms to pack. However when Jeff
saw the grounds he refused to stay inside a moment longer.
"How long has it been since we've had snow? Aww, look at it!" He ran out into the
snow, grinning.
"You are such a child!" Jeannie shook her head. "Hey Jeff, catch!" She began to pelt
him with snowballs. Jeff had had a traditional boyhood, and one thing he knew how to do
very well was make snowballs. As a result he soon had the upper hand, and pursued
Jeannie, who was shrieking with laughter. Jeff slipped and lay flat on his back. Jeannie
dashed over with the intention of filling his collar with snow. As she got near she realized
how still he was lying.
"Jeff? Are you alright?" Suddenly he grabbed Jeannie and started to pile snow on top of
her. They rolled around in the snow giggling like kids. Suddenly their eyes met. Jeannie
realized it felt rather good to have Jeff lying on top of her. Jeff took a deep breath and
kissed her gently. They embraced and kissed again. It seemed to last forever. Jeannie felt
Jeff's hands begin to explore her body gently. She sat up.
"We can't do this here."
"Why not?"
"This is a school! There could be thousands of little children watching!"
"They've all gone home for Christmas…"
Jeannie got to her feet and took his hand.
"Race you to my bedroom!"
They ran hand in hand to the entrance and up the stairs. Jeff held the door for Jeannie as
they reached her room. His heart was pounding and his palms were sweaty with nerves.
Jeannie shut the door and kissed him softly. His nervousness vanished as she unfastened
his shirt. Jeannie was beginning to wish she'd never seen Austin Powers Two. The
temptation to shriek, "You are hairy like animal!" was becoming extremely strong, but
she knew he'd be hurt.
"Go and lock the door", she breathed. Jeff turned away, his pulse racing. When he
turned back Jeannie's clothes were in a pile on the floor. She was in bed, beckoning him.
Jeff felt it would be rude to refuse such an invitation.
Meanwhile, Marty was sat in the Gryffindor common room talking to Harry and Ron.
Fred and George had sneaked off to the kitchens to try and steal some food. Ron was
angry.
"I don't know why they don't let me go with them. I know where the kitchens are just
as well as they do."
"Maybe they don't want you to get caught. It must be quite difficult to steal food from
a wizard." Ron sighed resentfully.
"It's not dangerous at all. Not with the map." Marty didn't understand. "It's called the
Marauder's Map. Watch this." As Marty watched, Harry brought out a piece of old
parchment. He tapped it with his wand.
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!" To Marty's astonishment, lines began to
spread over the whole parchment. Within seconds a map of the school had been drawn. As
he looked closer Marty saw that there were dots on the parchment, each one labeled with
a name. Ron bent over and peered at the parchment.
"There's Fred and George, look- Ha! Filch has got them!" Marty joined in the laughter
as the Weasly twins were led away by Argus Filch, the school caretaker. His attention was
drawn by a dot labeled 'The Bloody Baron'. He shivered; the Baron well deserved his
nickname in Marty's opinion. There was something strange about the Baron's position.
"Hey Ron, look at this. Forgive me if I'm being thick, but isn't this dot in the wrong
place?" Ron frowned.
"He's in the dungeons, isn't he?" Harry leaned forward.
"No, look, Marty's right. He's on the wrong side of the wall to be in the dungeon…"
Harry and Ron looked at one another.
"There must be a secret passage!"