FULL CIRCLE
by Avalon (avalon99@telusplanet.net)
http://members.dencity.com/avalon_online
J/C, PG-13, 5/9
FULL CIRCLE V
Janeway awoke slowly. It was difficult to claw her way back to consciousness but slowly voices began to filter into her awareness. She managed to crack one eye open... and promptly closed it again, her stomach lurching in protest.
"Kathryn?" The voice sounded uncertain...and fearful.
She opened both eyes. Grey streaks swirled across her vision. Then a hypospray was pressed to her neck and the streaks vanished. "Chakotay?" He was still holding her hand, she realized distantly.
"Yes. I'm here. You're going to be all right."
"Wha' happened?" It was difficult to form the words. She squinted a little and he drifted into view, the Doctor beside him. She frowned. Her First Officer looked... shattered.
The hologram answered for him. "Your heart stopped. We managed to stabilize you in time, but it was a near thing."
Janeway lifted a heavy hand to her head, the now familiar pain beginning
to throb behind her eyes. At least it wasn't quite so bad this time.
She could cope with it, she decided...if she didn't move...or breathe.
"What's wrong with me?" It was a becoming a little easier to speak,
she noticed distantly.
"We...still don't know. All the tests are negative so far.
I don't know what's causing your blackouts...but whatever it is nearly
killed you. The next time you may not be so lucky..."
"Chakotay..." she interrupted weakly.
"Yes, Kathryn?"
Her eyes drifted shut. "We have to go back. To Anari. It's the only way to find out what's happening. We have to..."
She felt a hand touch her cheek lightly...or perhaps she only imagined it. "We will," she heard him say, before the darkness claimed her once more.
* * *
Voyager hurtled through space, slight tremors going through her hull as the engines strained for every last bit of speed. Chakotay's terse command from sickbay to set a course for the planet Anari at maximum warp had had an instantaneous effect and they were now heading back, as fast as the ship could carry them.
He hoped it was fast enough. The Doctor had assured him that the Captain's condition, though serious, was stable, but he couldn't quite believe it. She so pale and still, as if death were only a heartbeat or a single breath away. He sat next to her, watching her breathe in and out...and prayed.
He couldn't lose her. If she died because of his delay...because of his own fears...
He loved her. He had known he loved her for quite some time, but had never quite managed to say the words, even to himself. Now though, he couldn't lie about anything anymore. He loved her. He needed her. If she died...
Janeway stirred slightly and Chakotay bolted to his feet. Her eyes flickered open. She blinked once or twice, as if clearing her vision, then asked: "What's happening?" Her voice was still weak, but stronger than it had been. His heart leapt.
"We're on our way back to Anari. How do you feel?"
She gave him a small smile. "Do you want the truth or a comforting lie?"
"The truth." He smiled back.
She raised her head a little, looking somewhat surprised that she could do so, then glanced around sickbay. "It feels as if a starship just landed on me, but other than that...I feel a little better."
A disbelieving expression crossed his face and her smile widened. "Honestly. The headache...is still there...but it doesn't feel like my head is going to explode at any minute. Really." She added when he still looked sceptical.
"Another blackout may kill you." His tone turned serious.
Likewise, her smile vanished. "I know it. But...I finally feel like I'm getting some answers."
"What kind of answers?"
She told him. Everything she could remember from the latest vision. "Although," she finished shifting her shoulders a little, "I could have happily gone through life not knowing what it felt like to be shot in the back."
He looked away and didn't answer. She continued, not noticing his reaction. "But there's something that doesn't make sense. I have the feeling that I'm not seeing the whole picture."
"What is there to see?" Chakotay asked. "We already knew that Eidolon killed a 'host' and was exiled. You yourself saw him lead an attack on the Guardian and kill a man...if what you are seeing really did happen... What else is there?"
"I don't know. I just know that...it's not what we think." She sighed and looked away in frustration. "Maybe I'll find what I'm looking for on Anari..."
"What do you expect to find?"
"Answers. The truth. More questions. I don't know..." Her voice trailed off.
Chakotay rested one hand lightly on the top of hers. "We'll find the answers, Kathryn," he said. "No matter what it takes, we'll find them." His fingers tightened on hers.
* * *
By the time Voyager had swung into orbit around the small, greyish-brown M-class planet, Janeway had recovered enough to fight with her First Officer about going down to the surface. She had managed to leave sickbay by the simple expedient of ignoring both the Doctor's and Kes' objections, and had made her slow but steady way to the transporter room where the away team, consisting of Chakotay, B'Elanna, and Paris, had gathered.
