Britz-Good evening, or good whatever time period it is, wherever you are, at whatever time you read this fic, I got another challange fic here for you, special order from Salt & Vinegar, is it just me or am I doing alot of challanges lately? And they just keep getting weirder too. Let us review it's terms shall we?
1) There must be a cameo appearance by a washed-up celebrity of my choice.
2) The entire story must be set in a Swedish Meatball factory in the year 1756.
3) One of the main characters must overdose on one of these things...a) Pimple cream, b) Viagra, c) Lip gloss, d) Double-sided sticky tape.
4) The only morphs they are allowed to use are...JAKE: Alpaca, MARCO: Oyster, RACHEL: Peacock, TOBIAS: Demi Moore, CASSIE: A beef taco, (pfft) AX: Leech.
5) The purpose of the story is to prevent Visser 3 (1 now) from opening his own fabric store.
6)The story must end with someone saying "Let's all take off our clothes and make omelettes".
7) In the middle of the story there must be a short intermission in which there is a completely unrelated scene involving the characters, squaredancing and a conversation about how crappy "Malcom in the Middle" is.
Boy with a group of terms like that this story will practically write itself (gag!), oh c'mon you expect me to write a good story with those boundries, if you hate it, blame Salt & Vinegar for her over-restrictive boundries, I embark upon a journy which will challange my arguable "talents" as a humour writer, I'd ask you to wish me luck but if your reading this I've already had it huh? Oh come on be kind, I needed something to tide me over till #54 come's out here in Oz
Disclaimer-Not mine.
Summery- Read the challange, it will pretty well tell you what this is about. Pre-54
VISSER ONE, SWEDISH MEATBALLS AND A CHALLANGE FIC WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE?
(Scene:Some sort of factory, possibly one used for the production of Swedish Meatballs, architecture appears perhaps, early 1756. Suddenly there is a flash of light and a ever-cheesy 'Zap!', then our intrepid morphing heroes and (pfft) Ax stand in the middle of the factory.)
Tobias-GAH!!! Where are we?
Jake and Cassie-*still "tongue-wrestling in the way they were before they got zapped* mmm? Mmmm?!? MMMM!!! *finally break away*
Jake-What the hell? Were are we?
Marco-Ohh I'd say, a factory, with a style of architecture popular with Swedish Meatball factories in the early 1756's.
Rachel-How do you know all that?
Marco-I read the challange terms before we started, took a guess.
Jake-Okay, so why are we here?
Marco-I can tell you that too, we're....
*the Ellimist appears*
Ellimist-STOP MARCO, I CAN GIVE A EXPLANATION JAKE.
Marco-*quickly to Jake* we're here to stop Visser One from getting his own fabric store.
Ellimist-HEEEEEY, I WANTED TO EXPLAIN THE STORY-LINE
Cassie-Why don't you? That still dosn't make anyway.
Ellimist-BELIEVE ME I GIVE YOU THIS EXPLANATION IT STILL WON'T MAKE ANY SENSE SWEET-HEART
Rachel and Cassie-Sweet-heart?
Rachel-You can't talk to her like that it's demeaning to women.
Cassie-Yeah, what about women's right, women's lib, the frantic bra-burnings in the 60's, you can't say things like that to me, *and then as an after-thought* pig!
Ellimist-I'D LIKE TO POINT OUT TO YOU THIS IS 1756, NONE OF THOSE THINGS HAVE HAPPENED YET.
Cassie-Oh, right. Hang on that doesn't make it right!!! And it is in my overly-ethical nature to stop this monstrositie, have at you sir!!! *runs at the Ellimist, morphing as she runs*
Ellimist-*gets suit splatted by Cassie's morph, which is of course, a beef taco* WHAT THE..?
Cassie-*in beef taco morph*Huh? This is new, this taco has such amazingly strong instincts *sounding weary* can't hold onto.....Human brain.....Any longer, rock and roll for...Ever. *flops to the ground having been taken over by the taco's powerful instincts.*
Jake-Cassie!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Cassie-Yes. *flops down again.*
Jake-Oh okay.
Ellimist-WELL WHO GIVES A RAT'S HUH? ANYWAY I'M HERE TO DELIVER YOU A STEAMING ORDER OF PLOT-LINE.
Tobias-So what is going down anyhow?
Ellimist-WELL HERES THE THING TODAY THIS GUY, JOE SHMOE, IS GOING TO MAKE HIS FINAL DECISION ON WETHER OR NOT TO BUT HIS OWN FABRIC STORE, IN THE CORRECT TIME-LINE HE WOULD DECIDE NOT TO OPEN IT, AND INSTEAD USE THE MONEY TO REDO HIS KITCHEN.
