Disclaimer: Final Fantasy Eight and its characters are property of Squaresoft.
So There
by Maria Tiongco
Zell Dincht walked past the turnstiles on the path to Balamb Garden's front gate. He sighed and sat down on the stairs. He didn't move for a moment, and the sighed again. It wasn't usual for him to be sad; he was always energetic and happy.
"Does anyone really understand me?" he asked himself. 'No...'
'I'm Zell Dincht, a natural born idiot. I can't keep my mouth shut. For example, I could have let everyone in Balamb Garden die because I thoughtlessly blabbed that Squall, Selphie, and me were from that Garden.'
"Am I really a chicken-wuss?" 'Of Course I am. Always have and always will be.'
'Why can't anyone see the real me? The guy hiding behind this mask? It seems as if I'm getting laughed at, pointed at, and sneered at more often. It isn't fair.'
"Am I under-appreciated?" 'No duh, Zell.'
'Squall doesn't like me, I know it. Everyone says he cares, but to hell with that. He just tolerates me. I mean, he insulted me the day we were supposed to take the SeeD field exam. When I was right there! And then he gives me this nickname, Know-It-All-Zell. At first I thought it was really a compliment, but then again there could've been some sarcasm in it. Am I that dumb?
'Quistis didn't even stick up for me. Just went on tellin' Squall that the arrangements couldn't be changed. So I went on to be in Squad B with Seifer and Squall. Seifer obviously didn't like me. He never did. He teased me back when I was at the orphanage, and he teased me then in the car. Calling me by famous nickname. Chicken-wuss. Squall was ignoring me. I asked to see his gunblade, but no, he just goes on talkin' to the Instructor after Seifer insults me.
'Rinoa... well, she was never really mean. I don't think it's her nature. We got along fine, I guess. I just think she's so smitten with Squall, so I don't think she'd notice me. She could never understand the real chicken-wuss.
'Irvine doesn't like me at all. Either that, or he's way to interested in girls. Probably both. I mean, he never really talked to me. He's just busy trying to get women.
'Selphie? She made fun of me a few times, but she's probably the only one who'd even give a damn. It's just that... she'd care about *anyone.* I don't think she could understand either.'
Zell felt raindrops on his head and looked up. He didn't notice the sky had gotten darker from rain clouds. It began lightly pouring. Zell didn't bother getting up and going inside. He wanted to stay away from people. It felt as if the sky was listening to his thoughts and mourning for him. Then again... did the sky even care? Was it crying for another person?
"And so," he said, "the bottom line is..." 'I'm all alone in this cruel world.'
'Why can't I be someone else? Squall, Selphie, anybody but me? I'd give anything to trade places with someone. Anybody. Why am I forced to hide behind this mask and suffer? Why, dammit! Why? Why? Why...'
"BOOYAKA!"
"GAH!" Zell screamed and jumped back a little. He looked up at a grinning and giggling Selphie Tilmitt.
"Don't do that!" he yelled, aggravated.
"Aw... did I scare little Zelly-poo?" Selphie said as if she were talking to a baby.
"And don't call me that either," Zell muttered.
Selphie sensed something was wrong. "Somethin' the matter?"
"Nothin'."
"Y'sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure!" Zell shouted in an outburst.
"Okay, whatever," she as she seated herself next to Zell on the stairs. "So whatcha doin' out here in the rain?"
"Thinkin'."
"Oh, really? I didn't think you were the Squallish type."
"Very funny." Zell looked at Selphie's suitcase in front of him. "So how did your vacation go?"
"Oh, it was so much fun!" She talked all about it for quite a while, not missing one detail. After what seemed like hours of listening to her talking, Zell thought it was a bad idea to ask about it.
"Hm... well that's pretty cool," Zell commented when she was finally done. "I'm surprised you did all that with so little time."
"Well, you know me!"
Zell scoffed. "I guess." 'But do you know me?'
"Why so quiet?"
"A lot's been on my mind."
