Pathetic
By Yaone
Hakkai
"Are we lost again?" Goku asked jumping to look over my shoulder at the map.
"That's a very good question," I said, sighing. Are we lost again? A question I knew the answer to. They were lost again. I've been lost. There's no again for me. I haven't been able to find myself ever since Kannon died.
Pretty pathetic huh? I'm a yokai, one that's killed over a thousand other yokai, even before I became one- which kind of was the cause of me becoming a yokai, but that's a whole other story. I'm one of the top twenty most powerful demons in Togenkyo and Tenjikukoku combined. I've battled with two cent whore spider demons, giant crab shikigami, and an undead prince I've had to kill twice, the murderer of my beloved Kannon. I can even hold my own against Yaone, this gorgeous, spear wielding, super intelligent, would-be-Amazon-queen yokai who fights with the strength of a lion and the grace of a tiger.
From the way I'm talking about her right now, it probably sounds like I'm in love with her or something. Well I haven't finished yet, so don't make any assumptions yet. She works for Kogaiji. The Kogaiji. You know, Gyumao's son who Nataku had to seal away. The super strong demon prince who is trying to kill all four of us. That Kogaiji.
Still think I like her? Alright, you got me. She's beautiful. She's smart. She's funny. She's strong. Sure, I've killed dozens of yokai who've probably had those traits but she's different. She's... she's... she's Yaone. I don't think I can explain it any better than that. Have you ever known someone who you're drawn to and you don't know why? She's special in a lot of different ways, and even though there are women who're nicer than her or sweeter than her, or just simply easier to be with than her, they can't replace her.
Now tell me, how pathetic is this? I'm lost, I'm mourning over my dead lover, the woman I was sure was the only one in the entire world for me, and at the same time I'm infatuated with one of my most dangerous enemies.
At least I don't have to worry about our relationship progressing or anything. Ha. That's the one thing I don't have to worry about. She's Kogaiji's, plain and simple. Even though when she's not trying to kill me she's sweet and civil, she'll never look at me the same way she looks at Kogaiji. That should be a relief... right?
I don't know. I feel like I don't know anything anymore. I mean, I shouldn't like her at all, right? I could make an outline and write an essay on how and why we can't and shouldn't be together.
I should stop babbling now and get on with the story. But trying to explain Yaone has a tendency to leave me tounge tied.
"Unfortunately I think we are lost, Goku," I answered the sprightly boy.
"Man!" Goku's shoulders slumped. "I wanted to get to the city so we could find a restaurant. I'm so hungry!"
"Shut up you dumb ass ape!" Gojo snapped, whacking the back of Goku's head. "We're hungry too, you know!"
"Gojo, be nice," I said, putting a hand on Goku's shoulder, silencing him before he and Gojo could get into one of those mudslinging arguments that those two are favorite for. "We're all hungry, but fighting's not going to help us get to the city any faster."
"I'm sooooo hungry," Goku moaned.
"All of you go to hell!" Sanzo snapped. Something flew through the air at a very high speed.
"Ow!" Goku yelped. "Oh come on Sanzo! You're supposed to whack us with that dumb paper fan! Not throw it!"
Sanzo muttered something that sounded like "I do what I want," and turned his back to us.
"Monks," Gojo mouthed to me and shook his head.
"I heard that."
"I didn't say anything!" Gojo protested.
"Go to hell."
I shook my head. The people I hang out with. Well what do you expect from a human-turned-yokai who's trying to save the world from his number one crush's boyfriend? Sometimes I wonder if this is all just a dream. Or an illusion of some sort. If I'm not really living my life out in a room with padded walls. But when Sanzo whacks me with his fan or Yaone back hands me across the face then slams the blunt end of her spear into my stomach, I know that this is real.
"We took a wrong turn somewhere," I said, studying the map again. "That short cut we took about two hours ago... I think we took the wrong path-"
"HA! I TOLD you!" Gojo punched the air with his fist. "This ALWAYS happens when we try to take short cuts! ALWAYS!!! I told you 'If we take this short cut we're going to get lost' but did you listen? NO!!!" He turned his crimson gaze on Goku. "What say ye now, thy dumb ass ape?!"
"Argh!" Goku glared at him and took a step forward.
" 'Argh!' he says!" Gojo mocked. "And how it strikes fear into the heart of his foes!"
"Stop it Gojo," I said, at the same time Sanzo made his contribution to the conversation, "All of you, go to hell."
I sighed. "We're going to have to back track for two hours, you know. We might want to camp here and start in the morning. The sun will be setting soon-"
"No," Sanzo snapped. "We back track now. And we're not stopping until we get back on the right track."
"Sanzo," I said, trying to reason with him, "In about half an hour it's going to be so dark you won't be able to see the tip of your nose. It's going to take longer than that for us to get back to the main road. Then we have to pitch camp and..."
Sanzo turned his back and started walking back down the road.
Never try reasoning with a monk.
If they don't pull one of those 'holier than thou' routines, they'll most likely pull a gun on you.
"Come on you two," I said to Gojo and Goku who had just embarked on a full scale verbal war. "We better get going."
"Hey Sanzo, wait up!" Goku was all smiles in an instant, bounding after the father figure in his life. "Sanzo!"
"So, what's on your mind?" Gojo asked, falling in step beside me.
"Pardon?"
"You've got that, let's see, is there a polite word I can use here? Ah, yes! You've got that pensive look on your face. And don't think I haven't noticed the other times you've had that exact same look on your face."
"What are you talking about, Gojo?" I asked, suspecting I already knew the answer.
"You're thinking about the purple haired chick. Yaone. Is there a word for purple haired people? I mean, you call someone with yellow hair blond or blonde, depending on whether they're male or female. You call people with brown hair brunette. They got red hair, you call them red heads. But there's no word for someone with purple hair. Or black hair for that matter. What are you supposed to call them, black heads? That's a good one, don't you think. But what about the ones with purple hair? Purple people?"
"Stop it, Gojo," I said, sighing again.
"Sorry." Gojo snickered. "You can deny it all you want, but I know you're thinking of ways to get that yokai chick in your bed."
"Gojo!"
"Sorry," Gojo grinned again. "I take that back. If it were almost anyone else, that would be the case. But you don't usually have flings with girls like that."
"I never disrespect women like that," I corrected him.
"It's not disrespect," Gojo fumbled for a cigarette.
"Then what is it?"
"Socially accepted impertinence."
Another sigh. "Well I do not want to impose 'socailly accepted impertinence' on Yaone," I said.
"Yeah you do. You'll just never admit it to anyone, not even yourself."
"Gojo, I was in love with Kannon-"
"Kind of like you're in love with Yaone."
"I am not-"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You may have been in love with Kannon, but you can't deny the chemistry between you and Yaone- no pun intended."
"Let's just say for a second that I did like Yaone," I said slowly. "I'm not saying that I do, I'm just saying what if I did. She so obviously has the heart for Kogaiji. Those two are in love or dating or married or-"
"Or none of the above," Gojo cut me off again. "Hakkai, Hakkai, Hakkai. There's nothing going on between those two. Nothing official anyway. Trust Great Gojo. He knows what's going on!"
"You sound like one of those commercials for those phony pychic networks," I muttered.
"No, trust me on this, Hakkai," Gojo slung an arm around my shoulders and inhaled deeply on his cigarette. "Those two are not involved in a relationship of any kind. Great Gojo knows. She might have a little crush on him, he might have a little crush on her, but they are not going out or planning a wedding or anything of the kind! If you want her, all you have to do is waltz in and take her. You can hold her hand, kiss her, take her to the movies, do whatever, and Kogaiji ain't gonna stop you and she ain't gonna have any reservations about him."
Yeah. That little crush Gojo was talking about was something I had picked up on between them too. I knew that there was something going on between them, and while I don't have Gojo's vast knowledge of relationships, I can tell when two people like each other. And Gojo undoubtably knew that there was more than just a little crush between beautiful Yaone and Prince Kogaiji. Just from listening to the way she talks 'This is for Kogaiji-sama! Yes! Everything is for Kogaiji-sama!', 'I must tell Kogaiji-sama!' or simply 'KOGAIJI-SAMA!!!' You can kind of tell she's got a one track mind.
If Gojo said there was nothing official betwee them, then there was nothing official between them. If Gojo said that they did not have the illustrious title of 'going out' then they were not going out. But that little crush that Gojo mentioned... he tried to dwarf it and we both knew it.
Gojo wants me to find a woman. Actually he wants me to find a lot of women. There's nothing that Gojo would like better than someone to swap stories about obscene one night stands with.
"You two hurry up!" Sanzo shouted back to us.
"Come on," I said, glad for an excuse to change the subject, "before Sanzo shoots us."
"Sanzo, it's one in the morning! Can we please just stop and make camp already?" I pleaded.
Goku was practically sleep walking, being half way supported by Gojo who'd shove the kid off him and away if either Sanzo or I looked back, but went to help him again the moment we turned our backs.
"Are we back on the main path yet?"
"Yes! We've been on the right path for hours and Goku's turning into a zombie!"
"Then why didn't you say so?" Sanzo asked, his voice devoid of all emotion or expression. The monk's sense of humor. "All right. We can break camp here." Giving a silent prayer of relief to Kanzeon I tossed several balls of energy into the air to light up the night as Gojo shoved Goku to the ground and started gathering wood for a campfire. Finding kindling wasn't hard. After several minutes Gojo had a nice sized pile of wood which he lit with his lighter.
The whole time Goku sat on the ground where he'd fallen, staring blankly at the world.
"Here," I said, waving several sticks of dried meat in his face.
Those gold eyes immediately lit up and the boy devoured the meat as if he hadn't eaten in days.
Hoping that the meat would sustain the ever-hungry child for a little while at least, I opened out pack and pulled out the rest of most of our remaining provisions which consisted mainly of dried and canned stuff. We didn't have much. I'd been expecting to arrive at the city that evening and restocking there. We had enough for two meals maybe. That was good. We'd make it to the city the next morning after a fairly short walk. Probably about half an hour.
