And I launched my website :-) Yay for me!
Hidden Desires .:. A Kay & Miguel Site.:.
[I'm thinking of making a Kay one instead.... Miguel is pissing me off -_-]
Don't worry. I *will* update it :-) School is a pain... always remember that.
I also made *huge* mistake on the dates. June 16, 2000 in the last chapter was suppose to be a Friday, not a Wednesday. I was looking through some back chapters to make sure my dates were correct and it turns out Chapter Five wasn't. Sorry for any confusion [if there was any].
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She's The One
Chapter Six - Love Is...
Song: "Love Is..." by Vanessa Williams & Brian McKnight
Chapter Rated : [PG] for language [C] for Corniness [A] for Angstin'
Where: Harmony, Maine - The Bennett's - Kay and Jessica's Room
When : 10:24 AM Monday, June 19, 2000
Jessica knocked lightly on the door to their bedroom. She anxiously squirmed around, hoping for an answer. It was nice that Miguel was spending time with Kay, but still. Leave it all up to that guy? 'Like hell I will,' Jessica thought with the rolling of her eyes. Nothing against Miguel, but he just didn't...get it yet. No matter how many times Simone might say to leave it alone, she wouldn't.
"Come in!"
Jessica came in and was slightly disturbed by what she saw. Clothes were strewn about the room, looking as if a hurricane swept through. "Kay? What is this?"
Kay's head was still in the closet as she replied, "My clothes."
"Yes, you don't think I know what they are?"
"You asked."
"Nevermind," Jessica sighed. She cleared some clothes from Kay's bed and sat on it, twiddling the comforter. Should she go through with it? Was it better if she handled it on her own? Simone and Miguel weren't doing much for Kay, anyway. "Kay, can I ask you a question?"
"That is why you're here, right?" Kay replied with her head still in the closet.
"Yeah, I guess," came Jessica's hesitant reply.
"Then ask away. I have to get ready." Kay's head emerged from the closet and a smile graced her face.
"Well, where have you been for the past few days? We never see you at dinner," Jessica trailed off. Immediately, the smile disappeared from Kay's face.
"Yeah, I've been pretty busy with, uh, Miguel," she quickly mumbled. She turned away from Jessica and continued her clothing scavenge. Kay really didn't want to hear the reasons why Miguel wouldn't want her. For once, she wanted to concentrate on the good things. The past three days were a blur. A good blur. Kay wanted to keep it that way.
"Oh? I didn't know that," Jessica stated, while faking her surprise, "That's what you have been doing for the past few days? With Miguel?"
"Before you go on and ask if this is one of my plans, no it isn't." Kay tiredly said, "Miguel spent time with me; he asked ME to spend time with him so don't have a cow over it, okay?"
Jessica scrunched her face in confusion at Kay's bitter tone. "Whoa... Kay, that wasn't what I was going to say."
Kay harshly laughed as she put away one of the outfits. "But don't you always say that?"
"Yes, but -"
"There is a 'but'?"
Jessica threw her hands, exasperated. "You know what? Fine Kay, have it your way, I'm gone."
Jessica walked briskly, ignoring the mounting hurt that she felt. all right, so she hasn't been the best sister in the world. But she was still Kay's sister.
It was Kay's turn to scrunch her face in confusion as she looked curiously at Jessica. "What brought this on? What do you want?"
Jessica sighed and began to leave. 'Who am I kidding? This is a waste.' "Fine. Have it your way. At least I'm TRYING, okay? You don't need to get bitchy after every comment I make."
Just as Jessica was about to reach the door, Kay softly called out to her. "Hey Jessica. I'm sorry, okay? But I'm in a good mood and I'd like to keep it that way. You saying I'm 'evil' for even pending time with Miguel would ruin it."
Jessica turned around confused. "Kay, I'm not out to destroy your good mood. I just want to know why."
"Old habits die hard, Jessica. Usually when I mention Miguel, it is 'you'll hurt Charity' or 'you're such a mean person' or' why should I try when I won't even get Miguel'?"
"You know I say that because -"
"Because you'd love to see me suffer?" Kay asked warily.
"No, Kay. I don't want you to suffer, but I care about you and I don't want you to ruin your life over Miguel." Jessica said calmly keeping her goal set.
Kay looked at Jessica disbelievingly. "I thought it was the other way around? You didn't want me to ruin MIGUEL's life. And wow, this is a first. You actually care about me? What brought this on?" Kay sarcastically asked.
Jessica ignored her last barb purposely and continued firmly, but unsurely. "Just because I think you're wrong for loving Miguel-"
Patience left Kay and she exploded. "No one is ever wrong for loving someone. Don't call me wrong for loving Miguel, because I do. It's not like I planned it or something! I know I've done some damn near crazy stunts and I'm wrong for that, but I'm not wrong for loving him, Jessica. You and the whole world may think that I intended to fall in love with him, but I didn't. If I could, I would, but as you can still see, I can't."
"Kay, please. It came out wrong. I-I just don't want you to get hurt because of Miguel. For once, can you please just recognize that the chances of Miguel loving you are slim to none?" Jessica said carefully. "I just...I don't know anymore."
Kay looked on to her sister, and shook her head. "If you don't know anymore, then why are you still here? I know my chances consist of a snowball's chances in hell, but for once, just once, can I just believe that without people telling me how it is?" 'Where's Reese when you need him?'
"You're going to hurt a lot of people Kay," 'And yourself,' Jessica added.
Kay didn't respond and found her outfit and returned to her closet. "Is that all Jessica? Same song, same verse. I know this already."
"I guess I should leave then, since you know so much," she haughtily replied. She was being so damn obstinate!
"I'd be happy if you did!" Kay called out. Jessica shook her head and walked out of their room. After she heard the door slam, Kay came out and sighed. "Why am I even doing this?"
Where: Harmony, Maine - Tabitha's House
When : 11:13 AM Monday, June 19, 2000
"When it's time to change. Don't fight the tide, go along for the ride! Don't ya see? When it's time to change, you've got to re-a-rrange! Who you are and what you're gonna be!" Timmy sang off tune to the TV. He smiled as he bopped his head back and forth, dancing to the Brady Bunch CD he had hidden from Tabitha.
"Timmy! Tim-Tims, we have to-" Tabitha stopped as she frightenedly looked on as Timmy happily enjoyed the festive music. "Why is this garbage playing my house? Timmy! I thought I threw that sickening music out," she exclaimed, disgusted.
Timmy turned around to Tabitha with a guilty look on his face. "I'm sorry Tabitha, but it was such a good CD!"
"You mean a good CD to smash," Tabitha rolled her eyes and snorted, "You're suppose to hate that...that thing! We're evil, remember? Evil doesn't listen to Brady Bunch. You're going to ruin our reputation."
"Don't worry Tabby. You're still the meanest witch in town to me."
Tabitha beamed at her doll. "Why thank you Timmy. Now lets get down to business so I can keep it that way. We have a lot of work to do, you know."
Timmy sighed and shook his head and muttered, "I thought Tabitha was going to leave it to Kay."
Tabitha took Timmy's hand and dragged him to the other side of the living room and exclaimed, "In some ways, we are Timmy. But that is not the kind of work we're about to do. We're going to take a peek in the ancient tomb and see if we find anything that we have missed about that Charity and Miguel problem."
She opened the heavy book and blew some dust of it, causing Timmy to sneeze. She went quickly through the book whose pages surpassed one thousand easily. Though to Timmy it seemed like a lost cause to find something in it, Tabitha found it and shouted out so. "There we go! The prophecy for Charity and Miguel."
Timmy tried to peer into the page, but his height would not let him. "Uh Tabitha? Could you help Timmy up? He wants to see it too."