Marco-What?
Ellimist-OH YOU KNOW, GET SOME NEW BENCH-TOPS, MAYBE ADD ONE OF THOSE LOVELY LITTLE KITCHEN ISLAND THINGS.
Rachel-Do we really need to hear this? WHY. ARE. WE. HERE?
Ellimist-OH RIGHT, WELL YOU SEE VISSER THR..UH THAT IS ONE, HAS USED THE TIME MATRIX THING-A-ME-BOB TO COME BACK IN TIME AND INFEST THE MR JOE SHMOE, SO AS TO OPEN, HIS OWN FABRIC STORE!!!!!
Animorphs-*gasp*
Jake-Ummm......So?
Ellimist-WELL THE FABRIC STORE IF PUT INTO CREATION, IS DESTINED FOR GREAT THINGS, WHY BY THE TIME OF YOUR PRESENT DAY, IT WOULD BECOME.... *pause for dramatic....Umm is it affect or effect?* A CHAIN OF FABRIC STORES!!!!
Animorphs-*gasp again*
Ellimist-YES, VISSER ONE'S STORES WOULD CRUSH ALL OPPOSING FABRIC STORES INTO THE DUST, HE ALONE WOULD OWN 99% OF THE WORLDS FABRIC-RELATED WEALTH.
Animorphs-*gasp all over again*
Rachel-That all means what to us?
Ellimist-*annoyed* YOU KNOW YOU ASK TO MANY QUESTIONS OF THIS BLOODY FIC, I DON'T KNOW WHATS GOING ON ANY BETTER THAN YOU DO, LOOK THERES THE GUY YOU HAVE TO PROTECT, *points to Mr Joe Shmoe up in his office* NOW DO YOUR HERO THING AND STOP PISSING ME OFF! JEEZ! *disapears with a flash of light and a cheezy 'Zap!'*
Jake-Well, um...I guess we go and protect Joe.
Others-*grunt in agreement*
*the Animorphs and (pfft) Ax walk up to the Sweedish Meatball factories foreman office where Joe Shmoe is, they burst through the door*
Joe-Hey, what are you doing here?!? Get outta my office!!! *(pfft) Ax steps inside* Holy $@#*%^@&!!!!! With a little bit of #$*@@%&$* on the side!!!! *symbolised for the protection of the young un's*
Jake-Please Mr Shmoe, listen to us your in great danger, a great evil is coming here!!
Joe-My ex-wife? *drum rim-shot 'bah-da-buh cish!'*
Rachel-*ignoring him* Mr Shmoe, you're in real trouble, this guy is a heart-less monster.
Joe-What she's got her lawer with her as well? *another rim-shot*
Tobias-Great, out of all of Visser One's innocent victims we have to get a funny guy.
Jake-Alright guys, lets just stick around till the Visser turns up okay?
*twenty minutes later*
Joe-..So I says "buddy that ain't no mutated meatball, that's my wife!!!" *bursts out laughing.
Marco, Rachel and Tobias-*also burst out laughing*
Jake-What? I don't get it. *looks out the window and see's the Blade Ship flying towards the factory* AHH! GUYS!!! Battle stations, Blade ship at....Something o'clock!!!!!
Animorphs-*run around screaming* AHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Rachel-Hang on what are we doing?
Marco-Yeah, we're acting crazy, lets get a hold of ourselves.
Tobias-lets just all calm down, close your eyes, you're in a meadow, visualise people, visualise.
*three seconds later*
Animorphs-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
*meanwhile downstairs: the outer door of the meatball factory blows open and Visser Thr..Uh One steps through, swaggering confidently.*
Visser One-*steps in beef taco Cassie* Aww jeez, what did I step in? *inspects the bottum of his hoof* siiiiiiigh *puts his hoof back down and absorbs the rest of the taco with it*
Cassie-NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! ROCK AND ROLL FOREVER!!! urk! *gets fully eaten by Visser One's hoof.*
Jake-CASSIE! NOOOOOO!!!!
Visser One-Mmm, not bad at all, in fact, yo quiera taco bell.
Jake-YOU MONSTER!!! Everyone! Attack!!!
Visser One-That's what you think, I've got a washed-up celebrity to do my dirty work for me, say hello to my latest secret weapon!!!
*for some bizzare reason MC Hammer runs out of the ship and into the sweedish meatball factory*
MC Hammer-*grooving* MC Hammer Hammer Hammer, Hammer-time!!!
Marco-Why MC Hammer?
Visser One-*shrugs* bets the hell outta me. *long awkward pause*
MC Hammer-*to a beat* oh oh oh OH oh oh oh!!
