E-mail: sailor_dafne@hotmail.com
Homepage: www.geocities.com/sailor_dafne
Rating: PG-13
By: Dafne
Standard disclaimer applied.
Please read the AN at the end. Thank you.
Rose's tears
Chapter 4: Hopelessness
Wednesday (8:30 PM)
"Mr. Tsukino, do you happen to suffer from hemophilia?"
Kenji tears his gaze away from the wall and turns to stare at the
doctor with his brows furrowed and an understandable bewildered
look in his eyes "I beg your pardon?"
"I know you're shocked, Mr. Tsukino, but I assure you that the
whole staff working at this hospital is even more confused by your
daughter's disease"
"But why would you want to know if I have hemophilia? What does
that have to do with my daughter?"
Before he can continue asking questions, Ikuko cuts him off with
one of her own "And most importantly, what do you mean by saying
that my daughter has a disease? She only cut herself, she's not
sick."
The doctor sighs while running his fingers through his disheveled
brown hair and then looks at her pitifully before continuing with
his explanation. "Well, Mrs. Tsukino, since we haven't been able
to stop your daughter's bleeding we have come to the conclusion
that she must have a disorder related to her blood's coagulation.
It might not be hemophilia, but since the rest of hemorrhagic
illnesses that we know of couldn't possibly be the cause of such
an abundant and incontrollable blood loss, I'm afraid that
hemophilia type A is the only option we are left with."
It is at this moment that Ami decides to share her medical
knowledge with the doctor "Even so, I thought that hemophilia was
an hereditary disease which makes itself present from the very
beginning. So how could Usagi suffer from it if she has never had
any problems before?" she asks with her brows furrowed in
confusion, an expression that manages to make me smile despite
myself. *Dear old Ami! Always trying to find a reasonable motive
for everything.*
With his attention now focused on my blue-haired friend, the
doctor stays silent for a while, apparently looking for the right
words to say, before replying to her question "I will not lie to
you, young miss, and say that that is not true, but since this is
a unique case all I can tell you is that, at this point, we do not
want to discard the possibility that somehow her genetic
information did not mean to set off this sickness unless a certain
biological or chemical detonator presented itself. Of course this
is merely a theory, but for now all we can do is come up with
hypothesis that might lead us to understand miss Tsukino's current
situation."
"And why do you need to know if Mr. Tsukino is an hemophilic?
Isn't it women who transmit this particular ailment?"
"Well, that is partially true..." he begins, but stops mid-sentence
as soon as he realizes that this has practically become a
dialogue; besides, I suppose that our bewildered faces clearly
show him that the rest of his listeners do not seem to have as
much knowledge as Ami. With an apologetic smile on his lips he
starts to explain what I assume my intellectual friend already
knows "You see, hemophilia is classified among those sicknesses
related to sex..." trying not to laugh at the reaction of both
Tsukino's to this last statement, the doctor holds up his hands to
keep them from saying anything before he finishes speaking "...which
in other words means that this particular disorder is transmitted
by one of the two sexual chromosomes, namely the X chromosome. As
you probably know men have the combination XY, while women have an
XX pattern, therefore a woman may carry the disease without
suffering from it because the other X chromosome invalidates it,
but a man that inherits the altered X chromosome will undoubtedly
develop this sickness"
"So basically the reason why you're asking if Mr. Tsukino suffers
from hemophilia is because the only way a woman can acquire this
ailment is if the father is an hemophilic and the mother a
carrier, am I right?"
It is after this last intervention that the doctor finally smiles
at Ami in obvious admiration of her cleverness "That's right young
lady" however, his smile quickly turns into a frown when he
resumes his explanation "But of course that's only theoretically..."
"What do you mean?" asks Mako-chan.
Letting his breath out in a sigh the doctor continues in a softer
tone of voice "Well, you see, when hemophilia was still considered
a mortal illness the idea of hemophilic women's existence was
inconceivable, because men with this ailment usually died at a
very young age, which obviously meant they didn't get a chance to
get married. However, with the evolution of medicine procedures
hemophilic men can practically live as normal people, and yet, up
till now there has never been a case of hemophilia in a woman;
even though there could be several justifications for this, most
physicians strongly believe that since a woman with this disease
would need to have both of her sexual chromosomes affected, an XX
combination would be mortal; if by any chance a baby with this
characteristics were conceived, it would most likely die inside
her mother's womb or during birth."
