*** I know those of you who know how I write were waiting for this chapter...the song-fic. The song is "What Do I Have to Do? By Stabbing Westward. They totally kick ass FYI. Enjoy...and review pretty please? ***
December 2001
//You make it hard to breathe
It's as if I'm suffocating,//
Stephanie got into the limo her father had rented for her and Hunter. Hunter had been back for two weeks. She hadn't been able to see Jeff since Hunter had gotten back. She missed him. She missed how he didn't try to dictate her life. She missed being with someone who wasn't consumed with protecting her.
There was a time that she had valued the way Hunter had protected her. It made her feel special and cherished. Now it made her feel like an object that was guarded jealously. She didn't pretend to love Jeff, just like Jeff did not pretend to love her. But they enjoyed each other.
The truth was Stephanie couldn't be around Hunter without feeling guilty. She wasn't worthy of his love. She was only worthy of the names Jericho and The Rock had called her. She was a slut.
//And when you're next to me
I can feel your heartbeat through my skin.//
Hunter looked over at his wife. She was staring out of the window. She was so quiet all the time. She had been since she lost the baby. He wished he could think of a way to help her. She was adamant about not going to counseling.
When he had confronted her about not coming home she had told him she couldn't stand to be at home, knowing that they should be decorating a nursery. It made him want to kill Steve Austin more than he already did. He and Vince were making plans to make Austin pay.
Hunter took Stephanie's hand in his. She turned to look at him and smiled. He returned the soft smile and squeezed her hand.
//It makes me sad to think that this could all be for nothing.
I wish there was a way for you to see inside me.//
Stephanie felt her heart break again when she remembered the last time Hunter had squeezed her hand that way. They had been waiting for the results of her pregnancy test. She wanted to break down and sob. Why couldn't Hunter just see that she was a curse?
She couldn't even say she wanted to be around Hunter anymore. Before she had wanted to be around him because he felt the same pain she felt after losing their child. But now she wanted to push him away. She ruined the lives of those she loved. Jericho, Shane, her baby, and Hunter would be the next on that list.
Stephanie decided right then that she would find a way to get out of the room that night. She couldn't spend another night without release. The only one who gave her that was Jeff. She didn't understand why or how, but he made her feel free.
//Because I've never felt this way
About anyone or anything,
So tell me...//
Hunter woke up at 3 a.m. and rolled onto his side to face Stephanie. But Stephanie wasn't there. Hunter got out of bed and went to the bathroom. She wasn't in there. He went back and sat on the bed. There was a note on the table by the bed.
Hunter, I went for a walk. I couldn't seem to sleep. I'll be back soon. Don't worry. Steph.
Like hell he wouldn't worry. She was out walking alone this late at night? It's not like they knew the area or anything. Did Stephanie have a death wish or something.
Part of him wanted to just leave Stephanie. She obviously wasn't trying to make them work. But he had never been in love like he was with her. Some things you had to keep trying to fix. And he hoped he would always try to stay with Stephanie...no matter what.
//What do I have to do to make you happy?
What do I have to do to make you understand?
What I have to do to make you want me?//
Chris Jericho was sitting on the railing of his hotel room's balcony with a can of beer in his hand. The city lights were beautiful. But he didn't see any of them. He only saw blackness. His life was empty again. He had done what he had sworn he would never do again.
He let a woman matter to him. Not only had he let a woman matter to him, she was the one who had convinced him women were manipulative and uncaring. Now that Stephanie didn't need him anymore he felt useless. He didn't know how he had let himself care for her again. But he did.
There was a knock on the door that adjoined to his room. "Come in!" Jericho called.
"Hey man," Matt Hardy said, coming in with Lita.
"Hey guys," Jericho said. "What's up?
"We're ordering some pizzas," Matt said. "You want some?"
"Yeah sure," Jericho said, hoping he could get Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley off his mind.
//If I can't make you want then tell me,
What do I have to do?//
Hunter tried to get back to sleep. But he couldn't. He didn't pretend to understand his wife. She was caring, but detached. She was thoughtful, but she didn't talk to him. They used to be best friends. Now she just seemed to go through the motions.
She was never happy. He couldn't make her happy. He wondered how long she could mourn the miscarriage. It had affected him too, but he moved on. You couldn't stop living. You couldn't let the rest of the world just pass you by.
