by Belladonna
The sun began to disappear behind the
horizon but the man who stood lonely in the garden of the mansion in
Westchester didn't seem to notice, as he didn't seem to notice the cooler air
of the coming night that came up for the heat of the day. He simply stood
there, a lonely figure behind the house, in the reddish glow of the evening,
that red that reminded him so much of her, of her beautiful long red hair when
the wind blew through them.
Logan stood silently in the garden
behind the mansion, alone and he held a single red rose in his hand.
Roses had been her favourite flowers
and this red rose was a sign of his deep love for her. He came her every
evening, to think; but mostly to be alone when everything got over his head,
when everything would become more than he could handle. Then he came here to
this place, for on this place he could be alone but also with. For although
every place on the mansion grounds remembered him of her, here he was closest
to her than anywhere else.
For a bystander there might be
nothing out of the ordinary here, he would not notice something different from
the other days for Logan came here every evening and this evening was there no
exception.
But this day was something special
nonetheless, a very special day for him he would always remember.
Logan stood there in complete
silence, alone and with the rose in his hand, and even he couldn't prevent that
his hand would shake slightly.
~/~
Everywhere on the mansion grounds I
can still feel you, sometimes I even believe that I can smell your perfume, the
one you have liked the most an then in these short moments you still are with
me. I can still feel your presence in the house, so as if you would still be
there, as if you would still be with me.
But I know that you are no longer
here and it is hard for me to accept this and even harder for me to endure.
Every time I walk through the halls
of the mansion, when I stand in the entrance hall then I remember our first
kiss, the first time we admitted our feelings for each other openly, the first
time we revealed our feelings and how our lips touched for the first time, so
gently but passionately as well. I can still feel your soft lips on mine, still
smell the salty tears, I took from you then on this day.
In each room of the mansion you are
there and you will never go away, and
this is it, what makes it bearable for me, what makes the pain I feel every
time I walk through the halls bearable though I know too well that it will
never go away.
Every time I walk though the gardens
here it remembers me of the many beautiful hours we've spent here together, you
were in my arms, the many beautiful hours we've had, the many times we have
watched the sun going down over the mansion. Then I can still smell the scent
of your hair, of your wonderful long red hair, that always fell so loosely over
your shoulders just like then; the many days we simply sat here and I had you
in my arms, the many days we sat here, when we were happy.
It hurts me to stay here, here in
the mansion and the pain is more than you could ever imagine, a pain that is
greater than I could ever describe for you. It sits deep within my heart, my
very soul but there is also the memory of you, something that helps me to
endure it, even if it might hurt so much.
But I can never go from here, I
never want to go away from here for then I truly would loose everything I have
left from you, all I still have from you.
~/~
Logan's hand still trembled and
tears fell down his cheeks as he put the single red rose down on the grave, the
grave in which the only woman lay buried that had ever meant something to him,
to whom he had so openly and deeply felt feelings brought to and to whom he had
not only given his heart but truly opened for.
This day was a very special day on
which Logan had come here to her grave, like every evening before. But on this
day, one year ago, Jean had died and with her a part of him, of his heart had
been buried next to her in the grave.
~/~
Jean, I still do love you and I will
never stop loving you. As long as I am still here, I know that you then are still
with me and that I can still be with you. I will never forget you, how could I,
for you are in my heart, you are everywhere here on the mansion and I will
never go away from here. Here is the place I have spent the happiest time of my
life for I was allowed to spend it with you. No matter where I might go or be,
here in the gardens, where we have spent so many wonderful evenings together or
in the house where we had many uncountable hours with each other, I am with you
and you are with me, in my heart.
I miss you, Jean, more than you
could ever imagine. It is as if a part of me was gone, now that you are no
longer with me. It is hard for me to go on without you and I have to live with
this feeling every day of my life now, with the pain and sorrow I feel since
you were gone. I have always feared the day I would be without you, never
wanted this day to become reality and a part of me has died with you, the day
you were gone. I'd given anything to save you, I'd given my life for you, to
not have to see you die, to keep you with me and I'd still give anything to
have you back, to have you back with me, even my life.
The pain and sorrow tear my heart
apart and I know all too well that they will never go away, this feeling of
loss will be my constant companion until I will die, too and we will be united
again. The pain I can still feel will never cease, no matter how much time
might have passed. You will always stay in my heart, for like this you will
always stay with me and I can be with you.
I could never forget you and I never
will for you have been more than the woman my heart belonged to and my life,
you were my life.
I love you, Jean and I ever will. I
will remember each and every of our days, we have spent together, for like this
I will always be able to remember you and this way we can always be together,
for all times.
~fin~
A day to remember
By: Belladonna