Meanwhile Gojo pulled out his life giving brew- beer, wine, and hard liquor.
"Let's eat!" Goku grinned, having returned to life, and reached for the food.
About ten or twenty minutes later I put the food away, much to Goku's discouragement (Diskouragement! :-) "We need to save some for breakfast tomorrow," I explained to the crestfallen monkey.
"Can't we just go to the city and get breakfast tomorrow?" Goku begged. "I'm hungry Hakkai, and you said it's not a long walk to the city!"
"It's not, but I know you Goku. You'll refuse to start walking without breakfast until Sanzo threatens you and beats you with his fan."
"But-"
"Hakkai speaks the truth," Sanzo said coldly, crossing his arms. "Now shut up."
Goku frowned and continued to himself. "I'm hungry."
"Shut up you dumbass ape!" Sanzo whipped out his fan and clobbered the poor boy. I sighed. Goku sure puts up with a lot from us.
"Oww!" Goku rubbed his head, a scowl on his face. "You know carrying a concealed weapon's illegal and that fan could classify as a wea-"
"I said shut UP!!!"
"From ape to attorney," Gojo whispered grinning. He opened his mout to say something else, but suddenly a cry floated to our ears, one that we could not ignore.
"No! No! NO!!!" The scream was pained and desperate. I was on my feet in an instant, already stepping toward the trees from which the voice had eminated from. That voice sounded so familiar...
"Holy fuck!" Gojo caught up with me and stood by my side as I peered anxiously into the woods.
"Hey Sanzo, someone's out there!" I'm sure Goku reacted much faster than either Gojo or I, but he was still on the other side of the fire, positioning himself between the potential threat and Sanzo.
"Really?" the monk's voice was as dry as a bone.
"Who's there?" I called, trying to keep my voice low and gentle while trying to figure out who I had heard screaming. I know I'd heard that voice before... But where?
"No! No! Kogaiji, help me! Help me!" the voice screamed, sounding even more panicked, more frantic this time.
I froze. That voice! I knew who it was now! But I couldn't believe it...
"One of Kogaiji's creatures!" Gojo hissed pulling out his weapon.
"Wait, Gojo," I said softly, calling energy to my hand to serve as a lantern. I stepped in front of him with my light as the woman screamed again.
"NO!!! I'm going mad! Schizophrenic! This isn't happening! It's not real! Snap out of it bitch! They're not really there! EAHHH!"
What's wrong with you? I wondered,
"If you move an inch I swear I'll shoot you!" Sanzo had moved forward and to the left, his gun drawn. Faithful as ever, Goku stood just to the priest's right. Gojo was on my right, ready to attack. I started to call them off- I didn't want anyone getting hurt for no reason- when my light fell upon Yaone and she started screaming again.
"Go to hell!" Yaone shrieked as she pulled out handfuls of her hair. "You can't hurt me! You're not real! You're only in my head! Now get out! OUT!!! OUT!!! I can't be going crazy! What good can I do Kogaiji-sama if I'm crazy! KOGAIJI-SAMA! Help me!" Yaone released her hair and started at her bloody hands a moment before burying her face in them.
"It's Yaone!" Goku said in shock, tugging on Sanzo's arm.
"Really?" Sanzo hid his confusion with sarcasm.
For what seemed like an eternity all I could do was stare at Yaone. Beautiful, brilliant Yaone, laying seemingly broken on the ground before me. She was a mess. Water dripped from her hair and clothes and a darker liquid dripped from the side of her head. Blood, I was certain. Something had happened to Yaone! Someone had hurt the dazzling, vibrant woman who I'd grown to care about! It seemed like I stared at her forever, speachless, before I could manage to say just one word. "Yaone?"
She stopped crying for a moment and looked up at me, red droplets dripping down her pale face as if she'd been crying blood. I knelt down before her and reached out to her to- to what? I don't know what I would have done. Taken her hand? Touched her hair? Brushed my finger tips against the side of her face. I was suddenly overcome with a hurricane of feelings for this angel of a woman, huddled crying, bleeding and shivering in front of me. She looked so fragile, like a doll crafted of silk and ivory, never meant to be played with carelessly by some monster of a child, meant to be sat upon a shelf in a glass case, out of harm's way. I felt like I had to protect her... And so I reached for her.
"No! Don't come near me!" Yaone screamed, flailing her arms out and trying to scoot back like a frightened kitten. "I can deal with hallucinations as long as they're not right up in my face!" she screamed at me, crossing her arms at the wrists and holding them between her face and my outstretched hand
"Yaone..." I stared at her, feeling near tears myself. I couldn't stand to see her like this! It was like those last moments with Kannon! So sad and melancholy like some movie meant to make people cry. "I'm no hallucination," I said, going down on my knees before her to get a closer look at her. "You guys, there's something wrong with her," I said, looking left to Sanzo.
"Really?" Sanzo couldn't keep a slight note of concern out of his voice even as he tried to hide it with more sarcasm. He kept his gun leveled on her in case she lashed out, and grabbed Goku by te shoulder and pulled him back when he thought the boy was getting too close.
"Does she have Mad Cow Disease or something?" Gojo looked at me quizically.
I glared at him until he looked away before I answered. "A head wound, I think. I can't tell in this light but I think that's blood on the right side of her head. That dark spot. And that ring of bandages that's fallen aroung her neck..." I said, just noticing the thick, bloodstained bandages dangling from Yaone's slender neck like some off collar.
I looked back to Sanzo, wondering what to do next- well I knew what to do next, what I was going to do next, but I wanted to know if I was going to have to oppose him to do it. Yaone needed help, and she was worth any amount of argueing on my part.
Sanzo narrowed his eyes at me then rolled them and put his gun away. "Who did this to you?" he asked, motioning Gojo to put away his arms.
Yaone's beautiful eyes buldged, and for a moment I thought she was going to leap to her feet. "Kogaiji! I have to find Ko-"
"Talk about an abusive relationship," Gojo took out a cigarette and lit it.
I felt the world start to spin slightly and my vision started going red. Within an instant after that cursed name had left Yaone's beautiful lips I was shrouded in a haze of fury. Without even realizing it ad reached forward and grabbed Yaone's bleeding ivory hands. "Kogaiji did this to you?!" I demanded, fighting back the roar that was building in my ears.
"NO! Kogaiji-sama would never hurt me!" Yaone looked shocked and tried to pull her hands away. I held them tight, staring intensly at her. "I have to find him! I'm going crazy!"
"How do you figure that?" Gojo asked.
Yaone looked up at him, dazed, and didn't answer.
Crazy? No, she wasn't going crazy. She was beaten and injured. She was just confused. I had to make her realize that and put her mind at ease.
"It's alright, Yaone," I said softly, helping her to her feet "Come with us to our campfire and we'll help you."
"Help me?" she asked, looking lost.
"Yes," I answered, hesitantely putting my arm around her slender waist. "We'll help you." I looked to Sanzo for permission once more, even though I didn't care whether it was granted or not.
Sanzo rolled his eyes once more and began walking back to the camp fire. I tried to help Yaone walk, leaning on me, but she stumbled over every bump and swayed every time I took my arm away, so I lifted her in my arms and carried her to the fire. I don't even know if she knew she wasn't walking anymore. I don't think she did, because I'm pretty sure she would have protested. Sanzo handed me a blanket when we reached the camp. One of his own I noticed. Yes, it's true, the monk does have a heart, he's not a tin monk, and he really does care about other people, but he'll never admitt it, not even to himself. I wrapped his blanket around beautiful Yaone.
I reached for my back pack and suggested to Yaone that she borrow some of my dry clothes and change out of her wet ones, but she must have seen the leer starting to come over Gojo's face.
"No," she said flatly, then shivered again and crossed her arms. Her beautiful eyes narrowed at Gojo then she turned her head away and tried to kneel closer to the camp fire.
"I think you owe us an explanation," Sanzo said suddenly, his voice cold.
"Sanzo, not now-" I started, but Sanzo glared at me and I saw him reaching for either his fan or his gun.
"What happened to you, Yaone?" he asked the rattled woman. I think he tried to make his voice more gentle without making it obvious, but if he did, he did such a good job that I couldn't tell.
"Do you mind, Yaone?" I asked, moving closer to her and tucking the blanket tighter around her thin form.
Yaone met my eyes and blinked several times. I was about to repeat the question when started into her story without any prelude. "I fell off a dragon. I had gone to find Lilin, worried that she was doing something dangerous again, when I found her a couple hours ago. She wanted to race back and I agreed. Her dragon's tail hit mein the side of the head and knocked me off my dragon. I'd... I'd forgotten to fasten my safety harness, or I wouldn't have fallen. But I just... forgot.
"I was lucky, I guess. I fell from such a great height into a river- a very cold river," she said, her eyes were crinkled with confusion around the outer edges, but widened with worry in the center. It was that expression, that haunted, bewildered expression that screamed she didn't know what to do anymore, that she had worn weeks or months ago when I first became infatuated with her. Maybe because that was the exact same expression Kannon had worn right before she killed herself. Ironic how Yaone had worn it right before she tried to kill herself.
Yaone continued to explain how she had been battered by the current against several rocks in the river and then fell and scraped all the flesh from her knees when she tried to walk back west to her home at Kogaiji's castle. How she was afraid they'd get infected and have to be amputated, leaving her crippled and useless. She finished her story by telling how she'd heard Goku whining about being hungry.
"That doesn't explain why you flipped out whe you saw us though," Gojo said, chewing on the end of his cigarette.
Yaone looked at him and was silent for a moment before answering. "I thought I was going crazy. Maybe I am. I don't know, but how sane would you be after falling thousands of feet off a damn dragon, into a freezing cold river, and being rammed into every rock from here to the Infernal Land?!" Her voice quickened and rose higher sharply as if she was getting frantic again. "You know most people who die of falls don't actually die from the impact itself?! They have a heart attack and die from that about three hundred feet before they hit rock bottom! And-"
"Okay, okay, okay! Point well taken!" Gojo snapped shaking his head. "Women." He exhaled deeplly, sending a cloud of smoke across the fire and into Yaone's face. She glared at him.