Gathering up my courage I decide to ask what I suppose everyone is
wondering at this very moment "So you think Usagi might be an
exception?"
"Well, it's possible. Besides, if we take into account what the
young lady so helpfully pointed out" he says, motioning to the now
blushing Ami "it is very likely that she got the chance to live
because she was not meant to develop the sickness in normal
conditions"
"And what if I told you that I do not have hemophilia?" inquires
Mr. Tsukino with a distressed look painted all over his face.
Mirroring his expression, the doctor rubs his temples as if a
headache had suddenly overcome him. "I was afraid you'd say that..."
he pauses for a while and then looks up at Kenji with a reassuring
look in his eyes, although there is a small hint of uncertainty
within them "...still, there is a remote chance that you may have
one of the two less dangerous types of hemophilia or at least some
sort of disorder in your blood's components that could explain
your daughter's strange hemorrhage"
"But... even if that was true, wouldn't I have already noticed
something strange? I mean, I couldn't have lived so many years
without me having some sort of complication. It just doesn't make
sense."
Before replying, the doctor takes a deep breath as if trying to
gather enough courage to speak "I admit it is quite unlikely, but
it wouldn't be too ridiculous to consider the possibility that if
you indeed have some sort of alteration in your blood, it might be
so insignificant that you never thought of its effects as nothing
more than the usual nose-bleeding or careless contusion."
"Well, then I guess we must wait for the test's results." Kenji
says softly with a strange mixture of hope and despair written all
over his face; however, when he suddenly furrows his brows, this
look quickly turns into one of confusion "But that only takes care
of my case. What about my wife? If my daughter suffers from
hemophilia as you first suggested, wouldn't she have to be a
carrier?"
"Well, since there is no way of knowing that I am assuming she
is." then, addressing Ikuko, he continues "Even so, I would also
like to perform some tests on you, Mrs. Tsukino."
Ikuko nods her head absent-mindedly, staring off into space, but
she suddenly comes out of her reverie and turns to look at the
doctor, her features doing nothing to conceal her apprehension
"And once we know what is Usagi's disease...?" she asks, letting the
sentence trail off and yet managing to make her meaning clear.
Running trembling hands through his hair, he replies in a soft and
clearly hesitant tone of voice "I wish I were the bearer of good
news, but I'm afraid it is my job to tell you all the truth.
Finding out miss Tsukino's illness will only allow us to make more
accurate hypothesis, but hypothesis nonetheless. As I already told
you, the whole staff working at this hospital is clueless
regarding Usagi's condition, and even if we do find what this
strange sickness is we would still have to find out a way to cure
or at least control it." he stops to take a deep breath and then
continues "I know it is not a very appealing idea to think that
miss Tsukino is suffering from a lethal type of hemophilia, and
yet this is probably the most promising option because then we
would at least be certain that the wounds will heal after a period
of time, even if it's still indefinite; meanwhile we can perform
blood transfusions hoping that her body won't reject them."
"In other words, you're simply making assumptions in the dark?"
asks Ami, barely able to contain her alarm.
The doctor visibly cringes "Well, to put it out bluntly, yes."
Immediately after this most disturbing confession, a dreadful
silence falls all over the room so that everyone is left alone
with their own thoughts. I, for one, cannot get over the fact that
my dearest friend's life is at stake. I don't want to accept that
Usagi might not be able to cheer us up with her comforting words
and kind smile anymore. Besides, I will certainly miss our tongue-
wars; as I recall the latter I cannot help but allow a smirk to
lift the corners of my lips, however, it is quickly wiped out of
my face the moment I remember what started this reminiscing in the
first place.
