Buffy wandered through the silient, empty graveyard. For once, she wished it wasn't so empty, if only there was something to occupy her mind. If there wasn't then all she could think about was him. Angel.
Tears came to her eyes as she remembered the nights they had spent there, kissing and talking amongst the gravestones. Everything had been so perfect. They couldn't have known what was going to happen. No-one could. Neither of them could have foreseen the heart-breaking future. They had given no thought to it. All that had mattered was that they were together.
Buffy climbed the stairs to the college dorm she shared with Willow and slipped into bed. she lay there, tears running down her cheeks as Willow slept. But Willow wasn't asleep. She lay there, listening to Buffy's stifled sobs. It had been two years since Angel left and Buffy still missed him and loved him so much, hoping that he would return to her. During the day and when she was in the company of her friends Buffy pretended that she was over him, she had moved on and was with Riley, but, every night, when she thought she was alone she cried herself to sleep, murmering his name. Willow wanted to say something, she wanted her best friend to confide in her like she used to, but she wasn't the old Buffy. She never laughed or smiled or joked in the sun with her friends anymore. That old flame inside her was slowly dying, as her heart was ripped apart with every day he spent away from her. Willow lay there and listened as her best friend cried herself to sleep.
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In LA it wasn't much better.
Cordelia ran into the office of Angel Investigations. She was late. Wesley looked up as she came in.
" Luckily for you, he isn't up yet, "
" Oh thank god ! " Cordelia replied. Angel hated it when she was late. " Hang on Wesley, whats the time?"
" It's about 11 o clock . As a matter of fact, I was just about to pop out for a spot of elevenses, would you like..... " Wesley was interupted by Cordelia,
" It is 11 o clock and he hasn't come up yet! He is usually up in the office at 7 sorting out the files. Something must be wrong! "
" Even vampires need their sleep sometimes Cordelia. You may have noticed that he hasn't been sleeping well recently, well come to think of it, he hasn't been sleeping at all."
" Thats no different than usual Wesley. It's his thing! During the day he broods about Buffy and fights evil, and during the night he catches up with some more brooding."
" It's not healthy. I think I may have words with him about it. It's getting serious........"
Just then, a lot of loud bangs were heard coming from downstairs as the elevator rose up.
" Shut up Wesley, he's coming, just act normal "
Angel banged the gate of the elevator shut in frustration and walked towards the office where Cordelia and Wesley were sitting. He was in a foul mood. His heart and his soul were slowly being ripped from him with every day he spent away from Buffy. She had made him feel complete. Together, they were unbeatable, without her, he was empty, he was nothing. Every day he had to stop himself, force himself, from going back to her. For her he would go to hell forever. His need for the Slayer, the Chosen One of all her generation had grown to the point where he wanted Buffy Anne Summers more than he wanted his soul. For one more night in her arms, he was willing to be damned forever. Just to know her touch, feel her sigh.........What was a millenium of torture compared to that single instant of paradise?
But he couldn't do that to her. As much as he wanted, no, needed to be with her, he couldn't do that to her. She made him so happy, and it was happiness that was his curse. If he even went near her, even one look at her was a risk for losing his soul. And he couldn't do that to her, not again. The painful memories flooded back as he remembered how he had tortured her and the things that he had said to her. It was better this way, painful and hard, but better. If only there was another way. Angel sighed as he smashed the lid of the coffee filter back down.
" Have a good sleep? ", Cordelia asked. Angel muttered a reply,
"No, why do you ask? " As Cordelia was about to reply, Wesley butted in,
" Angel, we are worried about you. After all this time, don't you think that you should be moving on, or at least trying to? Talk to us, we want to help you, but we can't if all you do is close off and brood about Buf..."
" Don't say it, don't say her name ", Angel growled, and Wesley retreated. Angel grabbed his coffee, stormed off to the inner office and slammed the door.
Back in the front office, Cordelia gave Wesley a murderous glare and marched up the the door that Angel had slammed seconds earlier. She knocked once softly and when there was no answer she knocked again, louder this time. Still no answer. Cordelia sighed , opened the door and walked in, shutting it carefully behind her.
" Angel?"
The room was in pitch blackness, there was silence, only the sound of Cordelia's breathing. If she hadn't known better, she would have thought that she was the only person in the room. She reached for the switch, and light flooded the place.
Angel was sitting in a big leather chair, his back to Cordelia, on the other side of the room.
Cordelia approached the chair cautously. " Angel? "
Still no answer.
Cordelia, suddenly losing her patience, jerked the chair round. " ANGEL! "
But when she saw his face, all the anger left her. There were tears in his eyes, and his hand was shaking as he tried to sip the coffee. Cordelia couldn't help herself- she lent down and gave him a big hug. He was shaking all over, she noticed.
" Angel....", she said softly," please, tell me whats wrong. I'm sorry that Wesley had a go at you before about everything , but he's really worried about you, we both are. If you would just talk to us more, maybe we could understand.........why you act the way you do sometimes."
She pulled away from the hug and smiled at him reassuringly. He wiped a tear from his eye and put the cup of coffee down.
" I'm sorry I snapped back there, I just couldn't take it I guess."
" Whats wrong? " Cordelia was scared, she had never seen him quite like this before.
" I had a dream, no different than the other dreams I have really, you know, Buffy and I getting back together, that sort of thing." Angel smiled that little half-smile.
" Well, what was different about it, why are you so upset? "
" I became human, and got back together with Buffy, it was great, but......." he trailed off.
" What?" Cordelia heard herself say.
" It was so real, I felt my heart beat, I really did!! I felt everything and it was so vivid and I was so happy........but then I woke up, and for a minute I thought that it had actually happened, and I was so happy, I just lay there with my eyes closed for a while. Then I opened my eyes and I looked around, and I realised..........." Angel's voice started to break and he closed his eyes.
Cordelia leant in and hugged him tight. Behind them, Wesley opened the door and came in.
" I'm really sorry, for having a go at you like that Angel, I have no idea what you must be going through and I had no right to.........", Wesley looked up as he came in and saw the picture before him.
Cordelia looked up and smiled. Wesley came forward and knelt down next to the two of them and started patting Angel on the arm in reassurance.
Suddenly Cordelia pulled out of the embrace with a cry and fell back onto Wesley.
" Vision! "
Cordelia saw a demon and a fight and a sword and.............Buffy.
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Xander, Willow, Spike , Riley , Giles and Buffy wandered through the woods. They were looking for the latest demon. It had made it's presence known by killing a few people by electromagnetic waves. Buffy walked ahead of the others, deep in thought. Behind her, the others were deciding what to get Buffy for her birthday.
Although her birthday was only two days away, this was the first time it had been brought up. Buffy hated being reminded of her birthday. Apart from the pain of realising that she had spent another year without Angel by her side, it also brought up the painful memories of her previous birthdays. None of them particularly good, but it was her seventeenth birthday that was the worst.......or the best maybe. Se could never quite work it out. It was the night of her seventeenth birthday that she had last been truly happy. She had been with Angel that night, after they had escaped from the Judge. She remembered the touch of his hand on her body, so cold, making her feel so warm. Everytime she touched him it was like getting an electric shock, and the feel of him inside her, and been , well, indescribable. But then, the other memories began to seep in, of his words to her after he lost his soul, of the anger and hate in his eyes as he looked at her. Her angel was gone, and in his place, in his body, was a monster.
Her friends always avoided the subject of her birthday, but it had been Riley that had brought it up. He didn't know anything about what had happened, he had never heard of Angel. He didn't know why at the mention of it, tears had come to Buffy's eyes and she had walked off, nor why the bodies of her 3 friends had stiffened at the mention of it.
