Ron and Destiny's Calling
*Miss Cleo sits down.
Miss Cleo: I see… We have a Ronald Weasly here today, to get
his free tarot card reading! *
*First three minutes
free of charge. Every minute after-50$.
Ron: Uh, yeah, I guess. So what do I do?
Cleo: You just sit yourself down and listen to me
predictions. I may be a, what you call,
Muggle, but I know me way around tarot cards.
Oh, and do make sure you pay me.
Ron: What the (edited by Miss Cleo show staff) are you
playing at?! This is a free
reading!!
Cleo: There, my friend, you are very wrong! Read the fine print, boy!
Ron: I never would have called this place if I knew
that!
Cleo: SUCKS FOR YOU!
Ron: C'mon! I'm
a big star in the Muggle world...
Cleo: Well, there you are right. Hmmm... Okie. Your reading will be only 25$ per minute after the first
three.
Ron: WHAT?
YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND!
Cleo: Nope... perfectly inside it. Ok, ok, you get yourself a FREE
READING! But you better be thankful...
Ron: Thank god... All right. Let's get on with this reading.
Cleo: First, I will make up things about your "personal
life" that are completely untrue.
Winging it is my specialty...
*Cleo flips over one card, then another. With a mischievous grin, she continues:
Cleo: It seems there is a girl who's name means the
color purple in your life...
Ron: What the-? Ohhhh…
Lavender. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT?
Cleo: It seems that, in your little Divination class,
you wanted to see her anus...
Ron: WHAT? Oh
yeah... That was a joke, yeah.
*Sweats nervously
Ron: That was the planet-Siriusly. Well, that is something Sirius would
do… But, ummm, I just wanted to see the
planet. REALLY!
Cleo: Touché, touché... Anyway, on to your family.
*Miss Cleo turns over some more cards. With a look of interest/curiosity, she
speaks to Ron.
Cleo: I see… You have one workaholic and annoying, one
druggie wild man, one crazy dragon chaser/Quidditch player, and two
prankster/loser brothers?
Ron: That hardly fits their description! Well, Percy's may be right… But Bill's not a
druggie! Well, he wasn't a druggie last time I checked! Charlie isn't crazy! And Fred and George aren't losers!
*Cleo flips over another card.
Cleo: Hmmm… and you have one sister with a crush
on-your best friend!
Ron: Uhh, yeah.
*Cleo turns over yet another card.
Cleo: I was mistaken earlier… you have feelings for your
little sister's best friend… a red-haired, snobby girl… Hmmm. It seems you also are being called by
Destiny! Destiny's summons should not be ignored! Go! Fulfill your Destiny!
*Ron goes really red about the Hermione
remark. Also, he clenches his hands in
a fist at the "snobby" comment…
Ron: HOW DARE YOU CALL HERMIONE THAT!!
Cleo: Well, I just did, punk.
Ron: WELL SCREW YOU!
*Ron is out of his chair and grabbing for his
wand.
Cleo: Please, child. Don't you want to hear your phony- I mean amazing- destiny?
Ron: Not a snowball's chance in, ummm, heck!
Cleo: Rude of you, child… You may be- DESTINY'S CHILD!
*Cleo gets up and starts singing:
I'm a survivor,
I'm a survivor,
Don't want to give
up,
Gonna work harder…
*Someone in the audience screams at Cleo.
Random Audience
Person: SHUT THE HECK UP!!!
Cleo: Fine, be that way…
*Ron sighs.
Ron: Fine, fine… Tell me my "destiny".
*Cleo flips over a card, once again.
Cleo: Interesting… It seems that you are destined to pay
me sixty dollars…
*Ron points his wand at Miss Cleo.
Ron: STUPEFY!
*Miss Cleo becomes unconscious as Fred and George
walk in.
Fred: HEY! We
can't get a tarot reading from a stunned con-artist!
George: Yeah… We need a conscious con-artist!
Fred: Ennervate!
*Cleo becomes conscious.
Cleo: Are you to ready for your free tarot reading?
Fred: He-, whups, these are kids books. Heck, yeah!
George: Bring on the tarot reading!
*Ron walks out.
Ron: I can't believe you guys…
George: We sure can!
*Looking disgusted, Ron leaves.
Cleo: So you're ready for your free* tarot reading?
*Free for first three
minutes. 50$ per minute afterwards.
A/N: I hope you liked Part 1. Part 2=Fred and George mischief! J
Part 2:
Fred, George, and
Weasly's Wizard Wheazes
Fred: Like we said, YES WOMAN!
*George attempts to calm Fred down and whispers.
George(whispering): I know she's a pain, but we gotta try and turn
her into a canary on national Muggle telivision!
Fred(whispering): You're right, bro. We'll get kicked off if I keep going on like this.
*George pats Fred on the back.
George(whispering): Good job.
Cleo: Are you two hooligans done with your private
conversation yet?
George(whispering): Remember, control yourself.
*Fred fingers his wand, but puts his hand back on
the table.
Fred: Yeah.
Cleo: So let's begin, shall we?
George: Definitely.
I've been waiting for this all week!
*Fred and George snicker quite a bit.
Cleo: I see… you have ABSOLUTELY NO RESPECT FOR THE
SCAMMING-er, I mean noble- ART OF TAROT CARD READING!!!
Fred: Yup… that's about right!
*Fred gives George a high five.
George: We did bring food, though.
