Hookay, I'm really starting to like this whole Duck fanfic
thing, so I'm gonna do another one! I'm not sure where I got the idea for this,
but it just came to me. I hope you like it!
By the way, I found out there's another Papillon here, so I added
Star to the end, to differentiate. But I still go by Papillon, k?
The Soap Opera
Wildwing
was worried. It was quiet today. Too quiet.
Wing hadn't
seen hide nor hair (in this case feather) of his younger brother today, and he
was worried. When Nosedive was quiet, well, watch your step. You could fall
victim to a prank faster than you could say a thing. So he had to watch his
step.
It was
noon, and the Ducks were going about their business as usual. Tanya was working
on her latest invention and Duke was supervising her. With Tanya's reputation
of blowing things up, the Ducks can never be too careful. Grin was meditating
(as usual), and Mallory was watching TV. Wing realized he hadn't seen much of
her all morning, either. Apparently there was some kind of marathon, and she
came out of the TV room for munchies once in a while.
But that
still left Nosedive. And frankly, it was driving Wing nuts. He tiptoed through
every door, expecting to get hit with something, he checked every hallway
before entering, and jumped at every little noise. He had to find out
what Dive was up to. Or he would implode.
After
interrogating the team with no avail, Wildwing decided to ask Mallory. He also
decided to warn her, because Mallory was the target of so many practical jokes
in the past. 'I just hope she doesn't get mad at me for disturbing whatever
show she's been watching,' Wing thought as he entered the TV room. And received
the shock of his life.
The
marathon on TV was on the Soap Opera Network, and Nosedive and Mallory were
watching it together. Wing rubbed his eyes. 'This can't be right…' he thought
as he approached the two on the couch.
"Jack,
I…I have a confession to make…" said the woman on TV.
"What is
it, Alice?" Jack asked her.
"Oh
nothing, it's just that I've been having an affair for the past two years…"
said Nosedive, mimicking "Alice" on TV. "So Mal, wanna make a bet?"
Mallory
took a handful of popcorn. "I'm guessing it's Jason…yea, Jason…"
Nosedive
smirked. "No way! It's gotta be Todd. Jason would never do that!" he explained.
"Pass the popcorn, please."
"Shh! She's
gonna say it!" said Mallory.
"…With
who, Alice? WITH WHO?"
"*sniffle*
With…with…" Nosedive and Mallory both leaned forward.
"C'mon
Jason! It's gotta be Jason!"
"No way,
dudette, it's gonna be Todd."
"SHUT
UP!!!!"
They waited
for the crying woman's reply. "With…with…Mike…"
Nosedive
gasped. "YOU TRAMP!" he yelled. "With Mike!?"
"Eww…but
he's married!" shouted Mallory.
"Alice…I
didn't want to have to tell you this, but Mike's my brother…"
Mallory's
jaw hit the floor, and Nosedive tossed the popcorn bowl into the air in
surprise. Popcorn flew everywhere and the empty bowl landed on Wildwing's head.
"HOW IS
THAT POSSIBLE?!?" Mallory shrieked. She turned toward her companion. "SHE…DIVE!
YOU SPILLED THE POPCORN! Oh, hey Wildwing! Care to join us?"
"Hey! Mike
and Jack are BROTHERS?!?" Nosedive yelled. "Oh my gosh! That's sooo not
right…Oh, hey Wing. Wow, nice hat!"
"Why
didn't you tell me this?" asked Alice. Suddenly another woman burst through
the door.
"Helen!"
said Jack.
"You! It
was YOU! You were the one sleeping with my husband!" Helen yelled. She
charged up to Alice and slapped her in the face. "You TRAMP!"
"That's
what I said, too!" said Nosedive, annoyed by Alice's behavior. "YOU GO, GIRL!"
Wildwing
shook his head. 'This is new…who would've thought that Dive would like Soap
Operas?' he thought as he turned and left the room.
Two hours
later, Wildwing decided to check up on Mallory and Nosedive. He walked into the
room.
Dive and
Mal had majorly sad looks in their eyes as the sappy music played on the TV.
"No
Helen! You can't go! You just can't! I'm so sorry I slept with Mike! I'm sooooo
sorry! Just don't die on me!" Alice said to the unconscious Helen, who was
wrapped up in bandages and was breathing from an oxygen tube. Mallory handed
Dive a tissue, and he blew his nose rather loudly.
The heart
monitor went flat. "NOOO!!!!!" screamed Alice.
"NOOOO!!!!"
screamed the crying Ducks on the couch. Mallory started to sob, and Nosedive
wrapped his arms around her.
"It's just
not fair! Why did it have to be Helen? WHY?!? She was so young!" screamed
Mallory.
Nosedive
rubbed her back, tears welling up in his eyes. "There there Mal, it's ok. It's
all right to let it out. But we have to be strong. For Mike!" he said
heroically.
"Oh
please…" Wildwing said, leaving the room and his two sobbing teammates behind
him as the doors closed.
At
dinnertime, Nosedive and Mallory entered the kitchen and sat down at the table.
The others had ordered pizza, not knowing when the Soap Marathon would be over.
"Can you
believe that?" Mallory asked him. "Mike and Jack were brothers! I didn't see that
one coming. Although I knew Helen would be hit by the truck." She took a bite
of pizza.
"Didn't
everyone?" asked Dive. "I mean, come on! It was as plain as day!"
That's when
they noticed the other Ducks staring at them. They ignored them and continued
their conversation.
"I mean,
they soooo don't look like each other, zero resemblance," Mallory said.
"Not all
brothers look alike, y'know…" said Dive, pointing his pizza at her
matter-of-factly. "Take me and Wing, for instance. Here is me, the hip,
happenin', good-looking Hunk o' Duckie, then there's him, the old-geezer, bald,
ugly dude."
They looked
over when a weird snorking sound came from the other end of the table. Wildwing
had inhaled his drink and was coughing. "HEY! WHO'RE YOU CALLIN' BALD?!?" he
yelled, standing up.
"You!" Dive
said with a laugh. "Where'd your hair go? Like I said, you're just getting
old…"
Dive
squeeked and slid out of his chair and under the table as Wing charged at him.
Tanya squwaked as Dive shot out from under her chair and ran around the
counter. Wing vaulted over the counter and landed on Nosedive, causing them
both to fall to the floor out of the Ducks' line of vision. They saw Dive
trying to breaststroke across the floor, but Wing had a hold of his ankle. Wing
used this opportunity wisely. They wrestled around on the floor for a moment,
then Wing ended up sitting on Dive, who was lying on his stomach.
"Oh great…"
Dive muttered as Wing proceeded to tickle him. "Hawhahahah! NO!!
STOPhahahahaahaHEEELP!!HeheheheheheHELLPPP!!! AHH!!! hawhawhawhawAHH!!!!" he
screamed.
"Ok now,
take back what you said!" Wing demanded.
"Never!"
Dive yelled.
"Suit
yourself."
"HAHAHAHAHAH
STOP!! OK OK!!hehehehe I TAKE IT BACK!!!"
"All of
it?"
"Yea,
except for th' ugly par-HART!!!! HAHAHAHAHAH STOP! OK! YOU'RE NOT UGLY! I TAKE
THAT BACK TOO!!!"
"Good!
Don't let it happen again." Said Wildwing.
Nosedive
nodded. "Deal, can I get up now?"
"NOPE!"
Wing shouted and continuing his tickle-fest. Nosedive was screaming and Wing
was smiling evilly as Mallory realized that they did have a resemblance. They
both had this goofy look in their eyes when they were having fun. There were
more, but Mallory didn't want to go into detail. Her pizza was getting cold.