Suddenly from the bushes, the demon leapt out onto Buffy, who was about 50 metres in front of her friends. She swung round and kicked it in the face. The demon, angry, lunged at her, pushing her onto the floor. The sword flew out of her hand. She looked round desperatly for her friends but they were still around the corner, deep in conversation.The demon looked over her and leant forward. The electricity in him started to build up and Buffy could feel the tingling of sparks on her neck. " This is it " she thought to herself, " this is how I'm going to die ". She closed her eyes and waited for the shock to come. But nothing happened. As impatient as ever she opened her eyes. The demon had gone, she turned around, still on the ground and saw it. It was fighting somebody else. She looked around to see her friends slowly coming around the corner. " If not them then, who? " she thought to herself. Suddenly she felt her body heat double and the hair on the back of her neck begin to rise and then, the tingling in her stomach that she knew she only got when one person was around. Angel.
Buffy swung around and picked up her sword. There he was. Angel. The demon was on the floor a few metres away from where he stood. Angel looked up, straight at Buffy. They stared at each other. becoming lost in each others eyes. One set deep, dark brown, the the other bright, hazel. They stood there, staring at each other, at a loss for words. During this pause, the demon had stood up and got prepared to fight again. Buffy cried out " Angel! ", but it was too late. The demon was on Angel's back and Buffy could see the sparks flying off, the pain in Angel's eyes. Buffy picked up her sword and ran at them, she got the demon through the heart, at which point, it promptly fell off. Buffy and Angel fell to the ground on top of each other, breathless.
As Angel lay there with Buffy on top of him, he could feel her warmth seeping through. His whole body started to burn with passion. He could smell her hair - like honeysuckle and he breathed her scent in deeply. He was home.
Buffy relaxed against the muscles in his chest. He was so cold. She wanted to grab him and keep him close to her forever. She couldn't let him go again. Tears ran down her face and she started sobbing into him.
Angel sat up and hesitently wrapped his arms around her to comfort her. She held on to him tightly and buried her face in his chest. Angel stroked Buffy's long golden hair and rocked her gently on his lap.
" Buffy? ". Angel heard her friends worried calls. Buffy heard them too and sat up. She wiped the tears from her eyes, took Angel's hand and pulled them out of the little glade and back onto the path.
Xander turned around and sighed in relief. " She's here guys, I found her!" , he callled out to the others. They turned around and smiled at Buffy. " Thank God you are OK! " Riley said and came forward to hug her. Just then, Angel appeared out of the glade. Riley stopped abrubtly.
" Well well, what do we have here? If it isn't my sodding sire, how's that soul doing for ya mate? " chuckled Spike who reached forward and patted Angel on the shoulder.
" Deadboy! What are you doing here? ", Xander asked.
The tension in the circle grew. Riley obviously had no clue about what was going on. Nobody spoke for a while. Giles broke the silence.
" Angel......how very....nice to see you. What......incidentaly...ARE you doing here? "
" Cordelia had a vision about Buffy and this demon so I came to help." He was still holding Buffy's hand and at this point he let go.
Riley began to speak, " Look, I don't know who you are, and obviously you have some issues to discuss, but, could someone please fill me in here? "
" Angel is Buffy's ex, and, if you are wondering why I called him ' Deadboy ' before it is because he is a VAMPIRE."
" You dated a vampire? ", Riley stuttered. " But why? How? " Buffy took Riley by the arm and lead him away to explain.
Angel was left standing there. There was an awkward silence. " Look. I know you guys don't really like me that much, and I can live with that and I know I should never have come back now, but Cordelia had the vision and I just had to come and see if everything was OK. ", Angel tried to explain his behavior. Willow came up to Angel and hugged him, " It's nice to see you Angel and I know that Buffy will feel better now that she knows you still care about her ...."
" I never stopped caring about her. What made her think.........."
" But Angel, " Willow interupted, continuing, " If you are going to leave again, don't hang around. The longer she sees you here, the harder it will be for her when you go again."
" I know, I will go, but I have to say goodbye first. "
Xander spoke now, " Look Angel, " Angel looked up in surprise at hearing his own name, " I know that I have never really been that nice or friendly towards you, but I know how you feel about Buffy and when you left, you did the right thing and put her first, and I respect you for that. I'm sorry. I guess I underestimated you. " Xander offered Angel his hand and Angel took it. They shook hands.
" Would you like to come back with us and get something to eat?", Giles offered, " Or drink, in your case"
" Thanks for the offer, but I'd better be heading back to LA , else the sun will rise and I'll burst into flames before I get home. " Angel smiled. " I'll just say goodbye to Buffy first"
Buffy came back, Riley following, a sullen expression on his face.
" Look guys, do you mind going ahead, I have to talk to Angel for a second, " , The others started to walk away, but Riley stayed where he was. " Riley, you too please, " , Buffy asked, " I have some things to discuss with Angel in private.".
Riley didn't move, " I'm not leaving you alone with a vampire Buffy. ", Riley said, " I'm staying RIGHT HERE"
Buffy took Angel's hand and they walked off, leaving Riley standing alone, arms crossed, furious with rage.
They walked along in silence. After a while Angel decided that he must speak,
" Look Buffy, I'm sorry I came and messed everything up like this but......."
" Messed everything up? Angel, you haven't done anything wrong."
" Yes, I have. I shouldn't have come back into your life like this. It's not fair on you, because I'm only going to leave again. " Angel swallowed back the tears.
" Leave? You're going to leave me again? " Buffy whispered through tears.
" I have to. Nothing has changed since I left. All the reasons are still there. "
" Angel, I tried to do what you said, to have a normal life, with a normal guy. Hell, I tried."
" Buffy..."
"Just listen ... Riley came along, and he was nice ... but that was all. Just nice. I didn't really feel anything for him, but seeing you at Thanksgiving, even if it was just for five minutes ..."
Both Buffy and Angel swallowed convulsively, but for different reasons,
" ... it just hurt so much, reminding me of what I couldn't have! So then I threw myself into the life that you wanted for me, that normal life. Ok, Riley wasn't exactly your average Joe, but he was as close as I could get with the slayage and all, so I went out with him. And I liked him. And I loved him ..."
Angel's face creased with pain
".. but never the way I loved, the way I still and always will love, you. Riley is good and sweet, and he made me feel loved when I really needed it. He was comfortable and safe and could give me that normal life that you insisted I have ..."
Angel interrupted,
"Buffy you deserve to have a normal life without any pain ..."
"Angel, I tried normal on for size, and it didn't fit. And anyway, - I deserve 'normal'? Why should I settle for normal? Why should I put up with normal, and average, and routine, and standard when I could have extraordinary, unique and amazing? And that's what you are Angel, all those wonderful things, and you make me feel special. I want the fire and the passion that you make me feel, just by being near. I want you Angel!"
To emphasize her speech Buffy clung to Angel, kissing him desperately as she tried to show him in deed as well as in word. As their lips and tongues feverishly embraced, their arms did the same. Buffy had one hand entwined in Angel's hair, holding his head close to hers as the other danced over his well-muscled back. Angel's arms clasped them firmly together, his hands setting afire the skin of her back.
As they continued to press against one another, desperate for as much contact as possible, Buffy became aware of Angel's body stirring at their closeness.
" Buffy....." Angel moaned , " Stop, we can't do this." Tears ran down his face. " We can't do this Buffy." " Why not? " Buffy replied, tears streaming down her face. " It's what we want, it's what we both want, I know it is." " It's something we can't have Buffy, however much we want it. That happiness of being together isn't ours to take. Everytime I'm near you, I'm close to you, my soul is in danger Buffy. You make me happy, too happy. Happiness is my curse, and I feel my soul stirring everytime I look at you. I never told you this Buffy, but it wasn't the ....the......sex, that made me lose my soul. It was afterwards. My moment of true happiness was watching you sleep! Now, do you see why we can't be together?" " What are you going to do? " The tears were running freely down Buffy's face now and Angel kept brushing them away with the palm of his hand. " I'm leaving . I'm going back to LA. " Buffy rested her head against his chest, gasping for air. "When ? " " Tonight." " No, no Angel, you can't. It's too soon, it's too soon. There's not enough time. " As she said those last words, Angel's mind went back to the last time he had heard them and he gasped. " Please Angel, just one more day, please, thats all I ask. Please? " As Angel looked down into those beautiful hazel eyes, looking pleadingly up at him, he felt he couldn't refuse, he owed it to her. " Alright, just one more day Buffy, just one more day. "
Tears again welled in Buffy's eyes as her heart swelled almost painfully in her chest. Overcome, she buried her head against Angel's shoulder and sobbed, crying even harder as Angel maneuvered her into his lap, hugging her close. They sat that way for a long time, holding each other as years of pain and anguish were cathartically released, and soothed by the embrace of the other. Buffy's heaving shoulders quieted, and her fingers played with the buttons of Angel's shirt as she collected herself. Lifting her head once more she found Angel's eyes trained on hers, the intensity of his gaze making her tingle.