Visser one-Oh right, lets get on with this shall we? MC Hammer! Attack!!
Jake-Rachel! Ax! With me!! Get morphing!!! *Jake, Rachel and (gag me) Ax start morphing*
Jake-*finishes morphing with the othersand realise's that he's morphed an Alpaca and Rachel is a peacock* Ummm...This is new, Rachel what's going on?
Rachel-*spinning around and flaring her peacock feathers* Ohhh look at me I'm soooo pretty hee hee! Oh sorry Jake, bets me whats going on.
Jake-Where did Ax go?
Rachel-I think he morphed into a leech.
Marco-That would suit him.
Tobias-Hang on guys I see him.
Jake-Where is he then?
MC Hammer-*steps on something that goes "Squish" while randomly dancing*
Tobias-Uhh...Never mind.
Rachel-Ohmigod he killed Ax!
Joe-So?
Rachel-Good point.
Jake-ATTACK!
Marco-How do you plan to attack MC Hammer in those morphs?
Jake-Well......Alpaca's....They can spit can't they?....Oh screw it lets just attack him.
Rachel-Kay. *her and Jake rush at MC Hammer who has suddenly started grooving to a familiar MC Hammer beat.*
MC Hammer-U can't touch this (do do do do) U can't touch this *dances out of Jakes path who goes skidding past* U can't touch this *somersaults over Rachel's head* U can't touch this,
Tobias-*watching Jake and Rachel trying to attack MC Hammer who just keeps singing and dancing away* Oh, this is just sad.
Marco-Maybe we can help *rushes into Joe Scmoe's office*
*****INTERMISSION*****
Britz-Hullo hullo hullo
Jake-What the..? Why aren't I an alpaca?
Britz-Well it's the intermission, duh.
*all the Animorphs simply stare blankly at Britz*
Britz-Did NONE of you read the guidelines before we started, you did Marco, you said so.
Marco-Well...I kinda just skimmed through them.
Britz-You skimmed through SEVEN itsy-bitsy sentences? What the hell is wrong with you? What am I paying you all for?
Rachel-Hang on your not paying us! Wait, should you paying us?
Britz-What? Umm me no speak the English.
Tobias-You cheap bastard! You're ripping us off!
Britz-Ohmigod!!! WHAT'S THAT!!!! *pointing randomly off screen*
All-What? *all turn around and see nothing*
Jake-What are we looking at here?
Britz-Oh never-mind.
Marco-Hey, what were we just talking about, I lost my train of thought.
Britz-We were talking 'bout...Umm...."Malcom in the Middle" Yeah that's it! How poor is that show huh?
Rachel-Yeah tell me about it, that Malcom kid is soooo UGLY too.
Tobias-Stupid little smart-ass bastard! I'd like to rip out his heart and shove it down his throat!!!
Britz-Damn show so stupid, dumb-ass, anal, mind-numbing, idiotic....Etc, etc.
Jake-*musing* that Frances is kinda cute though.
*the others stare at him*
Jake-What? Well he is.
*the others stare at him some more*
Jake-There's nothing I can say here to make this situation better for me is there?
*the others keep staring at him as they shake their heads*
Others-No.
Britz-Time for the square-dancing.
Animorphs-Huh?
Britz-Square-dancing people, we'll be doing a quaint little dance known as the Tennesse two-step.
Rachel-Whatever.
*there is a flash of light and suddenly they're all in a big barn square-dancing perfectly, all but Britz and Ax, Britz because he's so UNBELIVABLY clumsy and Ax because while dancing he neatly decapitates Rachel, fortuantly they simply place her head back on and she comes back to life, hell she's been coming back to life enough times in other peoples fic's why not mine?*
Marco-*when thay stop dancing, sarcastic* Well wasn't that fun? Boy it's all you need for a true country party.
Britz-Actually for a true country party you also need a hell of alot of grain alcohol and a first cousin who believe's it isn't possible to get pregnet twice in one year *rim shot once again*
*****END OF INTERMISSION*****
MC Hammer-*still dancing out of Jake and Rachel's clutches* My-my-my-my (U can't touch this)
*Marco runs back out of Joe Shmoe's office clutching a roll of double-sided sticky tape.*
Tobias-What are you gonna do with that.
Marco-Look, check it! *throws the roll of double-sided sticky tape at MC Hammer*
MC Hammer-I'm telling you homeboy (U can't touch this) *the double-sided sticky-tape hits him on the side of the face and wraps itself all over MC Hammer's head, covering his mouth and nose*
Tobias-*with a passable Maxwell Smart impression* Of course the old "suffocate-the-washed-up-rock-star-with-double-sided-sticky-tape" trick.
