Hi Collins,
Thanks for your letter. Sorry it took me a few weeks to reply. I kept picking up the pen and then not knowing how to continue. I guess I was kind of hoping you'd tell me I should just jump Roger or something, or that he called you last week and told you he was going to take me on a romantic trip to the Bahamas. Being reminded about Mimi was a bit of a let down after that.
I better reply to the other stuff you said first, hadn't I? I'm glad you don't think I'm crazy or perverted. It's just that my parents would freak if I told them I was in love with another guy. Actually, mom would probably blame Maureen. She already thinks Maureen broke my heart and ruined me for other women. I haven't bothered to correct her because basically it suits me for her to think that.
I'm sorry I scared you so much. I didn't even think you'd assume someone had died when you got my letter. Mimi and Roger are still really healthy actually. It's me that's a wreck. Ironic, huh?
Collins, I need help. Yes, more help. Every time I see Mimi it's getting harder and harder to like her. I don't know what's happening to me. I used to genuinely like her. I thought she was good for Roger and I wanted him to be happy... so I was glad they were together, you know? But lately they've been fighting like crazy and I find myself siding with Roger even when he's obviously at fault. You know he gets jealous easily - if he was with me that wouldn't be a problem - and Mimi plays to that when she's in a bad mood. Last night she went out and wouldn't tell him where she was going. She said she didn't have to tell him everything she did. He said something like, "you mean everyONE you do," and Mimi just glared at him... I mean if looks could kill I'd be mourning for him right now. She said something in Spanish at him with her eyes flashing - you know how she gets when she's furious. And then she went out. That fight was all Roger's fault and yet I still found myself comforting him and siding with him and saying stuff like, "she doesn't tell you where she's going just to spite you." It struck me when I said that that it'd be so easy to break them up. I have Roger's trust, after all. So I stayed quiet after that and went to bed early and decided I'd write to you today.
You see, the problem is that I don't know if Mimi IS so good for Roger any more. I can't tell if I'm just being biased... I mean when they're together they're happy. Sure. But they spend so much time fighting and I hate that. I hate that Roger won't talk to me and that he sits in a corner glaring at anyone who comes too close. I hate that she can affect him so much. I hate that she can hurt him so much and not seem to care! And sometimes I just want her to back off and leave him alone. I don't hate Mimi, I could never hate her. And I know I'm jealous of her and Roger, sure. But mostly I just can't stand the way she hurts him. Does she deserve him, after all? I thought she made him happy and he wanted to be with her but... could I ever make him happier? Fuck Collins, I'm so confused now. I don't know whether I'm thinking rationally or not any more.
You remember when I filmed that Life Support meeting Angel took you to? Part of their credo was "forget regret or life is yours to miss." Well even though I don't have AIDS I thought that was a good way to live my life and I have tried to, somewhat. I wonder, if I don't tell Roger how I feel will I regret that? Right now I only have one regret. I regret that Mimi ever knocked on our apartment door that night. I really do.
Mark.
Thanks for your letter. Sorry it took me a few weeks to reply. I kept picking up the pen and then not knowing how to continue. I guess I was kind of hoping you'd tell me I should just jump Roger or something, or that he called you last week and told you he was going to take me on a romantic trip to the Bahamas. Being reminded about Mimi was a bit of a let down after that.
I better reply to the other stuff you said first, hadn't I? I'm glad you don't think I'm crazy or perverted. It's just that my parents would freak if I told them I was in love with another guy. Actually, mom would probably blame Maureen. She already thinks Maureen broke my heart and ruined me for other women. I haven't bothered to correct her because basically it suits me for her to think that.
I'm sorry I scared you so much. I didn't even think you'd assume someone had died when you got my letter. Mimi and Roger are still really healthy actually. It's me that's a wreck. Ironic, huh?
Collins, I need help. Yes, more help. Every time I see Mimi it's getting harder and harder to like her. I don't know what's happening to me. I used to genuinely like her. I thought she was good for Roger and I wanted him to be happy... so I was glad they were together, you know? But lately they've been fighting like crazy and I find myself siding with Roger even when he's obviously at fault. You know he gets jealous easily - if he was with me that wouldn't be a problem - and Mimi plays to that when she's in a bad mood. Last night she went out and wouldn't tell him where she was going. She said she didn't have to tell him everything she did. He said something like, "you mean everyONE you do," and Mimi just glared at him... I mean if looks could kill I'd be mourning for him right now. She said something in Spanish at him with her eyes flashing - you know how she gets when she's furious. And then she went out. That fight was all Roger's fault and yet I still found myself comforting him and siding with him and saying stuff like, "she doesn't tell you where she's going just to spite you." It struck me when I said that that it'd be so easy to break them up. I have Roger's trust, after all. So I stayed quiet after that and went to bed early and decided I'd write to you today.
You see, the problem is that I don't know if Mimi IS so good for Roger any more. I can't tell if I'm just being biased... I mean when they're together they're happy. Sure. But they spend so much time fighting and I hate that. I hate that Roger won't talk to me and that he sits in a corner glaring at anyone who comes too close. I hate that she can affect him so much. I hate that she can hurt him so much and not seem to care! And sometimes I just want her to back off and leave him alone. I don't hate Mimi, I could never hate her. And I know I'm jealous of her and Roger, sure. But mostly I just can't stand the way she hurts him. Does she deserve him, after all? I thought she made him happy and he wanted to be with her but... could I ever make him happier? Fuck Collins, I'm so confused now. I don't know whether I'm thinking rationally or not any more.
You remember when I filmed that Life Support meeting Angel took you to? Part of their credo was "forget regret or life is yours to miss." Well even though I don't have AIDS I thought that was a good way to live my life and I have tried to, somewhat. I wonder, if I don't tell Roger how I feel will I regret that? Right now I only have one regret. I regret that Mimi ever knocked on our apartment door that night. I really do.
Mark.