Disclaimer: Nope, they're not mine. If they were, I'd be sitting in the Caribbean, sipping margaritas, and basking in the sun, not staring out my window at the rain. So please don't sue me. I'm a poor university student, and trust me - it won't be worth the effort.
Author's Note: This is part three of the "Lost" series, and is written from Liz's POV (my first attempt at climbing in her head and camping out, so forgive me if it's a little shaky). **Please, please, please give me feedback – I want it all, the good, the bad, and the ugly. If you want more, tell me!**
Distribution: Ask, and ye shall receive – just let me know where it's going!
He thinks he has to regain my trust. That he has to make up for the last year. That he has to atone for her sins.
He doesn't.
All he has to do is love me, like I love him. That's all I want. That's all I've ever wanted.
I never stopped loving him, no matter how much he hurt me when he was with her. And no matter how mad I am at him for sleeping with her, I will always forgive him.
Because he will always forgive me. Because I love him. Because I want to spend my life wrapped in his arms. Because I want his face to be the first thing I see every morning and the last thing I see at night.
I spent last night in his bed. We just slept - I'm not ready to do anything else, not yet - but I didn't want to be alone. His parents were out of town, so as soon as my parents went to sleep, I was out my window and into his arms.
It hurts, so much, that his first time was with her. That she's pregnant with his baby.
I always thought our first times would be with each other. And I always thought I would be the only woman to have his child.
I don't hate the baby. I'm going to help him get his son back, because I know he won't find peace until he knows his child is safe and loved. And when that child is here with us, I'm going to be his mother.
Max asked me that, late last night, just before I fell asleep in his arms. He asked me if I would be the mother of his child with her. And I said yes.
No matter how much I hate the mother, I know I will love the child. No matter what. Because the baby is a part of Max, and, I have to believe, the best part of her, too. No one can be pure evil, although she does come close.
But the baby is innocent. I'll teach him all about right and wrong, something his mother obviously never learned. And I'm going to love him just as much as I love his father. Just as much as I would if he was my own.
When I told Maria this morning, she asked me why. Why I would agree to love her child, after all she's done. Why I would forgive him, let him back into my life, after all the hurt and pain he's caused me.
What Maria doesn't understand that Max wasn't responsible for all that pain, not really. I hurt him, too. And any pain he's caused me is nothing compared to all the pain she's caused everyone.
I smiled at her. "Why do you love Michael?"
"Because he's…Michael," she replied, shrugging helplessly. She can't explain love any more than I can.
"You can't live without him, Maria. You know that. And I can't live without Max," I said firmly. "I can love his child, because it's a part of him. I love Max, no matter what."
And that's the truth. I will love him, no matter what he's done. I know he feels lost right now. So do I.
Everything I've ever known has been tossed upside down. My world's spun out of control, and I'm left to pick up the pieces and put them back together again, but I don't know how. My best friend is dead, murdered by the woman who tried to steal the love of my life away. Alex's girlfriend hasn't spoken in three days, and just stares at the wall and cries. And the love of my life is torn in half, trying to remember who he was before she brainwashed him, who he was when he loved me, while at the same time, trying to take care of the rest of us.
She called me a bitch. She asked him why he couldn't love her like he loves me.
Doesn't she know? Doesn't she understand?
Max and I – we fit. We belong. I feel like he's what I've been missing all my life, even when I didn't know I was missing anything. Like he's my other half. We complete each other, compliment each other. Without him, I'm not whole. I'm only half a person.
I understand what Isabel's going through right now, maybe more than anyone else, and my heart goes out to her. We've never been great friends, but she is the woman my best friend chose to love. If she and Alex felt even one-tenth of what I feel for Max, I know she's going through hell on earth. I know, because I endured it over these last few months.
You know that old saying? That whatever doesn't kill you will make you stronger? I used to think that was a load of bull.
Then I lived through this last year. When I left Max last May, after I found out he was destined to be with her, I wanted to die. I very nearly willed my heart to stop beating because I couldn't be with him, because he had to be with her and not me. But I didn't, because I had too much to live for. Too much I still had to do. And I kept going on because I still loved him, even though I knew we could never be together, no matter how much it hurt to see him and not be with him.
