FULL CIRCLE
by Avalon (avalon99@telusplanet.net)
http://members.dencity.com/avalon_online
J/C, PG-13, 4/9
FULL CIRCLE IV
Chakotay sat numbly in Kathryn's chair. No one on the Bridge met his eyes and a deathly silence had fallen. He had to resist the urge to stand up and explain his actions...or to flee. In the end he did neither. Instead he sat stiffly in her chair and asked for a report on the ship's status.
"Navigation and warp are back on line...Sir." Paris' voice was low and subdued. He didn't look behind him.
Tuvok added: "Long distance scanners detect no sign of the energy waves. They seem to have dissipated completely. Repairs to the ship are underway. There are no reports of casualties."
Chakotay nodded. Another lengthy silence fell. Then the turbolift doors slid open and everyone jumped. Seven pairs of eyes turned to Harry Kim who hesitated at the threshold before squaring his shoulders and crossing to Ops.
Chakotay turned to him. "Mr Kim?"
"The Captain...that is..." He ground to a halt, then continued, stammering a little. "Uh...she's in sickbay. With the Doctor."
Chakotay nodded curtly. Once more, an unhappy silence descended. The tension did not abate.
Finally, Chakotay stood and said to no one in particular: "I'll be in...the ready room. Inform me at once if there's any sign of the energy waves." Not waiting for an answer and carefully not meeting anyone's eyes, he turned and left the Bridge.
* * *
"What have I done?" He sank into the sofa across from the desk, unwilling to sit in her chair, and closed his eyes. He had just relieved his Captain of command. Depending on what happened next, he was either acting in the best interests of the ship...or was guilty of mutiny. And right now, he didn't quite know which...
He tried not to think about the pain he had seen in her eyes...or the fact that he had caused it. But it did no good. The image of Janeway's face and the expression of betrayal she had worn before she managed to hide it rose up before him. Guilt warred with the unhappiness within him.
The doorchime interrupted his dark thoughts. He opened his eyes and glowered at the door. Whoever it was didn't go away. The chime rang again. Bracing himself inwardly, Chakotay said: "Enter."
Tuvok. The Commander wasn't surprised. He had expected this -- just not so soon. "Sit down, Lieutenant," he said wearily.
The Vulcan raised an eyebrow to see Chakotay sitting on the sofa rather than behind the desk, but crossed to a nearby chair, turning it to face Chakotay. Without preamble, he said: "May I ask what your intentions are, Sir?"
Chakotay swallowed, feeling slightly ill. "I don't know. I'm open to suggestions."
Tuvok didn't hesitate. "Very well. I suggest you talk to Captain Janeway."
"I don't think she'll want to talk to me right now." His tone was bleak.
"Probably not. Nevertheless, the question of her identity and state of mind remains in doubt. You are the person most likely to determine whether she has indeed been taken over."
Chakotay shook his head. "No. Not me. You've known her longer than I have..."
"From my observations, you are the person she is closest to on this ship. That, plus the fact that you have first hand knowledge of Eidolon and his methods of possession..." Chakotay winced slightly. "...makes you the most logical choice."
The Commander closed his eyes briefly before meeting the Vulcan's gaze. "What if I was wrong?" It came out as a whisper.
Tuvok paused. "I...do not know. I do not know how she will react to this. But Commander...you should be asking yourself...what if you are right?"
Chakotay rose to pace across the ready room, unconsciously following the same path Janeway had taken, hours earlier. "I know. The Kathryn Janeway we know...may not even exist any more." A shaft of pain went through him, surprising him with its intensity. If she were gone...then so was his world. His pace faltered.
Tuvok spoke again. "Commander...I suggest you go to sickbay and endeavour to find out."
Chakotay turned to face the other man. "You backed me up out there just now. What do you believe?"
Tuvok paused, then said: "Given the violent nature of Eidolon I believe it was...wise...to take precautions. It would not be logical to leave Captain Janeway in command while there are doubts as to her identity and mindset. If you had not relieved her of command, I would have done so."
That didn't make him feel any better. If anything, he felt worse. It was as if they had all turned against her... Chakotay had sworn to himself early on that he would stand by her and would never hurt her. He had broken his word now, on both counts. A shudder ripped through him.
Tuvok was still talking. "Hopefully the Doctor will be able to determine the cause of her blackouts and stop them. In the meantime, there is the ship to consider."