She obliged him and what Timmy saw made him gasp. In the book were exact facial replicas of Charity, Miguel, and most surprising of all, Kay. Down to the last detail, the book captured the essence of them so it seemed. 'How can this be possible if the book is hundreds of years old?' Timmy questioned. The picture of the trio was strange. Kay was in front of Charity with her head held high and her eyes.... Timmy couldn't identify what was in them. Charity was in the back of her, but eyes were filled with an iciness that made him shiver slightly. Miguel was looking downwards with a confused look on his face. 'Well, he's always confused,' Timmy amended. Timmy then put his own thoughts of the picture to rest as Tabitha read the caption quietly.
"Their love is as strong as time's binding and will forever last in its reign through death. In which, they will never part spiritually for their love is a fated one. One that will never be countered in the mortal world. Her powers surpass even the writers of the Tomb themselves and on the day of creation, she will claim her full potential by the one she loves. Charity, as her name was said to be, will face many challenges that will affect her in her later on life. Only He, her fated love, can help her through her darkest hour which would be the hour of death. In his love, she can survive, but in his rejection, she can also fail."
Tabitha frowned as she finished the last phrase. "Humph. Yet again, the old hags changed it on me. Well, all in all, our main purpose is to kill Miguel so I can get my powers. At least that never changed."
Timmy looked at the rest of the page. Tabitha only stopped halfway through it. "Who is it when it says that in her darkest hour, she will face her nemesis that she has known to know as her rival in mortal life?"
Tabitha rolled her eyes and said, "I'm her nemesis you idiot. Charity has no bitter enemy than I, does she not?"
"Well Kay-"
Tabitha waved it off and shook her head. "Even though Kay is pictured here, she is not Charity's nemesis for the nemesis who fights Charity has powers of the ESP. If Kay were to have her powe-"
Timmy looked at Tabitha shocked. "You mean nasty Kay has powers?"
Tabitha shrugged and slightly frowned. "I can't be too sure, but she is of the Standish bloodline and I do feel a faint aura about her. But in each generation of Standishes, only one pregnancy can have ESP. Grace and Faith being the exceptions since they are twins. Although I sometimes believe that Grace is more powerful than Faith in ESP...."
"Anyway, if Kay were to have powers, I can't be too sure as to which power she would have. Though one thing is certain; Charity is the one blessed with the power of ESP."
Where: Harmony, Maine - The Carnival
When : 1:22 PM Monday, June 19, 2000
The smell of cooked meat staunched the air as Miguel and Kay walked around the carnival laughing. It was a light hearted affair; just like it always was before. To Kay, the stars were much brighter than before. However, Jessica's words still echoed inside of her.
For once, can you please just recognize that the chances of Miguel loving you are slim to none?
'No, I have a good chance now that Miguel is spending time with me,' Kay said with a small smile. 'And we're having a good time. Jessica is wrong. Miguel does love me. He will love me.' She repeated it over and over in her head making it soon her mantra. Maybe if she believed in it enough, it could be true.
"Kay? Are you there?" Miguel asked, his concerned face looking into hers. She blinked twice, but quickly gained a smile. "Yeah, I'm here. I was just thinking about...stuff."
Miguel smiled, content with her answer and asked, "And what 'stuff' is that? You seemed pretty spaced out."
'Oh God, I better watch it or I'll turn into Charity.' "Important....stuff."
Miguel rolled his eyes sarcastically. "Oh yeah, that helped. C'mon, this is me. I thought you could tell me and the same goes for me?"
Kay quickly looks around and mumbles, "Not everything."
Even though she said it quietly, Miguel picked up what she had said. He took one step towards her and when Kay looked back up, she gasped. Miguel was face to face with her, and the look in his eyes made her very aware of herself and surroundings. He firmly stood across from her, his gaze pinning her to the ground like a trap. Kay dared to look into his eyes, and soon figured that she was a goner. So she was a sucker for those brown eyes. Who could exactly blame her? "What is it that you can't tell me, Kay?"
'You don't want to know.' Trying to break out of his gaze, she attempts to be flippant and shrugs him off. "I'm allowed to have my secrets Miguel."
"Yes, but..." He looked at her sadly, "I get the feeling that you're hiding something from me."
She attempts to smile at him, "Miguel, you know I can turn to you if I need something."
"Are you sure you know that Kay? Whatever that's bothering you-"
"I'm fine," she said rolling her eyes exasperatedly, "You worry more about me than my whole family combined with the exception of Uncle Hank and Noah."
Miguel steps away from Kay and shrugs. "What can I say? I get worried about you sometimes Kay."
Kay looks at him and shakes her head in disbelief. "You can't. You shouldn't Miguel...."
"Why not?"
"Because... whatever it is, I can handle," Kay said firmly.
He looks at her, ready to say something, but then he pauses. "You say it, but I don't believe it Kay. This is me your talking to. What is really going on?"
"Nothing Miguel!" Kay bursts out, "Can we just forget about the something that you think exists when it doesn't? It's starting to get dark and-"
"Done."
He didn't want to necessarily push her; after all, it was always touch and go when it came to her. Although, it sort of did hurt him that she wouldn't confide in him. His only firm resolution of it all was that Kay would know that he was there for her. As he looked to her smiling face, glowing against the bright gaudy lights or maybe in happiness of it all, Miguel realized he wouldn't have it any other way.
She wondered about what Miguel was saying was really about. He never really tried to... find what was wrong with her. Kay was usually the first one to give in, not surprisingly. Miguel always had a way to get through her defense even when it seemed as if no one could reach her. 'Deep thoughts later,' Kay said to herself, 'Concentrate on the now.'
"Since you're paying for the trip and all... I decided that I let you choose the first ride," Kay said with a smile, "Fair is fair."
Miguel immediately rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Yeah... I pay for the food, gas, rides, and you decide that the only way to pay me back is to let me choose the first ride. What the hell happened to that thing with woman being able to pay for half their share?"
Kay looked at him blankly and replied, "Well, since I didn't make that rule up, I don't apply to it. And Miguel, you should be happy that you are paying for your best friend! It's an honor above all honors... Chivalry; always remember that. It is a good thing."
"Yeah... sure it is Kay," Miguel grumbled, "When you're the girl. Chivalry is dead."
"Then you can make it alive again by actually doing it. So stop whining and just choose the damn ride," Kay said pointedly. She folded her arms and tapped her foot for the impatient effect. Miguel sighed, although when he spends time with Kay, he finds himself sighing somehow, and looked around the carnival for a decent ride. He found it.
"Okay. That one then." Miguel said as he pointed indifferently towards a four hundred feet spiraling ride of metal. Screams of joy or pain, depending your point of view, could be heard even though they were a respectable hundred or so feet away from the ride. 'How the heck did they carry that thing?' Kay thought with a grimace. Those loops were making her stomach loopy.
"That one? Oh gee Miguel. I just remember. I'm afraid of heights," Kay said quickly, "Pick another one." She tried to turn Miguel around to ease her point. Miguel countered Kay's moves easily; she forgot that he had gotten much stronger than her than when they were little.
"No you're not. We're going on that ride Kay. Whether you like it or not."
"And your point? It is my decision and I won't go on that ride!"
Four minutes later
"I can't believe I'm doing this, I can not believe I'm doing this," Kay chanted to herself as the attendant buckled her up for the roller coaster ride. She firmly had one of her eyes shut with the other making a slight slit; Miguel was right that she wasn't afraid of heights... Not that much anyway. It was the roller coasters. That and creepy crawly things [snakes especially], and swimming in the ocean were her only fears.
"Kay, if you're this scared then we can get off," Miguel said with some concern. He originally thought she was kidding.
"Oh no we don't. We're here okay? I'll get through this somehow," Kay said firmly.
"You sure? I mean, you could hold my arm for support and scream in my ear if it will make you feel better."
