LINK, THE MONKEY BOY
Chapter 2: Link's Awakening
As Link opened his eyes, he was sitting in something slimy but warm. He could hear some frequently pounding
noises from somewhere above him. He tried to get up, but couldn't because something was attached to him that
held him back.
Then suddenly he started moving downwards. He felt kind of disappointed that he would have to leave so soon,
he found it quite comfortable in there. A hole opened in front of him to reveal grass, lots of grass. As his head came
out, he turned around to see... a huge gorilla!
Slowly Link began to understand what was going on and when he did, the small amount of hope he still had left
after the unfortunate body change, immediately drained. It was his birth! He had been inside the belly of a gorilla!
The animal that was looking at him was his mother, and not just some gorilla in a zoo that he'd normally feed
with bananas although it was prohibited to feed the animals. And as if it wasn't bad enough as it was, he also had
to drink milk from the gorilla's breasts, which couldn't even compare to the milk from his real, human mother's
breasts. Link had never felt this humiliated in his entire life and he probably never would either.
"God, please put me out of this misery," Link begged, but it was for no use as the big gorilla hugged him and started
cuddling with him.
Then she said, in the gorilla language which Link could now understand: "I think I will name you Zelda."
"What kind of a cruel fanfic is this?" Link yelled in the human language so that the big gorilla wouldn't turn mad at
him for not sharing her happiness. Before he had time to decide whether to laugh or to cry, he fell asleep in his
new mother's arms.
As he opened his eyes, he realized they weren't alone. Maybe it was because a huge male gorilla was staring right
into his eyes, or maybe he was just being paranoid. He decided for the first alternative and tried his best to handle
it like a man.
"WAAAAAAA!!" he yelled. And you don't have to be a human to understand the universal language of fear.
"What's the matter, son?" his mother asked. "Are you afraid of your father?"
"Father," Link said in the gorilla language. "Of course, everybody has to have a father. Of course. How stupid of me.
Hello, father."
"Hello there, son," his father said. "What was your name again?"
"L--"
"Zelda is his name," his mother interrupted. "I can't believe you forgot it this time too."
"This time too?" Link thought. "Then I must have a brother or a sister. Or maybe both. Hey, what am I talking about?
This isn't my family!"
"He's gonna grow up to be a sissy anyway," his father said. "He screams like a girl. And it's your fault."
"Once again you were out drinking with your friends and missed the birth of another one of your children. You're a
lousy father and I don't know why I'm keeping you."
"Shut up. Anyway, I'm off to do some drin... errr, business. I'll be back..."
"You go ahead. Leave us alone, you big alcoholic."
"Alright, that does it. You can call me a lot of things, but one thing I'm not is an alcoholic! I think I'm just gonna teach
you a little lesson about calling me names..."
"You're drunk, aren't you? And why am I not surprised?"
"Shut up, bitch," he said. "I am perfectly sober and there's no need for you and your twin sister to tell me that I'm
not. Now me is gonna kick your..."
"Hey, Ezra!" another gorilla said.
"A gorilla named Ezra," Link thought. "This fanfic is just getting weirder and weirder."
"Are you ready to go?" the unknown gorilla asked. "Happy Hour starts in a minute..."
"Hey, didn't I tell you I was 'not' gonna drink? I'm supposed to..."
"Oh, yeah. Now I remember. You're gonna do some business, right?"
"Right on. A big load of bananas coming in tonight. Gotta deliver them to the other side of the jungle. Will probably
take all night."
"You're a terrible liar, Ezra."
"You're a terrible wife, Bitch," he said and went out into the jungle.
Link was shocked.
"Are you just gonna tolerate that?"
"What, that he left for the bar? He does it all the time, there's no way I can stop him."
"I meant that you just stood there while he called you 'bitch'."
"I'm sorry, but I don't know what you're talking about. My name is Bitch and I don't see what's so wrong with that."
"Oh," Link said. Then he realized two things. 1: He was a son of a Bitch and 2: In the monkey language, Bitch was
a name and not another word for whore. "But he's still a lousy husband."
"Yeah, tell me about it. But it's late now, we must go to sleep. Screw you, Zelda."
"Wha--" Link said, but he figured out that 'screw you' was gorillian for 'goodnight'. "Screw you, Bitch," he said and
fell asleep.