Already close together, Buffy eased even closer, bringing her lips up to press against Angel's in an achingly slow, incredibly soft kiss. Her hands roamed over his chest, delighting in the coolness beneath her palms. One of Angel's hands was involved in similar motions on her own back, while the other entangled itself in her golden hair. The kiss deepened, and they both became lost in the feel of each other, occupying themselves in a passionate embrace, during which they failed to notice the 3 pairs of eyes glued on them.
When they finally released each other from the embrace, Buffy glanced around to see Willow and Xander staring at her speechless. She let go of Angel and turned round fully. " Guys.............." Willow interupted, " Buffy, it's not us you should be talking to. We're not going to judge you. We've seen how much you love each other and we know what you are like when you are away from him. " Who should I be talking to? " Xander nodded his head to the left and Buffy looked at where he had directed. Riley was standing there, completly still, in shock. Buffy walked up to him slowly and said softly, "Riley, you're such a good man, you deserve real happiness - but I can't give that to you. I'm sorry. My hearts not in it. I tried to love you, to get over Angel, but no-one can fill the gap that he left in my heart, but him. And I know that I don't actually have him now and that he is going to leave me again, but I don't think that it is fair on you because I love him so much and there is no room in my heart to love anyone else. I'm sorry. "
For a second Buffy thought that Riley was going to collapse, but then he grabbed a stake out of the bag of equipment that he was carrying and ran at Angel. Angel dodged out of the way and Riley nearly fell flat on his face, but then he turned and lunged at Angel again. Buffy ran at Riley and held him off Angel screaming at the top of her voice. He stood up, and took one last look at her, before running off into the darkness. Buffy looked around. Willow and Xander had disappered. Angel was crouching in the centre of the clearing. Riley had staked him, but fortunatly, had missed his heart. Buffy walked forward and held Angel in her arms. They sat there like that in the clearing as the rain started to fall.
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Angel sighed, shifting slightly against his soft cotton sheets as his mind climbed towards consciousness through the foggy remnants of a dreamless sleep. Eyes closed, he was loath to move and leave the unusually warm and peaceful cocoon he was floating in, as the sounds of traffic and other human activity filtered into the bedroom. Becoming more aware the warm breath on his face told him to wait.
Heavy eyelids still closed, resisting his weak attempts to open them, Angel catalogued some startling facts that until this moment he hadn't been fully conscious of. One of his legs was thrown over a firm, silky thigh, one of his arms held a warm body close, very close to his chest, and puffs of sweet air on his face told him that a pair of lips were close to his own.
Sliding his arm gently up the other person's back, caressing it through the thin fabric that covered it, Angel's lips curved into a smile as he inched forward and pressed them against a soft, receptive mouth. 'What a wonderful dream.'
'What a wonderful dream.' Buffy thought, as her mind registered a gentle, familiar kiss to her mouth. She hadn't had this dream in a while, and despite what she told herself in broad daylight, she had missed it. She had missed imagining this tender embrace, these hands roaming over her body setting it alight at their touch, missed this incredible feeling of happiness and peace. But most of all she missed him.
As his kisses stilled momentarily, allowing her to draw in necessary air, his name emerged at the front of her mind.
"Angel," she breathed, as her eyelids fluttered open.
Pulling ever so slightly away from her delicious mouth, Angel opened his eyes to see Buffy's head close to his on the pillow, her smooth skin flushed faintly pink.
"Angel," she breathed as her eyelids fluttered open, presenting him with the hazel gems beneath them. The way she said his name, the way she breathed it as if the word itself was as essential to her existence as oxygen - it caused a pang in his chest as he remembered happier days. Days of companionship and laughter and love. But those days were long gone, and all he had left to him were dreams like this.
Pressing his lips to hers again, more firmly this time, Angel was determined to enjoy this unusually vivid dream for as long as he could. Though he fantasised often of such situations, the dream world was only a dull, lightweight depiction of reality, so it was strange that Buffy's lips tasted so sweet to him. It was strange that this shifting of her body against his felt so real, strange that her gentle moan as his hand swept over her unusually warm body rang so true.
"Angel," Buffy moaned, in between his passionate kisses. One of her hands was trapped between their two bodies, while the other trailed over his bare chest and back, reacquainting itself with the smooth, cool contours of naked muscle and flesh.
She sighed again as he transferred his kisses to her neck, his hand tangling briefly in her curly hair before sliding down her back. 'I'm in heaven,' she thought as his hand drifted around to her front, slowly moving upwards to cup a warm, full breast through her flannel top. At that intimate touch Buffy gasped, breathless as her eyes shot open.
"Angel?" As her eyes ran over the room she was in, Buffy tried to draw his attention away from the hollow of her throat that he was so absorbed with. However his activities there meant that his name came out more as a throaty moan than as a demanding question. Steeling herself against the shivers of delight running through her body, Buffy tried his name once more.
"Angel!" Buffy's worried tone pulled Angel back to reality and he stilled, his mouth pausing just millimetres away from her delectable skin. Reluctantly he drew away, his hands leaving her warm body as he met her worried gaze.
" This isn't a dream. You're really here, next to me. " Buffy gasped. " For today. "
Angel gazed into Buffy's luminous eyes, their heads resting close together on the pillow as they lay quietly side-by-side. Every now and then he would lean forward, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips, or accepting one of her sweet touches in return. His hand resting on her exposed shoulder, Angel pulled back from a particularly tender kiss, and memorised the contours of her serene face. Her eyes remained closed, and a tear emerged from under her lashes, slowly trickling down her cheek. His brow furrowed, Angel softly brushed the tear away with the back of his hand, concerned at her troubled mood.
"Buffy," he said softly. "Buffy, tell me what's wrong?" It was some moments before she answered.
"It's just . I wish ." Buffy sniffled, "I wish we could wake up like this every day." Angel sighed, as her eyelids lifted and he met her sad gaze. "I know love, I know."
"It's just not fair!" Buffy cried, as she sat up in the bed. "Why should everyone else get to be happy except us? I worked so hard to forget you, but I just couldn't." Angel sat up next to her, and held her hand. "Angel, nothing's the same since you left. I tried so hard . I really thought I was doing well . But these last few hours with you showed me how wrong I was. And no matter how much I love seeing you , I can't keep doing it, because it makes not being together that much harder to take.
"Shh, shh." As Buffy erupted into sobs, Angel took her in his arms, resting her head on his shoulder as he stroked her back. He couldn't stand to see her so upset. And she was right. No matter how perfect the past few hours had been, close to each other in the hazy moments before full consciousness, the inevitable parting was just too painful. Buffy lifted her head, and stared into his tortured eyes. Suddenly wrapping her arms around his neck she pulled him to her, desperately kissing him with passionate abandon. Knowing it was possibly the last embrace they would share made it bittersweet, and Angel eagerly returned her kiss, before burying his head in the crook of her neck.
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" We'll have one perfect last day together, like we never had before, like a normal happy couple enjoying ourselves with our friends." Buffy hadn't really wanted to spend her last day with Angel with her friends, but her Willow and Xander had organised a birthday party for her and as much as Willow had protested that the party could be postponed, Buffy knew she had to go, to save their friendship. Plus it was meant to be held at Buffy's house.