Kay opened her mouth, but then the sounds of heavy metals scraping knocked some resolve out of her. She gulped. "Can I hold you to that?" He didn't respond for the ride started.
'Okay breathe. Calm down. In and out. Out and in. Get a grip Kay. You're seventeen years old with the guy you love.' Kay said to herself with her eyes closed as the ride began to slowly make its way up. God knows how many fears she had to face with Miguel around. She had craftily avoided anything that had to do with roller coasters over the years. Her body grew tense as she thought of how many things could go wrong. The seat belt could fall off when they reached that upside down loop. She could be flung off the ride when it suddenly came to a stop. She could be.....
Then she felt an arm around her.
Kay opened both of her eyes to look at Miguel with obvious surprise, but she didn't say anything about it. Instead he drew her closer to him and whispered in her ear. "Open your eyes. It will be better that way."
Though with hesitance, she did what she was told and slowly opened her eyes. Kay could see the upcoming hill and she groaned. "I should have stayed on the ground."
"As long as you're not on it, you might as well enjoy it," Miguel replied and took her hand with his. Kay raised an eyebrow in surprise. Miguel had been holding her hand more often lately, though she wasn't complaining.
"Me? Enjoy something that I already programmed in my mind that don't like? Is this the first day you met me?" Kay questioned as she ignored the burning sensation of his touch.
Miguel shook his head, "You close yourself off too much Kay."
Kay groaned again, "Not *this* again." 'How come these people seem so sure that the know me?'
"If you already know it, then try it."
"It's not that simple!"
"Can something ever be simple with you?" Miguel said exasperatedly. Kay pretended to think about it for a moment, but then shook her head. "Nah, never is. Probably never will be."
"You know what?" Miguel began as he noticed something.
"What?" Kay challenged back.
"The ride just started," Miguel said mischievously as Kay gaped at the scene before her. All those people on land looked so tiny! It was like they were little ants with clothes on. The ride was much, much more scary. The drop looked like it was a 180 vertical which definitely did *not* appeal to Kay.
"Miguel," Kay started whining.
"Yeah?"
"I'm going to hold you to that support promise. AH!" She screamed out as the roller coaster went down over one very small hill comparing it to the rest. It was obvious that this hill was just the 'warm up'.
Kay closed her eyes tightly and gritted her teeth as wind pounded into her ears and gravity started to do its magic. She was being tossed, thrown, but she still held on to Miguel's hand like there was no tomorrow. Who knew if it would be true or not?
'Her grip was just like it was when we were younger,' Miguel grimaced. Though he didn't say it out loud. After all, he did promise. The ride slowed down and it went slowly up to the next hurdle. Kay sat wearily and she still dug her nails in Miguel's sore hand.
Miguel noticed this and told Kay, "Next time, leave your eyes open. If you're going to die, it is better to die by seeing something that would be a wonderful memory. Not looking at your eye lids in complete darkness."
"Miguel? Shut up," Kay said tensely as she tried to make her hair look respectable. It was falling all over the place.
"My my. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today," Miguel said with false disappointment.
"No, someone just woke up to see your ugly face," Kay said with a sparkling smile.
"Ouch," Miguel said with a wince, "Low blow, Bennett. I happen to think my face is quite... pretty if I do say so myself." Kay's laughter soon erupted and Miguel smiled.
"Hey, I like that laugh," Miguel said as he lightly punched Kay's arm, "It's better than that scowl. You need to loosen up a bit. Maybe that's why you can't enjoy a ride."
"I can too enjoy a ride!" Kay protested as she swatted Miguel for the scowl comment.
"Then prove it. Remember to relax. Just trust me." Miguel said as he sat back as the roller coaster began another trip. Kay looked at him doubtfully but didn't say anything. 'Just trust me,' had been an often used phrase and it had also gotten her into a lot of trouble when they were younger. And even now she wasn't immune to it.
Kay took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. She tried to calm herself down but images of flying out of the seat and on to the ground blurred her vision. Kay shivered and violently tried to shake her head out of it.
"I..I can't do this Miguel. I have to get out of here," Kay said worriedly as she fingered the seat belt and tried to take it off. There was a big hill coming up and she didn't want to be around for it.
Miguel took the hand Kay was trying to uncover the seat belt, making her stop. "Kay calm down. I'm here, remember?"
"So? You can't guarantee that nothing will happen!" Kay said hysterically.
"I thought that we established that nothing will happen?" Miguel said with a roll of his eyes, "You need to trust me."
"This must have been the first time you met me since you know that I have trust issues," Kay said as she sat back with huff waiting for Miguel's retort. But none came. She looked at Miguel in the corner of her eye and saw that he was sitting stoically silent.
"Miguel? You're suppose to come back at me, 'Kay you have issues, period.' What happened?" Kay said with a bit of concern.
"Why is it that sometimes you trust me and other times you don't?" Miguel asked suddenly with an eerie seriousness. The question took Kay by so much surprise that she didn't have an answer. He didn't say anything. As the roller coaster went down the hill, Kay left her eyes open and she saw what she would have missed if it was closed. It was a confection of colors, of people, of everything. She looked towards the sky and all its glories and she wondered why she could trust Miguel with her life, but at the same time, she couldn't trust him completely with her heart.
Kay wished she had the answer; not only for Miguel, but for herself as well.
One of the things she hated about Charity was her willingness to accept everything. Her innocence, her simplistic views of the world. Miguel was right. Nothing was ever simple with her because she didn't look at the world in its simplicity. Nor did she want to. She had been like this for so long, trying to be anything that she wasn't, would be scary.
But the world was so beautiful! She squinted against the bright, golden sun and saw how it completed the sky. It was the light, the center of the universe thought if it was left alone, it would shine. But with everything else, its beauty magnified.
Then Kay let go of Miguel's hand. She wanted to know what it was like to touch it....
The ride was over.
"Come on, let's get out of here," Miguel said as he helped a dizzy Kay out of the seat. She fumbled quickly with her seat belt, all the while thinking that the ride was too short. Once her both of her feet stepped on to land, she suddenly felt light headed. 'Pictures. Have to take pictures,' Kay said to herself as Miguel tried to hold her steady concerned. All of the sudden, she got this energy rush and something told her that she needed to capture as many memories as she could.
"Kay? Are you okay? You don't seem like yourself...." Miguel said slowly. It wasn't very Kay-like for her to just zone out like this. She shivered, a contrast to the very humid weather and nodded.
"I'm fine Miguel," Kay shook her head out of it, "We need to take some pictures Miguel. I saw a picture booth somewhere," Kay trailed off.
Miguel looked at Kay worriedly. It was her, but at the same time, it wasn't her. He hoped she wasn't mad at him or something. "Yeah. Whatever you say," Miguel said agreeing. After 'yeah', Kay was already dragging him to the spot where she saw the booth. 'Geez Kay. You're gonna confuse him some more,' she thought as she reviewed how she "man-handled" him. However, she didn't even know why she was doing this herself. She *hated* taking pictures. Especially planned pictures because they never came out the way she wanted them.
They reached the booth and a couple soon left it, leaving it vacant. Suddenly, like the urge to take pictures came, it went. Nervousness took over the adrenaline and Kay started to retract at the idea.
"You know what? We have plenty of pictures of us at home. I don't even know why I dragged us here. Let's just leave." Kay was already turning around and puling at Miguel's hand, but it wasn't budging.
"Woah Kay," Miguel said with a bit of surprise, "There must be some good reason why your dragged us here. No offense, but you're not the most photogenic."
"And I just realized that," Kay said while rolling her eyes, "Looks like you did too. So it is okay for us to leave. Good. Let's go."
"We're here. We're taking pictures." Miguel said, not even budging.
"Miguel, listen to me," Kay said with forced slowness, "It. Was. A. Fluke. It was a fluke that passed." She stood there with growing impatience, waiting for Miguel to give in. Miguel had other ideas, however, and he was already putting in the needed quarters.
