Title: Serendipity: The Beginning
Author: Becca the Evil
Disclaimer: Dis bad grammar
You know too…
Me no own stuff,
You no sue
Ah, the wonders of bad poetry. Such life, such meaning…such crap. But, 'tis true. Don't sue me please. I only have about $3.23 and pocket lint.
Summary: The second part of my demented story. Big thank you to Kaccee, who's my faithful beta. ^_~
Okay, so this story doesn't make sense yet. It will next chapter. Or the one after. I promise it will make sense eventually. I'm serious, it willll! Oh yea, the warning. This is really demented, so be careful!
It was raining.
Well, raining is an enormous understatement. It was as if the sky had opened up and decided that Florida should be so soaked that it returned to the bottom of the ocean.
Rapidly.
Rain is a very natural and regular occurrence in Florida. In fact, almost everyday at around 1pm, it pours. Nature just doesn't know if it wants to drown Florida henceforth…or not. Around 3 hours later, bada bing, bada boom, it's stopped raining and the ground stands completely dry. The itsy-bitsy spider can climb up the spout again, and the birds are chirping.
But for now, it was pouring.
Sheets of water were coming down in massive torrents, and any person outside for more than a few moments would be soaked to their skin. Each drop of water was the size of a quarter, and just as heavy. The sky was a dark charcoal color, reminiscent of either smoke or very old bath water.
Nicole, Kevin, Sean, and Michelle were driving in the storm.
"What the HELL was that?" shrieked Michelle, as a raindrop slid through the roof of Kevin's truck and landed on her nose. "Your car is leaking, Kev."
"No shit, Sherlock," whined Sean, "This thing is older than we are."
"Yea, it's a what? A '73 Chevy?" Nicole added.
"I wouldn't be talking, " grumbled Kevin, "I'm the only one of you guys that has a car. So shut up and let me drive." A lightning bolt crackled across the sky.
"Yea, yea, yea. Go ahead and brag about bribing the Driver's Ed teacher," groaned Nicole, "The is no way that the turn you just pulled was legal."
"Dude, it's not our fault that you're Mrs. Felicie's star student. It's not like she plays favorites 'coz she's a sport's coach too, but still, there is no way that you drive any better than us. What the hell did you do to her…" Michelle complained, poking Kevin. Another raindrop plopped on her nose.
Sean grimaced. "That lady is scary, man. She has hair that floats above her head, and her sweater smells like snot and mothballs. Wonder why…"
"Shut up!" Kevin yelled. "It's not easy driving with the Junior Complaining Brigade in my backseat!" He punched the side of the car in frustration, and pending drops of water fell off of the window.
All of a sudden, there was a deep rumbling noise. The roof of Kevin's Chevy started to twitch. Drop after drop of rained pounded down on the rusted cover. One final bead of water fell, and as if in slow motion, it landed on the roof…which caved in.
"Shit!" was the collective cry.
Nicole, Kevin, Sean, and Michelle were showered in bits of rusted metal. A huge chunk landed on Michelle's head, and she felt dizzy. Nicole was covered in dust, and some of it got in her round, brown eyes. She rubbed her eyes, and the dust moved and scraped her retina. It stung terribly, and she winced. A lump of metal landed on Sean's cheek, and he was busy picking it out. Kevin had a piece of his car drop on an inappropriate place and was writhing.
"Crap!" Kevin yelled, along with a bunch of words that had resurfaced from his male DNA strand. He screamed in not only anguish, anger, and frustration for the loss of his one true love, his trusty truck, but for the new possibility of not being to attract any other, more human lovers he might have in the future.
"Gosh, Kevin, are you okay? Alive?" Nicole asked, torn between concern and gagging at the definitely negatively masculine things that Kevin was screaming. "Told you the car wasn't safe."
"DRIVE you moron!" screamed Sean, dusting car remains out of his hair. "That is NOT the road!
Kevin was knocked back into reality. In an act of, well, not total bravery. In fact, more in of an act of near stupidity, he grabbed the steering wheel and jerked it in a randomly westward direction.
Westward happened to be the way to get to Starbucks. Scratch that, the way to run into Starbucks.
There was an earsplitting crash, and what remained of Kevin's Chevy went flying. Muttering curses, prayers, and phrases of disbelivement, a very dishelved Nicole, Sean, Michelle, and Kevin stepped out of the car.
The customers' eyes popped, and one woman choked on a piece of biscotti. Several people stood up and ran outside of the store, looking fearful.
They has managed to somewhat safely land…
"Through the Starbucks WINDOW? Through the WINDOW?" screeched Michelle, irritably.
"Smooth Kev, real smooth," complained Nicole. "Nice first impression. Really going to get that job now."
