Night 1 Marauders in Hospital
By Admiral Albia

A/n; Well, read the title. And the summary. Basically, the Marauders are going to be in hospital for a while... and they're driving Doctor Lily wild! Any ideas for their pranks (seven nights, seven pranks), please send `em in!
Incidentally, Lily has every right to use `the guilt factor` here; she's a doctor, she knows what she's talking about. Besides, it helps the rest of the story...
Disclaimer; I do not own Harry Potter etc, they belong to J.K. Rowling. (sarcastic voice; "Well I never!") Don't mind the portrait, he's just bored...

Night 1
"All set?"
"Where's the Cloak, James?"
"Side drawer..."
"Ah! Got it. Now, this is a delicate operation... Wingardium leviosa!"
"Wingardium leviosa!"
"Ow! That hurt!"
"Mind the back! The back!"
"My arm! Get off my arm, you imbecile!"
"Stop prodding my boils!"
Under the Cloak, Sirius rolled his eyes. Same old, same old... except that this time James and Peter were floating about four feet above the ground. Eventually, everyone stopped banging into each other's injuries...
"Shall we go, then?"
"Let's get marauding!"
"Woo-hoo!"

/\/\/\
The main difference between a hospital and a boarding school is that a school doesn't work on the night shift, as the Marauders quickly found out. Fortunately, everyone just assumed they were a particularly large group of Turners wandering around.
"Now... where shall we go?"
"Not Death Eaters, those folks deserve a break."
"Hmm..."
"What?"
"Why not go to Death Eaters and pull the gags on the staff?"
"Yeah! But not Lily, she'll guess."
"Hasn't she gone home?"
"How should I know?"
And so it came about that the night staff of Death Eaters 1 suffered an hour of Dungbombs, fake wands, mysterious jets of water and the occasional ghostly touch, usually after they found themselves floating. The patients enjoyed it, since it was never aimed at them, but by the time the Marauders had finished the staff were wet, smelly and behind with the paperwork.
"Oh, my, I haven't laughed like that in ages! That nurse's face when she got soaked!" The invisible crowd dissolved into laughter again.
"How much longer do we have?"
"Uh... half an hour before the next one comes in to check on us... time to do a Face-Ache, I reckon."
A `Face-Ache`, lovingly named after the Marauders' Transfiguration teacher Professor `Face-Ache` Dakin, was a single really big trick, of the sort which had been pulled on Face-Ache at least once a week. They had become famous around the school, not only because they never failed to work, but also because of the small slip of paper that followed Professor Dakin around screaming `Sign here please!` until, glowering, he did so.
"No receipts, though. Lily will guess if she hears that report."
"True... OK, we have the equipment for a 327, 35 or 2490 here, but I've got the rest of the Happy Little Sailor back in the room..."
"Voting... 327?"
"Aye."
"Aye."
"Aye!"
"327 it is, then. Where's the staffroom?"
/\/\/\
As it happened, Lily hadn't gone home because she didn't see that there was any point. She was currently heading down to the staffroom for a cup of tea, but when she got in there there was a suspiciously loud groan behind her. The door creaked, certainly, but it shouldn't groan like... she looked around, but saw nothing and only heard the patter of feet outside and the sounds of voices. Normal, everyday sounds. Sighing, she sat down...
...and the chair legs collapsed outwards, sending her plummeting downwards. A loud raspberry and the unmistakeable smell of dung filled the room, as her tea went in her hair. Spluttering, Lily lifted the chair seat to find that the legs had been sawn halfway through, and there was a deflating whoopee cushion and the shattered remnants of a dungbomb under it.
"Number 327," she muttered, clearing up the mess with her wand, "Right. This means war."
/\/\/\
"Oh, shit, I thought she'd gone home!"
"It was an honest mistake, James, anyone could've done it."
"Yeah, and anyway, you've got a fractured spine, remember? You can't walk, so how can you be blamed for pulling a prank? You have the perfect alibi, Prongs. It's me'n Sirius that'll be in trouble..."
/\/\/\
"Where is she? She should've come in to yell by now."
"Maybe she didn't sit down after all."
/\/\/\
"OK, now I'm worried."
*Zzzz*
*snort*
"Am I the only person still awake here?"
*snort* *snore* "Oh, g't'sl'p, J'ms!" (Translation; Oh, go to sleep, James!)
/\/\/\
"Hello? Are you four awake?"
*snort*
*snore*
*ZZZzzzzz*
*ZzzAowAowAowZzzzz*
"No? Good..."
/\/\/\
When the Marauders woke up in the morning, it was to discover that they'd turned a variety of colours; Sirius was pink, Peter was orange, Remus was a sickly bright green and James was a mixture of lime-green skin and bright orange hair. He also had a note on his pillow;
James,
I don't know whether you were personally involved in last night's escapade, but I do know that the bang I got last night when that chair fell in was more than enough to make me lose my baby. Do you actually want a child?
Lily
He stared at it, oblivious to the colour of his skin, while the others removed the spells from each other.
"James? Can you do me please?" Sirius was standing over him. "Because while I like the colour, it doesn't go too well with my hair... are you all right?"
"No." He handed the note to his friend, who read it.
"Oh."
"We've been trying for four years! Four years! Forget tonight, I'm staying in bed."
"Is Lily pregnant, then?" Remus asked from where Peter was slowly turning him purple.
"Only if she's extremely lucky," James said bitterly.

A/n; Well, your choice. If you still like it and want more, follow the arrow after this note. I update every four reviews, remember. If you do 't like it, either don't follow the arrow or follow it and flame me - the fire extinguishger needs something to do =)
|
V