MC Hammer-*trying to pull the sticky tape off his face* OH NO! MC Hammer Hammer Hammer, CANT BREATH! *in his death throes he breaks off the actual roll of double-sided sticky-tape and throws it back at Marco, then dies*
Tobias-*picking up the tapes flight with his super-hawk senses* Marco! The tape!!
*suddenly everything is in slow-motion*
Marco-*starts to turn with an expression of shock*
Tobias-*in a style remarkably like in "The Bodyguard, he flaps towards Marco with an intention of taking the tape for him* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *gasp* OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!*he is finally is hit with the tape and he accidentally shallows it* urk!
Marco-TOBIAS!!!! *Tobias falls to the ground and stays down*
*back to normal speed*
Marco-Tobias! Ohmigod!!!
Rachel-*starting to morph back* What is it? Whats with Tobias?
Marco-*kneeling over Tobias* He, he, *sniff* he took a roll of double-sided sticky-tape for me *sniff*
Rachel-*human again* Ohmigod!!! Is he dead? *leaping to Tobias's side*
Marco-*trying to wake Tobias* come on back to us bud, come on wake up *sniff*
Rachel-TOBIAS!!!! NOOOO!!!! *falls protectively over Tobias*
Tobias-*lying there half-dead, starts to foam at the beak.*
Rachel and Marco-AHHHHHHH! MAD HAWK!!! MAD HAWK!!! *both pick up chairs and start to beat Tobias's limp body into the ground.*
Jake-GUYS! STOP! *Rachel and Marco stp beating Tobias* What the hell do you think your doing?!?
Marco-Umm, killing the mad hawk?
Jake-YOU IDIOTS!!! He's not a bloody "Mad Hawk" he O.D. on double-sided sticky tape, we gotta get him to a hospital. Or possibly vets office.
Rachel-OH Tobias! I'm sooo sorry! *wispering to Jake* you're sure he can't hurt us right?
Jake-I'm positive Rachel, he's unconcious.
Rachel-Okay then *goes to hug Tobias*
Tobias-*sits up with a demonic red glow in his eyes*
Others-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tobias-*starts to stalk towards Marco, Rachel and Jake, morphing as he walks along on his little bird feet*
Jake-HE'S MORPHING!!
Rachel-Hang on, he's morphing human.
Marco-A hot female-type human.
Jake-OHMIGOD HE'S DEMI MOORE!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Hang on, wha..?
*Tobias is fully morphed into Demi Moore, and guess what? No morphing suit!*
Marco-Get him to a hospital? HA! If he stays in that morph I'll treat him myself! Just let me rush of to the bathroom for a few minutes while I..Ahh..Wash up for surgery, hee hee hee. *Rachel smacks him upside his head*
Tobias-*still O.Ding on the double-sided sticky tape floats up into the air in the oh-so-familiar Matrix move and kicks Marco in the head.*
Marco-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *hits the far wall of the swedish meatball factory* ouch, and yet I am still, ummm, how you say, excited, maybe now even more so.
Jake-*genuinely confused, to Marco* what do you mean by that? *is hit suddenly by Tobias and is sent flying with a vicious right hook, he lands right next to Marco* Oh, I dig what you saying brotha. *Marco and Jake high five*
Rachel-Now Tobias just calm down, I'm sorry about hitting you with the chair before, really I am, now lets just try and get you to a hospital...*is bitch-slapped several times by Tobias who's still morphed as Demi Moore, Rachels neck snaps back and forth* AHH!, you messed up my hair YOU BASTARD! Tobias in morph or not, YOU'RE GOING DOWN DEMI MOORE!!!!
Marco-*calling out to Rachel* Theres a sentence I bet you never thought you'd say!
*A still naked Demi Moore and an enraged Rachel fly towards each other for the mother of all cat-fights*
Marco-*to Jake* You know, I once had a dream much like this, only Rachel was naked too and they we're, of course, fighting over me.
Jake-*completely fixated on the cat-fight*...Uh-huh...
*Rachel and Demi Moore/Tobias exchange blow for blow, neither gaining and advantage, yet they keep punching and kicking.... And slapping.... And scratching.... And pulling hair....And, uhh, ah-hem...Biting.*
Jake-*to Marco* Marco, are you crying?
Marco-*tears streaming down his face* I'm just so HAPPY, it's all so beautiful. *breaks down into sobs of joy*
Visser One-Okay, I think I've seen enough. *breaks up Rachel and Demi Moore/Tobias*
Jake-YOU SADISTIC BASTARD!!!
Marco-*normal tears now* NO! Why are you taking this away from me?