"Angel!" Buffy called out, "Can you let them in?" Angel got up from where he and Spike had been in the living room and let their friends in. The four talked for a few minutes, Anya and Spike running interference between Angel and the one who called him Dead Boy, and then Buffy and Willow came out of the kitchen, arms pilled with food. They set everything down on the table, then Willow asked, "So, what movies did you guys get?"
"We got three, cause we couldn't decide. One's a romantic comedy, one's a sex-centered comedy, and one's just plain sex-centered." Anya told her.
"Can't Hardly Wait , American Pie , and Cruel Intentions ." Xander supplied.
"I wanted the last two-they've got some hot chicks in them man! And Willow wanted the other."
"I vote for American Pie." Spike said immediately.
Willow punched his arm lightly, But I wanna see Can't Hardly Wait. There's this one guy..."
"Sorry Will, but I'm with Spike. American Pie." Xander added.
"Can't Hardly Wait!"
"Well, we'll get to watch all three. And we've all pretty much seen all of them, so does it really matter?" Buffy played peacemaker.
"I haven't." Angel informed her.
She tuned her still arguing friends out and turned to him, "Have you seen any of them?" she asked kindly.
"Just the one Willow wants to see. You dragged me to it, remember?"
"I guess I did...." Buffy then turned to her friends and said loudly,
"That's enough!" They all stopped and looked at the Slayer. "Now, since Angel hasn't seen two of them, we're gonna let him pick. American Pie or Cruel Intentions?"
"Well," the vampire began, all eyes on him, "Since Xander wants to see American Pie..." He went over to the videos and picked up a box, "Cruel Intentions it is." He handed it to Buffy, who laughed as she went over to put it in the VCR.
"I saw that one coming." Anya grinned at her pouting boyfriend. "Good choice though Angel. I think you'll like the girl in this one a lot."
"Only if she's exactly like Buffy." Buffy felt her heart turn to mush.
"Well, she looks kinda like her. But attitude...no. Well, at least I don't think...." Xander said, looking skeptically at Buffy.
"NO!" Buffy said firmly. "I am not at all like her..."
"Well, a boy can dream....OWWW!" The last as Anya smacked him, hard, on the arm. "Sorry." Everybody laughed. Buffy went to the VCR and hit "play." She grabbed the remote, and began to ff through all the previews at the beginning. When the movie finally began, she turned and went to grab a seat. She had to grin at the sight that greeted her. Spike sat on one end of her couch. Willow was sprawled out along the whole couch, her head resting in her boyfriends lap. Spike was whispering little things in her ear as he played with her hair. Xander lay in the middle of her floor with Anya spooned in front of him. His arms were wrapped around her and her one arm held his closely to her.
'There's a shock,' Buffy thought, 'Anya not only allowing a PDA but actually agreeing to lay on the floor. Guess the girl really is mellowing out a little.' Then she turned to the love seat, where Angel sat. He looked slightly uncomfortable, he hadn't just hung out with her and her friends in, well, ever. With her, yes,he used to all the time. But never just relaxed and watched movies or played games with the gang. Buffy began to wonder why she hadn't invited him before, it would have made her feel less like a fifth wheel. She headed over and sat down next to him, keeping her distance slightly. She wasn't sure exactly how things were between them. As Buffy sat down, Angel was slightly disappointed.
He reached over and put an arm around her. She stiffened slightly for a moment, as if fearing where the contact would lead. Then she looked at all her friends, curled up with their loves, and all her thoughts fled. She leaned comfortably into him, relishing the safe and protected feelings she always had when she was in his embrace. Everyone watched Cruel Intentions.
Hours later, Anya got up from the floor long enough to put in the second movie. She noted that Spike + Will were asleep on the couch, exhausted from the previous nights slayage. Xander wasn't, but she could tell he would be soon. So would she for that matter, even though it was mid-afternoon. She looked at Buffy and Angel then. Buffy was leaning against his side, and his arms were wrapped around her. Her eyes were closed, but Anya saw that she was not asleep, just enjoying the moment. Angel looked down into her face, with eyes only for her. . By the time the movie was half done, everyone was sleeping except Buffy and Angel. And they weren't exactly watching it, each was too busy thinking about the other.
By the time Buffy returned from getting a soda and putting in the third movie, she decided that a little shift in position might be in order. It was probably a little more risky than the way they had been, but she longed to be close to him again. And it was safer here, with her friends around and mother upstairs, than it would ever be. So instead of sitting down next to him again she put down her drink and used her hands to lift his legs up unto the other side of the couch. Then she slit his legs apart and settled herself between them, leaning back into his broad chest. His arms slid around her waist and she grabbed his arms and pulled them even tighter. His head came down over her shoulder.
"More comfortable?" Angel whispered.
"Much." She answered him. "I almost forgot how nice this was. Not to be worried about the future and the fate of the world, just to be happy how you are at the moment."
"World? What world?" He questioned with a grin.
"Exactly." Buffy said, turning her head to look up at him. He looked down at her upturned face, locking eyes with her. She was so beautiful.
"Buffy..." He whispered.
"We shouldn't, I know." She answered, slightly breathless. But even as she said that, she leaned up closer to him. She breathed him in deeply. He leaned down and kissed her mouth gently. After only a second he pulled back and again looked into her eyes. The love he saw there almost blew his mind away. He leaned into her again, kissing her longer this time. She turned in his arms until she lay facing him, their bodies pressed together. They continued to kiss, his hands roving across her back.
Willow woke up a little while later. She shifted her position, trying to remember where she was. Then she felt Spike around her, saw the TV going, and remembered. She sat up slowly, leaving him asleep. Then shifted position, trying to stretch her back. She turned a little then, continuing to stretch out cramped muscles. And froze. Angel lay on the couch, and Buffy lay on top of him. His hands roamed her back, under her shirt, and her hands were tangled in his dark hair. They were totally making-out. Willow grinned. She was so happy that they were back together, although she also pitied Buffy for she knew about the painful parting that was inevitable. She couldn't believe that they hadn't fallen asleep like everyone else had, but then she thought about how she'd be in their situation. She'd be pretty sleepless too, especially considering the alternative. Suddenly, she heard a noise coming from upstairs.
"Willow?
At the sound of her mother's voice, Buffy froze. 'I'm so dead.' She thought.
"Yeah, everyone else is sound asleep, last night was tough." Thankfully, you couldn't see the living room from where they were. Finding her daughter making out with the older-vampire-guy-who-used-to-be-stalking-her probably wouldn't make the woman's morning. Or day. Or year for that matter. "Guess I just wasn't that tired."
'God bless you Willow.' Buffy said quietly into Angel's shoulder.
Willow stuck her head back into the living room, whispered, "You owe me." And then followed Joyce into the kitchen.
Buffy grinned in reply. "And I'll find some huge, huge way to pay her back." She looked again at Angel. "Later." She started to kiss him again, pressing her body full length against him. They practically melted into each other, hands everywhere and mouths kissing deeply. This had to last them- until they could finally be together as they had always wanted. Their last day together was practically over. Just thinking about it made the tears start. They had to get to Giles house so he could say goodbye to Angel. Goodbye. Buffy wondered for how long.
Angel never wanted to leave. He wanted to stay there forever, in her arms, with the sound of peaceful breathing and a film in the background. He wanted it more than he had ever wanted anything in his entire life.But he knew that he couldn't have it. Not until........until......until what? He wondered. Until he furfilled his destiny, became human, if that ever happened. No, he couldn't even think about that. The tears ran down his face as he faced the prospect of never having Buffy in his arms ever again.
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Are you sure he's safe?" Angel asked as he stared across the room at Spike.
The blonde vampire was pointedly ignoring his sire by absorbing himself in an animated conversation with Willow. At least, her half of the conversation was animated. Spike was basically just staring into her wide green eyes, a small grin curling his lips.