In an attempt to keep my violet eyes from shedding even the
slightest tear, I clench my fists tightly until I can feel the
blood draining out of them. Nevertheless, my efforts are quite
useless for two rebellious drops of salt water make their way down
my cheeks. Seeing that there is no use in trying to hide my
feelings I decide to let out all of my pent-up frustration: I
pound both of my now whitened fists on the couch and stand up,
staring intently at the doctor's stunned face. Then, before I know
it, I start shouting at him "Excuse me, but I'm not going to stay
with my arms folded waiting for the worst! I am not willing to
watch my friend die just because you people cannot figure out
what's wrong with her. You ARE going to find the cure for Usagi's
disease, am I right doctor?" I ask, daring him to contradict me.
The doctor's wide-opened eyes are staring at me dumbfounded and he
stays that way for quite a while before finally recovering his
self-control. "I'm sorry miss," he says "but I believe that
doesn't depend on me. Let me assure you that right now our
scientists are working very hard on this particular case; we are
all doing our best, but I don't think we'll be able to achieve
what you're asking for in such a short period of time. Anything is
possible, I'm aware of that, but at this moment we can't rely on
luck, miracles, or fate, nor we can challenge science. So,
unfortunately, for the time being the only thing we can do is wait
and hope everything goes well."
While he was speaking my tears didn't stop rushing out of my eyes,
therefore they're now swollen and my vision is a blur. "Is that
all?" I ask him, containing my ragged sobs and trying to sound as
calm as possible.
He looks at me with compassion and says "I'm afraid it is."
I suddenly feel as if I'm losing all my strength; my legs begin to
stagger, but before I collapse to the floor Mako-chan and Minako-
chan grab me by the arms to give me support. Then they help me
make my way towards the couch to sit and calm down.
As soon as I settle myself I cry my heart out on Makoto's shoulder
while she strokes my hair comfortingly. I can tell the girls are
saying words of encouragement, but I'm too overwhelmed by today's
painful events that I really don't pay attention to them. However,
I do notice that they're crying too...
After a while, I finally manage to get a hold of my emotions,
however my eyes are still burning and I can feel a lonely teardrop
running down my cheek. I push Makoto gently in order to get out of
her soothing embrace and then I stand up and wipe my tears away,
before walking towards the doctor.
When I'm about two feet away from him I offer him my hand. He
looks down at it and then back at me with a confused look on his
face. "Sorry for my rudeness, but I guess I wasn't prepared for
this news. I'm sure you'll do everything you have at hand to help
my friend. By the way, my name's Hino Rei" I say as I attempt to
smile a little bit.
He smiles back at my sudden politeness and friendliness and then
shakes my hand firmly "I'm Dr. Ohara, at your service miss Hino"
he says.
I nod "Nice to meet you Dr. Ohara. Now... can we see Usagi?"
"Of course, I'll escort you to her room. Follow me."
* * * * *
(8:20 PM)
When I open my eyes I find myself lying on a bed that is obviously
not mine. I turn my gaze away from the white ceiling to look at my
new surroundings, whipping my head from side to side trying to
memorize each and every little detail. To my right there's a small
bedside table with a metal tray on it that has several medicine
bottles, tablets, a glass and jug full of water, and finally the
one thing I fear the most (even more than thunder) and makes me
shiver just by the mention of it: a syringe. By now I've already
figured out I'm in a hospital's room.
Frowning in confusion at this information I continue to examine my
chamber. Also to my right but farther away there's a big window
that leads to a balcony decorated by dozens of beautiful plants
and flowers**. I turn my head away from this lovely sight to
direct my gaze towards the TV set that is hanging from the top of
the right corner ahead of me.
Once familiarized with this disturbingly white and somewhat
sinister panorama, I try to recall what could have brought me
here. At first it seems as though there is a gap in my mind, but
as soon as I feel the bandages on both of my hands everything
comes back to me.
I do not have to look down to know that the cloth trying to stop
the flow of red liquid is not helping at all. As I close my eyes I
let a small bitter smile grace my lips, because all of a sudden I
realize what is happening to me.
Two weeks ago a certain someone shattered my heart, and if it
weren't for the fact that this man is my soul-mate... I suddenly
start laughing sarcastically at my train of thought, because it is
simply confusing, painful, and ludicrous all at the same time; I
mean, how could Mamoru be my other half if he undoubtedly abhors
being near me? And yet, is it possible to love him so much when he
has hurt me countless times? Perhaps fate has merely played a
cruel trick on the both of us, making him deal with an immature
young girl and making me suffer with unrequited love.