"It's okay, Yaone," I said, putting an arm around her slim shoulders, half way hugging her. "We'll help you find Kogaiji and take care of you until we do." I meant that. I cared about Yaone and there was no way that I was going to let anything else happen to her. Strange, huh? She's my enemy, I know that she's in love with Kogaiji, yet I love her just the same, just as much. Maybe even as much as I loved Kannon. I don't know.
"Why?" Yaone demanded, obviously having thoughts parallel to mine."I'm your enemy! Don't you get that? If you were smart you would have killed me on sight-"
Gojo began laughing and I was unable to do anything other than follow his suite.
"Yaone," I asked, "remember that fight against the giant crab shikigami?"
"No," she spat looking baffled and annoyed."It only knocked a huge ROCK on top of me."
"I thought you just said you didn't remember..." Goku looked almost as confused as beautiful Yaone.
Yaone's only respone was, "Learn the art of sarcasm, child."
Well now that the conversation had gone off on a tangent, it would be odd if I tried to pull the conversation back to the crab shikigami sent after us by my undead (now dead) archrival Chin Iso. Well after the big battle when Yaone was nearly crushed by a rock she knocked Kogaiji away from and he finally called up a demon from the infernal land to blow the damn thing away, right before they left Yaone turned back to us, gave us a dazzling smile, and told us to 'Take care'.
Take care? Is that something you say to an enemy? Or is that something you say to a friend?
"Finding Kogaiji will be the easy part," Gojo said, flicking ashes off his cigarette at Goku.
"Stop that Gojo!" Goku shouted. "What do you mean finding Kogaiji will be easy?"
They always find us," Gojo stood up. "We'll go find your overlord, wench," he said to Yaone, grinning at the livid gaze she turned on him. "You stay here with Hakkai and Sanzo. Hakkai will take care of you." He raised his eyebrows at her and she quickly turned her glare to the ground as though it were beneath her dignity to look at him. "Come on Goku, let's go find Kogaiji," Gojo knelt to pick up a can of beer and began walking into the woods.
Yaone watched them go suspiciously into the trees before turning to me. "What are they-" she started to ask.
"I don't know," I admitted. "But Gojo must have some kind of plan or else-"
I was suddenly cut off by Gojo's loudest, most obnoxious shout. "HEY KOGAIJI!!! WE'VE FOUND YOUR SUBORDINATE AND WE'RE GONNA KILL HER!!!"
I clenched my fists and at that moment wanted to beat my best friend down. The look on Yaone's face was terrible. She had seemed to calm down for a moment but I felt her shoulders go rigid underneath my arm. Her hands clenched ansd she started trying to scoot away from me like a cat backing away from a slavering dog.
Gojo!
"YOU LISTENIN' TO ME?!" Gojo continued. "WE'VE GOT ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE SUBORDINATES DOWN HERE AND WE'RE GONNA RIP HER PRETTY LITTLE THROAT OUT IF YOU DON'T COME AND STOP US!!!"
"We're not going to kill you," Sanzo said as he tossed a beer can into the fire. He gave her a disdainful look. "Don't have a heart attack."
"KOGAIJI!!! UNLESS YOU COME DOWN HERE AND FIGHT ME I'M GONNA KILL YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!!" Goku began screaming too, challenging his rival to a dual.
"That seems like the best way to get Kogaiji's attention," I tried to explain to Yaone. And it was. Since Kogaiji obviously cared about her so much, he wouldn't just stand by and let anyone threaten one of his best friends whom he happened to have such a strong crush upon. Goku had referred to her as his girlfriend. Well they weren't going out, Gojo had told me. It was normal for a child to see two friends of opposite sexes and think that they were dating, wasn't it?
"If you wanted me dead I'd already be dead," Yaone said with chattering teeth. "I know you're not going to kill me- today at least."
"You need to get out of those wet clothes," I said to her. She was shivering violently and it was becoming increasingly difficult to understand what she was saying.
"Not when Dokugakuji's perverted brother is within three miles of me!"
I sighed. "Gojo went that way."I pulled some clothes out of my bag and held them out to her. "They'll be a little big, but their better than what you're wearing now."
"I happen to like this dress!" Yaone glowered, apparently thinking I had dared to insult her exquisite sense of fashion.
"He means it will be more practical you stupid yokai!" Sanzo snapped, giving her a glare. I'm sure he was considering adding 'So go to hell' as an afterthought, but Yaone spoke first.
"Oh. Sorry, I'm not thinking right..." She tried to smile but her teeth were chattering too hard.
I handed her my clothes which she accepted in thin shaking arms. "Go change. I'll make sure he doesn't come and look at you." I said, meaning Gojo.
Yaone stood up and managed to stumble into the woods. Sanzo muttered something about trying to get some sleep and left before she came back, finally in some warm dry clothes. She looked amazing! The clothes were much too big for her, but she still looked so great, I could barely believe my eyes.
"You look nice," I told her, trying not to keep the stupid smile off my face that I knew was creeping on.
She lowered her head slightly and smoothed out the front of her shirt. "They're your clothes."
"Well you look good in them," I said, hoping I wasn't blushing.
Yaone didn't seem to notice. "Where'd the Sanzo go?"
"He's sleeping," I answered. Trying to sleep.
"KOGAIJI!!! DON'T YOU CARE THAT WE'RE GONNA KILL YOUR SUBORDINATE?! SHE'S MORE THAN A SUBORDINATE TO YOU ISN'T SHE?!" Gojo screamed at the top of his lungs.
I frowned.
"SHE'S YOUR FRIEND, ISN'T SHE?!" Gojo finished. "AND IF YOU DON'T COME SAVE HER CUTE BUTT, WE'RE GONNA KILL HER!!!"
"YEAH!!!" Goku echoed. "COME SAVE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!!"
I took one look at Yaone, tilting her head to one side as if she were embarrased, firelight skipping over her fair features making her look like a goddess. All meamories of Kannon forgotten at that moment, I felt my heart starting to melt. She was so beautiful. So beautiful... I wanted to take care of her, to keep her safe, to hold her in my arms and never let her go.
But she was in love with Kogaiji. Wasn't she?
Maybe she wasn't. I had to know. I just had to!
"Are you..." I started to ask. My heart froze when Yaone looked up at me, her eyes sparkling like embers.
"Am I what?" she asked, the slightest hint of an embarrased smile on her face.
No. I couldn't ask her. I'd look like a fool. It was so obvious that she and Kogaiji were... like Kannon and I had been. Kannon! She was the woman I had loved. The only woman there would ever be for me.
I chickened. "Never mind."
"Am I what?" she demanded, her eyes narrowing quickly.
"You and Kogaiji... are you two... seeing each other." I choked out, hating every word, knowing I was about to be shot down.
"Oh no, no, no!" Yaone said quickly. To quickly. "It's not like that at all! I'm Lilin's.. what would you call it... baby sitter, pretty much. I teach her spear fighting and try to keep her from running off like she did today. And I'm Kogaiji's chemist and friend. That's all."
"Oh," I tried to smile but her hasteful explanation wasn't lost on me.
So she at least really did like Kogaiji. Did he like her the way she liked him? Dumb question! How could he not? And eventually they'd both realize what the other really felt for them and then they'd start going out.
Just my bad luck. The only other girl I could possibly love, other than Kannon was already taken. I'm so pathetic.
"Your knees," I said suddenly, remembering how she'd expressed a fear of them having to be amputated. "You said you were afraid they'd get infected.
"Yeah," she said, seeming to come out of a daze. She rolled up her pants legs to reveal her knees. I nearly cringed. Poor Yaone must have taken some terrible falls. Layers and layers of skin had been scraped away until her knee caps were starting to show beneath the drying blood and dirt. If they weren't treated they would get infected and she'd get a terrible fever. I took a wash cloth, soaked it in water and tried to carefully her gashes out, being as careful as I possibly could. Yaone whimpered but held still. "I'm sorry," I told her, feeling like whimpering myself.
"It's okay. Just hurry!" she hissed, her voice shaking again, but not from cold this time.
I worked as quickly as I could without causing her too much pain. Finally, I sat back. I would have used my yoki to heal her knees but if there was any bacteria left in her gashes then it would grow unseen inside her knees and by the time she realized something was wrong, it would probably be too late to save her legs. "I think I got it all out. Your knees shouldn't get infected now. They shouldn't anyway but..." I looked toward a bottle of wine that Gojo had left nearby and saw her follow my gaze and wince.. "You know about medicine and health procedures," I said, turning my eyes back to the wine bottle. "I won't though if you don't want me to."
Yaone's eyes widened. For a moment I thought she looked like a scared rabbit, but I must have imagined it, because when I blinked, she sat as regal as the queen she might someday be. Worried, though she was, she kept all the fear from her face. "Do it quick," I said calmly.
I picked up the bottle and opened it. "I'll do it on three," I said, having no intention of doing that. She'd be too tense, too scared, by the time I reached three. "One." I said, as I spashed the entire contents of the wine bottle over her knees..
For a moment Yaone sat there as if she didn't feel a thing. I saw her turn and look at me confused, but then her expression changed to one of pure agony. She shrieked and grabbed at her beautiful locks of hair, trying to pull them out from her scalp.
"No! Don't pull out your hair! Yaone!" I said, grabbing her wrists so she couldn't pull out her beautiful violet hair.
"What's the broad's problem?" Sanzo asked, coming over. Sanzo is the only one I know who can look both annoyed and concerned at the same time.
I pried her hands away from her hair and pinned them arms to her sides. "Help me Sanzo!" I said as she struggled and lashed out, nearly flinging me off her.
Sanzo came and helped me hold her and eventually she stopped fighting and calmed down. "Sorry," she appologized, looking embarrased.