"Shut UP you guys," Kevin groaned. "Here comes the manager…"
******
Hermione Granger was sitting in the Gryffindor common room, finishing her Arithmancy homework. As usual.
All of the more…normal…students were celebrating the new Quidditch victory. Gryffindor had beaten Slytherin by a very close ten points, and as an added bonus, Draco Malfoy had broken his leg.
Ron Weasley and Harry Potter were dancing around in circles, playing imaginary air guitars, like most fifteen-year-old guys. Fred and George were telling jokes to the Gryffindor chasers, who were choking with laughter. Ron wandered over to Hermione, whose face was contorted in concentration.
"Hey, Her-my-oh-kneeeeeee!" yelled Ron, over the sound of Fred and George's new wizard invention, Banshee Burgers. "Come and have something to eat."
Hermione looked up at Ron, and sighed. Then she continued with her Arithmancy.
"Come on!" whined Ron. "Want a Chocolate frog? Some Sherbet Lemons? Licorice?" He waved candy in front of Hermione's face. She didn't move.
Ron accidentally dropped a piece on chocolate on her homework. It splattered everywhere. Ron hasn't the faintest clue.
"RON!" screamed Hermione.
Ron slowly turned around and plopped next to a steaming Hermione on the sofa. Her face was contorted in rage, but as usual, Ron was oblivious.
"Yes?" he asked.
Hermione scooted closer to him, and cupped her hands around his ear.
"Shut up and go away! I'm doing work, you UNOBSERVANT LITTLE HALF-WITTED GIT!" she screamed in his ear.
The noise of celebration conveniently placed in the background stopped. Fred dropped something, and Harry bit his lip to keep from laughing. Everybody's heads turned in their direction. Ron squeaked.
"I think I'm deaf. Help."
A seemingly brave second year in the back of the room spoke up. He yelled something over to Hermione, from a safe distance, surrounded by giggling friends. This was a very stupid thing to do.
"Gosh, need Midol much?"
Hermione turned around and faced the boy, seething.
"See THIS?" she held up her stained homework. "THIS took he THREE HOURS! Of hard work, that a little incompetent fool like you couldn't do!" Hermione was screaming on the top of her lungs. "And then Ron came along and ruined it. Why? WHY?" She sent one of her infamous melt-solid-steel glares at the increasingly stupid second year, who squeaked and cowered behind a chair. Then, Hermione lay her head down of the couch, frustrated. They were so ignorant, and didn't see that she liked working more than being in a big crowd. And she was tired. Why did they put her through this? Oh yea, they didn't care. Great.
Ron shook his head. Hermione's really out of it. Gosh, talk about high strung. It's her fault that she's boring, so why should I bother. Is she…she's crying. Nooow's the perfect time for her to abuse the fact that she's a girl. What am I supposed to do? Shit, I made her cry. Great.
Harry tiptoed cautiously over. He saw a very confused Ron, looking terrified at a Hermione, mourning the loss of her homework. Harry turned around and saw a pale group of second years and the rest of the common room starting in silent, detached interest as Hermione blew her nose on Ron's shirt. Harry grinned.
"Hey, uhh, guys. Want to settle this?" Harry tried not to smile. "Compromise," he whispered feverently at Ron.
Ron looked very confused, but then his face lit up.
"Uh, Mione?" he poked her. "Let's make a deal. You re-write your homework and be happy, and…uhhhh…"
Hermione lifted her face off of the pillow, beaming happily.
"Let's see. We have two options here. You can either say 'Hermione is the greatest and smartest witch ever, and I am just a simpleton. I bow to your superior intellect.' Then, of course, you'd bow to my superior intellect. Or, you could play chess with me as double or nothing. Unless, you want me to start…*sob*…start crying agaaaain."
"NO WAY!" screeched Ron. "IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU'RE OVERSENSITIVE!"
Hermione put her head back on her pillow, grinning maliciously in its depths of fluffiness. She faked earsplitting sobs. It is so much fun exploiting feminism. Ha!
"Fine," Ron mumbled. Then he said something under his breath, which sounded like "Mucking fitch".
Harry starting laughing. "You…idiots!" he choked, clutching his sides. All of a sudden, he collapsed on the floor, feet in the air.
"Harry?" said Hermione. "You okay?"
There wasn't an answer. There was only the sound of Hermione and Ron gasping simultaneously. Crickets chirped too…if there are crickets in England…
Ron ran over to Harry. "YOU OKAY?" he screamed in Harry's ear.
There wasn't an answer. There was only the sound of Hermione standing up and knocking over her books, and those damn crickets chirping. If there are crickets in England.
"Get Madame Pomfrey!" screeched Hermione. "He's out cold!"
*******
"Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnn!" sang Michelle, at the look of terror on Kevin's face.
