Marauders in Hospital

by Admiral Albia

Set less than a year before Harry's birth. Lily's still at work (as a doctor)... but can she cope when the Marauders all end up in her ward? LAST CHAPTER UPLOADED! PG-13 for swearing.

3. Night 2

Marauders in Hospital
By Admiral Albia

A/n; Well, read the title. And the summary. Basically, the Marauders are going to be in hospital for a while... and they're driving Doctor Lily wild! Any ideas for their pranks (seven nights, seven pranks), please send `em in!
Disclaimer; I do not own Harry Potter etc, they belong to J.K. Rowling. (sarcastic voice; "Really?") Don't mind the portrait, he's just bored...

Night 2
"Come on, James!"
"No. I'm staying right here, thanks."
"Look, James." Sirius came over and sat on the bed. "What happened last night was nobody's fault, just rotten luck. We all thought Lily'd gone home, didn't we? And she hadn't told any of us about the baby, otherwise we wouldn't've let her sit down, would we? Besides, we're not going anywhere near the staffroom tonight."
"We could still get her by accident."
"Uh... James, Lily's the last person you'd curse by accident," Remus pointed out, coming to stand behind Sirius. "The hair's too recogniseable. Look, how about if we completely skip her wards? Would that do you? Heck, we could even go down a floor, then there'd be no chance of running into Lily."
"No." Sirius and Remus looked at each other. It was time for plan B.
"Oh, well then," Sirius said with a sigh, "I suppose we'll never know if the Mega-Plan would've worked, then. Pity really, this is the second perfect place to do it... and we've got just enough time, too." He waited for this to sink in.
"But, since you don't want to do it, we'll just have to give up," Remus added. "Which is a pity, after all that hard work we spent on it. Still..."
"The Mega-Plan," James said slowly. They could almost see his mind working.
"Yeah, but if you don't want to then..."
"The one with the... you know, and those... the appearance spells?"
"That was the one," Sirius sighed wistfully. "You know, I spent hours looking those up before we discovered there wasn't going to be an end-of-year feast..."
"We could do the Mega-Plan here."
"Well, only with all of us. Three out of four won't do."
"One problem..."
"Yeah?"
"Snape played a vital part, I seem to recall..."
"If I get Snape in here, will you come?"
"Of course!"
"Right," Sirius said, and Disapparated.

He re-Apparated a second later, looking embarassed. "Oops... mind if I borrow the Cloak?"
"No, not at all. Same place as before."
"Sirius, what exactly are you going to do?" Sirius whispered in Remus' ear.
"Just as long as that's all..."
"Teacher," Sirius said before Disapparating again. Remus stuck his tongue out at the place where his friend had been a second before.

/\/\/\ And thus it came that St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries gained another patient by the name of Severus Snape, who had recently been gored by a unicorn, attacked by a Hippogriff, levitated mysteriously and then dropped and, of course, had his head shoved into his own Wart Potion. Sirius reappeared in the room just minutes before Lily popped her head round to check they were all still there, but he was laughing so much that they had to dig out an old joke book to explain away the snorts and giggles.
"Snape? What about Snape? Oh, that Snape. Really? Well, good luck to the Hippogriff, I say. Hey, Sirius, what did the big candle say to the little candle?"
"Don't *snort* know!"
"I'm going out tonight!" Sirius dissolved into grateful laughter.
"Puh-lease, guys, that's the oldest joke in the book. Oh yes, and then his head was shoved in the wart potion - Sirius, stop
laughing, it's not funny."
"It *gasp* is!"
"Warts, hmm? Suits him. You know, Lily, we were trying to rest."
"You had me fooled," Lily said, eyeing the chortling Sirius.
"Well, we were planning to try to rest. It's the same thing."
"Only in your book, dear. Now, why don't you go to sleep?" And she snatched the joke book, put it neatly away and walked out, switching off the light.
"So, that's either Magical Creatures, Magical Accidents or Potions... Sirius, what happens when you do this on stage?" Sirius wiped the tears from his eyes.
"We go through it again and again until it's not funny any more. Oh, my..." /\/\/\ The `Mega-Plan` had been devised for the Marauders' final end-of-year feast, a tribute to the old saying `go out with a flare`. Unfortunately, there had been no end-of-year feast that year, largely because of the Death Eaters. It had taken them monthss to do, going round and preparing every room in turn, and as far as they knew the spells were still waiting to be activated. The hospital, however, was much smaller and they now planned to set the spells in the six days that were left before Sirius and Remus went home.
Despite James' misgivings, they started off on their present floor. The spells were relatively simple to set, just boring as it was the same words room after room;
"Setcant horrifica parti! James, are you sure about this?"
"Hey, I grew up speaking this language. Of course I'm sure!"
"OK, because it sounds like a spell for a horrible party..."
"Just trust me for once! Shall I set the randomiser, or will you?"
"You do it."
"Varioso anit mi uo ma sep furnunculus grisandla wingardium corkulus gurinto resicando lumos aqueous transparoculus! Phew, I hate that randomiser..."
"Remus, Peter! You've done the other half?"
"Yep. Without getting caught, I might add! Um... what are we actually saying?"
"That's my business, I think... what can we do for the last half-hour?"
"How about..." /\/\/\ For the last half-hour of their time the Marauders wreaked yet more havoc and mayhem upon poor, innocent doctors and nurses, though they went nowhere near a staffroom. They sneaked into the foretelling department and cast illusion spells on the crystal balls; they paid Snape a visit and spent a happy quarter of an hour terrifying him into believing it was Peeves who had set him up; and they actually heard several rumours that a poltergeist had come to stay in St. Mungo's. As their major act of crime for the day, they sneaked into the Owlery and shut the exits before opening the door and terrifying the poor creatures. The only exit available to the poor owls (who currently had a large black dog snapping at them) was the door, and in a flurry of feathers they were out of the Owlery and into the main building, almost five hundred snowy owls flying in a blind panic through the hallways and wards while the staff were all trying to clean dungbomb contents and Doctor Filibuster's No-Wash-Out Hair Gunk from their bodies...

A/n; OK, I know it's getting weird. Thanks to whoever suggested I bring Snape in =) PLEASE, people, I need ideas for the Marauder's pranks desperately! The Mega-Plan will be revealed on Night 7 (chapter 8)...
OK, I now have enough reviews to do Nights 4 and 5, but after that I'm back waiting for 4 reviews...
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