By: Katie and Karen
Authors' Notes: Karen: WARNING…corny story…read at your own risk…
(We see two boys on the roof of a hospital. One of the boys is a young
Darien giving his friend a rose. Some sad music plays in the background)
Darien: Here Fiore this rose is for you.
Fiore: A rose? (Soft music stops abruptly) do I have to get a rose? Can't
I get a matchbox?
(Darien looks confused)
Darien: What are you talking about?
Fiore: Shouldn't we do a pact or something?
Darien: Just take the rose and move on!
(Sad music starts)
Fiore: Right…uh…as you know no one ever works completely alone. (Smiles evilly
while Darien smacks himself on the forehead)
(Katie and Karen, watching from the side, look at each other and smack their
heads with their scripts)
Katie: Wrong line!
Fiore: Oh, sorry.
Katie: Ok, from the top!
(Luna and Artemis come in)
Luna: Is it our scene yet?
Karen (annoyed): No not yet!
(Cats leave set, and Fiore continues line)
Fiore: You must remember! You swore me eternal friendship!
(Darien sighs and Katie buries her face in her hands and Karen shakes her head)
Katie: Forget it! Darien just say you're next line.
(Sad music starts…again!)
Darien: Uh…I forgot it.
(Scene cuts to Serena and Darien in flower thingy. They talk about
flowers, and language, and stuff like that. They're about to kiss when
the audience sees a big pink eye in the bushes. It turns out to be Rini
and the gang)
Rini: Serena's getting kissed blah, blah, blah. Can we get ice cream now?
Mina: Shh! They're going to hear us! Oh wait it's not my turn.
Raye: Look at miss fish lips all puckered up…
Serena: Fish lips!!!!!
Amy: This isn't right you guys! We're spying! We should go.
Lita: You bail when the best parts coming, we're staying!
(Luna and Artemis pop up)
Artemis: Is it our scene yet?
Darien: Nope
(Rini's about to yell but is stopped by Amy and Mina and they almost push her
off Raye's back not realizing that the flowers start to shake. Blah,
blah, blah, scene cuts to flying petals in the air)
Serena: Do I have to say this line?
Karen (annoyed…again): Yes! And you should put some enthusiasm into the whee.
It really sets your ditzy character apart from the others.
Serena: That's another thing…why do I have to be the ditz?
Katie: Just shut-up and do the line!!!
Serena: Ooo so lovely! Whee!!! Was that good?
(Karen and Katie bite their lips to keep from laughing)
Katie: uh…yeah…fine.
Karen: Uh…next scene!!
(Fiore appearing before Darien from the flowers, they reminisce but Darien
doesn't remember.)
Fiore: You must remember! (Grabs and holds Darien's hand)
Serena: Ok, you're done I need my pumpkin to myself now.
Fiore: You let her call you pumpkin?
Darien: So? You're the one with the khaki pants and uh, would you mind
letting go of my hand.
(Author's Note: We're not saying that Fiore is gay, but then again who knows!)
Serena: Hey guys this is a kid's movie, can we try to keep it at least PG?
Karen and Katie: We try. Just go along with it.
Fiore (gets mean look in eyes): Nice try.
(Pushes Serena down, the movie is in slow-mo. as shocking drama music plays.
Everyone rushes to her side as if she's dying and Fiore goes back
in the flowers and disappears.)
(Scene cuts to Raye's place where they talk about a big hunk of planet floating
to earth (ironic eh?) while Rini is asleep)
(Scene doesn't start, cats are missing)
Katie (annoyed): Where are Luna and Artemis!!!!
Cats in unison from behind the computer: Is it our scene?
Katie: Yes!!!
(Artemis starts up computer)
Mina: Did you pick something up?
Artemis: No.
Raye: Then why did you start the computer?
Artemis: I wanted to play solitaire.
Luna: Artemis!!
Artemis: Okay sorry! Yeah I found something. It's big, hollow and
has a mega-high plant energy reading.
Luna: That's my line!
Artemis: Sorry about that. (Blushes)
Amy: Bigger than I thought.
(Everyone ignores her as Luna walks off and Artemis resumes his solitaire game,
and Serena goes on about Darien and Fiore, totally oblivious of what was said
at the computer)
Mina: Maybe Serena's right. There did seem to be a 'connection.'
Raye: 20 bucks says he's gay.
Serena: Raye!!
Mina: I'll take that bet!
Serena: You guys!! Focus!!
Lita (with half chewed pizza in mouth): Did Darien ever mention this dude?
Serena: No. We don't talk about his past. He said it was lonely.
Amy: That's weird, seeing how everyone is love with him.
Raye: Everyone including you.
Amy: No actually, I don't like Darien at all.
(Again everyone ignores her and starts their conversations. Serena
remembers when she went over Darien's apartment and talked about his parents.