Hunter got back out bed and started to pace the room.
//I know exactly what you're thinking,
But I swear this time I will not let you down.//
Jeff traced a pattern down Stephanie's arm. He knew that she didn't love him. He couldn't help but fall in love with her. She had an air of fragility about her that made her seem so appealing. She didn't make the emotional demands on him that other women did. She was just there.
Stephanie turned in his arms and smiled, "I really needed to be with you."
"I'm glad," Jeff said, leaning down to kiss her thoroughly.
"I need to get back," Stephanie said. "I hate having to sneak around."
"I know," Jeff said. "But do you want to ruin your marriage?"
//I'm not as selfish as I used to be,
That was a part of me that never made me proud.
Right now I think I would try anything,
Anything at all to keep you satisfied.//
Stephanie turned the words Jeff had said over in her head. Did she want to ruin her marriage? Did she want to find a way out of her pain? Did she want to find a way to avoid Hunter?
What could hurt Hunter more than her cheating on him. She hadn't slept with him since the miscarriage. He thought she was afraid to risk getting pregnant again. She really thought if she made love with her husband it would be like forgiveness, and God knew she didn't deserve it.
Did she want to ruin her marriage. "I'll walk you back," Jeff said, pulling on a pair of leather pants and a white t-shirt. Stephanie walked over to him and kissed him again.
"Thanks babe," she whispered.
//God I hope you see what losing you could do to me,
All I want is one more chance so tell me...//
It was 4:30 a.m. and Stephanie still wasn't back. Hunter got out of bed and pulled on a pair of workout pants and a t-shirt. He laced his tennis shoes and grabbed a room key.
He was angry. Stephanie was being inconsiderate. All he wanted was to make her happy but she would not let him. All he wanted in this life was for them to be able to go back. All he wanted was his wife back.
He had a feeling she would never be back. At least not like she used to be.
//What do I have to do to make you happy?
What do I have to do to make you understand?
What I have to do to make you want me?
If I can't make you want then tell me, tell me...//
Jericho walked down the hotel hallway to the ice machine. Matt and Lita had broken into the mini-bar and Lita wanted a scotch on the rocks. He heard soft laughter and turned to see a couple coming out of a nearby room. Young love, Jericho thought. He then looked back at the couple as they started walking toward him.
"What the hell are you two doing?" Jericho asked.
Stephanie looked up, shock and horror evident in her eyes. "Chris!"
"Stephanie!" Jericho said back to her, mimicking her.
"It isn't what it looks like man," Jeff said.
"It's exactly what it looks like," Stephanie said. "Jericho isn't stupid. He knows what a tramp I am."
"That's right," Jericho said. "I guess I was right the first time. I guess I never should have changed my mind about you."
"Look man," Jeff said. "Lay off."
"Here Jeff," Jericho said, giving Jeff the ice bucket. "Your brother and his girlfriend are waiting for this."
"I was walking Stephanie back," Jeff said.
"I'll do it," Jericho said, daring Jeff to challenge him.
//What do I have to do to make you happy?
What do I have to do to make you understand?
What I have to do to make you want me?
If I can't make you want then tell me,//
"How could you Stephanie?" Jericho asked.
"What?" Stephanie asked. "Live up to my reputation? A reputation you helped create I might add."
"I thought I was wrong until tonight," Jericho said. "Hunter loves you."
"He shouldn't," Stephanie said. "I break people's hearts. Don't I?"
"What the hell is going on?" Hunter asked when he spotted Stephanie and Jericho. He could read the look of pure disgust on Jericho's face from a mile away. Jericho turned to look at Hunter, wanting to tell him to run from Stephanie as fast as he could. Then he looked at Stephanie and saw the pleading look on her face.
"Don't break his heart," Stephanie whispered while Hunter was still out of hearing range.
"I thought that was what you wanted," Jericho said.
"I was wrong," Stephanie said, only half-believing her words.
//What do I have to do to forget about you?//
Jericho walked down the hall back towards his room. He had saved her again. He told Hunter they had run into each other while they were out on a walk. And Hunter believed it. Hunter had come to trust him.
Jericho felt like shit. He wanted to kill Stephanie. He wanted to ask her why? He wanted to ask her why it hadn't been him she had come to for comfort? But that was over. Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley was out of his life forever.