I think she would have said something else if Goku hadn't come up at that moment and squealed, "Yuck! Are those her bones I see?"
I sighed. "Yes, Goku."
Goku considered Yaone's shredded knees a moment before saying, "That doesn't look very tasty."
Yaone's jaw dropped and hung slack. Her face twisted in horror.
"Shut up you dumbass ape!" Gojo said, always the lady's man. "Can't you see the lady's in pain? She doesn't need you critiquing the edibleity of her bleeding legs. Even though I do happen to think they look very tasty..."
I almost laughed. Gojo had sounded like the perfect gentleman up until that last line. "Give her a break, Gojo," I said, putting an arm around her shoulders. "Yaone's had a long night."
"Bet she won't forget to fasten her seat belt again. Will ya, Yaone?" Gojo asked, raising both eyebrows simultaneously
"No!" she said shaking her head. "Ow."
The side of her head had started bleeding again. I got some bandages and rewrapped her head wound.
"Thank you," she said, sounding very tired.
"Not at all," I responded softly.
"I'm going back to sleep," Sanzo announced, standing up and walking away without another word.
"He's not so bad for a monk," Yaone said suddenly.
Gojo laughed. "You only say that because you don't have to live with him, woman."
"I have a name you know," Yaone glared.
"Whatever, woman," Gojo took a drag on his cigarette. "I don't think your paramour will be coming tonight. If he was planning on it, that screaming bit you did will make him think you're dead. You're stuck with us for awhile. Now I'm going to bed. Feel free to join me." Gojo grinned at her. If looks could kill, Gojo would have dropped dead right then and there, because Yaone, still beautiful as a calm night sky, looked as violent as a tempest.
"I think I'll stay up and hang with you two for awhile," Goku said, plopping down beside me.
"No you won't," Gojo said quickly, grapping him up by the back of his shirt. "It's past your bed time."
"No it's-" Goku looked ready to kill Gojo as well.
"Shut up and listen to your elders you dumbass ape! Off to bed now! Shoo!"
Goku left cursing, and I wondered what Gojo was up to. He knew I like Yaone, and would probably like some free time to talk with her alone, but what did he think we=
"Just don't get her pregnant Hakkai," Gojo said, answering my unfinished question.
I mentally swore. "Gojo!" I shouted, springing to my feet. But Gojo was gone. I turned to Yaone and trieed to laugh it off. "Gojo, he's... well..."
"I know," Yaone said softly. "Dokugakuji talks about him sometimes. Apparently he's been a pervert since he was seven."
"It wouldn't surprise me," I said, sitting once more. I watched her stare into the fire pensively, suddenly looking very sad. Was she thinking of Kogaiji? She probably was. She probably loved him as much as I had loved Kannon. As much as I loved her. She was such a beautiful woman. So smart and strong, she could do anything on her own, but she wanted someone to be there with her. I would have given anything to be that someone.
"Yaone?" I asked.
"Huh?" she calmly turned to look at me.
"You look like something's bothering you," I said, hoping I could get her to open up and talk to me. Maybe... maybe if she got to know me and I got to know her... maybe if I was there for her... maybe I could be that one who she needed- no, she didn't need anyone. Maybe I could be the one she wanted beside her.
"I fell a thousand feet or more off a dragon," Yaone's voice was cold and sardonic, crushing the dreams I had just been contemplating for us, "landed in an ice cold river, had my body thrown into five rocks at thirty or so miles an hour, ripped all the skin off my knees because someone told me it was fashionable to have your kneecaps showing, then got sake thrown over them while they were still raw. Is something bothering me? Let me think: Yes."
I looked down, feeling so damn stupid. "I'm sorry."
"No, I'm sorry Hakkai. I... It's just..." Yaone sounded bitter and confused, but didn't sound like she was upset with me anymore. "I've had a long day. I'm sorry for snapping at you like that."
"It's okay Yaone. You have had a long day. Maybe you should go to bed now?" I suggested, pulling out some of the extra blankets we had and laying them down near the fire for her. She didn't seem to notice. Just stared into the embers.
"I want to stay up a little longer," she said finally. "I need to think about what I'm going to do. How to get back to Kogaiji-sama."
"You're welcome to stay with us for awhile," I invited. "Until Kogaiji finds out you're with us and comes to get you. He'll find you soon enough if you're with us." Which was quite true. Kogaiji and his friends have an uncanny ability to find us.
"I'm sure he will," Yaone smiled, tiredly. "But it might be longer than you think. Whenever one of Kogaiji-sama's closest friends die he either avenges their death or goes into a period of mourning in which he cares about nothing for at least a week." Yaone held her head in her hands for a moment and looked so sad.
I wasn't sure what I could do to make her feel better, so I did the only thing that came to mind. I put my arm around her again to lend her support. I felt her tense for a moment, then she relaxed and leaned slightly against me. "It's okay Yaone," I said. "You can stay with us as long as you need to."
"I couldn't do that," She said quickly. "I have no money, no way to repay you-"
"You don't need to. We're using the Three Aspects' credit card."
Yaone looked very surprised.
"So you can stay with us as long as you need to." I finished.
"I don't think I could last very long with Dokugakuji's brother," She said, shaking her head. "We'd be at each other's throats as soon as I got my strength back. And any way, I need to get back to Kogaiji-sama as soon as possible."
"You don't want him to be in pain," I said, softly. Because you love him. Because you can't stand to be away from him, even for a few weeks.
Yaone nodded.
"You care about him?" I continued.
"He's my overlord and my friend. Yes I care about him," Yaone said, suddenly sounded very detatched. Like she didn't need- no, of course she didn't need anyone. Like she didn't really care if Kogaiji was in her life or not.
"But not like..." I asked, hopefully.
"We're just friends," she said, her voice strangly shaky.
I noticed that she didn't really answer my question. Or maybe she didn't understand that I was trying to ask if she was in love with him. But maybe she did. Maybe she did and 'We're just friends' was the real answer.
"Are you warm enough?" I asked, pulling her closer so that she was leaning against me.
"Yes," she nodded.
Tentatively I took one of her hands in mine. She let me! We were so close now, it was almost like we were hugging. Hesitantly I reached out and touched a strang of her beautiful lavender hair. She didn't protest, didn't slap me, didn't try to pull away. She just looked at me, a strange sparkle in her eyes. And she leaned closer to me.
I released her hand and reached up, taking her beautiful chin in my fingers and tilting her head back to kill her. She just looked at me with that dazzling gaze of hers and let me kiss her. Her lips were as soft as they were beautiful. I kissed her softly, but hungrily, wrapping my free arm around her back and pulling her close so there wasn't a full inch of space left between us. She reached up and wrapped her arms atound my neck. I felt her lock her hands together with her fingers as I continued to kiss her. But she didn't kiss back.
"No!" she cried suddenly, freeing her hands, and jumping back, pressing her palms against my chest to shove me away to at least an arm's lenth. "No."
At once I was overcome with shame and grief. "Yaone..." I said, not knowing what else to say. By the look on her face it was so obvious what she was thinking, how she felt. She wanted Kogaiji, and I wasn't him.
"I'm sorry Hakkai," she said, stepping back quicklyand putting one hand to her face. "I'm sorry, but... but... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."
"Yaone, no," I said, feeling horrible. "I'm sorry. I had no right to come onto you like that. Oh gods, you must think I'm terrible. No, Yaone, I'm not like that. I just... I don't know. I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault," she said as soon as I finished talking. "And I don't think any less of you, Hakkai. I know you're not like that. And it's not that... it's not that you're not a nice boy. It's just... I..."
"It's alright Yaone," Isaid. "I understand."
She looked at me doubtfully, but her face softened and I think she realized that I really did understand. Understand that she loved Kogaiji. That she wanted Kogaiji. Understood that I wasn't Kogaiji, wasn't her prince who she was unwaveringly loyal to. And I did understand. There would never be anyone who Yaone would want by her side except Kogaiji.
"I should go," she said, backing up again.
"No. No Yaone, it's two in the morning. Please stay with us tonight. I'm sorry, Yaone. Please stay..." She wouldn't stay and I knew it. Now more than ever she needed- no, wanted- to be with Kogaiji. And she would start her long journey home now.
"I'll stay," I lied after a long pause.. "But I have to leave tomorrow."
I nodded and pointed to several blankets that I had laid out by the fire. "You can sleep there." I walked to the other side of the fire and laid ou blankets for myself. She would be gone when I woke up, I knew. But that was okay.
"Thank you Hakkai," she said from across the fire. "And I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault Yaone. It's mine, and I'm sorry." I'm so, so, sorry, Yaone. You'll never know how sorry I am. I saw before that Kogaiji was the only one for you, but... I wanted you for myself. You're so beautiful and strong. I'm so sorry, all I've done for you is confuse you and leave you baffled and hurt...
I heard her crying from across the fire for a long time, even though she tried to be quiet. After about an hour or two, she stopped and got up. I heard her cross the fire and prepare to leave. She walked up to me and I pretended to be asleep, and she pulled a blanket over me to cover me, then picked up her pile of clothes near the fire. "I'll return yours," she whispered. "I promise." And then she was gone.
Yaone is beautiful. I've said that many times, and I'll probably say and think it many more times in my life. If she's the last person I see in this world, I will die happy, even if my last vision is of her holding a spear tipped with my blood.
And I do love her, even if she'll never love me the way I know she loves Kogaiji.
How did I fall in love with my enemy? It doesn't make any sense that I could aquire such feelings for a woman who tried to kill me the first day we met in the middle of a war, no matter how magnificent she is. Especially after I loved and lost Kannon.
Or maybe it was because of Kannon that I fell in love with Yaone. While they don't look that much alike and they're from two different races they really are a lot alike. Both so strong and smart and beautiful. Both loyal to a fault. Both in love with a man they don't really need. Or didn't really need in Kannon's case. I couldn't save her. And now I've fallen in love with a woman just because she reminds me of her. Pretty pathetic, huh?