Of course the sun blurs his picture of his parents out so we can't see
it…(the irony continues) Serena lets out few sighs and scene is over. Scene
cuts to scouts as they walk to school)
Rini: Thanks for lunch Mina!
Lita: Hey!! I made lunch! Mina can't cook for anything!
Mina: I heard that!!
Serena (yawning): Being a super student and a good hero is totally exhausting!
Katie: Uh…Serena. It's a good student and a super hero.
Serena: What?
Karen: Never mind.
Katie: Karen! She's gotta get the lines right!! She's obviously
confused.
Karen (big sweat drop on back of head): Well…in that case…NEXT SCENE!!!
Lita: Guys wait!!
(They turn to see Raye staring off into the distance)
Mina: What's the matter Raye?
Raye: I feel the negative energy waves, somewhere near by!!
Amy: Who are you Miss Cleo!!
(Everyone ignores her again as Raye takes off running. Scouts follow her
but Rini falls and no one really cares. The find 'somewhere near by' and
see people lying in the street)
Karen: The find? Shouldn't it be they find?
Katie: Shut-up.
Scouts: Gasp!
Artemis: Their energy's been stolen!
Mina: No friggin' duh!
(Scene cuts to giant flower lady attacking Raye and Amy as Serena courageously
saves Rini and jumps through a glass window)
Luna: We need scout power!
Mina: No friggin' duh!
Lita: Will you shut-up!
Mina: Venus Star Power!!!!(Transformation sequence…Sailor Venus)
Lita: Jupiter Star Power! (Music starts…then everything fades and lights go
out) Hey, what happened? Where's my music??? And my costume! I'm…SAILOR JUPITER
DAMMIT!!!
(You see Fiore behind the scenes trying the Sailor Jupiter costume on)
Katie: Fiore!!! What did we tell you about stealing the scouts' costumes?
Fiore: Sorry…they just look so good on me!
Karen: Riiiiight. Lights back on! NEXT SCENE!!!
(Scouts transform…finally and start fighting while Rini tries to wake Serena
up, she eventually does and they share a 'moment' together as mommy and
daughter Sailor Moon destroys plant lady. Scene cuts to Fiore as he
introduces his partner in crime)
Luna: Oh no! The Kisenian Blossom!
Blossom: Who were you expecting Princess Snow Kaguya?
Moon: Who?
Blossom: Never mind.
(Tuxedo Mask comes in and does his little speech)
Blossom: Hey tuxie!! Fiore was right about you!
Tuxedo Mask: Say what?
Fiore (blushing): No…whatcha talking about Kisenian?
Moon: Anyway!! Moving along.
(Tuxie and Fiore start their little battle thing)
Fiore: They are the negative forces!
(Sword flies and just missed Sailor Moon and Arty)
Moon: Be careful my masked…hey! Watch where you put that thing fern boy!
Fiore: Sorry about that.
(Fiore does his first attempt to kill Sailor Moon but misses and almost kills
tuxedo mask. Fiore magically carries Darien away in his arms)
Darien: I don't want to be taken away like that!
Katie: You know what we mean!
Moon: Give him back!!! No!!!!!
(As Sailor Moon is running she trips over a lawyer)
Lawyer: Watch it!!
Moon: Sorry… just trying to save my boyfriend from an alien.
Lawyer: Oh it's no prob. Damn those aliens.
Moon: Mars I think you need to put a little more sleeping drugs in that little
post it!!!
(Moon forgot that Mars lay unconscious after being thrown against a metal door)
Mars: I'm not really unconscious! Don't worry fans! I'm a-okay!!!! (Smiles and
waves at camera)
(Darien Flashback…sad music plays as we see car fall off a cliff, and yet
Darien survives without a scratch, again…what's with the irony?)
Doctor: We're sorry your brother and dog didn't make it on the train.
Little Darien: What!
Doctor: Oh, sorry. Wrong patient. Oh, yeah your parents are dead
too. Have a nice day!!
Little Darien: Oh okay. I'm gonna play with my friend that I think I made
up to ease the pain of my orphanage loneliness.
Doctor: Riiiiight.
(Scene cuts Darien in water crystal thingy and Fiore tells his whole life
story)
Karen: Wait a minute!! How can he breathe in the water??
Katie: Don't ask me. Did we walk on the wrong set?
Fiore: Ladies, we're trying to do a scene here about my life.
Katie: Oh, now that the spotlight's on you we can't mess up the scenes eh?
Fiore: Yeah pretty much.
Karen: Oh yeah…
Darien: Hey I'm running out of air here!!
Katie, Karen, and Fiore: Shut-up!
(Scene cuts to scouts sitting in big tunnel thing)
Mercury: So I analyzed the flower and it's the same energy from the planet.