Nevertheless, even if we are not soul-bonded, the fact remains
that if it had been anyone else I could have gotten over the pain.
I tried to at first, but after several failed attempts I decided
to give up and try instead to go on living. I shed tears every
night, hoping that somehow they would help me forget, even if it
was for just a little while, about the agony that seemed to
constrict my chest, but every day that went by I felt as if a
thousand daggers were piercing through my already bleeding heart.
During all this time I must have determined to get rid of this
anguish once and for all, because the rose that I had held in my
hands this very afternoon finally made it possible. This merciful
flower has helped me carry out what I had been so afraid of doing
before. I now feel relieved, knowing that my torture will soon
come to an end. And yet, there's still a part of me that doesn't
want to surrender, that wants to fight against anything and
anyone, even Death, as long as life doesn't slip out of its grasp.
I know it will be sometime before my soul finally decides to
welcome the eternal, sweet, and lethal embrace of Doom, but I'm in
no hurry. I have already waited for two seemingly endless weeks, I
think I can wait a couple of days more...
Feeling somewhat drowsy, I let myself fall into a much needed
slumber when I suddenly realize that my thoughts have begun to
wander through the unknown paths of hope. Even though I'm not
entirely sure of why I allowed them to do so I certainly have no
intention of stopping them now.
To be continued...
Finished on: Wednesday July 7th, 1999. 9:40 PM
Last revised: Sunday July 15th, 2001. 1:33 PM
Author's notes: I DID make a small research in order to write this
chapter, but since I'm not actually studying medicine and my
resources were mainly teachers and a not so recent medical
encyclopedia I might have said something inaccurate. If you notice
this I would greatly appreciate it if you could correct me (with,
of course, the backup of a resource I can personally check out).
I'm really sorry if this chapter was awfully technical, but it was
part of the storyline.
** I really don't know if there's a hospital room that looks like
this, but hey! they're gloomy enough, don't I have the right to
make them a little bit more comfortable? ^_~
Homepage: www.geocities.com/sailor_dafne
Rating: PG-13
By: Dafne
Standard disclaimer applied.
Please read the AN at the end. Thank you.
Rose's tears
Chapter 4: Hopelessness
Wednesday (8:30 PM)
"Mr. Tsukino, do you happen to suffer from hemophilia?"
Kenji tears his gaze away from the wall and turns to stare at the
doctor with his brows furrowed and an understandable bewildered
look in his eyes "I beg your pardon?"
"I know you're shocked, Mr. Tsukino, but I assure you that the
whole staff working at this hospital is even more confused by your
daughter's disease"
"But why would you want to know if I have hemophilia? What does
that have to do with my daughter?"
Before he can continue asking questions, Ikuko cuts him off with
one of her own "And most importantly, what do you mean by saying
that my daughter has a disease? She only cut herself, she's not
sick."
The doctor sighs while running his fingers through his disheveled
brown hair and then looks at her pitifully before continuing with
his explanation. "Well, Mrs. Tsukino, since we haven't been able
to stop your daughter's bleeding we have come to the conclusion
that she must have a disorder related to her blood's coagulation.
It might not be hemophilia, but since the rest of hemorrhagic
illnesses that we know of couldn't possibly be the cause of such
an abundant and incontrollable blood loss, I'm afraid that
hemophilia type A is the only option we are left with."
It is at this moment that Ami decides to share her medical
knowledge with the doctor "Even so, I thought that hemophilia was
an hereditary disease which makes itself present from the very
beginning. So how could Usagi suffer from it if she has never had
any problems before?" she asks with her brows furrowed in
confusion, an expression that manages to make me smile despite
myself. *Dear old Ami! Always trying to find a reasonable motive
for everything.*
With his attention now focused on my blue-haired friend, the
doctor stays silent for a while, apparently looking for the right
words to say, before replying to her question "I will not lie to
you, young miss, and say that that is not true, but since this is
a unique case all I can tell you is that, at this point, we do not
want to discard the possibility that somehow her genetic
information did not mean to set off this sickness unless a certain
biological or chemical detonator presented itself. Of course this
is merely a theory, but for now all we can do is come up with
hypothesis that might lead us to understand miss Tsukino's current
situation."