And when I met Max from the future, I almost gave up again. I did what I had to do, I will make no apologies for that, but I guess Future Max was on an acid trip or something. Because there is no way that having a traitor, a murderer like her around would ever help Max or anyone else, four-square be damned. I'll fight beside him, and so will Maria and Kyle and the Sheriff, if it comes to that. I have to believe that our love will be even stronger that anything some evil aliens can throw at us.
Now I know that I'm stronger than I ever thought possible. I've lost love and regained it. I've given the man I love to his betrayer and I've saved him from her clutches. I've lost my best friend and solved his murder.
I'm tired.
Completely, fundamentally, bone-weary tired.
And I'm scared.
Why now? I have everything I've ever wanted, right? Even though Alex isn't with us, not anymore, because of her, I still love him, and I know he's still watching out for me. Me, Alex and Maria - the three musketeers are forever, no matter what. And I have Max, the only man I've ever wanted.
But in the last year, I've lost something precious. I've lost the person I used to be, the person I liked. I don't always like the girl I see in the mirror lately.
That girl looks like me, but I don't recognize her. The person I used to be, the person Max loves, would never say some of the hateful things I've said lately. I will never forgive myself for accusing Max and Isabel and Michael at Alex's funeral. They weren't responsible. She was, not them. And I'm not sure Max or Isabel will ever really get over the hurt I caused them.
Sure, I owed it to Alex to find out the truth. And I'm glad I did. I will never regret that.
But they were dealing with enough pain of their own. I never meant it to sound like I was saying they killed him. I know they didn't; I've always known it.
She did, though. She killed my best friend. She tried to kill the man I love. And she tried to steal him from me forever.
With Max, by my side, I know I can do anything. I'm going to try to find my way back. Back to the person I used to be. And I'm going to help him find the Max he used to be before she came into our lives.
Last night, while I was sleeping, I had a dream. At least, I think it was a dream – it seemed so real. Grandma Claudia and Alex were sitting beside me. We were on my balcony, and above us, millions of stars were twinkling down on us.
"Liz, you forgot what I told you," Grandma Claudia told me as she stroked my hair. I must have looked confused, so she continued. "Follow you heart, darling. You forgot to do that. Trust your heart, Liz, and trust Max."
"I do, Grandma…it's just hard."
"But it's worth everything, in the end," Alex said softly. He gazed up at the stars with a little smile on his face. "I loved Isabel more than anything in this world. And in the end, I know she loved me, too, because she finally learned to trust her heart. I can't be with her right now, but I watch over her. Dying doesn't mean you stop loving, Liz."
"Alex…I'm so sorry for what Tess did to you. I miss you so much, both of you."
Alex smiled brilliantly at me then. "I miss you to, but I'm never far away. I'm always with Izzy, watching over her, taking care of her. If you miss me, find her, and I'll be there, too." His face turned serious. "I have to go, Liz, but before I do, I need you to promise me two things."
"Anything, Alex."
"I need you to look after Isabel for me, and tell her I love her. Make her move on. Make her start to smile again. Please?"
"I will."
"And I need you to promise me that you'll do the same. Don't hate Tess, not even for what she did to me. Let Max back into your heart, and face the future together, no matter what happens. Can you do that?"
"Yeah. I love you, Alex."
"I love you, too, Liz. Tell Maria I loved her, too. And tell Max and Michael that I'll haunt them if they don't take care of my girls. Bye, Liz."
Then he disappeared, leaving me alone with Grandma Claudia. "Honey Bear, I know it's hard. Remember when I told you that every relationship didn't have to be the be-all, end-all? Well, you and Max are the be-all, end-all. He's your soul mate, and you're lucky to find him this early. I love you, Honey Bear."
"I love you, too, Grandma," I whispered as she faded away.
And then I woke up in Max's arms. He was still asleep, and it was still dark outside. I knew I should leave, but I just had to watch him a little longer.
He looked so young while he slept this morning. So peaceful. Like he'd finally let go of the stress he'd been carrying as leader.
I made a vow, then and there. Max wasn't going to carry the weight of two worlds by himself, not anymore. I was going to help him.
And in that moment, I began to follow my heart. It led me back to him.
We may never have our Vegas wedding, and to tell you the truth, I'm not sure I want one. We aren't going to follow the paths laid out for us by Future Max. I've already altered the future, for better or for worse, and I can't change that.
But we can follow our own path, follow our hearts, no matter what. Because I know our hearts will lead us back to each other.
And if we're together, we won't be so lost.