"That's what they tell me," Buffy answered lightly. "We keep checking her neck for teeth marks, though. If we come up with an overbite, we'll know it's him."
Angel's eyes shifted to her, "This is a joke to you? He could hurt her!"
"No, he couldn't. Not now," she smiled. "Anyway, he likes her. A lot. I haven't decided yet whether to feel relieved for her or sorry for her."
Spike had made a quiet comment to the little redhead, and she nodded and stood up. His arm moved around her, and his fingers rested lightly against the small of her back as she walked with him into Giles' kitchen.
Buffy shifted slightly and turned her full attention to the dark vampire beside her, "I'm glad you came. If Cordy hadn't had that vision, we would have had a much harder time fighting off that demon."
"I'll always be here, if you need me," he smiled softly.
Her hand moved to his face, her fingers lightly brushing over his cold cheek, "I'll always need you."
His larger hand caught hers and drew her palm to his lips. He placed a soft kiss against it before curling her hand inside his. Buffy blinked against the tears in her eyes and lowered her gaze to their clasped hands.
"You could stay," she whispered.
He shook his head slowly, "I can't, Buffy. You know that."
"No, I don't. Not really. I try to tell myself that I do. I try to make everyone else believe that I understand, that I'm doing all right with it. But I'm not. Every minute of every day revolves around missing you."
He moaned softly, "I should have left the moment we destroyed that demon. I shouldn't have waited..."
"I wanted you to stay, if only for a day," she told him.
"I know," he said. "But being together--even only for a short time--just makes the separation that much more painful."
"Then why do we have to put ourselves through it?" she asked, raising her eyes to his. "Angel, I've tried to move on with my life. I've tried to find other people to fill the hole that you left in my heart. But it doesn't work. That little place is just for you."
"Buffy, nothing has changed since I left. All the reasons for my leaving are still there. I love you as I have never loved anyone, even in my mortal existence. But I can't be the things you need. I can't give you the life you deserve--"
"Why not?" she asked, her voice edged with frustration.
"Look at them!" She waved her hand in the direction of the kitchen. The dark vampire's gaze followed her gesture to the small woman who was leaning against the kitchen counter. Spike's arm was draped over her shoulders, his mouth close to her ear, his lips brushing lightly against her skin as he spoke quietly to her.
"Great gods, he's in love with her," Angel murmured, his voice flooded with dawning realization. "Does she know?"
"I don't think so," Buffy answered. "Not yet. But I know she likes being with him. They're making it work, Angel. If they can, why can't we? They have the same issues. They're the same as we are."
"They're not the same," he insisted. "I'm souled, Buffy. After what's happened to him, Spike has been forced to rely on whatever small imitation of his former humanity he still possesses, but he doesn't know the first thing about remorse or guilt. If he could, he'd hurt her in a heartbeat if she crossed him."
"Then why is he so hell-bent on keeping her safe?" the slayer asked him. "You saw him last night when we took on that demon. He'd have gotten himself killed just to make sure she was safe. Does he look to you like he has any intention of hurting her?"
Angel forced a soft sigh from his lungs. He was having a hard enough time keeping his eyes off the couple in the other room without Buffy continually drawing his attention to them. Willow had turned to face the blonde vampire. His hands rested gently on her shoulders, and he dropped a soft kiss on her lips as she looked up at him.
"It's the implant," Angel asserted.
"Guess again," Buffy contended. "He told me a couple of weeks ago--during one of our rare moments when we weren't arguing with each other--that he's had feelings for Willow for a long time. Long before he ever returned to Sunnydale. He cares about her, the way you and I care about each other. We could make it work, Angel, just like they are. I want us to have what they have!"
"Do you?" he asked her. "You want a life that's limited to the darkness? No sunlight, no family, no children around you? Buffy, I can't even be with you the way Spike could be with Willow. How many years do you think you could exist with words and promises before you'd need something more physical?"
"It wouldn't matter," she insisted.
"It would. That's what love does. No matter how deeply it's rooted in the heart and soul, it eventually demands physical completion. If I stayed here, with you, we could deny those needs--maybe for years--but not forever. Love either receives its demands, or it dies. I can't supply the former, and I couldn't bear the latter."
"No," she whispered, lowering her head as tears spilled from her eyes.
"Look at me," he asked, taking her chin and raising her eyes to his when she refused to comply.
"You're all I need," she said firmly.
"And I'm what you can't have," he added. "Not without destroying both of us and probably everyone we care about, as well."
"It isn't fair," she spat. "We can't be together because you have a soul, but a soulless, cruel bastard like Spike can have someone as wonderful as Willow."
"It isn't fair," he agreed sadly. "But it's the way it is. We can't change it. I can't stay."
The front door opened, and Giles cast a sober glance at the slayer as Angel stepped quickly away from her.
"I was afraid you'd have gone," the former watcher said to the vampire. "I wanted to thank you for helping us."
"You already did," Angel smiled. "I was just about to head back to L.A."
Giles nodded and reached out his hand, "Safe trip. Give my regards to Cordelia."
"I will," he nodded, shaking the man's hand as Spike and Willow emerged from the kitchen.
Buffy followed Angel to the door, and he stopped and looked down at the little redhead, taking her into a warm hug.
"I'll miss you," she whispered.
"Not too much," he grinned, casting a glance at the blonde vampire beside her. "Look after Buffy."
"I will," she promised.
"And you look after Willow," he cautioned, bestowing a crooked smile on Spike. "Or I'll come back here and pound you to a bloodless pulp."
"The slayer did tell you I can still beat the hell out of demons, didn't she?" Spike replied with the hint of a grin.
The dark vampire chuckled as Spike's arm wound around Willow's waist and clutched it firmly, and Angel placed his hand on Spike's shoulder and gave it a brief squeeze. Giles moved aside as Angel opened the front door and stepped outside, with Buffy following behind him. She pulled the door shut as he turned to look at her.
"I wish we could have what we need," the warm night breeze carried her whispered words to his ears.
His left hand reached for hers, their fingers intertwining, as his right hand moved to caress her wet cheek.
"We can," he answered, his voice achingly low. "We just can't have what we want."
His lowered his mouth to hers in a soft, sweet kiss, and a quiet sob flowed out with her words as her lips brushed against his, "I love you."
"I love you," he echoed, allowing his lips to linger close to hers for an agonizing moment before he released her hand and stepped away.
From the front window, Willow watched the heart-breaking exchange, her head resting against Spike's chest as his arms enfolded her from behind. Buffy stood on the doorstep, silent tears flowing freely from her eyes as Angel walked away toward the street where his car was parked. He paused and looked back at her, and they stood motionless, staring at one another, before he turned to be swallowed up in the darkness.
"Angel. Wait! " Buffy ran frantically towards him as he was about to cross the road to get into his car. "Buffy, what is it? " Angel asked, instantly alarmed.
" I just wanted one last final goodbye kiss, thats all. " , she smiled at Angel through her tears. He kissed her gently on the tip of her nose and turned away, to avoid her seeing the rush of emotion that was sweeping him. She clung on desperatly to his hand, their fingers intertwining.
Then she heard the screech of tyres, and the desperate cry of a small child. Angel pulled away and leapt into the road, sweeping the toddler from the road in front of the car and landing him gently on the grass verge. He turned around and looked for the last time at Buffy, as he stood in the middle of the road. Her eyes were so deep, he could almost get lost in them. All she could see was the love in his eyes, and then seconds before, the truck, coming straight for him. She screamed out his name and he turned. When the truck hit him he flew high in the air and bounced off the windscreen of one car, cracking it, before smashing into the bonnet of another car and finally falling into the street in front of the truck that was attempting to stop. As the truck's heavy wheels ran over him, as Buffy screamed his name again and again,he summoned his last energy, and looked at her for a final time. In his eyes this time, he could see the pain and the tiredness and the undying love for her. She saw the tears in his eyes as the heavy truck plowed over his body and saw his lips mouth the words ' I love you ' before he lay still.