"Oh, I see. Like what?"
Zell shook his head. "Yo, shouldn't you be taking your stuff inside?"
"I will, once I get to see the rainbow."
"Rainbow? Please."
"Hey, you always wanted someone to wait with you for the rainbow back when we were at the orphanage!"
"Huh?"
"You don't remember?"
Zell shook his head.
"Well, you see, I used to hate it when it rains, but you were always excited because of the rainbows after. So one day you took me outside just when it stopped raining, and we saw it over the ocean. It was very beautiful, so I became like you then and watched for the rainbow when it's raining."
"Oh..."
"Yeah. So, what's on your mind?"
"Look, I don't feel like talkin' about it."
"Y'sure?"
"Yeah."
The two sat there for a long while, both not knowing what to say. Selphie began fidgeting, for she was beginning to get bored. Zell didn't even look at her, instead he looked at his hands. He took one of his gloves off and studied the tiny scars on his hand.
'I'm so weak. And these scars prove it.'
"Hey, looks like that rain's lettin' up... And the sun's comin' out too," Zell heard Selphie say.
He looked up at the sky, and felt the rain slowly stopping. Sighing, he looked down to his hand again.
All of a sudden Selphie jumped up. "Look! There it is!" she shouted and pointed.
Zell look where she was pointing, and gasped at the sight. The rainbow could've possibly been the best one the two had ever seen. It was very beautiful sight, the colors shining brightly in an huge arch in the sky. He couldn't help himself, so Zell smiled for the first time all day. Somehow he felt a special warmth inside, like how he felt when he was little.
Selphie giggled. "There's that smile."
Zell looked at her and scoffed. She just winked at him.
"Well, I guess we should go in and dry off now," she said as she picked up her bag. She began to walk toward the Garden, but stopped to look behind her at Zell. "You comin'?"
"I'll stay out here for a bit," Zell said, looking at the rainbow again.
"Okay," she said. She continued to walk on, but then stopped again. "Zell?" she called out to him.
"What?"
"If you feel like talking about your problem, feel free to ask any one of us. Everyone's not as they seem, y'know."
Zell looked at her, confused.
"Hiding won't do you any good, Zell. Even if you're still gonna feel the way you do, at least know you're not alone. We do care and understand. A lot more than you think, okay?"
'What fake words,' he thought.
Selphie's green eyes locked with Zell's blue ones.
"We all love you, Zell. You know we don't truly hate you. Why would we be like that?"
'Because you can...'
"Y'know, my best friend back in Trabia Garden used to tell me something good always happens after something bad. Like the rainbow after the rain."
And she walked off leaving Zell alone in his thoughts.
'Was she trying to tell me if stop hiding, everyone will understand me? That I'm not alone and under-appreciated? Will I finally be truly happy?
'Aw, hell. Who knows?'
Zell sighed and looked at the rainbow once more. Maybe he would try to stop hiding. Maybe they would understand. He smiled, and then ran to catch up to Selphie. Some thoughts were left where he last was, just in case someone like him needed to hear them.
'Nobody made me hide; I forced myself to.
'I'm under-appreciated; maybe it's better than not being appreciated at all.
'I'm a natural born idiot and a chicken-wuss; that's what I'll stick to being because that's who I am and I can't change that. No matter how hard I try.
'I'm all alone in this cruel world... and that's a big fat lie.
'So there.'
End Notes: I dunno exactly why I wrote this, I guess to show people what I think Zell's angsty side is. I mean, we all have that dark side, right? Even someone like Zell Dincht.
I bet some of you are thinking why I picked Selphie to give Zell sort of a wake-up call. The original idea for this fic was a Zelphie, but it ended up being to mushy, so I changed it. And besides, the story dealt with rainbows, so Selphie seemed like a good choice, right? Maybe... I dunno.
So, hope you enjoyed. Comments, flames, etc. can be sent to chibi_goblin@magicgirl.com. Thanks for reading!
-Marie