By Admiral Albia
A/n; Well, read the title. And the summary. Basically, the Marauders are going to be in hospital for a while... and they're driving Doctor Lily wild!
Marauders' (and friends) Job List
I thought I'd better include this so I don't have to stop and explain
how these accidents happened...
James; Broomstick Tester
Sirius; Actor
Remus; DADA teacher at the Werewolves' Magic Institute (which he went
back to after Harry's third year, OK?)
Peter; Something involving dangerous potions (give me time, give me
time...)
Lily; Doctor
Minerva; Transfiguration teacher (duh!)
Harry; Giving Lily morning sickness and growing a placenta and umbilical
cord, at this stage.
Disclaimer; I do not own Harry Potter etc, they belong to J.K. Rowling. (sarcastic voice; "Can you believe that?") Don't mind the portrait, he's just bored...
Marauders in Hospital
"James, I'm going!"
"Uh-huh..." Lily rolled her eyes and poked her head
round the kitchen door.
"I said I'm going."
"Big, dangerous monster, no legs, 8 letters, B-blank-blank-I-blank-I-blank-blank-K?"
"Basilisk, perhaps?"
"Ah! Thanks. What were you saying?"
"I am going. To work. Bye."
"Oh, bye!" Lily groaned and Disapparated, leaving
her husband engrossed in the crossword. After four years, some of the magic
seemed to have gone out of the relationship, but he was still James...
She Apparated into the staffroom at St Mungo's Hospital
for Magical Maladies and Injuries and almost immediately received an owl;
The door burst open and a young man rushed in. "Turners say Lily's pregnant, could she check now so's I can tell `em please?" A/n; Think about it. He tells her so that she can tell them, so they can tell him to tell her... OK, don't think about it.>
I'm pregnant? Bemused, Lily took out her wand and pointed it at her eyes. "Transparoculus!" She looked into her stomach. I'm pregnant! "Opaqueoculus! I'm pregnant!" A/n; OK, OK, so she wouldn't technically be able to see Harry yet. Stop nitpicking...>
"Congratulations! Gotta go and tell the Turners now!" And the man ran out again.
Lily buried herself in the paperwork for a quarter of an hour, then hurried down to Death Eaters 1 Ward. Voldemort's supporters were doing so much damage that five wards had been set aside specifically for the injuries they caused, though Lily only worked in Ward 1. And Broomsticks 3, and Potions 2, and various other wards... the wizarding world, like the muggle one, was currently a little short on doctors.
The new patient was already there, surrounded by trainees - all of whom were panicking. He was screaming, but there was no surprise there.
"Hasn't anyone taken... don't any of you know how to end a spell, you morons? Finite Incantum!" The man stopped screaming abruptly, and as his face unscrewed Lily got her second shock of the day...
"Sirius?" He grinned weakly.
"Hi, Lily. Just thought I'd pop round for a visit..."
Typical Sirius, she thought wryly. "How long was that curse on you? Go away, you lot! Go and find out how to end a curse, for God's sakes!"
He considered this as she helped him sit up. "About half an hour, I think. It's hard to tell... can I get up?"
"No."
"Aw, why not?"
"Sirius, you've just been subjected to an Unforgiveable Curse for half an hour! Do I really have to explain why not? No, you're staying right here for a week."
"A week! I can't stay a week, the show starts on Wednesday!"
"Then you'll have to postpone it, won't you?"
The rest of the morning passed relatively quickly. Lily found Sirius chatting up at least two nurses, and made a mental note to tell his girlfriend, Minerva. Then she went into Potions 2 and found Peter, absolutely covered in large, painful blue boils.
"Oh, Peter! Now what have you done?"
"Tripped," he mumbled through his swollen lips.
"Right... have you considered making a Klutz-No-More Potion? Because you seem to end up here about once a month... this is a new recipe, isn't it?" He nodded.
"Typical."
No matter what they tried, Lily and her team could not get the boils off Peter. Somebody's three-year-old daughter eventually `discovered` that poking a wand into them made them explode, and they used this method around his eyes, ears, nose and mouth before he could speak clearly enough to tell them that it hurt.
"Looks like we'll just have to do a few more each day, then. Try and get some rest, Peter..." Lily turned to go out of the ward and almost collided with an owl headed for her.
Your husband
"Well, apart from a fractured spine and a few busted ribs, yeah."
"What happened?"
"Bludger." Lily groaned. `Broomstick tester` was really just another name for `Quidditch player who uses possibly unsafe brooms` - the theory was that, since nobody in their right minds would do such a dangerous job, it had to be made more attractive somehow... and most of the broomstick companies made Quidditch balls anyway. "You know, I wish someone'd invent a cushioning spell good enough that you can sit astride on the things. They're bloody dangerous when you're sidesaddle, you can just slip over."
"Like you did, you mean?" A small part of Lily's brain that had last been used at school was clamouring for attention.
"Yep."
A/n; Right, here's what happened. A Bludger came at James from the side - into his face because he was riding sidesaddle - and he leant back (to the other side) to avoid it. He leant back too far and because he was sidesaddle he slipped right over. All his weight was now under the broom, which went doooown... with him still underneath it. Ouchies! Fortunately, by Harry's time somebody's had the bright idea of strengthening the cushioning spell...>
The small part of Lily's brain got attention. "Right, when's Remus coming in?"
"What?"
"I've got Sirius in Death Eaters, Peter in Potions and you in Broomsticks. When's Remus coming in? This has to be a prank."
"Sirius is in Death Eaters?"
"Yeah, he got hit with Cruciatus, God knows how. Now, when's Remus coming in?"
"He's not, as far as I know. Where's Sirius' ward?"
"Lie down! You'll only fracture that spine worse, and I can't fix it as it is, not all at once. I'll bring him to you once I've sorted those ribs. Now..."
As it turned out, Lily couldn't bring Sirius to James because as soon
as she'd finished his ribs the fourth Marauder arrived.
"I knew this was a prank," she muttered. "OK, Remus,
what happened and is it full moon tonight? And answer the second question
first."
"No; class attack; you knew what was a prank?"
Damn! Werewolf hearing was too good. "Well,
I now have every single Marauder in my wards. What happened in class?"
"The entire lot of them decided to hex me at once,
just to get out. God, it's not like I wouldn't've just let them
go... some of them used silver, though."
"In a class full of werewolves? Bit tricky."
"Exactly. The student body got the hospital wing,
I get to come here. Why do you have all of us here?" She told him.
"Sirius is in..."
"Yeah, yeah... maybe I should just find a spare
room and label it `Marauders' Ward`..."
"You do that."
"Oh, Remus, I was joking, I didn't mean..."
But it was an idea Lily thought more and more about as she was forced
to hunt down Sirius (finally finding him in Broomsticks 3), Peter (Death
Eaters 1), James (Death Eaters 1), Sirius (Broomsticks 3), Remus (Potions
2), James (Potions 2) and, finally, Sirius (Broomsticks 3). After frog-marching
Sirius back to his bed for the third time, she decided to ask...
"Hm... I think she got the message," Sirius said with a grin. "The bit about not wandering around, though..."
"Marauding, from French meaning rogue - going about in search of plunder or prey. Who does she think we are?" Remus agreed.
"You two go. Peter can't walk and I've got a fractured spine..." James stared wistfully at the ceiling.
"Since when did that stop us? Remember in third year when the Slytherins beat the hell out of us? We still managed to wander, didn't we?"
"Yeah, but... hey! Yeah! OK, gang, let's get plotting!"
A/n; Hope you like the story. I'll update every four reviews, so if
you like it you know where to go;
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