He only wished he could believe that.
December 2001
//You make it hard to breathe
It's as if I'm suffocating,//
Stephanie got into the limo her father had rented for her and Hunter. Hunter had been back for two weeks. She hadn't been able to see Jeff since Hunter had gotten back. She missed him. She missed how he didn't try to dictate her life. She missed being with someone who wasn't consumed with protecting her.
There was a time that she had valued the way Hunter had protected her. It made her feel special and cherished. Now it made her feel like an object that was guarded jealously. She didn't pretend to love Jeff, just like Jeff did not pretend to love her. But they enjoyed each other.
The truth was Stephanie couldn't be around Hunter without feeling guilty. She wasn't worthy of his love. She was only worthy of the names Jericho and The Rock had called her. She was a slut.
//And when you're next to me
I can feel your heartbeat through my skin.//
Hunter looked over at his wife. She was staring out of the window. She was so quiet all the time. She had been since she lost the baby. He wished he could think of a way to help her. She was adamant about not going to counseling.
When he had confronted her about not coming home she had told him she couldn't stand to be at home, knowing that they should be decorating a nursery. It made him want to kill Steve Austin more than he already did. He and Vince were making plans to make Austin pay.
Hunter took Stephanie's hand in his. She turned to look at him and smiled. He returned the soft smile and squeezed her hand.
//It makes me sad to think that this could all be for nothing.
I wish there was a way for you to see inside me.//
Stephanie felt her heart break again when she remembered the last time Hunter had squeezed her hand that way. They had been waiting for the results of her pregnancy test. She wanted to break down and sob. Why couldn't Hunter just see that she was a curse?
She couldn't even say she wanted to be around Hunter anymore. Before she had wanted to be around him because he felt the same pain she felt after losing their child. But now she wanted to push him away. She ruined the lives of those she loved. Jericho, Shane, her baby, and Hunter would be the next on that list.
Stephanie decided right then that she would find a way to get out of the room that night. She couldn't spend another night without release. The only one who gave her that was Jeff. She didn't understand why or how, but he made her feel free.
//Because I've never felt this way
About anyone or anything,
So tell me...//
Hunter woke up at 3 a.m. and rolled onto his side to face Stephanie. But Stephanie wasn't there. Hunter got out of bed and went to the bathroom. She wasn't in there. He went back and sat on the bed. There was a note on the table by the bed.
Hunter, I went for a walk. I couldn't seem to sleep. I'll be back soon. Don't worry. Steph.
Like hell he wouldn't worry. She was out walking alone this late at night? It's not like they knew the area or anything. Did Stephanie have a death wish or something.
Part of him wanted to just leave Stephanie. She obviously wasn't trying to make them work. But he had never been in love like he was with her. Some things you had to keep trying to fix. And he hoped he would always try to stay with Stephanie...no matter what.
//What do I have to do to make you happy?
What do I have to do to make you understand?
What I have to do to make you want me?//
Chris Jericho was sitting on the railing of his hotel room's balcony with a can of beer in his hand. The city lights were beautiful. But he didn't see any of them. He only saw blackness. His life was empty again. He had done what he had sworn he would never do again.
He let a woman matter to him. Not only had he let a woman matter to him, she was the one who had convinced him women were manipulative and uncaring. Now that Stephanie didn't need him anymore he felt useless. He didn't know how he had let himself care for her again. But he did.
There was a knock on the door that adjoined to his room. "Come in!" Jericho called.
"Hey man," Matt Hardy said, coming in with Lita.
"Hey guys," Jericho said. "What's up?
"We're ordering some pizzas," Matt said. "You want some?"
"Yeah sure," Jericho said, hoping he could get Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley off his mind.
//If I can't make you want then tell me,
What do I have to do?//
Hunter tried to get back to sleep. But he couldn't. He didn't pretend to understand his wife. She was caring, but detached. She was thoughtful, but she didn't talk to him. They used to be best friends. Now she just seemed to go through the motions.
She was never happy. He couldn't make her happy. He wondered how long she could mourn the miscarriage. It had affected him too, but he moved on. You couldn't stop living. You couldn't let the rest of the world just pass you by.
Hunter got back out bed and started to pace the room.
