Confronting Pain
By: A.K.A. Anonymous
Disclaimers: I bought Gundam Wing on E-bay! NOT!! I wish but sadly it is not to be so. I own only this twisted story and I'm posting it for entertainment-no profits are made, besides reviews.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: IMPORTANT!! If you don't like swearing, twisted, and really angsty fics don't read this! It is rated R for swearing and really depressing content (I think). Thank you.
Also, this is either AU or disregards Endless Waltz, whatever you prefer. I was writing them as still being about 15 or so, and as you'll see, Zero hasn't gone boom.
***********************************************
Duo walked stiffly into the colony's mobile suit hanger looking much more confident than he felt. He ignored the pounding adrenaline blood beating in his ears, and closed his shaking hands into fists before gliding his way up to the work platform.
Sitting cross-legged on the metal walkway in front of Wing Zero, his back to the newcomer and typing furiously at a small laptop, was Heero Yuy. Duo's first thought was of relief that the boy didn't seem to be armed. His hands began to sweat, but he contorted his face into a cheerful smile and cleared his throat.
"What do you want," the monotoned boy didn't lift his attention from the computer and his statement wasn't a question.
Duo took a breath and swaggered over, "Hello to you, too."
The other resumed his typing. Duo shook his head and squatted down to try again. "Heard from Relena last night..." No response. "She was kind of concerned about you."
Heero snapped the laptop shut and jumped to his feet, Duo not far behind. "I don't know what she's talking about. I'm fine." The monotone voice gave no hint of emotion, but the hard blue eyes were frosted with anger.
"Yeah, that's what we thought you'd say," the braided boy sighed and made a small motion behind his back. "Still, Relena thinks you should have a doctor take a look at those old scars and what not."
"And she sent you to make sure?" the boy turned his back on Duo, showing his confidence that Duo didn't have a chance at making him do anything. Which he couldn't, if he was alone. Heero froze in place; Trowa stood, blank faced, at Heero's end of the walkway. The blue eyes swept the hanger and found two other boys watching him intently from below.
"We're all concerned, Heero," Duo lowered his voice and pleaded, "you've been acting weird lately." Heero pivoted smoothly to face Duo, but the boy pushed on. "We just want you to see a doctor, that's all, c'mon."
"I'm fine." Icy fury burned behind the stony face. It was a determined look Duo had seen many times before, right before a difficult battle.
Duo bowed his head and took a step forward. Heero made no move to back down, even though soft steps behind Duo said that Quatra and Wufei had reached the platform. They had him surrounded, like a dangerous animal.
Duo lifted his head and whispered, "Forgive us." Then he swung--a right upper cut. Heero's eyes widened as the blow snapped his head back.
Duo had no time to block the round house kick that knocked him from the platform. For a moment he panicked, thinking of his body smashing into the floor below, but instead he slammed with crushing force into wall. "Thank God for low gravity," the boy gasped in pain as he twisted his aching body around. The momentum of his crash was carrying him back to the platform.
His first reaction to seeing Trowa and Quatra standing was that of relief, but dread followed closely as his viewpoint shifted. Trowa and Quatra were staring down anxiously as Wufei bent over a still figure.
"We have to get him to a hospital--now," the Chinese boy declared. Duo managed to pull himself over the railing and almost collapsed. The pain he felt from his body was swept away when, in fear, he realized Heero's shirt was slowly seeping blood.
His mind was detached, skimming reality as the events spun around him. Trowa jumped into the Zero's cockpit to call for help. Duo's focus fixed on his friend's pale face, unaware of the medics working around him. Duo could only see how fragile and small his companion looked, nothing else was registered in his shock. Trowa and Wufei had to drag him away from Heero's side as they entered the emergency room.
The harsh light of the colony's hospital gave the braided boy a headache that slowly chipped away the numbing effects of shock. Events still past faster than he could grasp, but he was slowly regaining control. Minutes snailed by and Duo finally spoke up.
"Has anyone call Miss Relena?" his voice was soft and dreamlike.
Across the room Quatra brought his eyes up to Duo's, but the blonde didn't speak. He nodded and threw a glance at Trowa.