Buffy lay crying over Angel's still, limp body as the sirens started in the distance.
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When the ambulance arrived and the paramedics lifted his body up, still Buffy stayed with him, blind with tears, holding his hand, begging him to wake up. As she went to the hospital in the ambulance with him, she kissed his forehead and hugged him tight. She was NEVER going to let him go. Even at the hospital, when the doctors tried to take him from her, saying he was dead, she screamed and didn't let go. He wasn't dead, he was her cold Angel who was going to wake up any second and hold her in his arms as he had held her a few hours before. The doctors eventually gave up, remarking on how strong she was. They gave him a bed and a room all of his own. Buffy still wouldn't leave him. They plugged him into the machine, which announced with a long dull tone ' No heartbeat.', ' He is dead ' , but still she refused to let him go.
Cordelia and Wesley had been called and they came to the hospital, along with a man Buffy didn't know called Gunn. The others and her mother waited in the reception with them.
Buffy watched as Angel lay there, still and quiet. She was talking to him, telling him what they would do when he woke up, and how she would not let him leave her and that they could be together forever. As she was saying this, Giles came up behind her and gave her a supportive hug.
" Buffy, I know this is hard for you to accept, but I don't think Angel is going to wake up." Buffy pulled away from him at these words. " Of course he is Giles, don't even say that. How could you say that? " Buffy burst into tears. " I'm sorry Buffy, but I have been catching up on my reading. Angel is braindead. He is not dead dead because he is not turning to dust, he is trapped Buffy. Angel is in there but he is trapped in the body. He can't speak or move. His mind is shutting down. He is in a coma Buffy, a coma that he can never come out of because he is trapped inside a dead body, not a living body like humans are when they are in that condition, a dead one. The living body cells are the only reason that humans wake up from comas Buffy. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but Angel is gone, and he is not coming back. I'll give you some time alone with him."
With that note, Giles left the room.
Buffy walked over to where Angel was. She sat on his bed and clasped his hand in hers, kissing it lovingly. Then she bent forward and kissed his lips. He was the only man she would ever love, and now she was looking at him...... he was so frail, and small lying there alone in the big bed, but he was still so beautiful. It never mattered to her. No matter in what condition he was, he always was the personification of the unsurpassed beauty for Buffy.She knew that beautiful isn't really a word used to describe a man, but there was no other word for him. She couldn't stand seeing him like that. She loved him so much. The mere thought of the pain he's been going through tore her apart. He was the world and beyond for Buffy and seeing him so helpless, made her feel that there were no more reasons for anything in her life. She kissed his hand again and concentrated on his shut eyes. She swallowed and beamed at him.
"I'm here." She said. "I'm here for you, Angel. All you gotta do now is just to open your eyes to see me. I missed you, Angel. I missed looking into these deep brown eyes of yours. You can't keep them shut forever for me. You won't, will you? You mean so much to me, Angel. You mean everything to me. I can't go on living without you. It might sound silly, for I have. I have for years now, but it's not the same. I livedknowing you were okay. That you were safe. We missed our happiness, Angel, even though we had our chance to regain it. I need you to live, Angel. I need to know you're alright before I can live my life again. There is a girl in this world, who one day will be the happiest girl on earth, Angel, and thats me. But it won't happen if you don't wake up. You must wake up. Do it for me. Can you do it for me?" She clasped his hand tighter and pressed it against her cheek. "They say you need me. I don't know if it's true, Angel, but I know another thing is. I know I need you. You have always been the source for my strength and will to go on, even before I met you. You can't take that from me, Angel. You can'ttake yourself away from me."
Tears streamed down her cheeks again, colliding against his hand. "I love you so much." She sobbed. "I wish you had the slightest idea of how much I love you. If you had, you would wake up" She wept. "You wouldn't leave me. You remember what Spike said once? He said once that without Drusilla he was nothing. I see now how right he was about love, Angel. Without you, I'm nothing. You've been taken from me. I love you. I need you safe and sound, Angel. You can do it; I know you can. All you have to do is to open your eyes." She sniveled. "It's easy. Just open your eyes. Please, Angel. Please, for me" Buffy inclined down on her and wrapped her arms around his motionless body. "For I love you so much.".
Angel didn't move and Buffy lay there with her arms around him crying her heart out. From the doorway, Willow and Xander had seen this heart-breaking exchange. They came in the room and put their arms around Buffy. The doctor came in the room to turn the machines off, but Buffy stopped him.
" Please, before you do that, just wait 5 minutes, thats all, just 5 minutes. If nothing has changed then, then I promise that I'll let you turn them off and you can move him out of here, but please, just wait 5 minutes. "
Buffy looked at the doctor pleadingly. The doctor looked at her, that at him , nodded silently and sat down next to the bed, looking at his watch.
Everybody came in the room to see Angel and Buffy then. Giles was angry that the doctors had agreed to wait before doing anything, " Raising her hopes, " he muttered to himself. Xander overheard him however and replied in outburst,
" For God's sake Giles! Let her hope OK? I know you blame Angel for Jenny's death, but that wasn't him. It was Angelus. I know that Angel and I haven't really seen eye to eye in the past and all that but I know that he loves Buffy more than anything in the world, and that right now, he will be doing everything possible to get back to her. I respect and admire Angel, and I think that as he is lying there like that right now, about to be taken away from us, the least you could do would be to forgive him, so that if you are right and he dies he will be able to forgive himself and will go to heaven instead of hell. Can you please just grant him that? "
" We just think that it would be better if Angel died now, so that Buffy won't be put through the pain of hoping in vain." Joyce replied for herself and Giles.
" Died now! What the hell are you on! " , Cordelia exclaimed and Willow joined in,
" What are you going to do? Stake him? "
" Well, yes, if it is necessary to. At least then Buffy could be definate about something." Giles replied.
And thus started a huge row. Giles and Joyce against all of the others with the doctor trying to calm everyone down. As her friends and family rowed, Buffy sat next to Angel holding his hand. Slowly, she kissed his cheek and began to walk out of the room.
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep
The machine displayed signs of a heartbeat. Suddenly the room was silient, everybody turned and stared at the bed.
" It can't be? This man has been dead for nearly three hours! It is a miriacle! " the doctor exclaimed. " Three hours! Try three hundred years! Willow thought to herself.
Buffy stepped forward,
" Angel? Angel? Can you hear me? You're alive! " she whispered into his ear. " Wake up Angel , wake up, it's me, it's Buffy, I'm here." She murmered to him, tears running down her cheeks. She stroked his face and kissed him gently on the lips. When she pulled away, she looked at him and saw his eyes begin to open.
" ANGEL! ANGEL! YOU'RE ALIVE! I CAN HEAR YOUR HEART BEATING!"
Angel's eyes fluttered open and looked around the room before resting on Buffy. Tears were running down her face as she grabbed him and held him close to her chest. After a while she heard little sounds coming from there and she pulled away. " What is it? Did you say something? "
Angel smiled that sweet half-smile he got sometimes.
" I said that now I'm alive I actually do need to breath and so that was rather an awkward position."
Buffy gasped and new tears began to run down her cheeks, this time, however, not tears of sadness, tears of joy.
Angel struggled to sit up in bed, but eventually succeeded. " Excuse me guys, " he said addressing the others in the room, " but I would like to talk to Buffy alone for a minute if you don't mind. " he grinned, " Don't think I don't appreciate all you coming to see me off though."
Xander nodded and left the room, the others soon following.
Buffy sat down on the side of the bed and smiled at Angel through her tears. " Hey, what is it Buffy? Please don't cry. Whats wrong? " Angel said gently, as he reached up and stroked her face, wiping away the tears.
" I........I........I thought...that......you were.....dead. " Buffy stuttered.