//I know exactly what you're thinking,
But I swear this time I will not let you down.//
Jeff traced a pattern down Stephanie's arm. He knew that she didn't love him. He couldn't help but fall in love with her. She had an air of fragility about her that made her seem so appealing. She didn't make the emotional demands on him that other women did. She was just there.
Stephanie turned in his arms and smiled, "I really needed to be with you."
"I'm glad," Jeff said, leaning down to kiss her thoroughly.
"I need to get back," Stephanie said. "I hate having to sneak around."
"I know," Jeff said. "But do you want to ruin your marriage?"
//I'm not as selfish as I used to be,
That was a part of me that never made me proud.
Right now I think I would try anything,
Anything at all to keep you satisfied.//
Stephanie turned the words Jeff had said over in her head. Did she want to ruin her marriage? Did she want to find a way out of her pain? Did she want to find a way to avoid Hunter?
What could hurt Hunter more than her cheating on him. She hadn't slept with him since the miscarriage. He thought she was afraid to risk getting pregnant again. She really thought if she made love with her husband it would be like forgiveness, and God knew she didn't deserve it.
Did she want to ruin her marriage. "I'll walk you back," Jeff said, pulling on a pair of leather pants and a white t-shirt. Stephanie walked over to him and kissed him again.
"Thanks babe," she whispered.
//God I hope you see what losing you could do to me,
All I want is one more chance so tell me...//
It was 4:30 a.m. and Stephanie still wasn't back. Hunter got out of bed and pulled on a pair of workout pants and a t-shirt. He laced his tennis shoes and grabbed a room key.
He was angry. Stephanie was being inconsiderate. All he wanted was to make her happy but she would not let him. All he wanted in this life was for them to be able to go back. All he wanted was his wife back.
He had a feeling she would never be back. At least not like she used to be.
//What do I have to do to make you happy?
What do I have to do to make you understand?
What I have to do to make you want me?
If I can't make you want then tell me, tell me...//
Jericho walked down the hotel hallway to the ice machine. Matt and Lita had broken into the mini-bar and Lita wanted a scotch on the rocks. He heard soft laughter and turned to see a couple coming out of a nearby room. Young love, Jericho thought. He then looked back at the couple as they started walking toward him.
"What the hell are you two doing?" Jericho asked.
Stephanie looked up, shock and horror evident in her eyes. "Chris!"
"Stephanie!" Jericho said back to her, mimicking her.
"It isn't what it looks like man," Jeff said.
"It's exactly what it looks like," Stephanie said. "Jericho isn't stupid. He knows what a tramp I am."
"That's right," Jericho said. "I guess I was right the first time. I guess I never should have changed my mind about you."
"Look man," Jeff said. "Lay off."
"Here Jeff," Jericho said, giving Jeff the ice bucket. "Your brother and his girlfriend are waiting for this."
"I was walking Stephanie back," Jeff said.
"I'll do it," Jericho said, daring Jeff to challenge him.
//What do I have to do to make you happy?
What do I have to do to make you understand?
What I have to do to make you want me?
If I can't make you want then tell me,//
"How could you Stephanie?" Jericho asked.
"What?" Stephanie asked. "Live up to my reputation? A reputation you helped create I might add."
"I thought I was wrong until tonight," Jericho said. "Hunter loves you."
"He shouldn't," Stephanie said. "I break people's hearts. Don't I?"
"What the hell is going on?" Hunter asked when he spotted Stephanie and Jericho. He could read the look of pure disgust on Jericho's face from a mile away. Jericho turned to look at Hunter, wanting to tell him to run from Stephanie as fast as he could. Then he looked at Stephanie and saw the pleading look on her face.
"Don't break his heart," Stephanie whispered while Hunter was still out of hearing range.
"I thought that was what you wanted," Jericho said.
"I was wrong," Stephanie said, only half-believing her words.
//What do I have to do to forget about you?//
Jericho walked down the hall back towards his room. He had saved her again. He told Hunter they had run into each other while they were out on a walk. And Hunter believed it. Hunter had come to trust him.
Jericho felt like shit. He wanted to kill Stephanie. He wanted to ask her why? He wanted to ask her why it hadn't been him she had come to for comfort? But that was over. Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley was out of his life forever.
He only wished he could believe that.