The Heavyarms pilot shifted his stance and studied the so-called God of Death. "She's on her way."
The door to their private waiting room opened quickly and the three snapped their gazes on the scowling face of Wufei. "Damn women," the boy spoke with barely contained frustration.
"Nothing new yet?" Quatra asked.
The door slammed shut and the sleek warrior shook his head.
"How?" Duo croaked at them, his eyes searching theirs. "What happened?"
"We don't know yet," Quatra's voice was smooth, but his eyes were filled with worry. "When he knocked you off the platform Wufei jumped in and kept him busy while Trowa and I tried to restrain him." Quatra's eyes dropped to study the floor and his voice softened, but Duo could hear every word like they were burned into him. "We had his arms, but he's stronger than us, so Wufei just--just kneed him in the stomach. He went rigid for a second, then passed out."
"But I saw blood." Duo's mind played the scene over and over, his body seemed to get colder every time he remembered the horizontal red streaks. "If we didn't do that, who did?"
No one had an answer. They lived an eternity in the tense silence as the clock on the wall ticked hypnotically.
"Miss Dorlian's not here yet?" The new voice made the four pilots jump. Dr. Iria Winner looked at her brother and his companions in surprise as they dropped their fighting stances. Their eyes looked to her with anxious impatience.
"Not yet, Iria. She was in a meeting when we got a hold of her," Quatra explained, "she'll be here any moment, though."
"I think it's probably better this way," Iria's eyes were soft and pained as she took a moment to break the news. "Heero is in good condition. We've stitched his cuts and have him on a penicillin drip that should stop the infection," the tension in the room lifted instantly, "but there are some other problems."
Duo's heart sank to his feet, he didn't like the sound of her voice. He wanted to demand to know what was happening, to see his friend, but he knew she was doing her best, so he bent his attention to listening to the blonde doctor.
"I've consulted with a psychiatrist and we've come to a diagnosis. This may take some explaining, so why don't we sit?"
Quatra eyed his sister suspiciously, but all four boys sat down quickly. None of them took their eyes off Iria's worried face for an instant. She also took a chair and continued to explain gently.
"From what we know, Heero was trained not to feel strong emotions of any kind. This emotional dam, however, is not possible to maintain for any length of time. Eventually the individual will either release the pent up pain or he will break from it." She paused to look closely at their uncomprehending faces before pushing on. "Heero's condition results from the first--releasing the pain. The problem is he doesn't know how to deal with emotional pain, so he feels he has to release it physically."
As Iria's voice dropped off silence again dominated the room. Duo frowned, his thoughts didn't want to process her information, but he could tell his other companions were very upset. Then his chest filled with pain, as if some one had squeezed his heart, and he understood clearly. "He did that to himself?"
Red horizontal lines ran over Duo's eyes. He felt sick, and sad, and angry. Heero's pale face...the icy blue eyes filled with anger...he had cut himself?
"It's called self-mutilation. Not very common, but it can be treated. Eventually, we might even reverse his training..."
Duo barely heard her now, he mumbled something and left the room quickly. The other's protests were cut off behind the door. After a pause at the nurse's station he headed down a bland white corridor.
When he found the room's door he had to stop himself from kicking it in. Instead he pushed the handle down and slipped in silently.
Surrounded by the white walls and bed sheets Heero almost looked normal. His lightly tan skin and messy brown hair distracted Duo's eyes from the IV and heart monitor, but only for a moment. His eyes were closed in peaceful rest as Duo walked to the bedside and looked down on him.
"I know you're not sleeping, you bastard." The other boy didn't respond. "Okay, then just listen up."
He took Heero's hand and gripped it tightly. "You call this fine? Huh? Was this why you've been so standoffish lately? I'm your friend and dammit I think I've earned your respect after all this time. After all the messed up, dangerous shit we've been through and you do this to yourself--after all that? You beat us away to do this? You prick. You can't do this to us, Heero."
The blue eyes were open now and filled with confusion. "Duo what--what's wrong?"