"And why do you need to know if Mr. Tsukino is an hemophilic?
Isn't it women who transmit this particular ailment?"
"Well, that is partially true..." he begins, but stops mid-sentence
as soon as he realizes that this has practically become a
dialogue; besides, I suppose that our bewildered faces clearly
show him that the rest of his listeners do not seem to have as
much knowledge as Ami. With an apologetic smile on his lips he
starts to explain what I assume my intellectual friend already
knows "You see, hemophilia is classified among those sicknesses
related to sex..." trying not to laugh at the reaction of both
Tsukino's to this last statement, the doctor holds up his hands to
keep them from saying anything before he finishes speaking "...which
in other words means that this particular disorder is transmitted
by one of the two sexual chromosomes, namely the X chromosome. As
you probably know men have the combination XY, while women have an
XX pattern, therefore a woman may carry the disease without
suffering from it because the other X chromosome invalidates it,
but a man that inherits the altered X chromosome will undoubtedly
develop this sickness"
"So basically the reason why you're asking if Mr. Tsukino suffers
from hemophilia is because the only way a woman can acquire this
ailment is if the father is an hemophilic and the mother a
carrier, am I right?"
It is after this last intervention that the doctor finally smiles
at Ami in obvious admiration of her cleverness "That's right young
lady" however, his smile quickly turns into a frown when he
resumes his explanation "But of course that's only theoretically..."
"What do you mean?" asks Mako-chan.
Letting his breath out in a sigh the doctor continues in a softer
tone of voice "Well, you see, when hemophilia was still considered
a mortal illness the idea of hemophilic women's existence was
inconceivable, because men with this ailment usually died at a
very young age, which obviously meant they didn't get a chance to
get married. However, with the evolution of medicine procedures
hemophilic men can practically live as normal people, and yet, up
till now there has never been a case of hemophilia in a woman;
even though there could be several justifications for this, most
physicians strongly believe that since a woman with this disease
would need to have both of her sexual chromosomes affected, an XX
combination would be mortal; if by any chance a baby with this
characteristics were conceived, it would most likely die inside
her mother's womb or during birth."
Gathering up my courage I decide to ask what I suppose everyone is
wondering at this very moment "So you think Usagi might be an
exception?"
"Well, it's possible. Besides, if we take into account what the
young lady so helpfully pointed out" he says, motioning to the now
blushing Ami "it is very likely that she got the chance to live
because she was not meant to develop the sickness in normal
conditions"
"And what if I told you that I do not have hemophilia?" inquires
Mr. Tsukino with a distressed look painted all over his face.
Mirroring his expression, the doctor rubs his temples as if a
headache had suddenly overcome him. "I was afraid you'd say that..."
he pauses for a while and then looks up at Kenji with a reassuring
look in his eyes, although there is a small hint of uncertainty
within them "...still, there is a remote chance that you may have
one of the two less dangerous types of hemophilia or at least some
sort of disorder in your blood's components that could explain
your daughter's strange hemorrhage"
"But... even if that was true, wouldn't I have already noticed
something strange? I mean, I couldn't have lived so many years
without me having some sort of complication. It just doesn't make
sense."
Before replying, the doctor takes a deep breath as if trying to
gather enough courage to speak "I admit it is quite unlikely, but
it wouldn't be too ridiculous to consider the possibility that if
you indeed have some sort of alteration in your blood, it might be
so insignificant that you never thought of its effects as nothing
more than the usual nose-bleeding or careless contusion."
"Well, then I guess we must wait for the test's results." Kenji
says softly with a strange mixture of hope and despair written all
over his face; however, when he suddenly furrows his brows, this
look quickly turns into one of confusion "But that only takes care
of my case. What about my wife? If my daughter suffers from
hemophilia as you first suggested, wouldn't she have to be a
carrier?"
"Well, since there is no way of knowing that I am assuming she
is." then, addressing Ikuko, he continues "Even so, I would also
like to perform some tests on you, Mrs. Tsukino."
