Maison Ikkoku

The Guy in Room Number Five: Part 3

By Gray, For BJ

Yes, Godai here, I am back once again to continue to tell you of the most painful part of my life. So without further ado, I continue this tale.

Standing there behind me was Kyoko herself. God, she looked so beautiful today. I noticed she had make-up on and was dressed up in a very nice suit. She was staring at the ground with an odd expression on her face. I wasn't sure what to say. So I decided to wait for her to start talking. After about two long minutes of silence, she finally spoke.

"Um, I ah, heard what you said, just now…" She trailed off, probably a little embarrassed. I myself was very embarrassed.

"You did huh?" I said in a small voice. She nodded. God, she looked sad.

"Your words, they mean a lot, to me, and to Soichiro as well." I nodded, unsure of where this was going. She continued on.

"Um, after I pay my respects, would you like to go get some tea?" I nodded mutely. Funny how a day or two ago if she had asked me this, I would have been jumping up and down in joy and hugging poles or something. Amazing how much one can grow up in one day. Kyoko herself looked a little surprised that I wasn't grinning like a fool. It hurt to see that. It just showed how much of a child I was in her eyes all this time. She got over her mild surprise and kneeled to pray. I sort of stood back and looked the other way. I wondered how Soichiro would feel about her getting married to Mitaka. Probably pretty happy that she would at least be well taken care of. Why couldn't I feel that way? Why couldn't I be happy for her?

"Because I'm not dead, even though I feel that way." I thought bitterly. I noticed that Kyoko had stood up and was walking over to me. I waited for her to come to a stop in front of me. It's funny how even though she was two years older than me, she looked younger than me. Maybe it was my imagination but still… I shook my head and banished these thoughts from my mind. She smiled hesitantly at me.

"So, how about that tea?" I nodded and we left together heading for a café. I noticed people smiling at us and commenting on the cute couple. Before all this, their comments would have made me ecstatic. Now, they just added to my bitterness. Kyoko just looked embarrassed. I did however think about it, and realized that, to a casual observer, we did look like a couple out on a date, with me in my coat, and her in the nice suit. I felt the bitterness and anger rise up, and angrily smashed it down. It just wasn't fair damn it… I noticed that we had come to the café, and I held the door open for her. Out of politeness only of course. She thanked me and we walked in. We sat a table meant for; you guessed it, five people. It was the only open one. Apparently, on a cold winter day like this one, everyone had the idea of getting some hot tea to warm up. She ordered a cup of mint tea, and I ordered some green tea. The bitterness suited my mood nicely. We sort of sat there in silence until our drinks arrived. Finally when they did, and the waitress had scrambled off to serve other customers, Kyoko started talking.

"Um Yusaku, about my ah, engagement to Shun…" The words hit me so hard I couldn't breathe for a second. Up until this moment, a small part of me had held out the notion that this was all some cruel joke, or another misunderstanding. But to hear the confirmation from her own mouth, it crushed that little part of me called hope, and ground it into the dirt. She continued, seemingly unaware of how much pain I was in.

" I ah, formally introduced him to my parents today. That's why I'm all dressed up. They accepted him and well, I am going to go meet his parents tomorrow…" She trailed off again, apparently expecting me to get angry or jealous or something. I decided I wouldn't give her that satisfaction. It's true what they say you know, about how we are hurt most by the ones we truly love most. Kyoko had, unintentionally or not caused me untold of suffering over the few years I had known her. But I always came crawling back and I got jealous whenever she and Mitaka went out. But not this time… Finally I decided to say something seeing as how she wasn't going to.

"Why are you telling me this Manager?" I asked in a calm measured voice. I would show her that I could be just as cold as she was all those times. She did look a little surprised at my calmness and the fact that I didn't call her Kyoko and only Manager.

"Well I… I just thought that you deserved to know. I mean… Since you…" I just gulped down more tea. I noticed that it was almost gone, while hers was untouched and cold. I sighed. All the bitterness was draining out of me. It was still there of course, just not right now. I just felt tired. Maybe it was the calming effects of the tea, but I doubted it. I stared into my cup, and she did the same. We were both obviously uncomfortable. Finally I spoke up, though it was in a small voice, and barely audible.

"Y'know, it's funny. All my life, I've been at the bottom. Nothing I ever did turned out right, and I never had it easy. I've had to fight tooth and nail for things as simple as food. I've always been poor and never knew what it was like to be free of worry. But you know what? Through it all, I always dreamed that there was a happy ending waiting for me. That if I just persevered and got through it, there would be happiness for me, and that it was just running a little late. So, I got through it all, and I tried to help people, even the people who made life harder, because I thought that maybe it would all pay off in the end. Even though, by helping them, I usually got into worse situations that I was unable to explain. Some people call me spineless because of it." She flinched and I continued.

"I guess they were right. Because I know better now, the happy ending I always imagined lay just ahead, doesn't exist… Not for me anyway… Not anymore…" I knew that I had just killed any further conversation, but figured that it didn't really matter at this point anyway. Finally, while still staring into my tea, I started talking again. There was one last thing I had to say.

"Do… Do you remember when I was drunk a while back and I climbed up on that fence and screamed out that I loved you, like a fool?" She glanced up at me, even though I was still staring at my cup, and nodded. I continued, still in the same quiet voice.

"Well, I wasn't lying. I do love you Kyoko. I have ever since that first day you stepped into my life…" She stared at me oddly for a moment before standing up.

"I… I'm sorry, I have to go now…" She quickly ran out the door and headed down the street. I just continued to stare into my cup. Never glancing up even once the whole time.

"Sure… goodbye… Kyoko…" I sighed and the waitress came over for the bill. Instead I ordered another cup of tea. I noticed that Kyoko had left some money to cover the tab. I took it and placed it in my pocket. I would give it back to her later. Well, I would put in an envelope and slide it under her door anyway. No need to see her after this… I drank another three cups of tea before I finally left the café. It was getting pretty late I noticed. Not to mention cold. I walked over to Sakamoto's place. Wondering if I could stay the night, seeing as how I didn't really feel like going back to Ikkoku right now. I knocked on his door. He wasn't home. Probably off with the girlfriend of the week. Sometimes I envied him. To be able to live life so carefree. It must have been nice. Me, I was always so serious. Guess it came from always being the butt of the joke, even as a kid, and lo and behold, now I was the butt of the biggest joke of all. The joke called love…

"God I'm a loser…" I muttered as I started walking again, in no particular direction. The sun was beginning to set. I headed over to a small park and sat down on a little bench. The place was deserted. Which suited me fine. I sat there until the sun finally set and night came. Finally I got up, and started walking again, my destination, just like in life, unknown…

"All that pain and suffering, everything I went through. All the hardship I endured. All for nothing…" Like I said… Loser…

Author's notes: I know, I know, more depression. Once again I am sorry. I had to get this out of the way. Hopefully, starting next chapter, I will start to cheer things up. There will be a happy ending. Yusaku isn't going to just give up y'know. Please review! Thank you!!!