FULL CIRCLE
by Avalon (avalon99@telusplanet.net)
http://members.dencity.com/avalon_online
J/C, PG-13, 1/9
NOTE: I wrote this story a couple of years back, but thought
I should pull it out and dust it off. Hope you enjoy!
This is the third and final part of the "Wraiths Trilogy", which began with "Eidolon" and "Survival Instinct". Briefly, in part one, Chakotay was possessed by an alien and kidnapped the Captain. In part two, Janeway and Chakotay were caught in a holodeck malfunction and their relationship began to heat up.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS: Thanks to Linda Campbell (as always!) for the
great ideas, the wonderful title, and many of the nastier things that happen
to Janeway and Chakotay. (The mudslide was her idea! Okay -
I owe something to
"Romancing the Stone" too...)
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Don't own 'em. Never did. 'Nuff said.
FULL CIRCLE I
It's not what you think.. Kathryn slowly turned to the
man who had spoken, red sand crunching beneath her feet.
He stared pensively back at her, his dark eyes hooded beneath the sweep
of the tattoo over his eye. She swallowed, feeling reality caving
in around her.
What do you mean? It was her voice, but she couldn't remember
speaking. He shook his head silently and turned
to leave. Kathryn took a step forward but in the space of a heartbeat
he had vanished into the night. Cold fog
swirled around her.
It's not what you think...
With a cry, Kathryn Janeway bolted upright in her bed. "Computer... lights." Instantly, a warm, familiar glow filled the cabin and she lay back, trying to slow her racing heart, staring blankly up at the ceiling. A glance at the chronometer told her it was still the middle of the night. She reached an unsteady hand up to her forehead and wiped away the cold sweat on her brow.
The dream was fading already. This was the second night in a row she had awakened, her heart racing in terror and an ominous sense of foreboding filling her. The second night since...
It's not what you think...
With a startled gasp she sat up again and flung herself from the bed, dragging the covers with her. That hadn't been a nightmare or a memory of fear...she had heard that...
"Computer -- scan for intruders!"
"There are no intruders present." The cool, emotionless tones did nothing to allay the Captain's tension.
"Scan the ship for anomalous readings."
"There are no anomalies present."
She was already moving to the communicator pin on the stand by the
bed. She hit it harder than she intended. "Janeway to the Bridge."
"Yes, Captain?" There was a note of surprise in the woman's voice.
It belonged to -- she had to think for a moment --
Ensign...Rawlins.
"Is everything all right?"
"Yes, Captain." There was a careful pause. "Is there a
problem?"
Janeway opened her mouth to respond, then hesitated. Now that
her heart rate had settled a little, reason was slowly returning.
Alarming her bridge crew in the middle of the night, especially if she
were only hearing things...well, that was something she'd rather
not do, if only to spare herself the embarrassment. She had had enough
of that to last a lifetime as it was... She forced her voice to emulate
its normal calm. "No. Everything's fine. Janeway out."
She could just imagine the talk in the mess hall tomorrow -- calling
the bridge crew in the dead of night for no apparent reason was unprecedented
enough to warrant a spate of gossip. As if she hadn't given them
enough to gossip about already... She sighed, the dark sense of dread
within her fading rapidly, along with the memory of the dream. She
must have imagined it...
She was bending to pick up the bedcover when a faint ripple of foreboding
caressed her back. She straightened quickly and glanced over her
shoulder...and a blinding flash of light washed over her.
Janeway gasped. The world had changed. Instead of the warm familiarity of her cabin she could see a distant city, glimmering in the sunlight. Strange birds wheeled in the electric blue sky while, underfoot, alien plants whispered in the breeze. She could feel the warm air, smell the tiny flowers dusting the field she found herself in. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to will away the vision, then reopened them...to find herself alone in her cabin.
She stood frozen in place for a moment, one hand still holding the blanket. And then she heard it again:
It's not what you think.
With a sharply inhaled breath, the Captain dropped the blanket, hastily seized her robe from the back of her chair, and bolted from the room.
* * *
Janeway met no one between her cabin and sickbay. At this hour the corridors of Voyager were mostly deserted. Which was just as well, she thought to herself -- the sight of the Captain dashing through the ship in nothing but a pale peach nightgown and matching robe would have wreaked further havoc on her already damaged dignity. But by this point, Janeway didn't care. These dreams were becoming... something more than dreams.
Without pause she hurtled into the darkened sickbay. The lights obligingly brightened as she entered. "Activate emergency medical hologram." She was slightly out of breath.
The Doctor materialized instantly. "Please state the nature..." He stopped himself with an effort. "Captain?" There was a note of surprise in his voice. "Are you all right?"
"Yes. No. I'm not sure." He frowned, and she made an effort to martial her thoughts. As succinctly as possible she told him what had happened. His frown deepened and he picked up a medical tricorder. Janeway held still as he scanned her, gnawing on her lower lip.
"Well?" She said at last.