Venus: What planet?
Mercury (annoyed): The planet approaching the Earth.
Venus: Oh yeah, forgot about that.
Luna: the Kisenian Blossom is controlling Fiore.
Artemis: Yeah, you must destroy the Blossom and save earth!!
Jupiter: Let's destroy those weeds!!
Mercury: Speaking of weed I could use some right now!
Katie: Uh…Mercury I thought we were keeping this PG?
Mercury: Screw that!
Karen: Mercury…where did you get weed?
Mercury: Uh…forget I said that. It was just my inner anger that I keep to
myself.
(Katie walks away and comes back with a clipboard muttering: Anger Management
Classes for Mercury)
Jupiter: Can we just go and kick some Flower butt?
Moon: Finally!! I mean…uh…there's no way!
Everyone: Eh?
Moon: It's too dangerous.
(Rini pulls out her little gun)
Rini: Stop being a baby and go save my dad!!
Moon: What are you going to do shoot me?
Rini: Yeah.
Moon: Rini…that's a fake gun.
(Rini points at the wall and shoots. After smoke clears you can see a
small bullet hole. The other scouts back slowly away)
Katie: So much for PG.
Moon: Why you little!!!
(Sailor Moon and Rini start wrestling and everyone forms a circle around them
whooping and cheering)
Mars: Man that little squirt got some power!
Mercury: BREAK IT UP!!!!!
(They all turn and look at Mercury, and then they go back to fighting, and
whooping)
(Then out of nowhere Tuxedo Mask's voice starts talking)
Tuxedo Mask: I'm still running out of air here!!! Can you hurry up and
save me!!!
(Then we hear Blossom speak)
Blossom: Oh Tuxie…Fiore and me want to talk to you!!
Tuxedo Mask: Help Me!!!!!!!
(Many bruises later the scouts form a circle and hold hands. Then we see
Obi-wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker appear from the shadows)
Obi-Wan: You see other people meditate, padawan.
Anakin: How come they have funky tunics?
Katie: You guys got the wrong set…this is Sailor moon not Star Wars.
Obi-Wan: Oh…sorry about that.
(The two Jedi leave)
Artemis: Sailors!!!
Luna: Teleport!!!
(Music plays, you see some pretty colors and they're off!!)
Rini: Mama, Sailor Scouts come back safe you guys. Oh…and if possible,
don't bring Sailor Moon with you!
(Anyway they float in a bubble and they land on the planet, which happens to
look like a giant flower. No duh! They kill some flying plant lady
(yes another one) and land spectacularly, with the exception of Sailor Moon.
Well what happens is the scouts find themselves outnumbered by lots of
plant ladies, thanks to Mercury and her visor. Yes they finally listened
to her!!)
Venus: Hey Moon let's nip this in the bud with your moon scepter.
Moon: What's a bud?
Mars: Just kill the flowers.
Moon: Oh, okay!!
Venus: Get ready to cover scouts!
(Plant ladies scream and charge at the scouts)
Jupiter: Flower Hurricane!
(Plant ladies stop charging and just look at her)
Venus: What's the point of throwing flowers at flowers?
Jupiter: I dunno…it just sounded good at the moment.
(Plant ladies resume charging and scouts use their attacks)
Moon: Moon Princess Elimination!
(Nothing happens)
Karen: Did you break your scepter again? Those things are expensive!
Moon: No!!! Oops…this is my transformation pen. (Blushes and takes out
her scepter…the real one and starts destroying the flowers)
Fiore: Better regroup…
(A girl and a stuffed animal cut off Fiore)
Kiro: Go Sakura!!!
Sakura: Go…. time card!!!
(To her surprise…(and ours...hehe) her attack doesn't work)
Karen: Hey…uh…this is Sailor Moon…not card captors…try the left door.
Sakura: Oh sorry! Which door?
Katie: We'll show you.
(Sakura and Kiro leave with the directors meanwhile Fiore has captured the
scouts)
Moon: Don't leave me!! I need you!
Mars: We're right here! (The scouts come up from the ground attached to
what looks like a beanstalk)
Fiore: Wait aren't there supposed to be 4?
(Sailor Moon counts)
Moon: 1…2…3…hey! Where's Jupiter?
Fiore (looks back at water crystal thingy): Hey! Where's Darien?
(There's the sound of a thud and door being slammed. Sailor Jupiter comes out
of a closet with her ponytail undone and her uniform all wrinkled. Tuxedo Mask
walks next to her with lipstick on his face and his shirt coming out of his
pants.)
Moon: You cheated on me!!!!!
Tuxedo: I can explain…but then again…not really
Blossom: Damn I wanted a turn!!
(Katie and Karen walk back onto the set)
Katie: What've we missed?
Everyone: Nothing.