"You, Heero," the braided boy choked, "you're wrong to try to hide this from us. You're the strongest of all of us, but we never saw how much pain you were in. You wouldn't let us help you like you've helped us." The boy pounded the innocent hospital bed with his free hand. "Quatra, Trowa, even Wufei, and me, you've helped all of us through the bloody fucked up wars. Why didn't you let us do the same for you? You son of a bitch, no good asshole, don't you know how much we care for you?"
Heero's eyes were wide as Duo's face dripped hot tears. Duo ignored them; they were like ice compared to the burning in his chest. "I want to help you. We're friends, that's what we do."
Heero's voice remained emotionless, but he squeezed Duo's hand. "I'm trained to be like this. I never meant to hurt anyone. I just don't know what to do."
"That's a start, I guess," Duo smiled, but his smile was short-lived. The burning in his chest filled his vision with red, then black.
"Dou?" He collapsed to his knees, still holding Heero's hand.
"Duo!" Heero shouted in fear, "Doctor! I need a doctor in here!"
Duo could feel reality slipping away. The injuries from Heero's kick and the subsequent impact into the hanger's unpadded metal wall finally caught up to him.
"Hang on, Maxwell," Heero's voice echoed as Duo slipped into unconsciousness. "You loud-mouthed piece of shit, hang on!"
Duo smiled again, but his hand slipped out of Heero's grip. "DUO!"
******************************************************
So...what'd ya think? I know, I'm deranged, nothing new there.
WHAT'S THE POINT? I'm glad you asked...I really wanted to do a fic like this because I think Heero, during the series and little in Endless Waltz cough*Wufei*cough, helped the other characters pick out their little 'niches' in the world by giving advice, pointing out hopeful possibilities, and just being the tough dependable guy. What about him? He can't be the eternal-emotionless-asshole that so many others write him as, but on the other hand I don't feel he'd open up just because he wants to or because of some great epiphany of love. He's not designed like that, in my humble opinion. And yeah, I'm going way too long....
For the moment I don't have a sequel in mind, but if enough people like it, who knows? I'd love to know what you think will happen to Duo and Heero. Cheers! --AKA Email: Terra_angel@email.com
By: A.K.A. Anonymous
Disclaimers: I bought Gundam Wing on E-bay! NOT!! I wish but sadly it is not to be so. I own only this twisted story and I'm posting it for entertainment-no profits are made, besides reviews.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: IMPORTANT!! If you don't like swearing, twisted, and really angsty fics don't read this! It is rated R for swearing and really depressing content (I think). Thank you.
Also, this is either AU or disregards Endless Waltz, whatever you prefer. I was writing them as still being about 15 or so, and as you'll see, Zero hasn't gone boom.
***********************************************
Duo walked stiffly into the colony's mobile suit hanger looking much more confident than he felt. He ignored the pounding adrenaline blood beating in his ears, and closed his shaking hands into fists before gliding his way up to the work platform.
Sitting cross-legged on the metal walkway in front of Wing Zero, his back to the newcomer and typing furiously at a small laptop, was Heero Yuy. Duo's first thought was of relief that the boy didn't seem to be armed. His hands began to sweat, but he contorted his face into a cheerful smile and cleared his throat.
"What do you want," the monotoned boy didn't lift his attention from the computer and his statement wasn't a question.
Duo took a breath and swaggered over, "Hello to you, too."
The other resumed his typing. Duo shook his head and squatted down to try again. "Heard from Relena last night..." No response. "She was kind of concerned about you."
Heero snapped the laptop shut and jumped to his feet, Duo not far behind. "I don't know what she's talking about. I'm fine." The monotone voice gave no hint of emotion, but the hard blue eyes were frosted with anger.
"Yeah, that's what we thought you'd say," the braided boy sighed and made a small motion behind his back. "Still, Relena thinks you should have a doctor take a look at those old scars and what not."
"And she sent you to make sure?" the boy turned his back on Duo, showing his confidence that Duo didn't have a chance at making him do anything. Which he couldn't, if he was alone. Heero froze in place; Trowa stood, blank faced, at Heero's end of the walkway. The blue eyes swept the hanger and found two other boys watching him intently from below.