A short, stocky man with a black beard walked over to Nicole, Sean, Kevin, and Michelle. He was, of course, the manager of Starbucks, and at the moment he was the Extremely Pissed Off Manager of Starbucks. Four stinkin' kids had just erratically bust through the side window of his store…scaring customers away and more importantly getting glass shards in his mocha.
"Crap…" Kevin whispered.
"Yes, that'd be what you're wading in. ALONG WITH MY WINDOW!" screamed Mr. Manager. Then, he said, "A long line of profane words."
"Huh?" said Sean. "Did you just say a long line of profane words?"
"Duh squared!" exclaimed Michelle. "You do have ears, ya know!" She smacked her gum irritably.
"Uh," began Nicole. "What do you mean, Mr. Manager Man?"
"The name's Bernie. Oh, it's an order from my shrink. He said that I should censor my actions, and to fill in nonsense with my suppressed anger; instead of things that would hurt other people's feeling I'm supposed to say something that doesn't make comprehensible sense. It's part of my parole sentence."
Nicole stared at him, pulling a piece of her hair behind her ears. Kevin was sitting in the corner, pale, looking from his truck, to his friends, to the glass on the floor, to the manager, who continued his speech.
"I'm trying cut back on curse words. My shrink to me to imagine telling you 'a long line of profane words', in this case to which you would reply, 'I do study, I do know how to drive, and I didn't know you could do that with a book.'" Mr. Manager aka Bernie looked unfazed.
"WHICH book?" said Nicole, checking her bag to make sure that Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire was still intact. It was, in fact, warm and sitting comfortably next to her graphing calculator in her mondo backpack.
"Doesn't matter," moped Kevin.
Nicole dove into another of her Harry Potter rants.
"I cherish this book! It's my Bible, my other world. Harry and his friends Ron and Hermione are so damn funny and cute! I love them to itty, bitty pieces. I mean, listen to this…"
She opened her book to page 177. "'Then a long tear near the brim opened wide like a mouth, and the hat broke into song.'" Nicole continued reading.
" A thousand years or more ago
When I was newly sewn,
There lived four wizards of renown,
Whose names are still well known:
Bold Gryffindor, from wild moor,
Fair Ravenclaw, from glen,
Sweet Hufflefuff, from valley broad,
Shrewd Slytherin, from fen.
They shared a wish, a hope, a dream,
They hatched a daring plan
To educate young sorcerers
Thus Hogwarts School began.
Now each of those four founders
Formed their own house, for each
Did value different virtues
In the ones they had to teach.
By Gryffindor, the bravest were
Prized far beyond the rest;
For Ravenclaw, the cleverest
Would always be the best;
For Hufflepuff, the hard workers were
Most worthy of admission;
And power-hungry Slytherin
Loved those of great ambition
While still alive they did divide
Their favorites from the throng,
Yet how to pick the worthy ones,
When they were dead and gone?
'Twas Gryffindor who found the way
He whipped me off his head
The founders put some brains in me
So I could choose instead!
Now slip me snug about your ears
I've never yet been wrong
I'll have a look inside your mind."
And tell where you belong."
Sean stared. "Sounds creepy…having a talking hat know all about you. Star Wars meets Sherlock Holmes."
"It is NOT creepy! It's adorable!" screamed Nicole, as she punched Sean on the shoulder. "You're just scared that the hat'd put you in Slytherin, along with all the other slimy, evil…"
"No cursing in my store!" screamed Bernie. "Continue," he added at their shocked looks.
"I am not slimy," said Sean.
"Are too!" screamed Nicole, reddening.
"Am not!" replied Sean.
"Hey dorkuses," interrupted Michelle, throwing her gum away. "Stop it!"
"Shut it," growled Sean. "This is our argument, Princess."
Michelle glared, tugging on her short skirt. "Fine, be that way."
"Hey Sean, how about we make another bet. I'm in a loose nothing bet mood. Let's say that if you get Sorted, you'll go into Slytherin. You'd owe me big. If you get Sorted somewhere else, I owe you big. Deal?"
"Uh, yea. Sure."
Sean and Nicole shook hands.
"WHAT ABOUT MY WINDOW?" screamed Bernie.
"What about it? You mean that wasn't a drive-through?" snapped Sean, dripping with sarcasm that was gathering in a puddle around his feet. "You expect me to make Kev park just so we can get some coffee?"
Bernie's face lit up. "Geniuses! Prodigies! Drive through! Come, come have a latte with me! Leave the car, let's celebrate!"
Nicole, Sean, Kevin, and Michelle looked at each other, shrugged, and walked over to the service counter.
*******
End Note: Pweese review? I like comments. ^_^ Just scroll down to the little box below…