~~END OF CHAPTER 2
TO BE CONTINUED
Chapter 2: Link's Awakening
As Link opened his eyes, he was sitting in something slimy but warm. He could hear some frequently pounding
noises from somewhere above him. He tried to get up, but couldn't because something was attached to him that
held him back.
Then suddenly he started moving downwards. He felt kind of disappointed that he would have to leave so soon,
he found it quite comfortable in there. A hole opened in front of him to reveal grass, lots of grass. As his head came
out, he turned around to see... a huge gorilla!
Slowly Link began to understand what was going on and when he did, the small amount of hope he still had left
after the unfortunate body change, immediately drained. It was his birth! He had been inside the belly of a gorilla!
The animal that was looking at him was his mother, and not just some gorilla in a zoo that he'd normally feed
with bananas although it was prohibited to feed the animals. And as if it wasn't bad enough as it was, he also had
to drink milk from the gorilla's breasts, which couldn't even compare to the milk from his real, human mother's
breasts. Link had never felt this humiliated in his entire life and he probably never would either.
"God, please put me out of this misery," Link begged, but it was for no use as the big gorilla hugged him and started
cuddling with him.
Then she said, in the gorilla language which Link could now understand: "I think I will name you Zelda."
"What kind of a cruel fanfic is this?" Link yelled in the human language so that the big gorilla wouldn't turn mad at
him for not sharing her happiness. Before he had time to decide whether to laugh or to cry, he fell asleep in his
new mother's arms.
As he opened his eyes, he realized they weren't alone. Maybe it was because a huge male gorilla was staring right
into his eyes, or maybe he was just being paranoid. He decided for the first alternative and tried his best to handle
it like a man.
"WAAAAAAA!!" he yelled. And you don't have to be a human to understand the universal language of fear.
"What's the matter, son?" his mother asked. "Are you afraid of your father?"
"Father," Link said in the gorilla language. "Of course, everybody has to have a father. Of course. How stupid of me.
Hello, father."
"Hello there, son," his father said. "What was your name again?"
"L--"
"Zelda is his name," his mother interrupted. "I can't believe you forgot it this time too."
"This time too?" Link thought. "Then I must have a brother or a sister. Or maybe both. Hey, what am I talking about?
This isn't my family!"
"He's gonna grow up to be a sissy anyway," his father said. "He screams like a girl. And it's your fault."
"Once again you were out drinking with your friends and missed the birth of another one of your children. You're a
lousy father and I don't know why I'm keeping you."
"Shut up. Anyway, I'm off to do some drin... errr, business. I'll be back..."
"You go ahead. Leave us alone, you big alcoholic."
"Alright, that does it. You can call me a lot of things, but one thing I'm not is an alcoholic! I think I'm just gonna teach
you a little lesson about calling me names..."
"You're drunk, aren't you? And why am I not surprised?"
"Shut up, bitch," he said. "I am perfectly sober and there's no need for you and your twin sister to tell me that I'm
not. Now me is gonna kick your..."
"Hey, Ezra!" another gorilla said.
"A gorilla named Ezra," Link thought. "This fanfic is just getting weirder and weirder."
"Are you ready to go?" the unknown gorilla asked. "Happy Hour starts in a minute..."
"Hey, didn't I tell you I was 'not' gonna drink? I'm supposed to..."
"Oh, yeah. Now I remember. You're gonna do some business, right?"
"Right on. A big load of bananas coming in tonight. Gotta deliver them to the other side of the jungle. Will probably
take all night."
"You're a terrible liar, Ezra."
"You're a terrible wife, Bitch," he said and went out into the jungle.
Link was shocked.
"Are you just gonna tolerate that?"
"What, that he left for the bar? He does it all the time, there's no way I can stop him."
"I meant that you just stood there while he called you 'bitch'."
"I'm sorry, but I don't know what you're talking about. My name is Bitch and I don't see what's so wrong with that."
"Oh," Link said. Then he realized two things. 1: He was a son of a Bitch and 2: In the monkey language, Bitch was
a name and not another word for whore. "But he's still a lousy husband."
"Yeah, tell me about it. But it's late now, we must go to sleep. Screw you, Zelda."
"Wha--" Link said, but he figured out that 'screw you' was gorillian for 'goodnight'. "Screw you, Bitch," he said and
fell asleep.
~~END OF CHAPTER 2
TO BE CONTINUED