"Just what precisely do you expect to do down there?" There was an angry note in Chakotay's voice that was belied by the worry on his face. Paris and B'Elanna carefully averted their gazes from the two senior officers and moved towards the far side of the room, giving them at least the illusion of privacy.
"And what do you expect to do without me?" There was an edge to Janeway's tone. "I'm the one reliving this damned alien's life. I'm the one having these visions and I'm the one who knows more about this planet than anyone else on this ship. Including you. I have to go." Her patience was wearing thin. Besides, she was finding it increasingly difficult to hide the lingering effects of her latest blackout. It had taken a good deal of effort to make it this far; it was taking even more to maintain an upright position. If he knew how weak she really was he would never let her transport down to the surface. Janeway fought for the strength she needed, keeping her gaze firm.
"I'm fine. Really. The headache is nearly gone."
She was lying. Chakotay could read the strain on her face, see the shadows in her eyes as she tried to hide the pain. "You're not well," he said quietly so the others couldn't hear. "You can barely stand, let alone face whatever is down there. How do you expect to..."
She cut him off. "I have to go. You know that, Chakotay." Her voice softened and she touched his arm lightly. "Please."
He couldn't let her do this...couldn't allow her to put herself in danger... But he couldn't keep her here either. It was obvious that, for some reason, she needed to return to Anari. Despite the dangers. And, gods help him, he would help her. And hope that, somehow, at the end of all this, he would get her back.
For a long moment he hesitated, then his shoulders slumped fractionally. "All right," he said, "But I want you to promise to tell me immediately if...if anything happens.!"
She nodded. "I promise."
"And the Doctor goes with us," he added.
"Fine. But we need to hurry."
He hesitated for a moment longer then touched his communicator, wondering if he had just made the biggest mistake of his life. "Doctor -- report to transporter room two."
* * *
It had taken only moments for the hologram to arrive and the party to gather on the transporter pads...and then they had beamed down to Anari. Once more Janeway found herself on the dry, desolate world, the desert wind whipping through her hair and rust-coloured earth and rocks crunching underfoot. A wave of memories swept over her. Eidolon inhabiting Chakotay's body, threatening her; the shuttle crash; the bite of the gwari and its poison rushing through her veins; their nerve-shattering trek across the ravine...and the Guardian.
And then other memories intruded. Eidolon's memories. The flowers on the hillside; the shining city; Yvara dying in his arms...and the Guardian. An aching sense of desolation and loss filled her and she no longer knew whose emotions she was experiencing -- her own or the Wraith's... Not that it really mattered any more. She had to get to the Guardian. Now. The impulse that had been growing within her became almost unbearable. She had to reach the cavern before it was too late. Or everything would be lost. Everything.
As if on a signal, her head came up, turning towards a rocky outcrop above and to the left of the now-buried entrance to the cave. There. Another way in. She didn't question the impulse but moved hastily forward, not caring if the others followed or not.
The away team spun, startled, as she headed toward the cliff. "Captain!" Chakotay bolted after her, seizing her arm and dragging her to a halt. "What are you doing?"
She resisted the urge to wrest herself from his grip and spoke carefully. "There's another way in. Up there." She pointed with her free hand.
He followed her gaze. "Where? And how do you know?"
"There. Behind the rock. And...I just know. Somehow." She was almost dancing with impatience, her headache long since forgotten.
By now the others had caught up to them. The Doctor ran his medical tricorder over her without ceremony. "Captain, you should not be exerting yourself. Your neutrinos..."
"Damn my neutrinos." She spoke fiercely then turned back to Chakotay. "This is what we came for, isn't it? Or did you intend to just wait around outside?"
Something of the urgency inside her must have communicated itself to her First Officer, for he met her eyes for a long moment then nodded fractionally and replied: "All right. But I go first. Understood?"
Janeway nodded impatiently. "Yes. Fine. Just...hurry."
* * *
They found the rift exactly where she said it would be. Behind the rocky outgrowth, a secondary entrance stood, black shadows shrouding its depths. Paris and B'Elanna exchanged a tense glance then removed their emergency lights from their belts and followed the Captain, who was almost treading on Chakotay's heels. Behind them, the Doctor paused for an instant, shook his head once, then followed them into the rift.
* * *
The group descended steadily for what felt like a lifetime but could have been no more than ten minues. And then they unexpectedly plunged into a large cavern. The Guardian.
Janeway came to a halt, trying to still her racing heart, her breathlessness caused by more than just exertion, and angled her light around the cavern.
It had changed. Before, the Guardian's cave had glittered and pulsed like a Christmas tree. Now the energy lines in the walls and floor lay dead and still, and the only light came from their own equipment. Debris littered the floor and, in the centre the console was dark and lifeless. No computer's voice greeted their arrival and grey dust hung thickly in the air.