By Yaone
Hakkai
"Are we lost again?" Goku asked jumping to look over my shoulder at the map.
"That's a very good question," I said, sighing. Are we lost again? A question I knew the answer to. They were lost again. I've been lost. There's no again for me. I haven't been able to find myself ever since Kannon died.
Pretty pathetic huh? I'm a yokai, one that's killed over a thousand other yokai, even before I became one- which kind of was the cause of me becoming a yokai, but that's a whole other story. I'm one of the top twenty most powerful demons in Togenkyo and Tenjikukoku combined. I've battled with two cent whore spider demons, giant crab shikigami, and an undead prince I've had to kill twice, the murderer of my beloved Kannon. I can even hold my own against Yaone, this gorgeous, spear wielding, super intelligent, would-be-Amazon-queen yokai who fights with the strength of a lion and the grace of a tiger.
From the way I'm talking about her right now, it probably sounds like I'm in love with her or something. Well I haven't finished yet, so don't make any assumptions yet. She works for Kogaiji. The Kogaiji. You know, Gyumao's son who Nataku had to seal away. The super strong demon prince who is trying to kill all four of us. That Kogaiji.
Still think I like her? Alright, you got me. She's beautiful. She's smart. She's funny. She's strong. Sure, I've killed dozens of yokai who've probably had those traits but she's different. She's... she's... she's Yaone. I don't think I can explain it any better than that. Have you ever known someone who you're drawn to and you don't know why? She's special in a lot of different ways, and even though there are women who're nicer than her or sweeter than her, or just simply easier to be with than her, they can't replace her.
Now tell me, how pathetic is this? I'm lost, I'm mourning over my dead lover, the woman I was sure was the only one in the entire world for me, and at the same time I'm infatuated with one of my most dangerous enemies.
At least I don't have to worry about our relationship progressing or anything. Ha. That's the one thing I don't have to worry about. She's Kogaiji's, plain and simple. Even though when she's not trying to kill me she's sweet and civil, she'll never look at me the same way she looks at Kogaiji. That should be a relief... right?
I don't know. I feel like I don't know anything anymore. I mean, I shouldn't like her at all, right? I could make an outline and write an essay on how and why we can't and shouldn't be together.
I should stop babbling now and get on with the story. But trying to explain Yaone has a tendency to leave me tounge tied.
"Unfortunately I think we are lost, Goku," I answered the sprightly boy.
"Man!" Goku's shoulders slumped. "I wanted to get to the city so we could find a restaurant. I'm so hungry!"
"Shut up you dumb ass ape!" Gojo snapped, whacking the back of Goku's head. "We're hungry too, you know!"
"Gojo, be nice," I said, putting a hand on Goku's shoulder, silencing him before he and Gojo could get into one of those mudslinging arguments that those two are favorite for. "We're all hungry, but fighting's not going to help us get to the city any faster."
"I'm sooooo hungry," Goku moaned.
"All of you go to hell!" Sanzo snapped. Something flew through the air at a very high speed.
"Ow!" Goku yelped. "Oh come on Sanzo! You're supposed to whack us with that dumb paper fan! Not throw it!"
Sanzo muttered something that sounded like "I do what I want," and turned his back to us.
"Monks," Gojo mouthed to me and shook his head.
"I heard that."
"I didn't say anything!" Gojo protested.
"Go to hell."
I shook my head. The people I hang out with. Well what do you expect from a human-turned-yokai who's trying to save the world from his number one crush's boyfriend? Sometimes I wonder if this is all just a dream. Or an illusion of some sort. If I'm not really living my life out in a room with padded walls. But when Sanzo whacks me with his fan or Yaone back hands me across the face then slams the blunt end of her spear into my stomach, I know that this is real.
"We took a wrong turn somewhere," I said, studying the map again. "That short cut we took about two hours ago... I think we took the wrong path-"
"HA! I TOLD you!" Gojo punched the air with his fist. "This ALWAYS happens when we try to take short cuts! ALWAYS!!! I told you 'If we take this short cut we're going to get lost' but did you listen? NO!!!" He turned his crimson gaze on Goku. "What say ye now, thy dumb ass ape?!"
"Argh!" Goku glared at him and took a step forward.
" 'Argh!' he says!" Gojo mocked. "And how it strikes fear into the heart of his foes!"
"Stop it Gojo," I said, at the same time Sanzo made his contribution to the conversation, "All of you, go to hell."
I sighed. "We're going to have to back track for two hours, you know. We might want to camp here and start in the morning. The sun will be setting soon-"
"No," Sanzo snapped. "We back track now. And we're not stopping until we get back on the right track."
"Sanzo," I said, trying to reason with him, "In about half an hour it's going to be so dark you won't be able to see the tip of your nose. It's going to take longer than that for us to get back to the main road. Then we have to pitch camp and..."
Sanzo turned his back and started walking back down the road.
Never try reasoning with a monk.
If they don't pull one of those 'holier than thou' routines, they'll most likely pull a gun on you.
"Come on you two," I said to Gojo and Goku who had just embarked on a full scale verbal war. "We better get going."
"Hey Sanzo, wait up!" Goku was all smiles in an instant, bounding after the father figure in his life. "Sanzo!"
"So, what's on your mind?" Gojo asked, falling in step beside me.
"Pardon?"
"You've got that, let's see, is there a polite word I can use here? Ah, yes! You've got that pensive look on your face. And don't think I haven't noticed the other times you've had that exact same look on your face."
"What are you talking about, Gojo?" I asked, suspecting I already knew the answer.
"You're thinking about the purple haired chick. Yaone. Is there a word for purple haired people? I mean, you call someone with yellow hair blond or blonde, depending on whether they're male or female. You call people with brown hair brunette. They got red hair, you call them red heads. But there's no word for someone with purple hair. Or black hair for that matter. What are you supposed to call them, black heads? That's a good one, don't you think. But what about the ones with purple hair? Purple people?"
"Stop it, Gojo," I said, sighing again.
"Sorry." Gojo snickered. "You can deny it all you want, but I know you're thinking of ways to get that yokai chick in your bed."
"Gojo!"
"Sorry," Gojo grinned again. "I take that back. If it were almost anyone else, that would be the case. But you don't usually have flings with girls like that."
"I never disrespect women like that," I corrected him.
"It's not disrespect," Gojo fumbled for a cigarette.
"Then what is it?"
"Socially accepted impertinence."
Another sigh. "Well I do not want to impose 'socailly accepted impertinence' on Yaone," I said.
"Yeah you do. You'll just never admit it to anyone, not even yourself."
"Gojo, I was in love with Kannon-"
"Kind of like you're in love with Yaone."
"I am not-"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You may have been in love with Kannon, but you can't deny the chemistry between you and Yaone- no pun intended."
"Let's just say for a second that I did like Yaone," I said slowly. "I'm not saying that I do, I'm just saying what if I did. She so obviously has the heart for Kogaiji. Those two are in love or dating or married or-"
"Or none of the above," Gojo cut me off again. "Hakkai, Hakkai, Hakkai. There's nothing going on between those two. Nothing official anyway. Trust Great Gojo. He knows what's going on!"
"You sound like one of those commercials for those phony pychic networks," I muttered.
"No, trust me on this, Hakkai," Gojo slung an arm around my shoulders and inhaled deeply on his cigarette. "Those two are not involved in a relationship of any kind. Great Gojo knows. She might have a little crush on him, he might have a little crush on her, but they are not going out or planning a wedding or anything of the kind! If you want her, all you have to do is waltz in and take her. You can hold her hand, kiss her, take her to the movies, do whatever, and Kogaiji ain't gonna stop you and she ain't gonna have any reservations about him."
Yeah. That little crush Gojo was talking about was something I had picked up on between them too. I knew that there was something going on between them, and while I don't have Gojo's vast knowledge of relationships, I can tell when two people like each other. And Gojo undoubtably knew that there was more than just a little crush between beautiful Yaone and Prince Kogaiji. Just from listening to the way she talks 'This is for Kogaiji-sama! Yes! Everything is for Kogaiji-sama!', 'I must tell Kogaiji-sama!' or simply 'KOGAIJI-SAMA!!!' You can kind of tell she's got a one track mind.
If Gojo said there was nothing official betwee them, then there was nothing official between them. If Gojo said that they did not have the illustrious title of 'going out' then they were not going out. But that little crush that Gojo mentioned... he tried to dwarf it and we both knew it.
Gojo wants me to find a woman. Actually he wants me to find a lot of women. There's nothing that Gojo would like better than someone to swap stories about obscene one night stands with.
"You two hurry up!" Sanzo shouted back to us.
"Come on," I said, glad for an excuse to change the subject, "before Sanzo shoots us."
"Sanzo, it's one in the morning! Can we please just stop and make camp already?" I pleaded.
Goku was practically sleep walking, being half way supported by Gojo who'd shove the kid off him and away if either Sanzo or I looked back, but went to help him again the moment we turned our backs.
"Are we back on the main path yet?"
"Yes! We've been on the right path for hours and Goku's turning into a zombie!"
"Then why didn't you say so?" Sanzo asked, his voice devoid of all emotion or expression. The monk's sense of humor. "All right. We can break camp here." Giving a silent prayer of relief to Kanzeon I tossed several balls of energy into the air to light up the night as Gojo shoved Goku to the ground and started gathering wood for a campfire. Finding kindling wasn't hard. After several minutes Gojo had a nice sized pile of wood which he lit with his lighter.
The whole time Goku sat on the ground where he'd fallen, staring blankly at the world.
"Here," I said, waving several sticks of dried meat in his face.
Those gold eyes immediately lit up and the boy devoured the meat as if he hadn't eaten in days.
Hoping that the meat would sustain the ever-hungry child for a little while at least, I opened out pack and pulled out the rest of most of our remaining provisions which consisted mainly of dried and canned stuff. We didn't have much. I'd been expecting to arrive at the city that evening and restocking there. We had enough for two meals maybe. That was good. We'd make it to the city the next morning after a fairly short walk. Probably about half an hour.
