The Wufei Curse
authors: HeeroMaxwell100 and Nanashi100
rating: pg for yaoi
category: humor/romance
CREDITS: We give this story 99.9999% credit to Randy Russell and Janet Barnett. They are the authors of the story The Granny Curse. All we did to it was reword and put different characters in it. If you want to read the story, look for the book The Granny Curse and Other Ghosts and Legends form East Tennessee. This story inspired us to write the funniest story that we could come up with. If you don't like hillbilly humor, or yaois(1x2, 3x4) don't read on. Thanx!
...oh and we almost forgot...we don't own anything so don't sue us!
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Heero gripped the stem of the pear in his mouth as he turned the fruit like a doorknob. It would always break off at the letter M. He smiled. The stem broke off at M every time because M was the last initial of the man he was to marry. Maxwell, Duo Maxwell.
Heero had known Duo for a while now. He met him at the little brook under the old weeping willow. The brook that he and Duo would play and splash in, the Bright Evening Brook, ran down through town, and eventually led to the river.
Duo was a poor boy of thirteen. Not many people in the town had money to spend on nice clothes or a bigger house, so Duo's granpappy Wufei had made him all of his apparel. Duo lived with his parents and granpappy Wufei in a small cabin at the other side of the brook, about one mile to the east.
Heero had met Duo under the willow. Heero had never seen anyone else there before, so when the young man with a long chestnut-brown braid and a playful, carefree grin had jumped off one of the willow tree branches and landed gracefully in front of him, he was given quite a scare. But soon the sudden fear and surprise turned to love at first sight. Duo was the most beautiful person Heero had ever laid eyes on, and he knew that Duo Maxwell would marry him.
They would spend many hours together on end at the willow tree. But some days Duo would show up right before dusk, when all he had time to do was give Heero a loving smile, or suck on a stem of peppermint. He always had chores to do, since granpappy Wufei could not do everything himself, and while his father was working in another town. It didn't matter one lick to Heero, because Duo had a heart of gold, and that was the only real wealth he acknowledged.
But when Heero's father, the Honorable Mr. Trowa Barton, had seen his son playing with the poor-as-dirt Duo Maxwell, he immediatly forbid him to ever speak to that boy again.
"But Papa, Duo is a nice boy!" Heero would protest, but his father interrupted him.
"I am sure that boy is as sweet as they come, but he does not attend our church." Trowa had said firmly to his son, looking him square in the eyes.
"I will invite him, then." Heero had replied, not giving up on his true love.
The next Sunday Duo did show up at church, but he sat in the back pew, too embarrassed of the condition of his shoes and shirt to pay attention to the sermon. But his Granpappy Wufei had taught him hymns and he sang along without any hesitation.
Heero would continue to meet Duo under the willow almost every day, save for some times in winter, or when it was raining. But when Trowa saw his son with that raggedy boy again, he told his willful Heero to stay away from Duo Maxwell.
"He is a nice boy, and he loves me!" Heero would argue, knowing what his father would say.
"It doesn't matter. His family is no good. His grandfather is a warlock." his papa would say, trying to end the discussion.
Hearing his father say this made Heero very sad.
"He is not! He is just an old granpa!" Heero would retort, eyes streaming with tears. His father would have none of it.
He went down to his and Duo's special place, the Willow, and let one lone tear be scooped up in an acorn that had been strewn around the ground. Heero placed his little boat with a tear in it into Bright Evening Brook, and away it sailed. He sent it for Duo, who would surely get his message.
Duo did recieve his plea, and the next night he had traveled to Heero's two floor house on the hill located in the center of the Barton estate. He bravely knocked on the door until Heero's mother, Quatre Winner Barton, let him in. He politely offered the guest a drink, but Duo calmly denied. He went straight up to Trowa, and locked eyes with him.
"I have traveled here," Duo said, face slightly flushed," to ask for the father's permission for Heero Barton's hand in marriage."
"No." was all that Trowa said. Heero's heart broke, and he ran upstairs to his room, where he cried himself to sleep.
The next night of the full moon, Heero searched the house frantically for a silver bowl. He couldn't find anything, except a ladle forged of silver. It would have to do. Silver was required to drink the moon.
Drinking the moon was a superstitious belief that if you held water in a silver bowl, and poised it just right so that it would show the full reflection of a whole moon, and you drank it, one wish would be granted for you. Heero crept out of the house and down to Bright Evening Brook, where he scooped up plenty of clean cold water into the ladle. He positioned it to where it looked like he held the flawless orb of light in the spoon. He made his wish, to be permitted to marry Duo, and downed the sparkling water.