"Don't say it Kay," Miguel interrupted as she opened her mouth, "Just let it be. You need to do that and accept it."
It was on the tip of her tongue to say that she didn't need to accept or let things be. Then again... this voice inside of her, as annoying as it was, was screaming at her to do something different. Rather, do things that were not characteristically her.
"All right. I guess I can 'accept' it," Kay said hesitantly, "Ten seconds and we're out of there."
"Doesn't take long. Ten seconds is enough."
Kay and Miguel stepped in the booth and soon enough, it was over. Kay grumpily got out and Miguel stayed back to get their pictures. He handed one copy to Kay and he kept his.
Kay didn't even glance at the pictures as she put them in her jacket pocket. Miguel noticed this and asked, "Aren't you going to look at them?"
"Why? I know what I look like," Kay said with indifference, "I'll look at it later or something." Miguel looked at his and stifled a laugh. Some things never change....
"You should look at these when you need a good laugh," Miguel said to her.
"Yeah. Sure. Whatever.... Oh lookie!" Kay replied with glee at a part of the carnival, "Let's go on that ride...." She was already dragging Miguel away.
Where: Harmony, Maine - The Bennett's - Living Room
When : 8:24 PM Monday, June 19, 2000
Charity sighed at the TV and squinted her eyes against the mounting headache. You could only watch "I Love Lucy" reruns so much without thinking how annoying that whine of Lucy's was. "Riiiicccckkkkkkyyyyy!" taunted to her and Charity quickly grabbed the remote and clicked it off. God she never felt so pathetic, waiting up for Miguel. Of all things to do that she would never expect that she would.
Charity was camped out on the sofa with her bunny pajamas and a pot of cold cocoa that had once been hot. Listlessly, she threw off the blanket that was over her and stood up.
"Charity, you got to do at least *something* about Miguel," she mumbled to herself, "You're going to lose him and you can't lose him. You're suppose to be together... forever." Charity frowned. No, this couldn't be reality. Nothing was suppose to happen with her and Miguel. In his eyes, she was the woman she wanted to be. Without her memory, she didn't have a basis of who she was. Although, it wasn't so bad to think about it since Miguel had been with her since day one. He told her about who she was, what she was like, how she acted and she built on that.
Was it wrong for her to think that he would always be there for her?
"No," Charity whispered out, "He wouldn't leave me." Miguel proved it time and time again that he loved *her* when he risked his life for her; repeatedly. Surely that was a sign that he loved her.
'He didn't say it though.'
"ARGH! I need to watch some TV before my thoughts get out of control," Charity said aloud as she came back to the couch. She turned on the TV and watched Lucy as she tried to get out of trouble again. And yet again, Ricardo got her out of the trouble; just barely. As Charity watched the black and white figures across the screen, she suddenly felt that she was Lucy and Miguel was Ricardo. Minus the whole yelling thing.
For the past year, all she had to do was yell, and there he was; rescuing her as her white knight in shining armor with a shield and sword for any stray evils that might have crossed the path with her.
It was sort of the same concept with Lucy and Ricardo, although she didn't look for trouble. Well, neither did Lucy.
On the TV screen, Charity noted that Ricardo was yelling at Lucy... again. She was on the verge of tears as she tried to plead her case...again. With interest, Charity looked at the TV in earnest thought and shook her head.
Could this be the future of her and Miguel? Her always crying and him screaming at her like there was no tomorrow. The situations would become her fault; after all, before she came along, nothing strange happened. Maybe she was a jinx? Maybe she should break up Miguel first? It might save him. Charity did love him. But did she know what love is?
But she still needed him.
Ricardo always saved Lucy somehow. Would Miguel always save her? Would he still want to?
"Where do all of these thoughts come from?" Charity wearily sighed as she continued to stare at the TV. "Why can't things ever be simple for once?"
Then Lucy and Ricardo made up again and the show ended. As the credits rolled up and down the screen, she wondered if she'd get the happy ending with Miguel. Maybe she was too dependent after all, but she can't let go. Charity couldn't. She didn't have the strength nor the will. Maybe she would learn to let go and survive, but not now. Not right now when she needed someone the most.
"I'll just get Miguel to come back to me and find out why he's with Kay so much now," Charity said to herself determined, "He will speak to me tonight. He has to."
It was an empty silence as the words resonated across the room.
Where: Harmony, Maine - The Carnival
When : 10:17 PM Monday, June 19, 2000
"So Mr. Miggles, you're having a good time?" She asked to the stuffed monkey, jokingly. Miguel had just won it for her in one of the dunking booths the carnival had. Thought it was sort of cheating since he was, after all, the captain of the baseball team. Nevertheless, she was happy that he got it for her.
"Miggles eh?" Miguel said with a raised eyebrow, "That's the name you decided on?"
"In honor of you," Kay said with a grin, "Miggles the Monkey sounds good to me actually."
"I should be afraid right? I have a best friend who named a stuffed monkey after me."
"Hey!" Kay said with indignation, "You should be proud that your Queen Kay actually named this cute cuddly wuddly," Kay cooed as she played with its ear, "Monkey after you."
Miguel looked at her alarmed and then he laughed. "Cuddly wuddly? Wait till I tell the baseball team this."
"I was just kidding Miguel. No need to slander my name with one of those sick teeny bopper teens who think cuddly and wuddly are next to each other in a dictionary," Kay said while rolling her eyes.
"I think that cuddly and wuddly are cute names," Miguel replied in a joking defense.
"You would."
"You'll regret that," Miguel said as he advanced upon her. Kay shaked dramatically externally. "What are you gonna do? Bore me to death?"
"You'll wish," he said with a smile. Kay held her breath, his bright smile knocking some wind out of her. That was when he went in for the kill. He started motioned his hands towards her waist and preceded to tickle her. She immediately started to laugh.
"Stop! M-Mi-Miguel. Get the hell off of me!" She tried to say while laughter got in the way of her words, "This i- Not funny!" Kay tried to block his hands with Miggles the monkey and try to move away from the tickler. She put the monkey in one hand and used the signal for time out before Miguel got any closer. He wasn't going to have it however. Quickly, she tried to find a diversion.
"What else do you think is cute?" Kay asked without thinking. 'For the love of God Kay. Of all the stupid questions in the world,' she thought immediately regretting it.
"You want to know?"
"Yes, I think I do want to know," Kay said firmly out. 'I said it outloud and I can't exactly take it back, so might as well go through with it.'
"You want me to say you, right?" Miguel said with a serious look on his face. 'Yeesh. I should be used to this by now.' Kay took a gulp and gripped Miggles closer to her trying to keep her dwindling cool.
"Whatever. It's your choice," she said with her head down. With my luck, he'd say Charity.... She's the epitimome of beauty, innocence, grace, and charm.... In other words, everything that I am *not* or ever will be. Kay sighed. Yes, she sure did love those bursts of low self esteem when she needed it the most.
"Well I can't."
Yes, she did love being right. With masked hurt, Kay turned around and she started to ramble. "Look, I know I'm not the prettiest or would be voted for the cutest in class or ever in my life and I know that compared to the other girls, guys must think I'm a tomboy and-"
Miguel looked at her back and frowned. She really didn't think that did she? "Kay."
"And even when I was little I hated the dresses that Mom set out for me and I-" She wasn't listening to Miguel. More like she was refusing to listen to Miguel. Whatever he had to say, it didn't matter at all because she knew exactly where she stood with him.
"Kay," Miguel said with more urgency.
"Just loved to play in the dirt rather than play tea with Simone. She never understood why, but I-" Miguel turned her around to face him, but she still had her head down. Kay gripped Miggles even tighter. "I..I..."