*Fred pulls out a basket from the floor and sets it
on the table.
Fred: Here! We have all sorts of stuff… Toffees, drinks
(non-alcoholic, mind you), candies, and more!
Cleo: Thank you boys!
And I thought you were both loser brats…
*Cleo looks warily at the food, though. She takes a card, flips it over, and
examines it carefully. After a few
moments, she comes to a conclusion.
Meanwhile, Fred and George have their fingers crossed and hope for good
luck.
Cleo: Oh, how sweet!
There is a cream inside one of those pieces of bread! Thank you!
*Fred and George slap each other five once again,
this time under the table, and softly so Cleo can't hear.
Fred: Well, mum always told us to be polite.
George: Definitely.
Bread with a cream in it tastes so much better, don't you think, Fred?
Fred: Absolutely.
Eat up, Cleo!
*Cleo eats more, and more, and more…
Cleo: Delicious!
George: Fred always had a knack for cooking.
Fred: Nah, it was always you who had skills with a
frying pan.
*Without noticing it, Cleo's tongue reaches the
distance of four feet. She finally
finds out.
Cleo: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!
*George gasps in mock-astonishment.
Fred: Oh my god- your tongue- IT'S HUGE!
*Cleo took a bite off the bread earlier, and
finally burst into the shape of a canary!
George: Good job, bro!
Fred: Well done, chappie!
Cleo: WHAT THE, oh yeah, I'm on national television,
HECK HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!?
George: It's our famous canary cream! Buy two boxes of eight a piece for only one
galleon- five dollars!
Fred: Make what happened to you happen to all your
enemies- and friends!
*Cleo shakes hands with Fred and George,
respectively.
Cleo: You've got yourselves a deal!
*Cleo hands Fred five dollars, and George hands her
two boxes of canary creams.
George: A dull moment will never pass again!
Fred: One problem left for you, though…
Fred and George (simultaneously): YOU'RE STILL A CANARY!
*Suddenly Percy bursts in.
Percy: WHAT HAVE YOU TWO DONE TO THIS POOR, MUGGLE
WOMAN?!
George: Sold her two boxes of canary creams, that's what!
*Percy gets his wand and changes Cleo back into a
person, and her tongue reverts to normal size.
Percy: GET OUT!
Fred: Fine, Perce.
George: Just one last
word with Cleo, here!
Percy: Fine… Have it
your way.
*Fred and George make
a move for the door as they speak.
Fred: Could we possibly
interest you in a ton-tongue toffee or two?
George: 25 cents a
piece!
*Miss Cleo pursues
them to take them up on the offer, but Percy levitates both of them out.
Percy: Brothers… Fred
and George have no initiative.
Cleo: May I interest you in
a free* tarot reading?
*You know the first-three-minutes-free drill…
A/N: Two parts down,
three to go… Next part is: Percy. J
Part 3:
Percy and THE
PREDICTION
Percy: Sure… As long
as I get home in time to finish my report on increased grindylow activity in
Ireland and how it will affect Great Brita-
*Miss Cleo cuts off
Percy.
Cleo: Frankly, Percy, I
don't give a damn.
*Arthur bursts in at
this mention of Muggle books/entertainment.
Arthur: Did you just
use a phrase from a Muggle movie, slightly modified to fit the person it was
being said to (Percy)?
Cleo: Well, yes. It's called Gone With the Wind.
Arthur: WOW! I just
learned something new about Muggles!
*Arthur skips out,
doing a little dance in pure joy.
Cleo: Enough with that
nutcase…
*Percy acts extremely
eager, like a little kid.
Percy: Please, Miss
Cleo, please can I get a tarot reading? Pretty, pretty please?
Cleo: Don't wet your pants,
dear! I'm working on it.
Percy: WOW! I'm
getting a tarot reading; I'm getting a tarot reading, na-na-na-nana!
*Percy dances up and
down as Cleo (with a sigh) flips over a few cards.
Cleo: Whoah…
Percy: WHAT? WHAT?
*Cleo gasps.
Cleo: I think this has
something to do with your job…
Percy: Oh, yes. I can tell you all about my job! I work in the International Magical
Relations Department, and I do all sorts of neat things! I worked on the Tri-Wizard-Tournament! Also, I went to *Percy gasps*
IRELAND on business! I can fly there for free on a broom, but I got to go
there on business! Even though I can go there any time I want! WHO-HOO!
*Looking thouroughly
annoyed, Cleo continues.
Cleo: I'm sorry, but you
will be losing your job…
*Percy starts crying and
falls to the ground. He pulls out his
wand and stuns Cleo, and goes running to the door.
Percy: Wait a sec… Enervate!
*Cleo wakes up.
Percy: Do you know what job I will be getting, though?
*Looking even more
annoyed, Cleo continues.
Cleo: YOU WILL CLEAN THE
TOILETS AT WEASLY'S WIZARD WHEAZES!
*Cleo laughs evilly.
Cleo: MUAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Percy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*Percy stuns Cleo again
and runs out the door. The TV announcer
does some, well, announcing.
Announcer: I'm sorry to inform you
that, due to a crazy (and stunned) host, the show will continue later. Watch for it on Sunday or Monday! (A/N: Hint, hint…)
A/N: Thanks for
reading! And make sure you REVIEW,
REVIEW, AND REVIEW! Thanks, and enjoy life! (If you reviewed…) J