"We're all concerned, Heero," Duo lowered his voice and pleaded, "you've been acting weird lately." Heero pivoted smoothly to face Duo, but the boy pushed on. "We just want you to see a doctor, that's all, c'mon."
"I'm fine." Icy fury burned behind the stony face. It was a determined look Duo had seen many times before, right before a difficult battle.
Duo bowed his head and took a step forward. Heero made no move to back down, even though soft steps behind Duo said that Quatra and Wufei had reached the platform. They had him surrounded, like a dangerous animal.
Duo lifted his head and whispered, "Forgive us." Then he swung--a right upper cut. Heero's eyes widened as the blow snapped his head back.
Duo had no time to block the round house kick that knocked him from the platform. For a moment he panicked, thinking of his body smashing into the floor below, but instead he slammed with crushing force into wall. "Thank God for low gravity," the boy gasped in pain as he twisted his aching body around. The momentum of his crash was carrying him back to the platform.
His first reaction to seeing Trowa and Quatra standing was that of relief, but dread followed closely as his viewpoint shifted. Trowa and Quatra were staring down anxiously as Wufei bent over a still figure.
"We have to get him to a hospital--now," the Chinese boy declared. Duo managed to pull himself over the railing and almost collapsed. The pain he felt from his body was swept away when, in fear, he realized Heero's shirt was slowly seeping blood.
His mind was detached, skimming reality as the events spun around him. Trowa jumped into the Zero's cockpit to call for help. Duo's focus fixed on his friend's pale face, unaware of the medics working around him. Duo could only see how fragile and small his companion looked, nothing else was registered in his shock. Trowa and Wufei had to drag him away from Heero's side as they entered the emergency room.
The harsh light of the colony's hospital gave the braided boy a headache that slowly chipped away the numbing effects of shock. Events still past faster than he could grasp, but he was slowly regaining control. Minutes snailed by and Duo finally spoke up.
"Has anyone call Miss Relena?" his voice was soft and dreamlike.
Across the room Quatra brought his eyes up to Duo's, but the blonde didn't speak. He nodded and threw a glance at Trowa.
The Heavyarms pilot shifted his stance and studied the so-called God of Death. "She's on her way."
The door to their private waiting room opened quickly and the three snapped their gazes on the scowling face of Wufei. "Damn women," the boy spoke with barely contained frustration.
"Nothing new yet?" Quatra asked.
The door slammed shut and the sleek warrior shook his head.
"How?" Duo croaked at them, his eyes searching theirs. "What happened?"
"We don't know yet," Quatra's voice was smooth, but his eyes were filled with worry. "When he knocked you off the platform Wufei jumped in and kept him busy while Trowa and I tried to restrain him." Quatra's eyes dropped to study the floor and his voice softened, but Duo could hear every word like they were burned into him. "We had his arms, but he's stronger than us, so Wufei just--just kneed him in the stomach. He went rigid for a second, then passed out."
"But I saw blood." Duo's mind played the scene over and over, his body seemed to get colder every time he remembered the horizontal red streaks. "If we didn't do that, who did?"
No one had an answer. They lived an eternity in the tense silence as the clock on the wall ticked hypnotically.
"Miss Dorlian's not here yet?" The new voice made the four pilots jump. Dr. Iria Winner looked at her brother and his companions in surprise as they dropped their fighting stances. Their eyes looked to her with anxious impatience.
"Not yet, Iria. She was in a meeting when we got a hold of her," Quatra explained, "she'll be here any moment, though."
"I think it's probably better this way," Iria's eyes were soft and pained as she took a moment to break the news. "Heero is in good condition. We've stitched his cuts and have him on a penicillin drip that should stop the infection," the tension in the room lifted instantly, "but there are some other problems."
Duo's heart sank to his feet, he didn't like the sound of her voice. He wanted to demand to know what was happening, to see his friend, but he knew she was doing her best, so he bent his attention to listening to the blonde doctor.
"I've consulted with a psychiatrist and we've come to a diagnosis. This may take some explaining, so why don't we sit?"
Quatra eyed his sister suspiciously, but all four boys sat down quickly. None of them took their eyes off Iria's worried face for an instant. She also took a chair and continued to explain gently.