He closed the tricorder with a snap. "You're perfectly healthy. You were probably just dreaming."
She shot him a look. "It was more than a dream, Doctor. I definitely heard...and saw...something. In my cabin."
The hologram glanced down at the tricorder. "Well, the level of isotronic neutrinos in your brain are slightly elevated. But that could be from any manner of causes. And that shouldn't account for you hearing things..."
Her irritation was growing. "I am not hearing things. Well...I am...but they're real. I definitely heard a voice."
"And what did this voice say?"
She swallowed her ire. He was humouring her. She hated being humoured by holograms...or by anyone for that matter. "'It's not what you think'".
"What isn't?"
"No. That's what the voice said."
"Oh. Is that all?"
Janeway nodded, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. The Doctor pursed his lips. "Well, aside from the slight change in your neutrino levels, there's nothing wrong with you. I suggest you relax and try to get some sleep. Count chickens."
She sighed. "Sheep."
"I beg your pardon?"
"You count sheep to fall asleep. Chickens are what you don't count before they hatch."
He looked baffled. Suddenly Janeway felt the urge to laugh. This was becoming too ridiculous. She was standing in sickbay in the middle of the night discussing colloquialisms with a hologram. Life couldn't get much more bizarre... "All right, Doctor. Maybe you're right." She turned to go.
"Captain."
She paused. "Yes?"
"If it happens again, come back and I'll run further tests."
She hesitated then nodded briefly and left the room.
* * *
Janeway stifled a yawn as she entered the bridge. Like the previous night, she hadn't been able to sleep after the dream had awakened her. She had tried everything...even counting chickens...but nothing had worked. She had lain tensely awake for hours, waiting for the voice to return. The silence had continued unabated but hadn't dispelled the apprehension she felt. She took a quick, furtive glance around the bridge as she entered. It didn't help that most of the crew obviously thought her weariness during the past few days was caused by...reasons other than insomnia.
She tensed subconsciously as she crossed to her chair and sat down beside her First Officer, who was engrossed in a report that didn't look all that interesting from where she sat. He didn't meet her eyes. Which was fine with her. In the last 48 hours, she had turned avoidance into a fine art.
Ever since the incident on the holodeck two days ago...all right, incident was an understatement -- ever since Paris, Kim, and Torres had entered to find their Captain and First Officer locked in a torrid embrace on the floor -- she had been avoiding Chakotay...and most of the crew...and her own feelings... She swallowed. This couldn't go on. The trouble was, she didn't have the faintest idea what to do about it. Unbidden, her mind wandered back.
It had seemed like a good idea at the time. When Chakotay had invited her to join him in a refresher course on survival tactics, she had agreed readily. Given the frequency in which she had lately found herself in life-threatening situations, it had made sense. Of course, she had had no idea that the holodeck was going to malfunction ("I am never setting foot in one of those again", she told herself firmly) or that the simple survival course would be transformed into a genuine test of their abilities, complete with dangerous wildlife, tropical rainstorms, booby traps, and dancing Klingons. Well, the last hadn't been dangerous, merely...surreal. The rest though had been real enough and could have killed them both several times over.
That wasn't the worst part, though. If it had been, Janeway wouldn't have spent the last two days avoiding her First Officer like the Denebian Plague. No, the worst of it was that she had found out just how far her First Officer could be pushed. She had finally seen Chakotay lose his self-control and the results had been...explosive.
He had accused her of taking unnecessary risks and throwing herself in the path of danger...and then he had kissed her. Thoroughly. And she had kissed him back. Even more thoroughly. And that was when her three officers had walked in on them. Even now, a blush rose on her cheeks at the thought and she resisted the urge to shrink lower in her chair.
Janeway felt eyes on her and glanced up...and swallowed. Every person on the bridge with the single exception of Tuvok and her First Officer was watching her out of the corner of his or her eyes. Chakotay's gaze remained firmly glued to the report, yet she was certain he too was aware of her every move. She swallowed then straightened her shoulders with determination and allowed her gaze to wander over the bridge. Suddenly everyone was completely immersed in various tasks, working furiously at...nothing.
Coming to a decision, Janeway stood abruptly...and the bridge stilled, frozen in place. Eight pairs of eyes fastened on her. Janeway opened her mouth to speak, thought better of it, and said instead: "I'll be in my ready room. Commander, you have the Bridge." Without waiting for a reply she turned and fled.
* * *
Once out of sight, Janeway sagged into a chair, leaning head on hands and closing her eyes. It didn't help. If anything, the memory of what had happened became even more vivid. The image of Chakotay, dripping wet, water cascading across his bare chest, pulling her to him, was burned into her mind. She gave herself an inward shake, trying to banish the memory. It didn't work.
