I love the winter. It's my favorite season. There's snow everywhere, the air is brisk and refreshing, there's always a fire burning in the house, it's great. Plus, how could I not love the time of year that comes with Christmas attached? Call it cliché, but there's a magic that Christmas brings. It rights all the wrongs, and people are just naturally cheerier. There's good will and peace covering the world in a layer as thick as the snow in Connecticut. And Christmas at the McMahon Family home is always special. Well, it always used to be a time when the family was brought together without the business being discussed. But not this year. I don't see how we could ever manage to pull together a traditional McMahon style Christmas this year.
This year, Stephanie was spending the holiday season with the Helmsley clan this year. And they went on a tour of Europe. If I had that option, that's what I would do too, so I don't blame her. Getting away from the family was a good choice to make; there wouldn't be much peace at home this year. This was the year when I was as good as disowned by my father. And Mom, well, Mom was spending Christmas with Dad. I would have found something better and happier to do, but Mom wanted to catch Dad at something that would get her sympathy in court. And Dad was doing the same thing. For something that he once wanted so badly, Dad was incredibly good at postponing the inevitable divorce. That much I will give him. So maybe I should've pulled a Stephanie and spend the Christmas season with my wife.
But home was not where the heart was. Like I said, it had been one strange year, and Marissa went home to her parents. And Shane McMahon was not invited. I admit, I was a little pigheaded earlier this year, but it wasn't really my fault. Sure, I shouldn't have been so upset when Marissa quit her jobs at Titan, but it was the McMahon in my blood. She said that she needed to "grow" in another direction, a direction that didn't involve sports entertainment. But that was all the way back in July, and the marriage had just gone downhill from there. She just didn't understand that wrestling was my business and my blood, and I wanted my wife to be a part of that too. Like I said, I was a little stubborn about that issue. But she could have at least helped me out a little when I was getting WCW on its feet.
No Mom. No Dad. No Stephanie. No Marissa. I couldn't go barge in on someone else's holiday plans either. That would be asking too much from my friends, plus none of them know about my situation with Marissa. No one does. This was going to be the bleakest December in my life. It would all have been fine if I hadn't tried to control her. That's probably why Marissa decided that she needed to work on something that had absolutely nothing to do with me, for a company that I didn't control to at least some degree. I'm a complete idiot.
And I [just wish that I didn't feel that there was
something I missed]
And I [take back all the things I said to make you feel
like that]
"No Shane. You're sorry now because you're alone. I didn't spend all those years married to you without getting to know you. You're lonely and want to spend Christmas with someone, anyone. But I'm not going to take this from you anymore. As soon as I served my purpose, it would be back to 'Marissa, do everything my way because I'm a McMahon.' Don't say anything Shane, I'm not done yet. You are getting to be more like your father everyday, even in what you've done with WCW. It's something to be proud of, yes, but it's also something that Vincent K. McMahon did and was proud of. I'm not going to end up like your mother. I still love you, but we need this time away. We would just get on each other's nerves more and make the problem worse if we were together. Goodbye, Shane. I'll see you in January." And then she hung up, not letting me get a word in edgewise.
And I [just with I didn't feel that there was something
I missed]
And I [take back all the things that I said to you]
"Marissa, I know you're there and you just don't want to pick up. That's fine, I don't blame you. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for all the things that I said and that I admit that I was wrong. Maybe this time apart is good for us, but I do miss you. And I didn't want you to spend the rest of the month stewing and getting angrier. This isn't just the Christmas spirit in me talking. I spend the last few days thinking about what happened and mostly it was me being stupid and stubborn. I'm sorry. Love you." Click.
And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
I spent most of my days looking around the mansion. Because that's what it was. A big, empty, loveless mansion. I couldn't help but to think that if Steph and Mom and Dad were here, all getting along and happy, it would be a house. But with me wandering the empty halls by myself, it was a mansion. If Marissa were here, filling the house with her love, her laughter, and the smell of her cooking, then it would be a house. Everywhere there are little signs of her presence. The sheets smelled like her when I spent those sleepless nights alone. Every once in a while I stumbled upon some knickknack that Marissa had picked up on some trip or vacation. But every so often there also was a blatant sign of my bad taste. I should have left everything up to her. Like who really needs a collection of cigarette lighters displayed in a guest room? And who besides me really thought that a modern art sculpture-slash-clothes line in the backyard was a funny yet useful novelty item? I had to get out of the house. It was driving me insane. As I left the house, I glanced at the Christmas tree in the living room. Maybe I should have watered it. That fell in the category of things that Marissa liked to take care of. God, I miss her.
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
The nightlife in Greenwich never was anything to brag about. I should have remembered that when I left the house. I also should have remembered my coat. But still, I didn't want to go back and face the empty house. If I hadn't been so thickheaded, then I could be going back now to get my coat, and Marissa would expect me and greet me with it in her arms. And I could have convinced her to get bundles up as well and we could have wandered the streets together, laughing, having fun. Life would be just peachy. If only I weren't so stubborn.
This is my December
These are my snow covered trees
I parked my car in the garage, having finally decided that the house was where I could at least be warm and alone. But I took a walk around the property before going in. We owned the woods on the left and the field on the right. Everything was blanketed in snow. I walked the border between the two, until I reached the frozen pond. The ice looked thin and I was tempted to tempt fate and walk across it. But I decided that I was cold enough as it was and I just walked around it Just because I was a little depressed doesn't mean that I was stupid all of a sudden. And as I was walking around, I looked at the empty expanse separating me from the house. The field was covered in knee-high snow. It looked so pretty, so pure and innocent. I just had to change that.