Chakotay nodded numbly. "All right Tuvok. You have the Bridge. Keep scanning for the energy waves and continue with the repairs to the ship. I'll...be in sickbay. With the Captain."
The Vulcan stood and waited for Chakotay to precede him out the door. They had nearly reached it when Tuvok stopped him. "Commander?"
"Yes?"
"Captain Janeway may have been right on one count. If we are to discover the meaning of her visions and these energy waves...we may well have to return to the planet..."
* * *
Janeway sat stiffly in sickbay, refraining from both verbal and physical assaults on the Doctor by sheer willpower. The hologram babbled on cheerfully, heedless of her homicidal feelings, while he ran an even more extensive series of tests on her.
When they had entered, Ensign Kim had hovered indecisively for a moment then gratefully bolted when she told him to return to the Bridge, leaving her alone with the Doctor...and her thoughts. The hologram had given her something for her headache but she hadn't bothered to tell him that, after the first moment or two, it wasn't working. No, she had other things on her mind besides the pain in her head. If anything, she was almost grateful for it...it kept her from dwelling too fully on what had happened...
"I have to check a few more readings," the Doctor was saying. "Just lie down and relax. I'll be right back." She didn't move. Finally, something of her demeanour crept into his awareness. "Or...you could always just sit there." He cast her a wary glance then hastily moved to another part of sickbay.
Janeway barely noticed that he was gone. She was concentrating on not moving. If she moved, she would give in to the anger that was consuming her. If she even thought about it, she would do something violent. Something she would regret later. And so she sat quietly, focusing on breathing.
The door slid open. Without looking she knew who it was. Chakotay. "You will not lose your temper," she told herself resolutely, "You will be calm and rational." Rational. Right. Her fists clenched.
"Kathryn?" His voice was low and hesitant.
"Yes." Her own was cold and flat. Chakotay flinched, then forced himself to continue.
"I...we need to talk."
"Go on then."
He swallowed, fighting the cowardly impulse to turn around and head right back out the door. She didn't look at him, merely sat on the biobed, waves of icy coldness emanating from her. This was worse than he had imagined. Much worse.
"I...stand by my decision."
That got a reaction, though probably not the one he had hoped for. Her head swung round and her eyes met his. He took an involuntary step backwards. He was wrong -- she wasn't giving off waves of ice...instead, fire seemed to be crackling from within her and she was obviously holding onto her temper by her fingernails. Once more the impulse to run swept over him.
"I see." She stood carefully and walked toward him. He shifted his weight, but stood his ground. "You 'stand by your decision.' How admirable." Her voice rose. "Did it never occur to you to talk this over with me first? Or that you might perhaps be overreacting because of your own experiences with Eidolon?"
"Kathryn..."
"Don't call me that!" The words lashed at him and Chakotay paled. Pain flitted across his face.
Janeway abruptly turned to pace rapidly across the sickbay floor, certain that if she didn't move away, she would punch him in the jaw. Hard. It was so tempting. He was standing at attention in the middle of the floor and she was suddenly convinced that if she did try to hit him, he wouldn't even duck. She took a deep breath. No. That wasn't the answer. She closed her eyes briefly, then turned back to him, her emotions whirling.
"All right," she said, a little more calmly now, "I appreciate your position. I can understand you putting the ship's safety first. However," she said more forcefully, as he opened his mouth to reply, "I have not been possessed by anything. Or anyone. I am still me."
"That's exactly what Eidolon would say if you had been possessed." His voice was low.
She was going to hit him. Or perhaps scream in frustration. How could she convince him...? Janeway knew she was herself. Granted, she had had some doubts at the beginning, but they were gone now. At some point during the last few hours she had lost the fear that Eidolon was still inside her somewhere, waiting to take control. These hallucinations were not a side-effect of some alien possession. She didn't know what they were, but she knew what they weren't. Now if she could only convince him...
Then she had it -- the answer. She cast her First Officer a long look, hesitated, then turned and walked back toward him. He didn't move. "Commander. Chakotay." There was a tremor in her voice, but it was no longer caused by anger. "If I had been taken over by Eidolon, you would know. Others might not...but you would."
His eyes darted to her in surprise and he licked dry lips. She bit her own lip and continued, directing her words somewhere over his right shoulder. "When...you were possessed, I knew it. Somehow. Almost right away." She paused, drawing in a ragged breath. "I'd like to think that you know me as well as I do. Probably more. That... even if your eyes deceived you...something within you would recognize the truth."