Meanwhile Gojo pulled out his life giving brew- beer, wine, and hard liquor.
"Let's eat!" Goku grinned, having returned to life, and reached for the food.
About ten or twenty minutes later I put the food away, much to Goku's discouragement (Diskouragement! :-) "We need to save some for breakfast tomorrow," I explained to the crestfallen monkey.
"Can't we just go to the city and get breakfast tomorrow?" Goku begged. "I'm hungry Hakkai, and you said it's not a long walk to the city!"
"It's not, but I know you Goku. You'll refuse to start walking without breakfast until Sanzo threatens you and beats you with his fan."
"But-"
"Hakkai speaks the truth," Sanzo said coldly, crossing his arms. "Now shut up."
Goku frowned and continued to himself. "I'm hungry."
"Shut up you dumbass ape!" Sanzo whipped out his fan and clobbered the poor boy. I sighed. Goku sure puts up with a lot from us.
"Oww!" Goku rubbed his head, a scowl on his face. "You know carrying a concealed weapon's illegal and that fan could classify as a wea-"
"I said shut UP!!!"
"From ape to attorney," Gojo whispered grinning. He opened his mout to say something else, but suddenly a cry floated to our ears, one that we could not ignore.
"No! No! NO!!!" The scream was pained and desperate. I was on my feet in an instant, already stepping toward the trees from which the voice had eminated from. That voice sounded so familiar...
"Holy fuck!" Gojo caught up with me and stood by my side as I peered anxiously into the woods.
"Hey Sanzo, someone's out there!" I'm sure Goku reacted much faster than either Gojo or I, but he was still on the other side of the fire, positioning himself between the potential threat and Sanzo.
"Really?" the monk's voice was as dry as a bone.
"Who's there?" I called, trying to keep my voice low and gentle while trying to figure out who I had heard screaming. I know I'd heard that voice before... But where?
"No! No! Kogaiji, help me! Help me!" the voice screamed, sounding even more panicked, more frantic this time.
I froze. That voice! I knew who it was now! But I couldn't believe it...
"One of Kogaiji's creatures!" Gojo hissed pulling out his weapon.
"Wait, Gojo," I said softly, calling energy to my hand to serve as a lantern. I stepped in front of him with my light as the woman screamed again.
"NO!!! I'm going mad! Schizophrenic! This isn't happening! It's not real! Snap out of it bitch! They're not really there! EAHHH!"
What's wrong with you? I wondered,
"If you move an inch I swear I'll shoot you!" Sanzo had moved forward and to the left, his gun drawn. Faithful as ever, Goku stood just to the priest's right. Gojo was on my right, ready to attack. I started to call them off- I didn't want anyone getting hurt for no reason- when my light fell upon Yaone and she started screaming again.
"Go to hell!" Yaone shrieked as she pulled out handfuls of her hair. "You can't hurt me! You're not real! You're only in my head! Now get out! OUT!!! OUT!!! I can't be going crazy! What good can I do Kogaiji-sama if I'm crazy! KOGAIJI-SAMA! Help me!" Yaone released her hair and started at her bloody hands a moment before burying her face in them.
"It's Yaone!" Goku said in shock, tugging on Sanzo's arm.
"Really?" Sanzo hid his confusion with sarcasm.
For what seemed like an eternity all I could do was stare at Yaone. Beautiful, brilliant Yaone, laying seemingly broken on the ground before me. She was a mess. Water dripped from her hair and clothes and a darker liquid dripped from the side of her head. Blood, I was certain. Something had happened to Yaone! Someone had hurt the dazzling, vibrant woman who I'd grown to care about! It seemed like I stared at her forever, speachless, before I could manage to say just one word. "Yaone?"
She stopped crying for a moment and looked up at me, red droplets dripping down her pale face as if she'd been crying blood. I knelt down before her and reached out to her to- to what? I don't know what I would have done. Taken her hand? Touched her hair? Brushed my finger tips against the side of her face. I was suddenly overcome with a hurricane of feelings for this angel of a woman, huddled crying, bleeding and shivering in front of me. She looked so fragile, like a doll crafted of silk and ivory, never meant to be played with carelessly by some monster of a child, meant to be sat upon a shelf in a glass case, out of harm's way. I felt like I had to protect her... And so I reached for her.
"No! Don't come near me!" Yaone screamed, flailing her arms out and trying to scoot back like a frightened kitten. "I can deal with hallucinations as long as they're not right up in my face!" she screamed at me, crossing her arms at the wrists and holding them between her face and my outstretched hand
"Yaone..." I stared at her, feeling near tears myself. I couldn't stand to see her like this! It was like those last moments with Kannon! So sad and melancholy like some movie meant to make people cry. "I'm no hallucination," I said, going down on my knees before her to get a closer look at her. "You guys, there's something wrong with her," I said, looking left to Sanzo.
"Really?" Sanzo couldn't keep a slight note of concern out of his voice even as he tried to hide it with more sarcasm. He kept his gun leveled on her in case she lashed out, and grabbed Goku by te shoulder and pulled him back when he thought the boy was getting too close.
"Does she have Mad Cow Disease or something?" Gojo looked at me quizically.
I glared at him until he looked away before I answered. "A head wound, I think. I can't tell in this light but I think that's blood on the right side of her head. That dark spot. And that ring of bandages that's fallen aroung her neck..." I said, just noticing the thick, bloodstained bandages dangling from Yaone's slender neck like some off collar.
I looked back to Sanzo, wondering what to do next- well I knew what to do next, what I was going to do next, but I wanted to know if I was going to have to oppose him to do it. Yaone needed help, and she was worth any amount of argueing on my part.
Sanzo narrowed his eyes at me then rolled them and put his gun away. "Who did this to you?" he asked, motioning Gojo to put away his arms.
Yaone's beautiful eyes buldged, and for a moment I thought she was going to leap to her feet. "Kogaiji! I have to find Ko-"
"Talk about an abusive relationship," Gojo took out a cigarette and lit it.
I felt the world start to spin slightly and my vision started going red. Within an instant after that cursed name had left Yaone's beautiful lips I was shrouded in a haze of fury. Without even realizing it ad reached forward and grabbed Yaone's bleeding ivory hands. "Kogaiji did this to you?!" I demanded, fighting back the roar that was building in my ears.
"NO! Kogaiji-sama would never hurt me!" Yaone looked shocked and tried to pull her hands away. I held them tight, staring intensly at her. "I have to find him! I'm going crazy!"
"How do you figure that?" Gojo asked.
Yaone looked up at him, dazed, and didn't answer.
Crazy? No, she wasn't going crazy. She was beaten and injured. She was just confused. I had to make her realize that and put her mind at ease.
"It's alright, Yaone," I said softly, helping her to her feet "Come with us to our campfire and we'll help you."
"Help me?" she asked, looking lost.
"Yes," I answered, hesitantely putting my arm around her slender waist. "We'll help you." I looked to Sanzo for permission once more, even though I didn't care whether it was granted or not.
Sanzo rolled his eyes once more and began walking back to the camp fire. I tried to help Yaone walk, leaning on me, but she stumbled over every bump and swayed every time I took my arm away, so I lifted her in my arms and carried her to the fire. I don't even know if she knew she wasn't walking anymore. I don't think she did, because I'm pretty sure she would have protested. Sanzo handed me a blanket when we reached the camp. One of his own I noticed. Yes, it's true, the monk does have a heart, he's not a tin monk, and he really does care about other people, but he'll never admitt it, not even to himself. I wrapped his blanket around beautiful Yaone.
I reached for my back pack and suggested to Yaone that she borrow some of my dry clothes and change out of her wet ones, but she must have seen the leer starting to come over Gojo's face.
"No," she said flatly, then shivered again and crossed her arms. Her beautiful eyes narrowed at Gojo then she turned her head away and tried to kneel closer to the camp fire.
"I think you owe us an explanation," Sanzo said suddenly, his voice cold.
"Sanzo, not now-" I started, but Sanzo glared at me and I saw him reaching for either his fan or his gun.
"What happened to you, Yaone?" he asked the rattled woman. I think he tried to make his voice more gentle without making it obvious, but if he did, he did such a good job that I couldn't tell.
"Do you mind, Yaone?" I asked, moving closer to her and tucking the blanket tighter around her thin form.
Yaone met my eyes and blinked several times. I was about to repeat the question when started into her story without any prelude. "I fell off a dragon. I had gone to find Lilin, worried that she was doing something dangerous again, when I found her a couple hours ago. She wanted to race back and I agreed. Her dragon's tail hit mein the side of the head and knocked me off my dragon. I'd... I'd forgotten to fasten my safety harness, or I wouldn't have fallen. But I just... forgot.
"I was lucky, I guess. I fell from such a great height into a river- a very cold river," she said, her eyes were crinkled with confusion around the outer edges, but widened with worry in the center. It was that expression, that haunted, bewildered expression that screamed she didn't know what to do anymore, that she had worn weeks or months ago when I first became infatuated with her. Maybe because that was the exact same expression Kannon had worn right before she killed herself. Ironic how Yaone had worn it right before she tried to kill herself.
Yaone continued to explain how she had been battered by the current against several rocks in the river and then fell and scraped all the flesh from her knees when she tried to walk back west to her home at Kogaiji's castle. How she was afraid they'd get infected and have to be amputated, leaving her crippled and useless. She finished her story by telling how she'd heard Goku whining about being hungry.
"That doesn't explain why you flipped out whe you saw us though," Gojo said, chewing on the end of his cigarette.
Yaone looked at him and was silent for a moment before answering. "I thought I was going crazy. Maybe I am. I don't know, but how sane would you be after falling thousands of feet off a damn dragon, into a freezing cold river, and being rammed into every rock from here to the Infernal Land?!" Her voice quickened and rose higher sharply as if she was getting frantic again. "You know most people who die of falls don't actually die from the impact itself?! They have a heart attack and die from that about three hundred feet before they hit rock bottom! And-"
"Okay, okay, okay! Point well taken!" Gojo snapped shaking his head. "Women." He exhaled deeplly, sending a cloud of smoke across the fire and into Yaone's face. She glared at him.