This is me pretending
This is all I need
I stood triumphantly in my snow fort, protected from all potential attach. I did go in to get my coat, but after I had been working for a while, I took it off. It was now lying on my snow throne in the center of the fort. I gathered some of the ammunition, and snuck towards the front of the fort. I peeked over and launched the snowballs at the enemy camp. Most of the throws landed well short of the target, but one fell square in the middle of the battlement. I ducked behind the snow wall to avoid getting hit by the return fire. It never came.
And I [just wish that I didn't feel that there was something
I missed]
And I [take back al the things I said to make you feel
like that]
Did I miss something? I hit the rewind button on the answering machine again. "Marissa, I know you're there…" He just sounded so sincere. I haven't heard that in his voice since…I can't remember the last time I saw Shane feel something. He's deadened himself, just like his father. I want to help him, but I don't know if I can. "…I'm sorry. Love you." Bzzt. "Marissa, I know you're there…" Even when I'm not around him he makes me miserable. But miserable in a good way, I guess. If there is a good way to be miserable. I should be out caroling with my family, but I decided to stay here and pine over Shane. Shane. He's my husband, and I love him, but I don't know if that's enough to keep us married. "…I'm sorry. I…" Bzzt. "…me being stupid and stubborn. I'm sorry. Love you." I love his voice. And when he says those three little words, it sends a surge of warmth throughout my body. But when he tells me he's sorry, I just feel dead. Those words are meaningless to me now, I've heard them from his lips so many times. "Marissa, I'm sorry I didn't call…" "I'm sorry I couldn't make it home last week." "I'm sorry, but I have to work tonight." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." He is sorry. A sorry son of a [expletive]. But he sounded like he really, really meant it this time. Enough of this. I'm going home. To my husband. We need to talk.
And I [just wish I didn't feel that there was something
I missed]
And I [take back all the things that I said to you]
I pulled up quietly, and saw his car. But the house was dark, so I thought maybe he was in the backyard. The field was nearly devoid of snow, except for where he had built two massive forts and a snow throne. He built himself a throne. It figures. He wasn't in the first fort, so he was probably in the second, if he was out here at all. I should have known that. The throne was in the second fort. Just to make life more interesting, I made a little snowball and snuck up. I peered over the edge and saw…nothing. I figured he was in the house, but then I hear someone opening the back door. I ducked behind the throne and poked my head out to watch. Shane had his back turned to me, locking the door. Well, at least I know he was being responsible. He started to turn around, and I nailed him. He had the most hilarious look on his face, a mixture of joy and shock and maybe a little anger. He started to walk towards me, but I hid behind the throne again. I saw him look startled but then reach down towards the ground before I started running. But all that training he does doesn't go to waste. He got me square in the back. We had what was probably the biggest snowball fight in McMahon family history. By the time we were done, the snow fortresses and throne were completely dismantled. But when we recovered from the excursion, awkwardness filled the air. Finally, I broke the silence. "I know this isn't what you want to hear, but we need to talk." He opened his mouth, but I cut him off. "No, hear me out first. Spending this time away from you did me a world of good. There are still things we need to work out. Probably a lot of things. But I now I know what I want. I know that I want to work things out. I know that I still want to work at my new job. But I also know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you Shane."
And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go
"But I also know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you Shane." I've heard those words before, but they mean so much more to me now. Obviously, Marissa still has more sense than me, because she spent the time away from me thinking and with her family. And while I couldn't have been with my family, I could at least thought about our problems instead of brooding. I was so overjoyed when I saw that she was home again. And now, after she told me that she wanted to give this marriage another shot, I felt like I was about to burst with utter and complete happiness. I took her into my arms and told her I loved her. It felt so good to have her with me, by my side again. I started to cry. I really did. The tears froze on my cheeks, and Marissa laughed and brushed them away. I had the most ridiculous grin on my face, but I didn't care. This is real happiness. This is what makes life worth living. But that thought also made me sad. This is something that Mom and Dad are missing out on. I was silently thankful that they were fighting, because without them, Marissa and I wouldn't have found our problems and resolved to fix them. But I also felt guilty. I was so happy and my parents were so miserable. And I was glad that they were miserable because I gained joy from it. I'm such a bad son.
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
He looked so happy, like a little boy on Christmas morning who had gotten the fire truck he asked Santa for. But as I stepped out of the hug, I saw his mind go elsewhere. A sort of distracted, clouded over look came into his eyes. That's how I can always tell when he's thinking of something else. And as I watched his grin fade, a small frown tugged at the corners of his lips. And I know of only one thing in Shane's life that could make him sad at a moment like this. "Honey? Do you want to go visit your parents?" He nodded solemnly and asked me how I knew. "I'm just special like that. C'mon, maybe we can talk some sense into them. Together." He protested just a little, saying that it didn't work before, and it wasn't going to work now. "You're the one who wants to go see them. Plus it's Christmas and maybe we can work out our stuff while helping them work out their stuff. Think of it as my present to the whole family." With that I grabbed his hand and dragged him to the car.
This is my December
This is my time of the year
I thought that this Christmas was going to be miserable. But Marissa took the long route to Dad's place, and we worked out a bunch of stuff in the car. Like I see now why she felt she had to switch jobs. Time apart is a good thing. What's that old saying? "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Something like that. It doesn't quite fit our situation because I'm absent enough as it is, but this way our lives don't revolve around the one thing. Not that they did, but its less dominant in our lives now. Or will be once everything's settled down again. So this Christmas did work out just fine. True, the traditional McMahon family feast will be skipped this year, but it'll be back next year, even if has to be the Shane and Marissa McMahon family feast. But this year will always hold a special place in my heart. This was the year when I figured out how much my wife really means to me. And on top of all that, I have a good feeling about my parents' marriage. Things will work out just fine. I can feel it in my bones.
This is my December
This is all so clear
Give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
Give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to