It would have helped if they could have talked about it, she thought as she leaned back in her chair, tiredly massaging her neck with one hand. But she had spent the following hours in sickbay while the Doctor had mended her various cuts and bruises while Chakotay had returned to the Bridge. And then there had been the problem in Engineering...and the moment to talk, if ever there had been one, had passed. When next she saw him she had carefully steered the conversation toward safe topics, and he had taken his cue from her, as always. So now the subject hung over them, worse than any sword of Damocles. And there was still the crew's reactions to contend with...
The doorchime interrupted her musings and she jumped in the chair, nearly going over backwards. She straightened it carefully -- falling out of her own chair would be the final straw -- and responded:
"Come in."
The door slid open...and her heart kicked into warp drive. Chakotay. He hesitated at the threshold, with the air of one who wished himself far away, then reluctantly entered. The door closed behind him. The sound had an air of finality to it. Janeway said nothing as he crossed the short space to her desk and stopped before her, standing almost at attention. The silence stretched between them.
Janeway swallowed. "Say something," she told herself rather desperately. "Anything."
She was saved from the effort when he spoke first. "We have to talk...Kathryn."
She found herself nodding, still unable to put two words together. Starfleet training just didn't cover situations like this. What does a Captain say to her First Officer, after they have come perilously close to ravishing each other on the floor of the holodeck? It certainly added a different meaning to "chain of command"... That thought set her mind off in an whole new direction...
With an effort she pulled herself together and managed to say civilly enough: "Sit down...please."
He did, folding himself into the chair, an uncomfortable expression on his face. "That makes two of us," Janeway thought. For an eternal moment they remained silent, each obviously waiting for the other to start. When they did, both spoke at once.
"About the..."
"Kathryn, I..."
As one, they stopped. Another awkward silence fell. Finally Janeway gave herself another inward shake. "You're the Captain," she thought decisively. "Act like one."
"Commander..." Might as well start this on a more formal footing, if there was such a thing. "You're right. We do need to talk...about what happened on the holodeck."
As if that had opened his conversational floodgates, Chakotay leaned forward and spoke quickly, not waiting for her to finish. "Captain." She noted his use of her title, "I owe you an apology. I had no right..."
"Chakotay..."
He ignored her interruption, continuing determinedly. "I should not have lost my temper. I apologize for the things I said."
Suddenly finding the room incredibly claustrophobic, she rose to pace along one wall, avoiding his eyes. More forcefully, she said:
"Chakotay..."
Again he ignored her. "But...I don't apologize for the kiss."
That stopped her in mid-stride, so much so that she nearly tripped over empty air. She came to a halt, wavered slightly, then turned to face him, astonishment written on her face. She blinked. "You...don't?" It came out as a question and she cursed herself. She was not handling this well. Not well at all. But she couldn't ignore the little flicker of joy that sprang up inside her at his words. "Damn it, Kathryn," she told herself, "say something intelligent."
He was obviously waiting for her response, his face unreadable. She licked her lips slightly and took a deep breath "Chakotay...I..." she started to say... And then it happened again. There was a blinding flash of light and suddenly she was...elsewhere.
* * *
She was in the city this time, the same city she had seen from the hillside. Within its confines she could see why it had shimmered -- almost all of the walls were made of some reflective stone that caught the sunlight, throwing glittering reflections back. The city itself seemed to pulse, not just with light, but with life. People hastened by the frozen Janeway, who stood unmoving in the middle of a narrow road. They parted like a stream around her, jostling her only slightly. There were no sounds. No voices broke the eerie silence, although she could see mouths moving and conversations taking place. No footsteps could be heard. Overhead, grey birds wheeled silently in the cloudless sky.
Janeway braced herself as a large man carrying two baskets of...something...shuffled by her. His eyes swept over and through her, glancing at her idly, as if she were of no more significance than a large stone or other immovable object...here, and yet not here. It was an eerie feeling, like looking in the mirror and seeing no one there. Or worse, seeing someone else looking back...
"Hello?" Janeway spoke tentatively. Her voice sounded strange to her ears. Flat, as if there were no air currents to carry it. She tried again, louder. "Can anyone hear me?" They obviously couldn't. The throng hurried by, their pace unabated. For a moment she was tempted to thrust out her foot and trip one, but hastily throttled the impulse. Instead, she turned in a circle, examining the surroundings intently.
Closer examination revealed that the reflective stone was not a naturally occurring substance, but a man-made (alien-made?) one. There were faint marks along the base and edges of the walls, indicating high intensity heat or light, like a laser or other tool, and there were other signs that a high level of technology had gone into their making. Strands of pulsing, beaded lights ran through and under the pavement at her feet, glowing faintly like distant stars. "I've seen those somewhere before," she thought, trying to place the memory but it skittered away into the dark corners of her mind, refusing to be caught.
She was struggling harder, trying to capture the elusive threads of remembrance when she felt a hand on her arm. Suddenly the world was full of sound...people talking, calling to each other; a faint breeze rustling through her hair; a muttered apology as someone bumped into her...and close beside her, a female voice, asking breathlessly:
"Eidolon, where have you been?"
TO BE CONTINUED