Ikuko nods her head absent-mindedly, staring off into space, but
she suddenly comes out of her reverie and turns to look at the
doctor, her features doing nothing to conceal her apprehension
"And once we know what is Usagi's disease...?" she asks, letting the
sentence trail off and yet managing to make her meaning clear.
Running trembling hands through his hair, he replies in a soft and
clearly hesitant tone of voice "I wish I were the bearer of good
news, but I'm afraid it is my job to tell you all the truth.
Finding out miss Tsukino's illness will only allow us to make more
accurate hypothesis, but hypothesis nonetheless. As I already told
you, the whole staff working at this hospital is clueless
regarding Usagi's condition, and even if we do find what this
strange sickness is we would still have to find out a way to cure
or at least control it." he stops to take a deep breath and then
continues "I know it is not a very appealing idea to think that
miss Tsukino is suffering from a lethal type of hemophilia, and
yet this is probably the most promising option because then we
would at least be certain that the wounds will heal after a period
of time, even if it's still indefinite; meanwhile we can perform
blood transfusions hoping that her body won't reject them."
"In other words, you're simply making assumptions in the dark?"
asks Ami, barely able to contain her alarm.
The doctor visibly cringes "Well, to put it out bluntly, yes."
Immediately after this most disturbing confession, a dreadful
silence falls all over the room so that everyone is left alone
with their own thoughts. I, for one, cannot get over the fact that
my dearest friend's life is at stake. I don't want to accept that
Usagi might not be able to cheer us up with her comforting words
and kind smile anymore. Besides, I will certainly miss our tongue-
wars; as I recall the latter I cannot help but allow a smirk to
lift the corners of my lips, however, it is quickly wiped out of
my face the moment I remember what started this reminiscing in the
first place.
In an attempt to keep my violet eyes from shedding even the
slightest tear, I clench my fists tightly until I can feel the
blood draining out of them. Nevertheless, my efforts are quite
useless for two rebellious drops of salt water make their way down
my cheeks. Seeing that there is no use in trying to hide my
feelings I decide to let out all of my pent-up frustration: I
pound both of my now whitened fists on the couch and stand up,
staring intently at the doctor's stunned face. Then, before I know
it, I start shouting at him "Excuse me, but I'm not going to stay
with my arms folded waiting for the worst! I am not willing to
watch my friend die just because you people cannot figure out
what's wrong with her. You ARE going to find the cure for Usagi's
disease, am I right doctor?" I ask, daring him to contradict me.
The doctor's wide-opened eyes are staring at me dumbfounded and he
stays that way for quite a while before finally recovering his
self-control. "I'm sorry miss," he says "but I believe that
doesn't depend on me. Let me assure you that right now our
scientists are working very hard on this particular case; we are
all doing our best, but I don't think we'll be able to achieve
what you're asking for in such a short period of time. Anything is
possible, I'm aware of that, but at this moment we can't rely on
luck, miracles, or fate, nor we can challenge science. So,
unfortunately, for the time being the only thing we can do is wait
and hope everything goes well."
While he was speaking my tears didn't stop rushing out of my eyes,
therefore they're now swollen and my vision is a blur. "Is that
all?" I ask him, containing my ragged sobs and trying to sound as
calm as possible.
He looks at me with compassion and says "I'm afraid it is."
I suddenly feel as if I'm losing all my strength; my legs begin to
stagger, but before I collapse to the floor Mako-chan and Minako-
chan grab me by the arms to give me support. Then they help me
make my way towards the couch to sit and calm down.
As soon as I settle myself I cry my heart out on Makoto's shoulder
while she strokes my hair comfortingly. I can tell the girls are
saying words of encouragement, but I'm too overwhelmed by today's
painful events that I really don't pay attention to them. However,
I do notice that they're crying too...
After a while, I finally manage to get a hold of my emotions,
however my eyes are still burning and I can feel a lonely teardrop
running down my cheek. I push Makoto gently in order to get out of
her soothing embrace and then I stand up and wipe my tears away,
before walking towards the doctor.