"It's okay, Yaone," I said, putting an arm around her slim shoulders, half way hugging her. "We'll help you find Kogaiji and take care of you until we do." I meant that. I cared about Yaone and there was no way that I was going to let anything else happen to her. Strange, huh? She's my enemy, I know that she's in love with Kogaiji, yet I love her just the same, just as much. Maybe even as much as I loved Kannon. I don't know.
"Why?" Yaone demanded, obviously having thoughts parallel to mine."I'm your enemy! Don't you get that? If you were smart you would have killed me on sight-"
Gojo began laughing and I was unable to do anything other than follow his suite.
"Yaone," I asked, "remember that fight against the giant crab shikigami?"
"No," she spat looking baffled and annoyed."It only knocked a huge ROCK on top of me."
"I thought you just said you didn't remember..." Goku looked almost as confused as beautiful Yaone.
Yaone's only respone was, "Learn the art of sarcasm, child."
Well now that the conversation had gone off on a tangent, it would be odd if I tried to pull the conversation back to the crab shikigami sent after us by my undead (now dead) archrival Chin Iso. Well after the big battle when Yaone was nearly crushed by a rock she knocked Kogaiji away from and he finally called up a demon from the infernal land to blow the damn thing away, right before they left Yaone turned back to us, gave us a dazzling smile, and told us to 'Take care'.
Take care? Is that something you say to an enemy? Or is that something you say to a friend?
"Finding Kogaiji will be the easy part," Gojo said, flicking ashes off his cigarette at Goku.
"Stop that Gojo!" Goku shouted. "What do you mean finding Kogaiji will be easy?"
They always find us," Gojo stood up. "We'll go find your overlord, wench," he said to Yaone, grinning at the livid gaze she turned on him. "You stay here with Hakkai and Sanzo. Hakkai will take care of you." He raised his eyebrows at her and she quickly turned her glare to the ground as though it were beneath her dignity to look at him. "Come on Goku, let's go find Kogaiji," Gojo knelt to pick up a can of beer and began walking into the woods.
Yaone watched them go suspiciously into the trees before turning to me. "What are they-" she started to ask.
"I don't know," I admitted. "But Gojo must have some kind of plan or else-"
I was suddenly cut off by Gojo's loudest, most obnoxious shout. "HEY KOGAIJI!!! WE'VE FOUND YOUR SUBORDINATE AND WE'RE GONNA KILL HER!!!"
I clenched my fists and at that moment wanted to beat my best friend down. The look on Yaone's face was terrible. She had seemed to calm down for a moment but I felt her shoulders go rigid underneath my arm. Her hands clenched ansd she started trying to scoot away from me like a cat backing away from a slavering dog.
Gojo!
"YOU LISTENIN' TO ME?!" Gojo continued. "WE'VE GOT ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE SUBORDINATES DOWN HERE AND WE'RE GONNA RIP HER PRETTY LITTLE THROAT OUT IF YOU DON'T COME AND STOP US!!!"
"We're not going to kill you," Sanzo said as he tossed a beer can into the fire. He gave her a disdainful look. "Don't have a heart attack."
"KOGAIJI!!! UNLESS YOU COME DOWN HERE AND FIGHT ME I'M GONNA KILL YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!!" Goku began screaming too, challenging his rival to a dual.
"That seems like the best way to get Kogaiji's attention," I tried to explain to Yaone. And it was. Since Kogaiji obviously cared about her so much, he wouldn't just stand by and let anyone threaten one of his best friends whom he happened to have such a strong crush upon. Goku had referred to her as his girlfriend. Well they weren't going out, Gojo had told me. It was normal for a child to see two friends of opposite sexes and think that they were dating, wasn't it?
"If you wanted me dead I'd already be dead," Yaone said with chattering teeth. "I know you're not going to kill me- today at least."
"You need to get out of those wet clothes," I said to her. She was shivering violently and it was becoming increasingly difficult to understand what she was saying.
"Not when Dokugakuji's perverted brother is within three miles of me!"
I sighed. "Gojo went that way."I pulled some clothes out of my bag and held them out to her. "They'll be a little big, but their better than what you're wearing now."
"I happen to like this dress!" Yaone glowered, apparently thinking I had dared to insult her exquisite sense of fashion.
"He means it will be more practical you stupid yokai!" Sanzo snapped, giving her a glare. I'm sure he was considering adding 'So go to hell' as an afterthought, but Yaone spoke first.
"Oh. Sorry, I'm not thinking right..." She tried to smile but her teeth were chattering too hard.
I handed her my clothes which she accepted in thin shaking arms. "Go change. I'll make sure he doesn't come and look at you." I said, meaning Gojo.
Yaone stood up and managed to stumble into the woods. Sanzo muttered something about trying to get some sleep and left before she came back, finally in some warm dry clothes. She looked amazing! The clothes were much too big for her, but she still looked so great, I could barely believe my eyes.
"You look nice," I told her, trying not to keep the stupid smile off my face that I knew was creeping on.
She lowered her head slightly and smoothed out the front of her shirt. "They're your clothes."
"Well you look good in them," I said, hoping I wasn't blushing.
Yaone didn't seem to notice. "Where'd the Sanzo go?"
"He's sleeping," I answered. Trying to sleep.
"KOGAIJI!!! DON'T YOU CARE THAT WE'RE GONNA KILL YOUR SUBORDINATE?! SHE'S MORE THAN A SUBORDINATE TO YOU ISN'T SHE?!" Gojo screamed at the top of his lungs.
I frowned.
"SHE'S YOUR FRIEND, ISN'T SHE?!" Gojo finished. "AND IF YOU DON'T COME SAVE HER CUTE BUTT, WE'RE GONNA KILL HER!!!"
"YEAH!!!" Goku echoed. "COME SAVE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!!"
I took one look at Yaone, tilting her head to one side as if she were embarrased, firelight skipping over her fair features making her look like a goddess. All meamories of Kannon forgotten at that moment, I felt my heart starting to melt. She was so beautiful. So beautiful... I wanted to take care of her, to keep her safe, to hold her in my arms and never let her go.
But she was in love with Kogaiji. Wasn't she?
Maybe she wasn't. I had to know. I just had to!
"Are you..." I started to ask. My heart froze when Yaone looked up at me, her eyes sparkling like embers.
"Am I what?" she asked, the slightest hint of an embarrased smile on her face.
No. I couldn't ask her. I'd look like a fool. It was so obvious that she and Kogaiji were... like Kannon and I had been. Kannon! She was the woman I had loved. The only woman there would ever be for me.
I chickened. "Never mind."
"Am I what?" she demanded, her eyes narrowing quickly.
"You and Kogaiji... are you two... seeing each other." I choked out, hating every word, knowing I was about to be shot down.
"Oh no, no, no!" Yaone said quickly. To quickly. "It's not like that at all! I'm Lilin's.. what would you call it... baby sitter, pretty much. I teach her spear fighting and try to keep her from running off like she did today. And I'm Kogaiji's chemist and friend. That's all."
"Oh," I tried to smile but her hasteful explanation wasn't lost on me.
So she at least really did like Kogaiji. Did he like her the way she liked him? Dumb question! How could he not? And eventually they'd both realize what the other really felt for them and then they'd start going out.
Just my bad luck. The only other girl I could possibly love, other than Kannon was already taken. I'm so pathetic.
"Your knees," I said suddenly, remembering how she'd expressed a fear of them having to be amputated. "You said you were afraid they'd get infected.
"Yeah," she said, seeming to come out of a daze. She rolled up her pants legs to reveal her knees. I nearly cringed. Poor Yaone must have taken some terrible falls. Layers and layers of skin had been scraped away until her knee caps were starting to show beneath the drying blood and dirt. If they weren't treated they would get infected and she'd get a terrible fever. I took a wash cloth, soaked it in water and tried to carefully her gashes out, being as careful as I possibly could. Yaone whimpered but held still. "I'm sorry," I told her, feeling like whimpering myself.
"It's okay. Just hurry!" she hissed, her voice shaking again, but not from cold this time.
I worked as quickly as I could without causing her too much pain. Finally, I sat back. I would have used my yoki to heal her knees but if there was any bacteria left in her gashes then it would grow unseen inside her knees and by the time she realized something was wrong, it would probably be too late to save her legs. "I think I got it all out. Your knees shouldn't get infected now. They shouldn't anyway but..." I looked toward a bottle of wine that Gojo had left nearby and saw her follow my gaze and wince.. "You know about medicine and health procedures," I said, turning my eyes back to the wine bottle. "I won't though if you don't want me to."
Yaone's eyes widened. For a moment I thought she looked like a scared rabbit, but I must have imagined it, because when I blinked, she sat as regal as the queen she might someday be. Worried, though she was, she kept all the fear from her face. "Do it quick," I said calmly.
I picked up the bottle and opened it. "I'll do it on three," I said, having no intention of doing that. She'd be too tense, too scared, by the time I reached three. "One." I said, as I spashed the entire contents of the wine bottle over her knees..
For a moment Yaone sat there as if she didn't feel a thing. I saw her turn and look at me confused, but then her expression changed to one of pure agony. She shrieked and grabbed at her beautiful locks of hair, trying to pull them out from her scalp.
"No! Don't pull out your hair! Yaone!" I said, grabbing her wrists so she couldn't pull out her beautiful violet hair.
"What's the broad's problem?" Sanzo asked, coming over. Sanzo is the only one I know who can look both annoyed and concerned at the same time.
I pried her hands away from her hair and pinned them arms to her sides. "Help me Sanzo!" I said as she struggled and lashed out, nearly flinging me off her.
Sanzo came and helped me hold her and eventually she stopped fighting and calmed down. "Sorry," she appologized, looking embarrased.