"From what we know, Heero was trained not to feel strong emotions of any kind. This emotional dam, however, is not possible to maintain for any length of time. Eventually the individual will either release the pent up pain or he will break from it." She paused to look closely at their uncomprehending faces before pushing on. "Heero's condition results from the first--releasing the pain. The problem is he doesn't know how to deal with emotional pain, so he feels he has to release it physically."
As Iria's voice dropped off silence again dominated the room. Duo frowned, his thoughts didn't want to process her information, but he could tell his other companions were very upset. Then his chest filled with pain, as if some one had squeezed his heart, and he understood clearly. "He did that to himself?"
Red horizontal lines ran over Duo's eyes. He felt sick, and sad, and angry. Heero's pale face...the icy blue eyes filled with anger...he had cut himself?
"It's called self-mutilation. Not very common, but it can be treated. Eventually, we might even reverse his training..."
Duo barely heard her now, he mumbled something and left the room quickly. The other's protests were cut off behind the door. After a pause at the nurse's station he headed down a bland white corridor.
When he found the room's door he had to stop himself from kicking it in. Instead he pushed the handle down and slipped in silently.
Surrounded by the white walls and bed sheets Heero almost looked normal. His lightly tan skin and messy brown hair distracted Duo's eyes from the IV and heart monitor, but only for a moment. His eyes were closed in peaceful rest as Duo walked to the bedside and looked down on him.
"I know you're not sleeping, you bastard." The other boy didn't respond. "Okay, then just listen up."
He took Heero's hand and gripped it tightly. "You call this fine? Huh? Was this why you've been so standoffish lately? I'm your friend and dammit I think I've earned your respect after all this time. After all the messed up, dangerous shit we've been through and you do this to yourself--after all that? You beat us away to do this? You prick. You can't do this to us, Heero."
The blue eyes were open now and filled with confusion. "Duo what--what's wrong?"
"You, Heero," the braided boy choked, "you're wrong to try to hide this from us. You're the strongest of all of us, but we never saw how much pain you were in. You wouldn't let us help you like you've helped us." The boy pounded the innocent hospital bed with his free hand. "Quatra, Trowa, even Wufei, and me, you've helped all of us through the bloody fucked up wars. Why didn't you let us do the same for you? You son of a bitch, no good asshole, don't you know how much we care for you?"
Heero's eyes were wide as Duo's face dripped hot tears. Duo ignored them; they were like ice compared to the burning in his chest. "I want to help you. We're friends, that's what we do."
Heero's voice remained emotionless, but he squeezed Duo's hand. "I'm trained to be like this. I never meant to hurt anyone. I just don't know what to do."
"That's a start, I guess," Duo smiled, but his smile was short-lived. The burning in his chest filled his vision with red, then black.
"Dou?" He collapsed to his knees, still holding Heero's hand.
"Duo!" Heero shouted in fear, "Doctor! I need a doctor in here!"
Duo could feel reality slipping away. The injuries from Heero's kick and the subsequent impact into the hanger's unpadded metal wall finally caught up to him.
"Hang on, Maxwell," Heero's voice echoed as Duo slipped into unconsciousness. "You loud-mouthed piece of shit, hang on!"
Duo smiled again, but his hand slipped out of Heero's grip. "DUO!"
******************************************************
So...what'd ya think? I know, I'm deranged, nothing new there.
WHAT'S THE POINT? I'm glad you asked...I really wanted to do a fic like this because I think Heero, during the series and little in Endless Waltz cough*Wufei*cough, helped the other characters pick out their little 'niches' in the world by giving advice, pointing out hopeful possibilities, and just being the tough dependable guy. What about him? He can't be the eternal-emotionless-asshole that so many others write him as, but on the other hand I don't feel he'd open up just because he wants to or because of some great epiphany of love. He's not designed like that, in my humble opinion. And yeah, I'm going way too long....
For the moment I don't have a sequel in mind, but if enough people like it, who knows? I'd love to know what you think will happen to Duo and Heero. Cheers! --AKA Email: Terra_angel@email.com