Dear Collins,
I'm sorry I didn't write back to you. I didn't get your letter and figured you were so mad at me you'd just thrown my other one away. I was trying to give you some time. I got your second letter two days ago and figured there must have been a first. Maureen's been bringing me my mail since I moved out of the loft. Look at me, giving you bits and pieces of the story and confusing you more. Typical me! Let me go back and start at the beginning.
When you wrote your first letter, Roger opened it by mistake. He saw your address on the back and figured it was for both of us. Anyway, he read it and didn't know what the hell was going on - you didn't mention him by name but the idea that I could be in love with ANY guy was a shock. So when I got home he confronted me about it. But he didn't wave the letter at me or anything; he just flat-out asked if I was gay. I was so shocked I said yes. Then he just nodded and stormed out. I should have known something was up, but I just refused to think anything bad about him. Well, the next day I came back from filming and Roger was standing, waiting for me, with your letters to me in his hand. If he'd read what I'd written to you he probably would have beaten me up there and then, I don't know. But as it was, he just started yelling at me. It was awful, Collins. He was saying he'd found out about my 'dirty little secret' and that I had no right to try and break him and Mimi up and no wonder you hated me and he hated me too. You never thought he'd let this break up our friendship - but he did. He threw me out of the loft and told me never to come back. I guess I didn't know him as well as I thought I did.
Maybe I hurt his pride by going to you instead of talking to him. Maybe he was repulsed at the idea that I was in love with him. I guess I'll never know. But what I do know is that the second he told me to get out I fell out of love. I just couldn't love someone who could treat me that badly. So, back to the story. I went to Maureen and Joanne's house - Maureen wasn't home so I just sat for hours, crying on Joanne's shoulder. By the time I'd calmed down enough to tell her what was going on Maureen was home. I stayed a few nights with them but didn't want to burden them too much, so I moved on. You know I'm not working right now, so I don't have money to rent any place for long. Joanne gave me enough for bond and a month's rent in an apartment only a few blocks away from the loft and Maureen went and got my stuff for me. That money's dried up now, and I still don't have a job.
Maureen found your first letter to me in the loft by mistake. She gave it to me yesterday, so now I have both letters to reply to. Mimi and Roger aren't speaking to me and Roger said if he sees another letter from you he'll burn it. It's no good trying to contact me because I don't have a fixed address right now. But maybe this is just what I needed. Mimi and Roger are more valued members of our group than I am - don't look like that, you know it's true! So they go out with Maureen and Joanne, and slowly, I think, everyone's forgetting I was ever there. I'm hoping for a fresh start. So far life's been pretty bad, but maybe tomorrow it'll get better. As soon as I have the money I'm leaving New York. Maybe I'll even go back to Scarsdale for a while. Remember one New Year's Eve I said friendship was thicker than blood? I don't know about that anymore. I want to spend time with my family for a change. Even though I never call or write, mom still loves me unconditionally - and even though she'd be shocked if I told her I was gay, I don't think she'd treat me like Roger did. That's made me question some of the values I hold.
So, I'm off to start a new life. I'll write to you again when I know where I'm living. For now, I guess it's time to cue the corny music as our hero walks off into the sunset.
- Mark.
I'm sorry I didn't write back to you. I didn't get your letter and figured you were so mad at me you'd just thrown my other one away. I was trying to give you some time. I got your second letter two days ago and figured there must have been a first. Maureen's been bringing me my mail since I moved out of the loft. Look at me, giving you bits and pieces of the story and confusing you more. Typical me! Let me go back and start at the beginning.
When you wrote your first letter, Roger opened it by mistake. He saw your address on the back and figured it was for both of us. Anyway, he read it and didn't know what the hell was going on - you didn't mention him by name but the idea that I could be in love with ANY guy was a shock. So when I got home he confronted me about it. But he didn't wave the letter at me or anything; he just flat-out asked if I was gay. I was so shocked I said yes. Then he just nodded and stormed out. I should have known something was up, but I just refused to think anything bad about him. Well, the next day I came back from filming and Roger was standing, waiting for me, with your letters to me in his hand. If he'd read what I'd written to you he probably would have beaten me up there and then, I don't know. But as it was, he just started yelling at me. It was awful, Collins. He was saying he'd found out about my 'dirty little secret' and that I had no right to try and break him and Mimi up and no wonder you hated me and he hated me too. You never thought he'd let this break up our friendship - but he did. He threw me out of the loft and told me never to come back. I guess I didn't know him as well as I thought I did.
Maybe I hurt his pride by going to you instead of talking to him. Maybe he was repulsed at the idea that I was in love with him. I guess I'll never know. But what I do know is that the second he told me to get out I fell out of love. I just couldn't love someone who could treat me that badly. So, back to the story. I went to Maureen and Joanne's house - Maureen wasn't home so I just sat for hours, crying on Joanne's shoulder. By the time I'd calmed down enough to tell her what was going on Maureen was home. I stayed a few nights with them but didn't want to burden them too much, so I moved on. You know I'm not working right now, so I don't have money to rent any place for long. Joanne gave me enough for bond and a month's rent in an apartment only a few blocks away from the loft and Maureen went and got my stuff for me. That money's dried up now, and I still don't have a job.
Maureen found your first letter to me in the loft by mistake. She gave it to me yesterday, so now I have both letters to reply to. Mimi and Roger aren't speaking to me and Roger said if he sees another letter from you he'll burn it. It's no good trying to contact me because I don't have a fixed address right now. But maybe this is just what I needed. Mimi and Roger are more valued members of our group than I am - don't look like that, you know it's true! So they go out with Maureen and Joanne, and slowly, I think, everyone's forgetting I was ever there. I'm hoping for a fresh start. So far life's been pretty bad, but maybe tomorrow it'll get better. As soon as I have the money I'm leaving New York. Maybe I'll even go back to Scarsdale for a while. Remember one New Year's Eve I said friendship was thicker than blood? I don't know about that anymore. I want to spend time with my family for a change. Even though I never call or write, mom still loves me unconditionally - and even though she'd be shocked if I told her I was gay, I don't think she'd treat me like Roger did. That's made me question some of the values I hold.
So, I'm off to start a new life. I'll write to you again when I know where I'm living. For now, I guess it's time to cue the corny music as our hero walks off into the sunset.
- Mark.