"Kay. Let me speak," Miguel shushed her calmly, "You're not even listening to me anymore. But then again, you never did..." Silence. Miguel frowned at Kay's lack of response to his tiny joke. She started to fiddle with Miggle's ear and pursed her lips.
"Hey," Miguel commanded as he lifted her face to his, "Kay, you didn't even let me finish."
Kay blinked, but shrugged. "Finish what? I get the point that I'm not pretty, you don't need to say it out loud."
"Whoa... who said I didn't think you weren't pretty?" Miguel asked confused.
"You did," Kay said with nonchalance. It made Miguel even more wary as he watched her hugging herself with Miggles. It was one of her signs of insecurity; it had always been like this, even when they were children. 'Come on Miguel. Think,' he thought to himself. 'There has to be some way to make her smile.'
Then he had it. Surely it would make her smile... Or at least laugh at him in pity. Each would end in the result with Kay happy with him and each would also mean that taking her to the carnival was not in vain. It was the whole point of tonight and he wasn't certainly going to waste it.
Miguel bent down on one knee, proposing style, and extended his right hand to take in hers. When seeing Kay's shocked and questioning look, he took in a deep breath. His mother always told him that the most genuine of speeches were not written on paper, but spoken from the heart.
"There was a time when we were children," Miguel nervously began as he saw Kay grew wide eyed and studied him closely, "When I realized you were just beautiful. It was raining and we were coming home from school. You had lost your umbrella at school so you had to share mine. And I'm not sure how it happened, but you ran away with my umbrella. You got mad at me or something I guess. I chased after you since it was pouring-"
"But you slipped and fell in a puddle of mud," Kay finished with a small smile. Miguel matched that smile and continued, "Yeah I did. I remembered seeing you stop and come to me, with my umbrella in hand and with a concerned face. I was sad since I ruined my clothes in mud and Mama worked so hard those days since Papa and Antonio were gone. I didn't want her to have the burden of washing my clothes." Miguel paused as he remembered Pilar's face as she came home from the Crane's, tired to the bone. Kay saw this and gave a reassuring squeeze.
Miguel continued, "And you, who got in trouble for getting messy in those days, jumped in a mud puddle right next to me. Not because you felt guilty but because you thought it was 'fair' and wanted me to feel better. When you jumped in, you were covered with mud, but you had a smile on your face. And it made me smile. It may sound corny, but I would swear that your smile could light up the world and make the rain stop."
Kay looked down and mumbled good-naturedly, "You're right. It is corny." And it was of the sweetest things he ever said to her. That anyone said to her for that matter.
"Although I didn't realize it at that moment as you sat side by side with me in the mud, I had this feeling that you were one of the most beautiful girls I ever knew. You were beautiful Kay and you are now." Miguel ended his statement and waited for a smile; waited for anything.
"We were ten Miguel," Kay said with disbelief, "And it wasn't my best day to say the least."
"Don't you see Kay? It didn't matter that you had mud on your face or if you had make up, because you were just beautiful. May it be a bad day, good day, the worst day in your life, or the best, you were you and for that, you were beautiful," Miguel implored. Kay turned silent and stood there expressionless in deep thought.
It was a memory in which Kay would always classify as pure Miguel. It was unsuspecting, a sure surprise, and it showed her why she loved Miguel. He could do the most caring and genuine things that could sweep her off her feet. Thoughtful with just a touch of humiliation, but Miguel never did care about status and what people generally thought about him.
His speech, his words, the memory.... Miguel didn't choose the memory when they went to their eight grade dance and they went together when she was in make up and in a pretty dress. He didn't choose a memory that was one of her best and crowning moments. It was a simple ordinary memory on a simple ordinary day that she wouldn't classify as "special". But it just made what he said even more special. Tears clouded her eyes and she felt truly special and lucky. Only Miguel could do that and he may not have known it, but it was the exact moment when he proved to her that he was the one.
The silence he felt, he did not hear it, was deafening. Miguel could swear that Kay could hear his heart pound. He felt like the whole world could hear it. So he did what he could do to solve it and continued.
"Today, I finally realized that my instincts were true and that you were truly one of the most beautiful girls I have ever laid my eyes on. Cute doesn't suit you, because truthfully, you're not cute. You are more than that. Because you, Kay Bennett, mean more to me than that." Miguel ended anxiously.
'Yes, he really does want me to cry, doesn't he?' Kay thought to herself with amazement. He had no reason to even continue because he already got her. Her voice was choked up and she tried to say something but she had nothing to say.
"Get up. Just get up Miguel," she said with emotion as a stray tear fell down. Kay didn't even bother wiping it off even with the only spare hand she had.
Miguel didn't see a smile and "get up Miguel" was a sign. Not a good sign. If not, for the fact that she was crying, sort of. Kay never cried unless it was for good reason. She didn't get emotional easily. He didn't want to make her cry!
"Kay. I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you cry," Miguel explained desperately, "I just wanted you to smile. More importantly, understand why I didn't think you were cute." 'God, I'm an idiot,' Miguel berated to himself, 'Way to go. You succeeded to make cry.'
'God he's an idiot,' Kay thought as she rolled her eyes. Only he would think that. "No, no Miguel. These are good, happy tears. And I thought I had self esteem issues," she said with a laugh. "Seriously, it was perfect Miguel. And beautiful...." She trailed off wistfully.
"I wanted you to get up because I wanted to say something to you face to face." Kay stopped. What she was about to say would have repurcussions that maybe they weren't ready to face. But aftre the speech.... she was sure that Miguel did love her in the way she wanted him to. At least, he didn't know exactly yet, but she knew. Maybe if she said the words, maybe he would say them back to her. Maybe he would be happy that she had feelings for him....
"Kay? What is it that you wanted to say?" Miguel asked with interest as he stood up.
Her brown eyes looked into his and she took in a deep breath. Saying three simple words that had three simple syllables was hard. "Um, I.. I.. think. No, wait, I know that I...I...I..."
Miguel looked at her and let out a chuckle. It was rare moments like these when Kay couldn't say what was on her mind. "Whatever it is, just spit it out. It can't be that bad."
"Miguel? Yes, it can be bad... or it can be good depending how you look at it," Kay replied nervously. She started to hug herself and Miggles as she attempted t calm down.
'Just imagine how happy he would be when you say the words,' Kay thought to herself as tried to prep herself up. It worked. "I lo-"
"Just say YES!" cried a woman from the crowd. Kay stopped.and turned to look at the woman with a confused look. Was she talking to Kay? But even more surprising, there was this large crowd that had gathered around them a few feet. Miguel looked around and wondered how these people showed up.
The woman seemed to get her questioning look and answered, "Yes you! He was proposing right??"
"Wha...What?" Kay responded shocked. They don't mean......
"That handsome young man in front of you with the hair!" Another lady screamed out to Kay, "And by the way... where the hell is that ring?" A group of old ladies were heard murmuring about a 'proper' engagement and looked at Miguel with a glare.
"But he didn't-" Kay began as she tried to explain. She looked at Miguel who looked as bewildered as she did.
"He bowed down on one knee and said that speech didn't he? Poor Michael bawled his eyes out during it," another woman replied as her big husband, Michael, who was covered in tatoos and leather, daintily blew his nose and said, "It was...beeeautiiiifuull."
"Okay," Kay said to herself as she looked around in wonder, "This is ridiculous."
Miguel was internally laughing at it all but kept a poker face. He didn't want to offend anyone, but this needed to be over before an angry mob of old ladies came at him with canes since there wasn't a ring.
"I'm sorry to disappoint you everyone, but I didn't propose," Miguel said with a smile, "Although... I might," he gave a wink to Kay who blushed a pinkish color.
"So no engagement?" a man said from the crowd.
"No engagement. Maybe next year?" Miguel added to the crowd who was already dispensing back to the carnival. Once when the final on looker was gone, he turned to look at Kay with amusement. Kay just shook her head and hid a smile.