When I'm about two feet away from him I offer him my hand. He
looks down at it and then back at me with a confused look on his
face. "Sorry for my rudeness, but I guess I wasn't prepared for
this news. I'm sure you'll do everything you have at hand to help
my friend. By the way, my name's Hino Rei" I say as I attempt to
smile a little bit.
He smiles back at my sudden politeness and friendliness and then
shakes my hand firmly "I'm Dr. Ohara, at your service miss Hino"
he says.
I nod "Nice to meet you Dr. Ohara. Now... can we see Usagi?"
"Of course, I'll escort you to her room. Follow me."
* * * * *
(8:20 PM)
When I open my eyes I find myself lying on a bed that is obviously
not mine. I turn my gaze away from the white ceiling to look at my
new surroundings, whipping my head from side to side trying to
memorize each and every little detail. To my right there's a small
bedside table with a metal tray on it that has several medicine
bottles, tablets, a glass and jug full of water, and finally the
one thing I fear the most (even more than thunder) and makes me
shiver just by the mention of it: a syringe. By now I've already
figured out I'm in a hospital's room.
Frowning in confusion at this information I continue to examine my
chamber. Also to my right but farther away there's a big window
that leads to a balcony decorated by dozens of beautiful plants
and flowers**. I turn my head away from this lovely sight to
direct my gaze towards the TV set that is hanging from the top of
the right corner ahead of me.
Once familiarized with this disturbingly white and somewhat
sinister panorama, I try to recall what could have brought me
here. At first it seems as though there is a gap in my mind, but
as soon as I feel the bandages on both of my hands everything
comes back to me.
I do not have to look down to know that the cloth trying to stop
the flow of red liquid is not helping at all. As I close my eyes I
let a small bitter smile grace my lips, because all of a sudden I
realize what is happening to me.
Two weeks ago a certain someone shattered my heart, and if it
weren't for the fact that this man is my soul-mate... I suddenly
start laughing sarcastically at my train of thought, because it is
simply confusing, painful, and ludicrous all at the same time; I
mean, how could Mamoru be my other half if he undoubtedly abhors
being near me? And yet, is it possible to love him so much when he
has hurt me countless times? Perhaps fate has merely played a
cruel trick on the both of us, making him deal with an immature
young girl and making me suffer with unrequited love.
Nevertheless, even if we are not soul-bonded, the fact remains
that if it had been anyone else I could have gotten over the pain.
I tried to at first, but after several failed attempts I decided
to give up and try instead to go on living. I shed tears every
night, hoping that somehow they would help me forget, even if it
was for just a little while, about the agony that seemed to
constrict my chest, but every day that went by I felt as if a
thousand daggers were piercing through my already bleeding heart.
During all this time I must have determined to get rid of this
anguish once and for all, because the rose that I had held in my
hands this very afternoon finally made it possible. This merciful
flower has helped me carry out what I had been so afraid of doing
before. I now feel relieved, knowing that my torture will soon
come to an end. And yet, there's still a part of me that doesn't
want to surrender, that wants to fight against anything and
anyone, even Death, as long as life doesn't slip out of its grasp.
I know it will be sometime before my soul finally decides to
welcome the eternal, sweet, and lethal embrace of Doom, but I'm in
no hurry. I have already waited for two seemingly endless weeks, I
think I can wait a couple of days more...
Feeling somewhat drowsy, I let myself fall into a much needed
slumber when I suddenly realize that my thoughts have begun to
wander through the unknown paths of hope. Even though I'm not
entirely sure of why I allowed them to do so I certainly have no
intention of stopping them now.
To be continued...
Finished on: Wednesday July 7th, 1999. 9:40 PM
Last revised: Sunday July 15th, 2001. 1:33 PM
Author's notes: I DID make a small research in order to write this
chapter, but since I'm not actually studying medicine and my
resources were mainly teachers and a not so recent medical
encyclopedia I might have said something inaccurate. If you notice
this I would greatly appreciate it if you could correct me (with,
of course, the backup of a resource I can personally check out).
I'm really sorry if this chapter was awfully technical, but it was
part of the storyline.
** I really don't know if there's a hospital room that looks like
this, but hey! they're gloomy enough, don't I have the right to
make them a little bit more comfortable? ^_~