Karen: Riiiiiiight…Good going Tuxedo!
Tuxedo: I didn't do anything!
Jupiter: So what just happened meant nothing to you!! That's it I'm
calling my lawyer and I'm gonna sue your ass!!
Fiore (fed up with the whole thing): That's it. Sailor Moon it's time to
die!!
Moon: Wait I'm not ready!!!
Katie: That's not how it goes in the script!!
Fiore: This script is messed up anyway!!
(Fiore attacks Sailor Moon and most of her energy has been taken away. Sailor
scouts tell Fiore what a good friend she is while Sailor Moon once again is
face to face with death. Boy this is suspenseful; I wonder how it will end?
Katie shut-up and type.)
Tuxedo (breaks out of water crystal): You…not…my friend.
Katie (exasperated): Drama Queen!
Karen: You're ruining the effect!!
Venus: He got out!
Mars: You just noticed this?
Fiore: Sailor Moon, give up your claim on Darien's heart! (In Darth Vader
voice) Or I will kill you!
Katie and Karen: Shut-up, Fiore stop talking like Darth and get on with it!
This isn't a Star Wars story!
Fiore: Oh…all righty then.
(Fiore shoots the vine thingies at Sailor Moon but misses and gets struck by a
rose)
Fiore: Another damn rose! What's with you and roses Darien?
Moon (lifts up head): I find the roses very sexy…and the rose was for me you
idiot!
Fiore: Just because of that I'm going to take your crystal!
Moon: Oh no you're not (Sailor Moon socks Fiore on the jaw)
Karen: Is that part of the script?
Katie: Well…uh…no but this whole thing doesn't make sense any way so who cares?
(Scene cuts to Serena with the ribbons floating in the air (her being naked in
other words)
Tuxedo: Ooo…I like this!
Jupiter (whacks him on head): Pervert!!
(Serena holds the crystal above her head and turns into Princess Serenity)
Princess: Oooooh…purdy dress!!! I mean…Time to save the world!
(Power of Love starts playing in the background with Venus singing. the music
stops abruptly.)
Lady singing song: Shut the f*ck up and let me sing, Venus! It's not your song!
It's MY song!
Venus: Geez, sorry
(Music starts up again)
Serenity: Endymion if you still love me…get off your ass and help me!!
Endymion: Coming honey.
Jupiter: I guess we're over…but the kertanging was still good.
(Serenity pretends to not have heard that and continues holding her crystal)
Serenity: We are planet power!
Mercury Star Power!
Mars Star Power!
Jupiter Star Power!
Venus Star Power!
Endymion: I think we all get the point can we just get to the next scene?
(No one listens but the scene is cut anyway. We find our hero lying on
what's left of the planet)
Katie: uhh... Tuxedo? Aren't you supposed to be holding Sailor Moon?
Tuxedo: Oh Yeah…
(Tuxie picks up Sailor Moon)
Mars: Don't leave us! You said everything would be alright…(mutters) typical of
her to make a big deal about it.
Mercury (sobbing hysterically): You can't leave us alone like this! No one
likes the brainiacs…Course, except for you…
Jupiter and Venus: We need you!! You keep us together!
(Suddenly Fiore appears)
Fiore: You didn't think you'd get rid of me did you? Just kidding!
Listen give this nectar to Sailor Moon. Sorry about all the shit I
put you guys through. It was all Kisenian's idea.
Tuxedo: Thanks Fiore…no hard feelings.
(Tuxedo kisses the flower then kisses Sailor Moon as Fiore floats away)
Moon: We saved Earth?
(Tuxie nods.)
Moon: Without you guys…man I would have been fried. But from now on when
I say something will be all right you'll believe me?
Tuxedo: Yeaahh (mutters) I'll be getting something tonight.
Moon: Like hell you are! After what you did to me! But I'll forget
it on one condition…
Tuxedo: Yes…
Moon: Sorry kiddies you can't read this!!!
(The scouts hugged then went back to Earth and all was well)
The End
Katie: Wait a tick!
Karen: What now?
Katie: What happened to Riniand Luna and Artemis.
3 weeks later…
Luna: Where the hell are they!!
Artemis: I hope their okay.
(Rini pops her head out of the window…)
Rini: You guys are still out there??
Katie: Oh well…at least we still get the Oscar for best Anime.
Karen: Hi Oscar!
Katie: Karen…you're a dweeb.
Karen: I think we can end the movie now.
(Karen and Katie look down and see Kisenian Blossom lying on the ground)
Blossom: You guys lied!! I had a shitty role…I'm calling my
agent…uh…no…I'm going to possess you with my spell!!
(Karen steps on Kisenian and she finally dies)
Karen: I thought she died already.
Katie: Me too, oh well! Wanna order some pizza? I'm really hungry.
Karen: Sure.