"How many tickets do we have left Miguel?" Kay asked him as she came closer to him. Miguel checked to see that they did in fact have enough for one more ride and by the look from his watch, just enough for one more ride too.
"These are out last tickets," Miguel stated as he held them up to Kay, "Last ride Kay so choose carefully."
Kay scanned the carnival looking for a ride that they didn't ride on and didn't look crowded. Then, she found the Ferris wheel and she smiled.
"That one Miguel," Kay pointed out with confidence, "The Ferris wheel."
Miguel looked at her choice and asked her, "Aren't you afraid of heights?" They began to walk in the direction of the Ferris wheel whose old passengers were currently getting off.
"Me afraid of anything?" Kay asked with a surprised look, "Nah...."
"Yeah...." Miguel responded with 'are you kidding me??' look.
"I'm not really afraid of heights. The roller coasters just go way too fast and you get tossed around. While the Ferris goes way slow," Kay stated in a matter of fact voice.
Miguel didn't respond as he gave the tickets to the attendant as he was loading up the passengers. The attendant steered them to a seat in which Kay sat down with Miggles on her lap and Miguel sat at the far end of the car. Miguel gently picked up the safety bar of the car and clicked it to a close. The attendant came around them and checked the safety lock. Then, the ride began.
Slowly they went up and the ground was disappearing away from them. Kay kept her head down and looked at the carnival as a whole and in its glory. Everything seemed so much smaller than it really was. On the roller coaster ride, she only got swirled images of reality; seeing, but it was more in a jumble. On the Ferris wheel, however, Kay finally realized how small they were in the universe. A speck really.
"Kay... Look at the stars," Miguel told her. Miguel, in contrast to Kay, was looking at the stars above rather than the scene from them below. Kay, startled from her thoughts, silently answered his request and looked above.
"We're specks in the universe ... you know? We're like small compared to everything else," Miguel said in an awed voice. Kay looked down to Miguel with surprise.
"I was just thinking about that too," Kay said as she looked above again, "Sometimes, I wonder why everything was created ... why us?"
"Yeah..." Miguel drifted off as he looked at Kay watching the sky. She looked angelic with her face upwards. But Kay wasn't angelic. Maybe she was. Or maybe she just was an angel...
The Ferris wheel completed one rotation.
Kay felt Miguel's gaze on her and tried to ignore it. She didn't want him to know that she knew he was looking at her. But he was making her uncomfortable. Kay started to squirm and finally looked down to Miguel and asked, "What? Do I have something on me?"
Miguel blinked, but shook his head. "No.... Kay? Did you ever think that you knew something but you don't know what it is?"
'Yes!' Kay cheered to herself, 'Milk it for what it is worth Kay.'
"Yes. You should let your feelings tell you than to try to figure it out," Kay said with a tinge of hope that was undetectable by Miguel, "Do you have a problem that you need to talk about?"
"No, just asking," Miguel said as he stored Kay's advice for later use.
"Oh," Kay said with slight disappointment. It was silent after a while as both of them sorted out thoughts.
The Ferris wheel completed two rotations.
"Do you think things are just meant to be?" Kay asked Miguel suddenly.
"Yes. I believe that things are meant to be," Miguel answered after a while, "But sometimes, you just have to make your own destiny."
His answer confused Kay and she voiced her confusion. "But how can you make your own destiny if it was meant to be in the first place? Wouldn't making your own destiny be meant to be?" Kay asked Miguel.
Miguel seemed to look above to the stars for the answer, or just for guidance. There was none.
"I don't know Kay. Maybe we'll find out...maybe we won't," Miguel answered.
The Ferris wheel completed three rotations and came to a halt.
The attendant down below was starting to take off the passengers, car by car. Kay and Miguel were the last car to vacate. The attendant unlocked the safety bar and Miguel first stepped out. He waited for Kay as she came closer with Miggle's the Monkey.
"Time to go home Kay," Miguel said as she approached him, "Do you want me to carry Miggles for you?"
"No... I'll be fine," Kay said in a faraway voice. Home... She didn't want to go home since she never really left. 'What is that phrase?' Kay thought to herself as Miguel said something about old ladies being after him during the proposal that made her laugh. Suddenly, as Miguel looked back at her with that amazing smile of his, she remembered the phrase. Home is where the heart is and she was already home.
Where: Harmony, Maine - The Bennett's - Living Room
When : 12:26 AM Monday, June 19, 2000
~*~ They say it's a river, circles the earth
~*~ A beam of light shining to the edge of the universe
Kay and Miguel approached the Bennett house, laughing at the joke Miguel just said. Their laughter died down, and Kay looked at him appreciatively. "Thanks Miguel. For tonight," Kay said softly, "and Mr. Miggles."
~*~ It conquers all.....
Miguel beamed at Kay and replied, "No problem. We had fun, Kay. There is no need to thank me when I enjoyed it as much as you did."
"Really?" Kay said with a soft smile. "Then I'm glad for that too."
~*~ It changes everything
Miguel nodded and watched Kay as she fumbled her keys. Usually calm under circumstances like these, Kay couldn't shake off Miguel's stare tonight. He always did make her feel self conscience about where she is, what she is, and what she was doing. Finally, she got the key into the lock and proceeded to unlock the door, but Kay hesitated. Could she or shouldn't she?
~*~ They say it's a blessing
'For the love of God Kay, he is your best friend and you have invited him plenty of times before. What would be the big deal now?' she berated herself in silent thought. The worst he could do was say no, but she would never know if she didn't ask....
~*~ They say it's a gift
"Miguel? Um, would you like to come in?" Kay blurted out quickly. "I mean, you don't have to. It's late and all, but-"
~*~ They say it's a miracle
"Sure. I have no where else to go but home and I'm already wired," Miguel smoothly replied, "We could watch movies or something like we-"
~*~ And I believe that it is
"Used to do," Kay finished. "It would be okay and all. Jessica isn't home and we would have the room to our selves so we wouldn't disturb anyone...." Kay trailed off after what she just implied. Thank God that it was night time because a blush burned her cheeks and who knows what Miguel might have thought. A month ago, she would be practically jumping at the mere chance of Miguel being in her room... alone... with her, but all of the sudden, all of her gusto and self confidence left her like a lame balloon.
~*~ It conquers all.....
If Miguel knew, and she sincerely hoped that he didn't pick up on that comment, he didn't let on. He simply shrugged and brushed past Kay to open the door and walked in. Kay quickly let out a breath as she psyched herself up. How many opportunities like this one would fall into her lap so easily like this? Rejuvenated, Kay quickly walked after Miguel.
"Miguel, I just got this idea abo-" Kay started happily, but stopped when she saw Miguel's back unmoving. "Miguel? What is it? Is something wrong?" There wasn't any answer.
~*~ But it's a mystery
"Yoohoo?" Kay asked with a shrug. Internally, however, her instincts were kicking in over drive. Something had to be wrong for Miguel not to respond to her, Or maybe he was just regressing....
So Kay followed unwavering his gaze at the captivating object that got Miguel's attention.
With enough irony to make Kay laugh out loud with spiteful bitterness but she was too shocked to do it, it was none other than the infamous blonde, Charity.
~*~ Love breaks your heart
Now that she had a clear view of them, Kay could also see, with some déjà vu thrown in, that not even an earthquake could shake their look. A lump rose in Kay's throat as she just realized that maybe her second guess was right after all. Maybe she was just fooling herself all along. Charity was standing there, with this angelic, ruffled look. Her hair was some how miraculously placed around her hair, perfectly. Although her pajamas, Kay marked with a triumph, was dishelved from the sleep. It didn't subtract the innocent appeal; no, it added on to it. Charity stood there, Linus style, as she had a blanket in one hand.