"Gloomy, isn't it?." Paris' voice sounded loud in the silence and everyone jumped. Everyone but Janeway, whose gaze did not stir from the central console. B'Elanna shot Paris an accusing glare.
"Must you state the obvious?" she asked acerbically as she shone her own light around the cavern.
"Usually...Yes." He looked around, a faint glimmer lighting his eyes. "I feel like a tomb robber..."
"Ooh...nice image, Tom. Thanks so much for brightening our day..."
The conversation continued, but Janeway ignored them, stepping slowly around her First Officer to move toward the console. Chakotay let her go but followed close behind her. Both were forced to tread carefully through the thick rubble.
"Captain?" Unlike Paris, the Commander's voice was hushed.
"Yes?" she said absently, not stopping.
"Are you all right?" He spoke quietly, so the others wouldn't hear.
"Fine," she said briefly, moving through the gloom until she had reached the console. She carefully set her light down on it then ran a hand across its dusty surface. Meticulously, she brushed away some of the dust and debris.
Chakotay frowned worriedly. "Captain. Tell me what's going on."
She shook her head. "Something..." Her voice trailed off and her gaze was caught by one panel. It seemed to be drawing her in, mesmerizing her. Distant voices echoed within her mind and she strained to listen. If she could just hear what they were saying...everything would make sense. She would have the answers she sought. She was sure of it...
"Captain!" Chakotay spoke more harshly.
She pulled her eyes away with a start and blinked. "What?"
"You..." he hesitated. "I thought you were having another blackout."
"No, I don't think so," she said vacantly, her attention returning to the console. "Not here. Not now. Maybe later..." Her voice trailed off.
"Kathryn...You're scaring me." It was true. Alarm was coursing through him and, for a moment, he debated signalling Voyager to beam her up immediately. But he hesitated...and then it was too late.
The Captain reached out and touched a section of the console and shuddered as a faint spark arced between her and the machine. She stiffened, gasped, and took a hasty step backward.
Apprehension shot through him and he reached toward her. "Captain!"
His voice was sharp now and loud enough for the the others to hear.
Three heads snapped around even as she shrugged his hands off with ease,
shoving him aside and moving to the console, her fingers dancing over the
dusty instruments.
"Kathryn, stop!" The others rushed forward then skidded to a
sudden halt as she reached out, pulled his phaser from his belt, and aimed
it at his heart.
Chakotay froze. "Kathryn..." His voice was hoarse, his mouth dry. This wasn't happening... Moving infinitely slowly, he gestured to the others to remain where they were then took a cautious step forward. "Kathryn, listen to me..." he began again.
"Don't move," she kept the phaser aimed on him even as her free hand returned to the dormant Guardian. "Just stay where you are. I don't want to shoot you. This will only take a moment."
"What are you doing?" He had to keep her talking, had to distract her long enough to seize the weapon...
"I'm finishing what I started." The voice was Kathryn Janeway's, but the inflection was not. The last time he had heard it, it had been coming from his mouth. A chill ran through him.
"Eidolon." It wasn't a question. Behind him, Chakotay could hear the Doctor's tricorder working. Janeway...or Eidolon...ignored them both, continuing to adjust more settings one-handed. Around them, the cavern brightened slightly.
"Commander," the Doctor spoke quietly. "The Captain's isotronic neutrinos are reaching critical levels. If we don't get her to sickbay quickly..."
"There!" The woman at the console turned away from them and put the phaser down to use both hands on the instruments...and Chakotay moved instantly, diving toward her. For an instant, a sense of deja vu swept over him -- he had done this once before in this place, had hurtled himself desperately at his Captain...
...and then his full weight was impacting with hers and she was flung backwards away from the console...as a wave of light streamed out from it in a blinding torrent.
"No!" She had time only to scream...before the light hit them both, going through them, and cascading into the energy lines. Janeway cried out once more, her body stiffening as it burned through her, then she went limp beneath him. Chakotay started to raise his head...and the world erupted. The cavern shook violently as waves of seismic power went through it, and the light, now pouring through the energy lines, tripled in intensity.
It was like being caught in the middle of a supernova. The rest of the away team had time only to shield their eyes...and then the brilliance permeated the rock itself. Chakotay caught only a glimpse of the others, framed in bright radioactive halos before he was shaken like a rag as the quake grew in force. More rubble fell from the cavern's roof and he struggled to protect Janeway, covering her body with his own.
'We're going to die,' he had time to think...and then the light blasted open the roof of the cavern and the heavens exploded. Rocks and boulders plummeted down from the ceiling... and Chakotay knew no more.
TO BE CONTINUED