She took another half-step closer and tilted her head to look up at him. "Chakotay," she said softly, "Look at me. Tell me who you see."
He stared down at her, all his emotions naked on his face. He hesitated...took a deep breath...and pulled her into his arms. "Kathryn," he whispered brokenly into her hair.
That word held everything. Relief, sorrow, guilt...and something else she wasn't ready to acknowledge. Janeway stiffened for just an instant then slowly relaxed, her own arms tightening around his body. She drew in a ragged breath. He believed her. He believed her. A tear gathered at the corner of her eyes.
Chakotay held his Captain in his arms, feeling her heartbeat gradually slow to match his. How could he have allowed his own fears and worries to blind him like this? "Forgive me," he asked, so quietly she could barely hear him, his arms tightening around her. "I'm sorry."
She nodded once, her face hidden against his chest. Then, after a lifetime, she reluctantly began to disengage from his embrace. Chakotay fought down the impulse to hold her for just a little while longer, and released her, trying to get his own emotions under control. He looked down at her and, giving in to temptation, gently wiped the tear from her cheek with one finger. She gave him a quick half-smile before taking a small step back. The smile vanished.
"Commander..."
He braced himself. Despite her apparent forgiveness, he still had a lot to answer for. A distant part of his mind wondered how mutiny would look on his record. Well, he was already guilty of treason...why not mutiny...?
"Commander...about what happened on the Bridge...You may have acted for the wrong reasons..." A pause. "But you might have made the right decision..."
Chakotay blinked. Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn't that. He frowned down at her, noticing for the first time how pale and strained she looked.
Janeway continued unsteadily. "...because given the way I'm feeling right now, I'm not fit to command a toy boat, let alone a Starship..." Even as she spoke, she swayed.
Instantly he moved forward, catching her before she could fall, and steering her toward the biobed. "Doctor," he shouted. Janeway clutched Chakotay's arm as the hologram hurried toward them. The pain that had been slowly building behind her eyes had suddenly exploded within her and she could no longer ignore it. She gasped as they helped her onto the bed, grey fog obscuring her vision. She felt as if hot lances were slowly being driven into her skull. Pain consumed her. Distantly, she realized she was still clinging to Chakotay's hand.
"Doctor. What's the matter with her?" Fear went through him in a rush.
"I don't know." The hologram held a medical tricorder over her, frowning at the readings. "Her isotronic neutrino levels have increased exponentially. There's a massive buildup of..." His voice faded away as light flared behind Janeway's eyes...
...then erupted. She opened them...to see a dozen men with weapons firing at her. Instantly, she ducked behind what looked like a mining cart. To her left, Yvara raised a similar weapon, shaped like a laser rifle, and fired back. Laserbolts whined through the air and the heat was intense.
The pain was gone. Relief swept through her. Then another laserbolt just overhead drove everything else from her mind. Janeway glanced around hastily, carefully staying behind the dubious shelter of the cart.
She was in the Guardian's cave. Only this time, the strands of lights in the floor didn't pulse and the central console was only half complete. She was still in the past. Then the memory of what she...Eidolon...had said before came back to her. "We'll destroy the Guardian ourselves..."
It obviously wasn't going well. She and Yvara were pinned down in the cavern by...whoever they were. Even as she realized this, some part of her mind was analyzing the situation, weighing options, looking for a way to accomplish their mission... "What mission?" the part that was still Janeway screamed silently in frustration. "Why destroy this computer? Why risk their lives for..."
A laserbolt hit the rockwall. Janeway started. That had come from behind them. Both she and the alien woman started to turn...and another bolt hit Yvara high on the chest. The woman gasped, a surprised expression on her face, and the laser gun dropped from numb fingers. As if in slow motion, she crumpled to the ground.
"NO!" Janeway found herself screaming, raising the gun she hadn't known she carried, and firing at the oncoming men. One bolt hit the first, and he slammed backwards into the wall, a shower of sparks erupting from a buried energy line. Janeway fired again, then ran toward the fallen woman. She had almost reached her when a laser bolt hit her in the middle of the back. Janeway lurched forward, not yet feeling the pain, and crashed to the ground near Yvara.
And then it hit her. Agony. Overwhelming, all-consuming pain, like nothing she had ever experienced. Or imagined. Someone...Janeway or Eidolon, she didn't know who...had time to whisper only one word before another bolt burned into her body. "Anari..." she said...and the light around her faded.
TO BE CONTINUED