~*~ Love takes no less than everything
'All that is missing is the halo and a pair of wings,' Kay scowled to herself. She was competing with perfection.
By the look that Miguel was giving Charity, she was losing.
~*~ Love makes it hard
Kay looked back and forth to Charity and Miguel. It seemed as if she didn't existed or if she did, neither wanted to acknowledge her presence. Just like old times. Kay would have rolled her eyes, but she had too dismal of a mood to even bother.
Finally, after what seemed like hours, but in reality was mere seconds, Charity's sweet monotone voice rang. "Kay? Would you please go upstairs for a minute? I want to talk to Miguel alone." Charity didn't even break her gaze from Miguel to directly ask Kay.
~*~ And it fades away so easily....
Kay raised an eye brow at Charity. That wasn't a question or a request. It was a command. A mocking command. Kay, however didn't comply with her cousin, but instead she reached for to Miguel's hand and grabbed it. Kay noticed with concealed glee that Miguel accepted it and was glad that he did. Not only to show up Charity, but it was her comfort and source of protection. Her confidence immediately rose and suddenly Charity didn't seem like the winning opponent.
~*~ In this world we've created
~*~ Where this place that we lived
"I'm sorry Charity, but Miguel and I are going to watch videos up stairs... I'm sorry we disturbed you, really," Kay said with the utmost sincerity. Yes, she was sorry that she had disturbed Charity's peculiar slumber because it literally killed the mood; the mood she was going to create anyway.
"It's important Kay. Just leave for a while. You've spent all your time with Miguel and I'm sure you can talk to him the next day. You guys can watch videos whenever," Charity brushed off coolly as she continued to stare at Miguel.
"Charity.... Can't you-" Kay said as she tried not to roll her eyes at Charity.
Something in his eyes flickered and Miguel broke their gaze and turned to look at Kay.
~*~ In a blink of an eye the darkness slips in
"Kay. Charity and I need to speak. Just go upstairs," Miguel finally said and paused and added, "For me," as her mouth was poised to retort. Kay frowned, shook her head, and left.
~*~ Love lights the world,
Charity let out a breath of relief as she saw Kay's figure bounded up the stairs and disappeared from her vision. She didn't feel comfortable with Miguel and Kay in the same room. All she could see was Miguel and Kay together and laughing at secret jokes which she would never be able to get.
~*~ Unites the love that's for eternity...
Charity heard them come to the Bennett house just as she was about to lose the will to keep awake. Their laughter and silent words drove her crazy now that Tabitha said that they loved each other. Charity knew Miguel loved Kay; it was obvious since, after all, they had been friends for a long time now. But what Tabitha said. She may be an old lady, but Charity had a distinct feeling that Tabitha knew what she was talking about. And how Miguel looked at Kay... He even held her hand in front of her. She really needed to talk to him and find out once and for all if Miguel did love Kay or she was just driving herself nuts over it
~*~ Love breaks the chain
Miguel looked to Charity and knew what she was going to say. He didn't blame her; he blamed himself for even putting her into this situation. She wasn't suppose to know about the conversation between him and Luis and he never felt more sorry for it. Miguel would have been contented to carry on with the truth over his shoulders just so he could keep Charity happy. He looked down with a pained expression and waited patiently for Charity's words.
"You're doing the same thing to me you know," Charity began softly as she saw his face looking towards the ground. It was just barely a whisper that Miguel had a hard time catching it.
~*~ Love aches for every one of us
"Wh-what?" Miguel responded.
~*~ Love takes the tears and the pain
"You're doing the same thing to me that you did with Kay," Charity repeated sadly, "You're ignoring me Miguel....and I.. I-I just don't know what to think anymore." Tears threaten to leave her eyes but she quickly pushed them back. Now was the time to let it out.
"Charity, I'm sorry if I'm hurting you-" Miguel started to plead.
"But what? Why are you doing this Miguel? Why are you pushing *me* away like this?" Charity hissed out as she turned around, the blanket falling to the floor, forgotten. Miguel did nothing but stare at her.
~*~ And turns it in
~*~ To the beauty that remains
"I love you Miguel," Charity confessed meekly. This wasn't the romantic dream in which she would tell him how she felt about him. "I've been trying to say that to you for so long and for a while.... I hoped. No, I believed that you would say it back to me with as much love and caring you showed me this past year."
"And I do care about you Charity," Miguel said firmly as he stepped closer to her, "I honestly do."
~*~ Look at this place
"I heard what you and Luis said," Charity continued. She looked towards the window and saw the moon glowing brightly. She ignored Miguel's words. "You said that you didn't love me... But you could Miguel. We could be happy together." Charity smiled at the moon as tears started to cloud her vision of it.
~*~ It was paradise but now it's dying
Miguel felt his heart break as he heard the hope shining in Charity's voice. He knew the truth and somehow, he believed Charity did too. Why couldn't she let go? Why couldn't they both let go?
~*~ I'll brave the love
"I... I'm sorry Charity," Miguel said simply at a lost with words. Charity's smile faded and she turned around and snapped.
~*~ I'll take my chances that it's not too late
"No, no you're not Miguel," Charity said with her blue eyes flashing, "But I know the truth. You love Kay, Miguel. More than you care about me."
Miguel looked at Charity with confusion. "Kay? Of course I love her, but she is my friend. Best friend Charity. And you don't understand..."
~*~ Love breaks your heart
"What? What don't I understand Miguel?! I see the looks you give her. I heard about the special places you took her. Remember the barbecue? Remember how you held her hand.... and looked at her with this look you never gave me," Charity said tiredly. Now she just wanted to have it over. Oh how she wished that she never even thought of confronting Miguel. Then there wouldn't be this risk. The risk being that Miguel could easily walk away... Maybe it was better this way, or maybe she set herself up for heartbreak.
"Is it so hard for me not to think that you love Kay in the way I want you to love me?" Charity asked with a soft, but sad smile.
~*~ Love takes no less than everything
"For the past year Miguel, you have been like my..my rock. When I thought I was going crazy, when I thought that my life couldn't get any worse, you showed me that I was extremely lucky and that I was wanted. That I could live a happy and love-filled life and I wouldn't be alone. I felt like an outsider. I felt like-- alone. But you," Charity looked deeply in his eyes and held them in her gaze, "You didn't make me feel like an outsider or like I was alone. And it felt good."
Charity closed her eyes and felt a tear escape. "But now... " She sighed out for she couldn't even finish her sentence.
~*~ Love makes it hard....
Guilt wracked Miguel's body as he tried to tell Charity. He couldn't bare to see Charity in pain. The pain that he had inflicted on her. There was one thing he had to do. He had to tell her the truth.
"Charity. Listen to me," Miguel began as he dragged her towards the couch to sit them both down. She refused to look at him and he sighed.
"The truth is... Kay's in trouble an-and it's my fault," Miguel confessed. Charity sniffed and looked at Miguel, interested in what was his fault.
"You see, Jessica and Simone found a bottle of pills-"
"Wait. You mean the pills they were hiding in my bedroom?" Charity asked with confused interest.
Miguel looked at Charity surprised. "You mean that you know already?"
"Know what? I know about the bottle of pills, but that's it. Jessica and Simone didn't tell me anything about it," Charity admitted.
Miguel nodded and decided to continue. "The thing is it was Kay's." Miguel paused and looked away from Charity as he heard her gasp.
"Kay has depression Charity and it is my fault," he said sadly. Charity's swimming blue eyes looked at Miguel with concern. Everything seemed to be moving so fast all of the sudden.
"Miguel... I don't understand. How do you know if this is your fault? How do you know if it is true?" Charity questioned hesitantly.
