Whole again
by Belladonna
The room was dark, a single pale
light of the moon that shone above the apartment complex fell onto the bed, but
there was no more other light that could lighten up the room. But it was enough
for the man who stood there at the window of the room and looked out into the
night, up to the stars and up to a moon, he was now able to see with different
eyes like he had done recently. The moon had had lost its magic for him when
everything in him, his heart and soul had shattered.
But on this night Scott Summers was
able to see the moon again like he had used to see it, how he had always seen
it, the moon had gotten its original meaning back for him. He simply stood
there at the opened window and glared outside into the dark of the night, the
wind caught itself in his hair but that didn't bother Scott tonight, for on
this night he felt as happy as he hadn't felt for a long time and in his heart
finally peace had found its place again.
~/~
It is strange how some things are
able to change people, have an influence on their whole life, even throw it out
its way sometimes. Sometimes it might be only small insignificant things that
have this effect, small gestures or words but sometimes it is so much more.
When I had seen Jean for the first
time I have been fascinated of her from this very instant, I have fallen in
love with her deep green eyes and lost myself in them, fallen in love with the
way she smiled. I still know it well, how my heart had beat so fast, that I
thought it would jump right out of my chest when I asked her out for dinner for
the first time, I hadn't been able to count the beats then. I knew it from the
very first moment that she would be the woman I wanted to spend my life with,
the rest of my life at her side and that she would be the one my heart belonged
to. Jean had been my first love, she was the one that made me whole, the
counterpart to my heart and soul, for when I had been without her, I felt as if
a part of me wasn't there, would be missing. I had been the happiest man on
earth then, the happiest man one could imagine, I was complete, whole.
Then came something that would
change that life I had for ever, this small thing that was able to throw it out
of its way, for then he came into our life.
I have never known and still do not
know what it had been that had made her prefer him instead of me, why she fell
in love with him I don't know and probably will never know, maybe I don't want
to know after all. But back then it had already been too late, too late for everything.
I had so much hoped for to be able
to win her back, to win her love back but her feelings then belonged already to
another – him. I had loved her, I'd given anything for her, if necessary my
life but all this probably hadn't been enough.
I have seen them, in the entrance
hall, when they had kissed and spoken
out openly what I had painfully recognized and knew long ago. I had so hoped
then that I had been mistaken, that I had made a mistake and that it wasn't
true, but in this moment I knew that I only had not wanted to see the bitter
truth, the one I now had right in front of my own eyes.
On that day my heart broke, my life
how I knew it shattered in thousand pieces and all that was left, all I still
had was only the broken pieces of all that I ever had and wanted for in my life
with Jean.
I could not longer stand it to see
them together, to see them together so happily; I know that now and admit it
openly. I simply couldn't see their happiness together, a happiness I had
wanted for her and me. But not after what I had seen in the hall.
I never knew whether they had seen
me, whether they had recognized me in the hall but I think so, for their
behaviour towards me had also changed afterwards. From that moment on I knew
exactly that it would never again be
like it had been before and I simply couldn't stand it. It was, like somebody
had ripped my heart out of my chest, torn it into pieces; I wasn't able to stop
the pain I felt then, it was the only thing I felt for a long time; the pain
that had moved into my heart, in my life and my soul.
I was broken then and I thought that
I would never be able to overtake this pain, that I would never be healed
again, whole and I can still feel some of it now, even after so long time.
~/~
Scott Summers looked up to the moon
for a last time, then he turned away from the opened window, he'd stood for the
past few minutes and glared silently outside into the night. The pale moonlight
fell onto the bed and onto the person that lay in it.
The woman had her eyes closed, her
long hair fell loose on the pillow around her beautiful face and some strands
onto her forehead. A small smile danced around her full red lips, so as if she
must have a very beautiful dream right now, she wished for to never end. The
light of the moon, that fell onto her, covered her in a silvery shine and
underlined the milky white tone of the skin of her thighs that weren't under
the sheets. Scott smiled slightly as he went back to the bed with a few steps
and sat down on the sheets. His glare came across an ad in the newspaper, that
lay on the night table beside the bed; an ad, that had brought all this back
into his thoughts now, all the painful memories he had tried to bury in the
farthest corner of his mind. But then his glance wandered further towards the
beautiful sleeping lady that lay next to him on the bed. His emotions changed
and he smiled happily. This was a moment he never wanted to let it end. In this
moment he felt happy and for a long time now he truly was, here in this
apartment, with her.
~/~
For a long time now I am happy
again, as happy as I have been before. I would have never thought it possible,
but it happened and then when I had never thought it would, when I had expected
it the least.
I don't know whether I would ever
return, to the mansion, I really don't know. I don't know whether I could stand
it, but today I think that I have come one step closer to the point when I am
able to collect all the broken pieces my life lay in for the past time.
I wish you all the luck in the world,
Jean. I wish you that you can hold it and keep it and I hope for you, that you
can be happy, truly happy and that you might have found peace and true
happiness in and for your heart, too.
~/~
Scott watched the woman next to him
and he still smiled. He too had found true happiness for himself, he had found
luck again, a luck he had never thought possible. But he had found peace for
himself nonetheless, for his heart and soul, for she lay next to him. Scott
bend down to her and kissed her softly on her forehead, careful not to wake
her.
~/~
I have thought my life was in
pieces, my heart and my soul were torn and broken; I had never thought to be
able to love again. I had thought that my heart would have frozen the moment
their lips had touched. When I looked up into the skies then, up towards the
stars and watched the moon, it reminded me once more too painfully of all I had
lost. My heart was ice, all I felt only pain. Never would I have thought it
possible that this might change again, I never thought it possible that
anything could ever again make me
whole.
But now, when I look up to the moon,
I am able to see heaven again, the heaven that has been closed for me for such
a long time, sealed through my own pain. But now I can see heaven again, for I
have found the love again, that can open this window for me. I have found
someone, who is the counterpart to my heat, who completes me.
For the first time after a long time
I am happy again, as happy as I had never hoped to be again or dreamed of and
all this I have found because of her. My life was shattered, my heart broken
into pieces but she was able to heal my broken heart.
I have found true happiness and love
again, because of her my life is again how I have always wished for, for
because of her I am complete, she made me complete.
She made me whole again.
~fin~
Whole again
By: Belladonna