Never Knew
Part 7 (of 7) - Giles
Post Gift
Giles paused outside Dawn's door for the eighth time that day. The loud commotion coming from her disc player was grating on his last nerve, but he thought he understood her need for solace. She seemed to find a little bit of joy in the music, but he was afraid she was just hiding from the world. For days all she had done was sit in her room, listening to one CD after another, but as far as he could tell, they may have all been the same.
The Watcher passed her door, and walked towards his old charge's room. Buffy's smell still hung in the air, and Giles took a deep breath, missing the young lady so much it hurt sometimes. He busied himself during the day, taking care of the house and of Dawn, making her eat and making her come out of her room when any of the gang stopped by. At night, she would return to her room, unless Spike came by, and then they would sit in the living room in silence. But if the bleached vampire didn't come by, then Giles sat alone, most often in Buffy's room, thinking of what he could have done differently. How they could have stopped her from taking that fatal dive.
Tonight, he walked in and stood in the middle of the room, taking in every detail of the girl she once was. He slowly turned, as if memorizing everything, as if trying to picture her here, talking to Willow, or giving Dawn a hard time. His gaze finally fell on her own CD player, and a small blinking number on the display. He looked closer and realized that she had left a disc on pause. Giles tentatively reached up, unsure if it was more morbid to leave it on pause, or to let the song play out.
Finally he pressed the play button and a strangled voice surrounded him.
**We live, we die
I don't know the reasons we ask why
We hate, we push
Recent tests show we are all misunderstood
Something's seizing
You know you lost your mind
You know we all need saving
She found you late last night
You feel the madness gaining
You know you just can't win
You know this
But I'm just so tired of waking up on the ground
I never knew the girl
And I never knew the world hurt**
Giles sat on the edge of Buffy's bed, as tears began to fall from his eyes. He had known Buffy for so long, he thought he knew her completely, but she had managed to surprise him, hurt him, and even make him so proud with that last leap. She knew what a spot they had been in, it was either her or Dawn, and she had given her life. And he had cursed her for it. He had hated her for it. He realized that now, and he cried for all the wasted time he had spent on anger. He remembered telling her once that he had buried many people in his time as a Watcher, but Jenny had been the only one he had loved. Now there were two women he loved that he had buried. And he had never known how much it could hurt. He knew, though, that the world was in trouble without her.
**We beg, we pray
But everything still happens anyway
Something's teasing
Your conscience can't decide
She stopped your will from caving
But left you paranoid**
Giles listened to the words as they connected in his head. He started thinking about Dawn's behavior and realized slowly that he had to do something. She was shutting them all out and simply falling away from them. Eventually she would turn into a shell of her former self, void of caring or love, unless he helped her. He never knew what having a daughter was like until Buffy became his Slayer, but taking care of Dawn, now, was so much more. He was responsible for her, and he had to bring her back.
**You feel the constant straining
She reappears divine
You noticed
But I'm just so tired of waking up all alone**
Wiping tears from his eyes, he stood and turned to go talk to Dawn. Instead, he found her in the doorway to Buffy's room, staring at him with a guilty expression on her face and tears running from her eyes.
"I'm so sorry, Giles." She began, "I didn't realize…but I'm okay now, or I will be. Buffy told me that I had to live for her." She stopped for a second, trying to regain her composure, trying to slow the tears that had finally come, but unable to, "And I want to. I will."
It was then that she broke down completely, weeping, and Giles went to her, holding her tightly. Sobs wracked the small body in his arms, but the Watcher smiled in spite of himself. Buffy, who had been gone for over a week now, had still managed to help one last person.
He never knew how much he loved her until right then.
Part 7 (of 7) - Giles
Post Gift
Giles paused outside Dawn's door for the eighth time that day. The loud commotion coming from her disc player was grating on his last nerve, but he thought he understood her need for solace. She seemed to find a little bit of joy in the music, but he was afraid she was just hiding from the world. For days all she had done was sit in her room, listening to one CD after another, but as far as he could tell, they may have all been the same.
The Watcher passed her door, and walked towards his old charge's room. Buffy's smell still hung in the air, and Giles took a deep breath, missing the young lady so much it hurt sometimes. He busied himself during the day, taking care of the house and of Dawn, making her eat and making her come out of her room when any of the gang stopped by. At night, she would return to her room, unless Spike came by, and then they would sit in the living room in silence. But if the bleached vampire didn't come by, then Giles sat alone, most often in Buffy's room, thinking of what he could have done differently. How they could have stopped her from taking that fatal dive.
Tonight, he walked in and stood in the middle of the room, taking in every detail of the girl she once was. He slowly turned, as if memorizing everything, as if trying to picture her here, talking to Willow, or giving Dawn a hard time. His gaze finally fell on her own CD player, and a small blinking number on the display. He looked closer and realized that she had left a disc on pause. Giles tentatively reached up, unsure if it was more morbid to leave it on pause, or to let the song play out.
Finally he pressed the play button and a strangled voice surrounded him.
**We live, we die
I don't know the reasons we ask why
We hate, we push
Recent tests show we are all misunderstood
Something's seizing
You know you lost your mind
You know we all need saving
She found you late last night
You feel the madness gaining
You know you just can't win
You know this
But I'm just so tired of waking up on the ground
I never knew the girl
And I never knew the world hurt**
Giles sat on the edge of Buffy's bed, as tears began to fall from his eyes. He had known Buffy for so long, he thought he knew her completely, but she had managed to surprise him, hurt him, and even make him so proud with that last leap. She knew what a spot they had been in, it was either her or Dawn, and she had given her life. And he had cursed her for it. He had hated her for it. He realized that now, and he cried for all the wasted time he had spent on anger. He remembered telling her once that he had buried many people in his time as a Watcher, but Jenny had been the only one he had loved. Now there were two women he loved that he had buried. And he had never known how much it could hurt. He knew, though, that the world was in trouble without her.
**We beg, we pray
But everything still happens anyway
Something's teasing
Your conscience can't decide
She stopped your will from caving
But left you paranoid**
Giles listened to the words as they connected in his head. He started thinking about Dawn's behavior and realized slowly that he had to do something. She was shutting them all out and simply falling away from them. Eventually she would turn into a shell of her former self, void of caring or love, unless he helped her. He never knew what having a daughter was like until Buffy became his Slayer, but taking care of Dawn, now, was so much more. He was responsible for her, and he had to bring her back.
**You feel the constant straining
She reappears divine
You noticed
But I'm just so tired of waking up all alone**
Wiping tears from his eyes, he stood and turned to go talk to Dawn. Instead, he found her in the doorway to Buffy's room, staring at him with a guilty expression on her face and tears running from her eyes.
"I'm so sorry, Giles." She began, "I didn't realize…but I'm okay now, or I will be. Buffy told me that I had to live for her." She stopped for a second, trying to regain her composure, trying to slow the tears that had finally come, but unable to, "And I want to. I will."
It was then that she broke down completely, weeping, and Giles went to her, holding her tightly. Sobs wracked the small body in his arms, but the Watcher smiled in spite of himself. Buffy, who had been gone for over a week now, had still managed to help one last person.
He never knew how much he loved her until right then.