"It is true Charity," Miguel whispered harshly, "And you know why this is my fault. You said it yourself. I'm ignoring you just like I did Kay. I ignored Kay when you came in my life. Charity, you have to know that when I first saw you, I never felt what I did then for anyone in my life. You were innocent and beautiful.... just like you are now." Miguel said with a soft smile and Charity half smiled back at him.
"You were so defenseless when you lost your mom and your memory all in the same night. You looked so lost.... I had to defend you somehow Charity. I had to protect you from the world since you couldn't... you shouldn't have to handle it. You became my world, my life and everything just came second."
"Including Kay?" Charity added softly after he stopped.
"Including Kay," Miguel repeated to himself.
"When we were children, Kay was so insecure. She kept pushing me away, but at the same time, I got the feeling that she was just testing me. I guess she was testing to see if I would leave her. And I never did." Miguel stopped and let out a breath. This was turning out to be harder than he had thought.
"If someone told me to describe Kay in one word, it would be complicated. She was like a riddle that confused you, but you never lost interest or gave up, you know?" Miguel looked at Charity and saw her as she accepted the information. If it hadn't been obvious to her before, it was surely obvious to her now. The way he went on about her, it felt as if he put her on this high pedestal. But she could swear that it was more than that though she didn't like the sound of it. When she realized that Miguel was waiting for her signal, Charity nodded and he then continued.
"As we grew up, Kay began to be more open and she finally stopped those tests of hers and accepted the fact that I wouldn't leave her or would want to. It takes a lot to gain Kay's trust and when you have it, it's like a rare, fragile diamond," Miguel explained, "It could withstand anything you put it through, but if it was some how dropped, it would be near impossible to repair it. I lucked out, really."
"Did you really think that Kay would throw away sixteen years of friendship because you ignored her? It doesn't seem like her and I never got that impression." Charity questioned.
"Like I said, Kay is..complicated," Miguel said thoughtfully, "It's hard to guess what she is really feeling. I promised to her once that I would never leave her, and in a way, I broke that promise...." Miguel gave a harsh laugh and roughly shook his head. "If I didn't, I'm sure I wouldn't be where I am right now. I wouldn't be hurting you and I wouldn't have hurt Kay."
He sat back wearily to the couch with a dejected voice. "But I did and Kay is in trouble and I can only fix it." Miguel looked to Charity who had a frown on her face. She had to understand why he was really doing this. He couldn't take Charity being hurt and Kay on top of it. Miguel grabbed her hands and into her eyes. Startled at first, Charity matched his gaze and he with emotion asked, "Do you understand Charity?"
Charity looked at Miguel. He was distraught and edgy. Not the easy going guy with a thoughtful heart she met a year ago. But Miguel was really trying and even though she felt a slight hint of jealousy, Miguel needed Kay. He didn't say it, but Charity knew. It was more about him trying to reclaim Kay's friendship the broken promise; he didn't w want to lose her.
Charity stared at the picture of Kay that was on the computer desk. Kay. Her cousin who had been nothing but a help to her when she first came to town. Charity got the feeling that Kay didn't accept her, however. She was always nervous and felt over shadowed by Kay when she was in the same room as her. Could it be possible that Kay was resentful of Charity? Charity didn't know the answer but everything was screaming to say "No!".
But when she looked at Miguel with his tortured brown eyes and sullen expression.... Charity knew she had no choice. He was extremely hard bent over helping Kay through it and it would be with or without her say in it. That was what Miguel does or tries to do and she knew she had to go along with him.
"Miguel," Charity said, "I do understand and I'm not sure if it's okay for us, as a relationship, since we have all of these...issues, but I think- no, I know that you're doing what you think is right for Kay and I'll be behind you." She gave him a reassuring smile and added, "It's one of the things I love about you Miguel. Your caring and understanding heart."
Miguel didn't even smile back, but he simply closed his eyes and said roughly, "Thank you. Thank you for being understanding Charity."
"There is no need to thank since I know that Kay gets better, everything would be back to normal and we can move on. But for the moment, I'd just settle with a hug," Charity said as she let go of Miguel's hand and put them around his neck. Miguel complied with silence and put his around hers and held her.
Charity sighed with content and tried to capture everything about Miguel in her mind. This was how it was suppose to be and how it would be now that everything was put out in the open. It would be hard to see Kay and Miguel so comfortable and so happy with each other, but she knew that they were just friends. 'Kay and Miguel are just friends,' Charity repeated to herself, 'Just friends.' Soon, she actually believed it and a small smile spread over her lips.
And in his arms, Charity felt that everything would turn out just fine. Everything would fall into place and all of what this was would just become another forgotten memory.
~*~ Love breaks the chain........
~*~ Love aches for everyone of us....
Kay closed her eyes as she heard bits of their conversation. Pure torture, she knew, but she didn't have the will to put her hands over her ears.
"Kay? Of course I love her, but she is my friend. Best friend Charity."
How many times did she hear this phrase? Too many to count. Too many to remember. Too many tears cried over it.
"And I do care about you Charity."
Yes. Yes he did.
~*~ Love takes the tears and the pain
Her ears blocked out most of what they were saying although some of it was said in whispers so she couldn't hear them even if she wanted to anyway. She came down, quietly after a while, ready to see if Miguel was done with his conversation with Charity. But she froze when she heard her name called out by Charity. What did she have to do with the "important" thing Charity wanted to talk about? So she carefully sat on the stairway and stared at Charity and Miguel. They wouldn't be able to see her from where they were anyway.
Though as she heard the familiar words associated with her name by Miguel, her stomach grew sick and suddenly, she wasn't curious anymore. Suddenly, she wanted be back upstairs in her bedroom, reflecting her night with Miguel with a goofy smile on her face and keeping the delusional view that Miguel did indeed love her; more than a friend and more than Charity. She would imagine that their conversation downstairs was just Charity breaking up with Miguel and Miguel would come to her, with a declaration of everlasting love....
~*~ And turns it in
"I'm delusional. I am delusionment at its finest," Kay whispered to herself with a sad sigh. Of course, what really was happening should have been expected. But Kay didn't dwell on it for the moment. Instead, she focused on a strip of pictures. The one Miguel said that she should look at later when she needed a good laugh. What better time than now?
First picture. Kay smiled unconsciously as she fingered Miguel's face as he grinned at the camera cheesily. She was sitting there with her eyes rolled up and arms folded.
Second picture. Miguel looked to her with a wide smile while she was looking at him like he was carrying a contagious disease.
Third picture. Her mouth was open since Miguel started to tickle her and it evicted a scream from her. Miguel was still smiling.
Fourth picture. Her arm was extended, pushing Miguel to the corner. Her hair was splashed everywhere and there was a hint of annoyance. Miguel still had that goofy grin of his.
Fifth picture. Miguel had two fingers behind her head with a solemn expression and she looked upwards to see it there.
Last picture....
Kay looked at it and closed her eyes and smiled a soft smile.
In the picture, they were both smiling. Kay's arm wrapped around Miguel's neck and Miguel's arm was wrapped around hers. She smiled adoringly to Miguel and Miguel... he just smiled. They looked so happy.... In that moment, they were.
~*~ To the beauty that remains........
Kay dared to open her eyes and to look up to see what happened with Charity and Miguel.
She saw Charity and Miguel embrace. A loving embrace. An embrace that could not be broken no matter how strong their friendship was. When would she finally get it? When would it stop hurting? When would it end?
A tear slowly trickled down her cheek and splattered on to the picture.
The last picture.
It was a simple tear. The second one that day. But unlike the first, it wasn't happy or joyous. It was a sad tear.
The tear smudged their faces, erasing their smiles.
Kay didn't even notice.
Tell me how you thought of my 'come back'. I'm too out of the loop? Inconsistencies? Discrepancies? Oh great, I'm sounding like Indecision 2000... Anyway, feedback is honored, loved, cherished, and most importantly, WANTED! :-)