" So did I Buffy. I thought that too. I was trying so hard to get back to you. Eventually I nearly gave up, I was so exhausted, but then....then I heard you say all those things to me...and I knew I had to get back......and that if I did, I was never going to leave you again. " Angel's voice broke as the tears started to well in his eyes. Buffy leant forward and kissed his forehead, and then he rested it on Buffy's shoulder. Buffy ran her fingers through his hair and kissed the top of his head occasionally as he sobbed into her shoulder. Eventually, Angel pulled away.
" Buffy, I have something to tell you. Something that I have never been able to tell you before, however many times I practiced beforehand. I could just never get the right words out when I saw you. I could barely get out those three words, yet alone the rest." Angel swallowed deeply. " So I'll say them now. " He pulled away from Buffy and looked her right in the eyes.
" I love you Buffy. I always have. You have always held my soul in the palm of your hand. Most other people brought more darkness, but you......." Angel gently stroked the tears off Buffy's face with his thumb, as they began to trickle down. ".......you brought me sunlight. You lit up my cold dark world, and I love you for it. I'll love you forever, until all the stars go out........" He was stopped mid sentance as Buffy put her finger over his lips.
" And I'll love you even longer. " Buffy finished for him. Angel held Buffy in his arms as close as he could and let all his senses fill with her essence.
" Let me finish..." He whispered in her ear, smiling gently as he held her. " But I always had to be the strong one, I loved you so much that I had to nearly kill myself so I could give you a chance to be happy. When I left you, I could feel my heart breaking into little pieces, and it hurt. It hurt and it never stopped until yesterday. " Buffy looked up, willing him to continue as he struggled to hold back the tears. ".....Yesterday.....when you held me in your arms I knew. I knew. " " Knew what? " Buffy whispered. " I knew that even though I might never see you again, never kiss you or hold you in my arms. Never become human, like I dreamt every night, and return to you. I knew that I might never see heaven..." Angel paused. "...... I didn't care anymore, because I was already there. Heaven was already with me, wrapped tightly in my arms. I knew that whatever happened, it was OK, because, that was all the heaven I would ever need. You, were all I would ever need."
Finally free, the tears came. Faces close together, their tears mixed with each others and they held each other tighter, not wanting to let go. They sat there like that for a long time. Their eyes locked on each other, unwilling to look away. Eventually Buffy pulled away,
" But, Angel..." she said stroking his face, "......thats all over now. You're here, with me, and your heart is beating....See...." she took Angels hand and placed it over his heart. ".....It's beating, and you're warm, and now we can be with each other forever, like we always wanted. But....." She stopped. " But what? " Angel whispered, clasping her hand inside his own. " How did this happen?" she finished, staring at their hands, their fingers intertwining. " It was my destiny, it was always my destiny. Once I had made up for all the people I killed back in my evil days, I would become human. That little boy I saved, he was the last one. I had finally surpassed the total number of people I killed with the ones I had saved. Saving you last night made the numbers equal, and that little boy was the final one." " Then why? Why were you put in the coma? " Angel grinned. " Even the PTB aren't that quick Buffy. They had to spend a bit of time, you know, organising things. Putting me in the coma was the only way they could do it and for it to be safe. The trauma of making a dead body alive again after so long can't just be done any way. It is a lot for the body to go through. Putting me in the coma, meant that my body wasn't occupied with anything else, so that it could fully work. "
He wrapped his arms around her, and she leant back relaxed, delighting in the warmth beneath her.
" Now, I have something I have been meaning to give you for a long time, and I think that now is the perfect time to do it, as it is your birthday in approximatly 2 and a half minutes. It isn't your full present though, if you like, it is kind of your re-birthday present." He laughed to himself and Buffy turned around and looked at him confused. Then he reached inside his trouser pocket and brought out something. Something small and silver. A reminder of a birthday long ago. " my Claddagh ring! " Buffy gasped." Where did you get it? " " I found it one day, in the mansion, after I had been brought back from hell, and I kept it, meaning to give it to you when we could finally be together again. So, now I'm giving it to you. " Buffy smiled as Angel slipped it on her finger. " Thank you. Thank you for loving me" Buffy murmered to him. Angel's lips turned into a large smile, tiny laughter lines crinkled at his eyes as his whole face came alive.
"Buffy, I really had no say in the matter. I gave you my heart that very first day; there was never any going back after that. Maybe this really was our destiny" he continued to smile.
" What do you mean, our destiny? " Buffy asked, again confused.
" That explanation comes with the second part of your present." He grinned and reached out for his jacket. From the left pocket, he took a small parcel, wrapped beautifully with paper and ribbons, and gave it to Buffy.
" Thank you" she whispered and kissed him gently and tenderly on the lips as she began to untie the ribbons. It was a book of poetry. Written neatly on the inside cover were the words:
Love Eternal. In heart, in soul, in body , always, Angel
" Oh Angel, it's beautiful! " Buffy gasped and tears came to her eyes again. " But I still don't understand what you meant about our destiny."
Angel took the book in his hands and turned to a page that he had bookmarked with a ribbon. " I was looking at this poem. It was written by a monk in the 7th Century, but the moment I read it, I knew that it was about us. Go on, read it " Buffy held his hand and read the poem slowly:
One born of light, but touched by darkness,
One born of darkness, but touched by light.
Two ancient lovers destined to be together since time began,
They were separated, only to be reunited throughout history.
Neither death, nor time, nor the destruction of this very world,
Can keep their souls from each other.
Let all who try to oppose their union face witness to the light they both create and submit.
To their might, to their love and to the prophecy that binds them together.
" What do you think? " Angel whispered to her, " Do you think that I was just being silly? " He looked at Buffy, tears were running down her face and she squeezed his hand tightly. " No, you weren't being silly Angel..." she managed to say, " ...it is about us, it is perfect.
Buffy snuggled back into the comfort of her lover's hard chest, now so warm. Her eyes closed over and her breathing slowed as she relaxed into the arms of her Angel, who had come back from death for her. For the first time in a long time she felt completly safe. Angel's strong-arms were holding her tight. He would never let her fall, not her Angel. He was friend, her lover and her guardian all rolled into one.
Angel relaxed as Buffy sank into him and remembered the dream that he had had. It seemed so long ago, but it was only yesterday. He desperatly hoped that this wasn't a dream. If it was, then he wished that he would never wake up, it was perfect. He could feel his one true love's arms around him, smell her delicious scent and underneath it all he felt his heart beat firmly and strong. Now he was truly in heaven.
But he had one more thing left to do.
Gently pulling away from the enticing embrace, Angel was about to speak but before he even finished opening his mouth he was silenced by a pair of warm lips. Buffy clutched at Angel's head as she kissed him ferociously, partly to keep him close and partly for support, as the sheer joy of being close to him again rushed through her. Angel's arms slid around her, pulling Buffy tight against his body as the kiss deepened and tears slid down her cheeks.
Reeling, Buffy was forced to pull away so that she could breathe and try to regain her senses that were currently turned to overload. She was stunned to see Angel's deep eyes welling with tears, and as he opened his mouth to speak, she hushed him by placing her hand over his lips. Angel shook her hand away,
" Buffy, it's a good thing I have almost a century of experience in the field of self-control....." Buffy's heart swelled at these words, " but I just want to ask you one thing." Buffy looked at Angel expectantly. He looked Buffy deep in the eyes,
" Will you marry me? "
Disbelieving, Buffy gazed up at him, but could see nothing but love shining back at her as Angel lowered his head to kiss her. Still for a moment, she then returned the kiss whole-heartedly, sliding her hand up Angel's back and pressing herself to him. Buffy marveled at Angel's warmth as she lost herself in his embrace. His rapid heartbeat reverberated through her body which was in such close contact to his, and his hot breath teased her sensitive skin as he began to trail kisses along her jaw-line.
" Will you?" Angel asked again, hope surging through him.
" Hmmmmmm, I don't know. I'll have to think about that one." Buffy teased .
At Angel's impatient growl Buffy laughed, " Yes" Angel looked at Buffy, beaming. " You knew the answer all along Angel, you didn't even have to ask."