He told Duo what he had done, and Duo agreed to wait until the next full moon to ask for the father's permission. Duo believed in all things magical, so he had hoped for this to work, or he would have to go to Granpappy Wufei.
Again, on the next full moon, Duo came to Heero's front porch and knocked on the door. But this time no one opened it. Trowa had stepped out to talk to Duo, and Heero was hurt even more. Duo had been denied again, and he walked home forming a plan in his head.
The next week, Heero talked to Duo under their spot.
"Your magic didn't work." the braided youth had told him.
"Maybe it takes two months, or maybe three." Heero said, running out of options.
"Maybe it takes a decade! Do you want to wait that long?" he had replied as he reached for his love's hand.
"Of course not!" Heero said, as Duo placed a coarse, scratchy bundle in his hand.
"That is a horsehair ball, Granpappy Wufei made it. It's a curse, Heero, it will get your parents to let us get married. Leave it under the doorstep of your front porch." Duo had informed Heero, and he eagerly ran to the house, doing as he said.
The next morning, Heero stepped out of house to feed the cats. When he came back in he caught the curse, without even knowing it. He was about to tell his mother that he was going to head down to the brook, when no words came out of his mouth. Instead, the lower region of his body spoke for him.
"Good God!" Quatre had exclaimed, staring deftly at his blushing son," do you feel ill?" Heero tried to tell his mother that he felt fine, but again, whenever he tried to speak, the part of his body that he sat on vented intestinal gas, he had to clamp his mouth shut to make it stop. Such a loud release made Heero think that he would rip a hole in his trousers! His mother quickly headed for the door.
Mrs. Barton ran out of the door and sucked in a breath of fresh air, and thought better of reprimanding his son for something he obviously lost control of. When he stepped back into his house, he caught the curse himself. He tried to tell his son that he would go down to the brook and fetch him a bucket of water, so as to see if that made him feel better, but, like his son, his backside talked out instead of his mouth. But, being bigger than his 13 year old son, he was much louder and longer.
All of this unpleasant noise brought down Trowa in a rush. He frowned at his two closest family members, and then he caught whiff of the situation. The two other people in the house tried to explain or give an apology, but doing that only embarrassed them more, and Trowa, with a look of shock and confusion of what illness had come over his family, that the best idea he could come up with was to get fresh water for his wife and son.
While he walked to the brook, Trowa came up with the idea that if the water wouldn't help, he would jump on his steed and fetch the pastor.
Trowa walked into his house with the water, and began to tell the family that he planned to go get the pastor to pray for them when he experienced the effects of the curse. It all started with a low rumbling well below his navel, and then it progressed to a barrage of what sounded like the mating calls of a flock of geese. He, being the head of the house, broke wind the loudest, and was by far the most embarrassed. All of the windows in the house were open, and the family sat in uneasy silence, afraid to talk in case the bug that they all had caught wasn't finished running it's course.
The next night, Duo showed up at the Barton Estate, and leaned over the steps to knock on the door, so as not to catch the curse.
"Hello? Anyone here?" he called out, then heard what sounded like a rabid goose being chased across the house. A window was lifted, and Duo rushed over to it and poked his head in. "Hello Mr. and Mrs. Barton!" Duo said cheerfully. "I now realize that you have waited, like civilized parents, until I asked for your son's hand three times. Now I hope you will permit our marriage. What's that? No objection?" Duo's grin was wide, and he reached his arm in to take Heero's hand. Trowa and Quatre spoke not a word, for fear of mutilating embarrassment. Heero rushed to his love, and took his hand in his own.
"Speak with your eyes, love. Will you marry me?" Duo said, squeezing the other's hand. Heero nodded his head eagerly, and went to the front door to meet his new fiancee. Trowa made a few noises that had not been recorded in any language, and quickly put his hand over his mouth.
The next month, Duo and Heero went to the local church to get married. The pastor asked Heero if his father, Trowa had given his blessing. "Papa, nor Mama said a word against it," Heero said, enjoying being tightly held in the embrace of Duo. Heero was known to be truthful, and technically he was, so the pastor married them the next day.
Heero and Duo went back to the Barton estate, and called for the two parents to come out. They did so, Quatre in front, and they smiled sheepishly at their lovely new groom in the family. And his spouse. As Trowa and Quatre stepped over the witch ball, the odd spell was lifted, and the Wufei curse would never visit the town or house again.
The Barton's always said that they were waiting for Duo to ask a third time before giving their only child away, but granpappy Wufei wouldn't believe it for a minute.
So when Heero turned the pear stem in his mouth, it would always break off at M. Not M for Maxwell, no, but for Michael, if they decided that their new adopted child was to be a boy, or Maxine, if they decided on a girl. Either way, Heero was as happy as a new mother could be.