I think she would have said something else if Goku hadn't come up at that moment and squealed, "Yuck! Are those her bones I see?"
I sighed. "Yes, Goku."
Goku considered Yaone's shredded knees a moment before saying, "That doesn't look very tasty."
Yaone's jaw dropped and hung slack. Her face twisted in horror.
"Shut up you dumbass ape!" Gojo said, always the lady's man. "Can't you see the lady's in pain? She doesn't need you critiquing the edibleity of her bleeding legs. Even though I do happen to think they look very tasty..."
I almost laughed. Gojo had sounded like the perfect gentleman up until that last line. "Give her a break, Gojo," I said, putting an arm around her shoulders. "Yaone's had a long night."
"Bet she won't forget to fasten her seat belt again. Will ya, Yaone?" Gojo asked, raising both eyebrows simultaneously
"No!" she said shaking her head. "Ow."
The side of her head had started bleeding again. I got some bandages and rewrapped her head wound.
"Thank you," she said, sounding very tired.
"Not at all," I responded softly.
"I'm going back to sleep," Sanzo announced, standing up and walking away without another word.
"He's not so bad for a monk," Yaone said suddenly.
Gojo laughed. "You only say that because you don't have to live with him, woman."
"I have a name you know," Yaone glared.
"Whatever, woman," Gojo took a drag on his cigarette. "I don't think your paramour will be coming tonight. If he was planning on it, that screaming bit you did will make him think you're dead. You're stuck with us for awhile. Now I'm going to bed. Feel free to join me." Gojo grinned at her. If looks could kill, Gojo would have dropped dead right then and there, because Yaone, still beautiful as a calm night sky, looked as violent as a tempest.
"I think I'll stay up and hang with you two for awhile," Goku said, plopping down beside me.
"No you won't," Gojo said quickly, grapping him up by the back of his shirt. "It's past your bed time."
"No it's-" Goku looked ready to kill Gojo as well.
"Shut up and listen to your elders you dumbass ape! Off to bed now! Shoo!"
Goku left cursing, and I wondered what Gojo was up to. He knew I like Yaone, and would probably like some free time to talk with her alone, but what did he think we=
"Just don't get her pregnant Hakkai," Gojo said, answering my unfinished question.
I mentally swore. "Gojo!" I shouted, springing to my feet. But Gojo was gone. I turned to Yaone and trieed to laugh it off. "Gojo, he's... well..."
"I know," Yaone said softly. "Dokugakuji talks about him sometimes. Apparently he's been a pervert since he was seven."
"It wouldn't surprise me," I said, sitting once more. I watched her stare into the fire pensively, suddenly looking very sad. Was she thinking of Kogaiji? She probably was. She probably loved him as much as I had loved Kannon. As much as I loved her. She was such a beautiful woman. So smart and strong, she could do anything on her own, but she wanted someone to be there with her. I would have given anything to be that someone.
"Yaone?" I asked.
"Huh?" she calmly turned to look at me.
"You look like something's bothering you," I said, hoping I could get her to open up and talk to me. Maybe... maybe if she got to know me and I got to know her... maybe if I was there for her... maybe I could be that one who she needed- no, she didn't need anyone. Maybe I could be the one she wanted beside her.
"I fell a thousand feet or more off a dragon," Yaone's voice was cold and sardonic, crushing the dreams I had just been contemplating for us, "landed in an ice cold river, had my body thrown into five rocks at thirty or so miles an hour, ripped all the skin off my knees because someone told me it was fashionable to have your kneecaps showing, then got sake thrown over them while they were still raw. Is something bothering me? Let me think: Yes."
I looked down, feeling so damn stupid. "I'm sorry."
"No, I'm sorry Hakkai. I... It's just..." Yaone sounded bitter and confused, but didn't sound like she was upset with me anymore. "I've had a long day. I'm sorry for snapping at you like that."
"It's okay Yaone. You have had a long day. Maybe you should go to bed now?" I suggested, pulling out some of the extra blankets we had and laying them down near the fire for her. She didn't seem to notice. Just stared into the embers.
"I want to stay up a little longer," she said finally. "I need to think about what I'm going to do. How to get back to Kogaiji-sama."
"You're welcome to stay with us for awhile," I invited. "Until Kogaiji finds out you're with us and comes to get you. He'll find you soon enough if you're with us." Which was quite true. Kogaiji and his friends have an uncanny ability to find us.
"I'm sure he will," Yaone smiled, tiredly. "But it might be longer than you think. Whenever one of Kogaiji-sama's closest friends die he either avenges their death or goes into a period of mourning in which he cares about nothing for at least a week." Yaone held her head in her hands for a moment and looked so sad.
I wasn't sure what I could do to make her feel better, so I did the only thing that came to mind. I put my arm around her again to lend her support. I felt her tense for a moment, then she relaxed and leaned slightly against me. "It's okay Yaone," I said. "You can stay with us as long as you need to."
"I couldn't do that," She said quickly. "I have no money, no way to repay you-"
"You don't need to. We're using the Three Aspects' credit card."
Yaone looked very surprised.
"So you can stay with us as long as you need to." I finished.
"I don't think I could last very long with Dokugakuji's brother," She said, shaking her head. "We'd be at each other's throats as soon as I got my strength back. And any way, I need to get back to Kogaiji-sama as soon as possible."
"You don't want him to be in pain," I said, softly. Because you love him. Because you can't stand to be away from him, even for a few weeks.
Yaone nodded.
"You care about him?" I continued.
"He's my overlord and my friend. Yes I care about him," Yaone said, suddenly sounded very detatched. Like she didn't need- no, of course she didn't need anyone. Like she didn't really care if Kogaiji was in her life or not.
"But not like..." I asked, hopefully.
"We're just friends," she said, her voice strangly shaky.
I noticed that she didn't really answer my question. Or maybe she didn't understand that I was trying to ask if she was in love with him. But maybe she did. Maybe she did and 'We're just friends' was the real answer.
"Are you warm enough?" I asked, pulling her closer so that she was leaning against me.
"Yes," she nodded.
Tentatively I took one of her hands in mine. She let me! We were so close now, it was almost like we were hugging. Hesitantly I reached out and touched a strang of her beautiful lavender hair. She didn't protest, didn't slap me, didn't try to pull away. She just looked at me, a strange sparkle in her eyes. And she leaned closer to me.
I released her hand and reached up, taking her beautiful chin in my fingers and tilting her head back to kill her. She just looked at me with that dazzling gaze of hers and let me kiss her. Her lips were as soft as they were beautiful. I kissed her softly, but hungrily, wrapping my free arm around her back and pulling her close so there wasn't a full inch of space left between us. She reached up and wrapped her arms atound my neck. I felt her lock her hands together with her fingers as I continued to kiss her. But she didn't kiss back.
"No!" she cried suddenly, freeing her hands, and jumping back, pressing her palms against my chest to shove me away to at least an arm's lenth. "No."
At once I was overcome with shame and grief. "Yaone..." I said, not knowing what else to say. By the look on her face it was so obvious what she was thinking, how she felt. She wanted Kogaiji, and I wasn't him.
"I'm sorry Hakkai," she said, stepping back quicklyand putting one hand to her face. "I'm sorry, but... but... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."
"Yaone, no," I said, feeling horrible. "I'm sorry. I had no right to come onto you like that. Oh gods, you must think I'm terrible. No, Yaone, I'm not like that. I just... I don't know. I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault," she said as soon as I finished talking. "And I don't think any less of you, Hakkai. I know you're not like that. And it's not that... it's not that you're not a nice boy. It's just... I..."
"It's alright Yaone," Isaid. "I understand."
She looked at me doubtfully, but her face softened and I think she realized that I really did understand. Understand that she loved Kogaiji. That she wanted Kogaiji. Understood that I wasn't Kogaiji, wasn't her prince who she was unwaveringly loyal to. And I did understand. There would never be anyone who Yaone would want by her side except Kogaiji.
"I should go," she said, backing up again.
"No. No Yaone, it's two in the morning. Please stay with us tonight. I'm sorry, Yaone. Please stay..." She wouldn't stay and I knew it. Now more than ever she needed- no, wanted- to be with Kogaiji. And she would start her long journey home now.
"I'll stay," I lied after a long pause.. "But I have to leave tomorrow."
I nodded and pointed to several blankets that I had laid out by the fire. "You can sleep there." I walked to the other side of the fire and laid ou blankets for myself. She would be gone when I woke up, I knew. But that was okay.
"Thank you Hakkai," she said from across the fire. "And I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault Yaone. It's mine, and I'm sorry." I'm so, so, sorry, Yaone. You'll never know how sorry I am. I saw before that Kogaiji was the only one for you, but... I wanted you for myself. You're so beautiful and strong. I'm so sorry, all I've done for you is confuse you and leave you baffled and hurt...
I heard her crying from across the fire for a long time, even though she tried to be quiet. After about an hour or two, she stopped and got up. I heard her cross the fire and prepare to leave. She walked up to me and I pretended to be asleep, and she pulled a blanket over me to cover me, then picked up her pile of clothes near the fire. "I'll return yours," she whispered. "I promise." And then she was gone.
Yaone is beautiful. I've said that many times, and I'll probably say and think it many more times in my life. If she's the last person I see in this world, I will die happy, even if my last vision is of her holding a spear tipped with my blood.
And I do love her, even if she'll never love me the way I know she loves Kogaiji.
How did I fall in love with my enemy? It doesn't make any sense that I could aquire such feelings for a woman who tried to kill me the first day we met in the middle of a war, no matter how magnificent she is. Especially after I loved and lost Kannon.
Or maybe it was because of Kannon that I fell in love with Yaone. While they don't look that much alike and they're from two different races they really are a lot alike. Both so strong and smart and beautiful. Both loyal to a fault. Both in love with a man they don't really need. Or didn't really need in Kannon's case. I couldn't save her. And now I've fallen in love with a woman just because she reminds me of her. Pretty pathetic, huh?