Buffy smiled and gave him a deep kiss affirming their love and commitment. Arching into his warm body, Buffy clutched at Angel's shoulders as his kiss practically made her swoon. Holding her tight in return, one hand fixed to the small of her back, Angel ran the other hand through her hair - his actions both tender and passionate. Pressing themselves as close together as they could, the embrace soon overloaded both their senses as they became hopelessly aroused.
" No, Angel. Stop it, this is wrong..." Buffy moaned. Angel pulled away reluctantly. " Whats wrong?" He asked, worried about what Buffy was going to say. Buffy laughed at his alarmed face. " Well its not wrong, but we shouldn't be doing it." She looked at Angel again, amused by his panicked expression. " What I mean to say is, you're sick, in hospital. You need your rest and you definatly don't need me climbing all over you! " Angel relaxed, " I don't know..." he laughed, " I find that a bit of Buffy love is always the best cure when I'm not feeling well ! " She looked up into his eyes and saw the love shining down from them all for her. " Well, if you put it that way! " Buffy laughed, leant forward and kissed Angel , a soft kiss, full of passion, that sent shivers down his spine. Eventually he pulled away for air and then came back, devouring her face with small kisses. They lay in silence for a while, each listening to the other's breathing and relishing every second they spent with each other.
"I was so hurt, so bitter," Buffy murmured, her fingers tapping his chest to the rhythm of his heart. "I never hated you, but I wanted to."
"Because I left you?" Angel asked, capturing the fingers, drawing them up to his lips, kissing them each softly.
"Because I couldn't," she replied. "Because I loved you so much and I couldn't stop, I could never stop. So I wanted to hate you instead. But I could never do that either."
"I just wanted you to be happy," Angel murmured. Her arm, released, curled around his neck and she shifted her wait, curling herself around him more.
"I know. And you were right. You were right that we could never have had a normal relationship, never could have had a truly happy life together. But we can now. That's all that matters. We can now."
"And we will," he promised. "A thousand perfect days. I just wish I could take back all the imperfect ones."
"Why?" Buffy asked softly, propping herself up on his chest to look him in the eye. "Why would you take them back?"
"Because you don't deserve any unhappy days, and I gave you far too many."
"But without them, how would I ever know how perfect this is, right now?" Buffy asked, stroking his face lightly. "To know true happiness, you have to have true despair. And now I've had both. With you."
"Am I wrong to wish I could take back the despair, and make your life perfect and happy always? I can't help it," Angel explained. "You deserve sunshine and roses and everything amazing in this world." Buffy shook her head slightly, and then laid it down on his chest, listening to the thump-thump of his heart, reveling in the sound. This was joy, pure joy. Laying in his arms, listening to the beating of his heart, knowing that it would beat like that forever. Thump-thump. Thump-thump.
"Maybe I do," she whispered. "Maybe everyone does. But I take what I can get. These last few minutes of perfection mean more to me than a hundred thousand days of unhappiness. And everyone has both. That's what being human is. That's what living is."
"And now we're both living," Angel agreed. "Together."
"Together," Buffy agreed. She lifted her head to look at him, her eyes filling with tears again, though she didn't know why.
"Shh," he whispered. "None of that. No crying. You've already done enough for a lifetime."
"And you haven't?" Buffy laughed softly. "But these are tears of joy. I'm happy Angel. I've never been this happy. I never even knew I could feel like this. I've never loved anyone, anything as much as I love you."
His eyes were serious, and deep and so sweet it made her cry all the more, though she smiled as she did. She couldn't help smiling. Everything inside her was singing.
"Not even ice cream?" he teased quietly, gently. "Not even chocolate?"
"Nothing," she swore, and bent to kiss him again, the bittersweet taste of tears blending once more with the sweet perfection of the kiss.
Angel lay back, with Buffy in his arms and yawned.
" Now I'm definatly going."
" Why?" Angel pleaded.
" Because you need your sleep and you are ill. "
Buffy smiled and slowly extracted herself from Angel's arms; she then slid towards the side of the bed. Angel immediately missed the warmth of her body. He leaned over and tried to persuade her to stay.
" Don't go" Angels voice filled with longing as he dropped tiny butterfly kisses along her shoulder blade.
" I have to, sorry." Buffy apologised. " Just so you can get better. And to do that you need your sleep."
" I'm not tired though, I'm wide awake, if you leave now I'll never be able to sleep, I'll just be thinking about you, in the next room."
" Please don't go " He reached out to catch her hand, Buffy didn't move.
Angel reached out and pulled her towards him. He wrapped his arms around her tiny waist and closing his eyes he pressed his face into her chest and inhaled her scent. He moved her hair to one side and pressed his mouth onto her throat as he slid his warm tongue lovingly over the rough scar tissue of his old bite. Buffy turned slowly in his arms, she reached up on to tiptoes and placed a soft kiss on the tip of his nose.
" Sleep tight. " She whispered and untangled herself from his arms with an amazing show of self-control. As she left the room, she listened to Angel's weak attempts to get her to come back and his promises and smiled to herself.
" Buffy, please come back. I need you. I'm not tired I swear. I won't sleep Buffy. How do you think that I could possibly sleep knowing that you are in the next room. Buffy...Buffy........" His pleads got weaker as she drew further away from him. "......Buffy.....I won't sleep, I'm not tired, please come back, I'm not tired, I want you, I will never be able to sleep." Buffy blew him a kiss as she closed the door behind her. " Sweet dreams, my Angel." she whispered.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
" How is he? " Cordelia stood up as Buffy left the room. Wesley looked up and came forward as well.
" He's fine. " Buffy answered. " Tired, although he won't admit it. I've left him to sleep." She looked around. Everybody else was asleep. They had all waited for hours, in the chairs outside the room to see whether he was okay. None of them had gone home, but sleep had eventually overcome everyone. Apart for Cordelia and Wesley apparently. Buffy wasn't surprised. They had become very good friends with Angel, in the years that he had spent away from Buffy. They cared a lot about him.
" Oh thank God. " Wesley exclaimed, delighted at her reply. " Well, he always was a tough one, our Angel. Glad to hear it. " He was beaming from ear to ear.
" So Buffy, what did he want to tell you? " Buffy could tell that Cordelia had been dying to know what had been going on in there. " Are you two back together? " Buffy decided to let Cordelia out of her misery,
" Yes, " Cordelia looked as if she was about to say something, but Buffy cut in. " And, there's more. Look." Buffy held out her left hand, revealing, on her ring finger, the familiar silver band of the Claddagh ring, heart pointing inwards.
" YOU'RE ENGAGED! " Cordelia screamed with delight, getting some rather angry looks from the nurses. She gave Buffy a hug. " I'm so happy for you" she said, quieting her voice down a little." Can we see him? "
" I'll just go see if he's asleep yet. I don't think he will be, he was pretty decisive in the fact that he was not at all tired before." Buffy smiled and walked back to the door.
She opened it quietly and crept in, tiptoeing softly towards the bed. What she saw there took her breath away. He was fast asleep. One hand, fist clenched, was up on the pillow, next to his face. The other was resting on his stomach. The blankets were pulled up to his chin, and a lamp next to the bed bathed him in a sort of magical yellow glow. Tears came to Buffy's eyes as she saw his chest rising up and down in rhythm, slowly and peacefully. ' As if he had never stopped ' Buffy thought to herself. He looked so beautiful asleep, and so peaceful, as if nothing had ever gone wrong in his life. Like a little child. Buffy leant forward and pulled the blankets up a little higher, arranging them neatly around him. Then she bent down and kissed him lightly on the lips. " Not tired? " she thought and smiled to herself. Moving away from the bed she heard him murmer her name in his sleep. She turned and looked at him again, happy as she thought of the days, and years, that were to come. As she walked out of the room and closed the door behind her, she whispered six words to herself:
" Until all the stars go out."
