ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the first annual Cook County General Smackdown!! ((Crowd cheers exuberantly)) I'm your host and announcer, Dave Mallucci, the pride and joy of the ER! ((Crowd groans)) Oh, come on! Anyway, I'd like to introduce you to your referees for this evening. ((A group of four stands next to him, all clad in wings and halos.)) Tell us your names.
REFEREE ONE: Dennis Gant.
REFEREE TWO: Jodi O'Brian.
REFEREE THREE: Lucy Knight.
REFEREE FOUR: Jesse Robbins.
JOHN CARTER: ((Running into the wrestling ring)) Dennis? Lucy?!
PETER BENTON: ((Running into the wrestling ring)) Jesse?!
REFEREE FOUR: Hi, Uncle Peter.
ANNOUNCER: Security! ((Four burlesque guards escort the two out)) Back to business, folks. For our first round, we have this woman up for grabs. Carol Hathaway! ((Displays Carol writhing in rope bondages)) Now to introduce our competitors. First, the former stud of the ER, Doug Ross! ((Doug walks into the ring dressed in black and gold spandex much to the delight of Carol and the crowd)) And our other competitor, former EMT, I hope he has a first name, "Shep" Shepherd! ((Shep enters in purple and pink spandex much to the dismay of Carol and the crowd)) And let's- ((He is suddenly interrupted by someone handing him an announcement)) Seems we have another competitor. Welcome the man who just changed his mind about Miss Hathaway, John "Tag" Taglieri! ((Tag walks in clad in blue and green spandex. Dave leans towards Ref One)) What is *with* these names? Shep? Tag? ((A bell rings, startling him)) Oh, start!
((They do, both Doug and Shep ganging up on Tag and knocking him to the floor while the announcer keeps tabs. Tag is dragged out of the ring and Shep and Doug begin to circle each other dangerously.))
ANNOUNCER: Now it's one on one, man to man, Shep versus Doug for the title of Carol's sugar daddy.
((The two begin to punch, kick, etc, etc. Shep ducks one of Doug's punches and throws one of his own, sending Doug to the outside floor of the ring. Shep jumps out on top of him and begins pummeling him, leaving him unconscious on the ground. Shep walks back into the ring))
ANNOUNCER: Looks like we have a winner! Shep! ((Dave lifts his fist triumphantly.)) Shep is the winner of this lovely prize. ((Dave cuts Carol's bondages and she lunges forward, wrapping a hand around Shep's throat.))
CAROL: You shithole! ((She throws a punch to his gut, knocking him out with a head butt, and jumps from the ring to Doug's side.))
ANNOUNCER: Um...OK. Onto Round number two!!!!!
REFEREE ONE: Dennis Gant.
REFEREE TWO: Jodi O'Brian.
REFEREE THREE: Lucy Knight.
REFEREE FOUR: Jesse Robbins.
JOHN CARTER: ((Running into the wrestling ring)) Dennis? Lucy?!
PETER BENTON: ((Running into the wrestling ring)) Jesse?!
REFEREE FOUR: Hi, Uncle Peter.
ANNOUNCER: Security! ((Four burlesque guards escort the two out)) Back to business, folks. For our first round, we have this woman up for grabs. Carol Hathaway! ((Displays Carol writhing in rope bondages)) Now to introduce our competitors. First, the former stud of the ER, Doug Ross! ((Doug walks into the ring dressed in black and gold spandex much to the delight of Carol and the crowd)) And our other competitor, former EMT, I hope he has a first name, "Shep" Shepherd! ((Shep enters in purple and pink spandex much to the dismay of Carol and the crowd)) And let's- ((He is suddenly interrupted by someone handing him an announcement)) Seems we have another competitor. Welcome the man who just changed his mind about Miss Hathaway, John "Tag" Taglieri! ((Tag walks in clad in blue and green spandex. Dave leans towards Ref One)) What is *with* these names? Shep? Tag? ((A bell rings, startling him)) Oh, start!
((They do, both Doug and Shep ganging up on Tag and knocking him to the floor while the announcer keeps tabs. Tag is dragged out of the ring and Shep and Doug begin to circle each other dangerously.))
ANNOUNCER: Now it's one on one, man to man, Shep versus Doug for the title of Carol's sugar daddy.
((The two begin to punch, kick, etc, etc. Shep ducks one of Doug's punches and throws one of his own, sending Doug to the outside floor of the ring. Shep jumps out on top of him and begins pummeling him, leaving him unconscious on the ground. Shep walks back into the ring))
ANNOUNCER: Looks like we have a winner! Shep! ((Dave lifts his fist triumphantly.)) Shep is the winner of this lovely prize. ((Dave cuts Carol's bondages and she lunges forward, wrapping a hand around Shep's throat.))
CAROL: You shithole! ((She throws a punch to his gut, knocking him out with a head butt, and jumps from the ring to Doug's side.))
ANNOUNCER: Um...OK. Onto Round number two!!!!!