Visser One-Cause I've been completely forgotten about, how many of the people reading this can honestly say they remembered I was even in this fic?
Marco-SO WHAT?!?!
Visser One-Well I have self-esteem issues.
Marco-Thats it Jake, I'm gonna kill him with my bare hands.
Jake-Hey Tobias is morphing back.
Marco-DAMMIT!!, it's all crumbling down now.
*Tobias morphs back to being his normal, birdy, self, he just stands there quivering*
Rachel-*slowly walking towards Tobias* Tobias? Honey-buns?Are you okay now?
Tobias-*kinda turns his head to look at Rachel, like a confused little puppy-dog, then he shoots off like a rocket, flames and everything.*
Others-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
*Tobias is shooting off all over the place, bouncing off the roof and walls, literally*
Joe-Holy-Moley-Moo, either that hawks about to blow or my 'Nam' flashbacks are getting worse.
Jake-Excuse me? Vietnam? this is supposed to be 1756 damn it!
Joe-oh sorry, forgot about that.
*Tobias bounces off a wall through the open door of the Swedish Meatball factory*
Rachel-He's heading straight for the Blade ship!!
Jake-AHHHH!! Won't somebody think of the children??!!!
*Tobias hits the Blade ship and under the force of his blow, the entire ship blows up as in a whole BABOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!! Bits and pieces go flying everywhere and the entire hulk is engulfed in flames*
Marco-What the..?
Visser One-Aww Jeez, I had one payment till that thing was fully paid off, craaaaap.
Jake-It exploded....Cause Tobias....Flew into it?
Visser One-Well duh! I know what'll make me feel better though... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Marco-A long hot bath and then settling down with a good book?
Visser One-Well..That too, but actually I was refering to...DESTROYING YOU ALL WHILE YOUR MORPHING POWERS AREN'T WORKING!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Jake-Mmmkay, but what about Marco? You don't know about him, he hasn't morphed yet.
Visser One-Well...Okay, let Marco have a go and we'll all go on from there depending on his morph.
Marco, Rachel and Jake-Kay
*One short morph later*
Marco-*As, you guessed it an oyster* What the..? Why am I an oyster, this does not make very much sense.
Visser One-Well, I think I'm pretty safe don't you? *he stalks towards the Animorphs slowly*
Marco-Well this isn't good.
*Marco demorphs and Visser One slowly backs Marco, Rachel and Jake into a corner, he savors the moment and slowely rasies his tail to strike. Then suddenly, up in the rafters of the building, a shadowy figure appears*
Shadowy figure-*authoritive voice* Stop right there Visser!!
Visser One-Why?
Figure-*normal voice* Cause I said so fool! *swings down to reveal it's none other than moi: Britz, who lands right in frount of the Visser*
Britz-*to Visser One* So buddy, you'd better step off.
Visser One-*to the Animorphs* Who is this guy? The comic relief?
Rachel-No, he's just a jack-ass. *Marco and Jake nod in agreement*
Britz-*to the Animorphs* Oh come on guys I'm trying to save your ass's here.
Marco-Uh-huh, how exactly do you plan to do that?
Britz-Well my morphing power isn't screwed up like yours.
Rachel-You can morph, since when?
Britz-HELLO! I don't know how many times I have to mention this, but I do have those groovy Super presto-Not quite Omnipotent-But still not half bad-Writer power's.
Jake-Why have you never mentioned this before?
Britz-Well all I really use the morphing for is for sneaking into the girls changing rooms at school, all of which is beside the point, hell I can morph into anything I want, real or imagined, in about two seconds, check it! *morphs into that dancing/singing frog from that Warner Brothers cartoon, sing like it does* Hello my baby hello my sweetheart hello my rag-time gaaaaaaaal! *morphs back*
Visser One-This is all very fascinating, but could you move it along a little?
Britz-Sweetenly *turns to Visser One* MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *grows up and up and up*
*Britz morphs into a REALLY big T-rex and roars out...*
Britz-*roaring* WASSSSSSUUUUUUUUUPPPPPP!!!!!!! *the force of the "wassup" blows Visser One off his feet and he goes flying into a wall*
*Britz stalks up to the Visser and opens his mouth preparing to eat him in one bite, then he stops*
Britz-Hang on a second, what am I doing? *he morphs back* jeez WHAT WAS I THINKING?!!?
Rachel-You we're thinking 'bout saving our ass's I believe, you almost had him!
Britz-Oh it's pathetic, me, the writer of this fic, coming here and MORPHING? *mocking himself from earlier* oh oh "I can morph anything I want, real or imagined, in about two seconds" GOD DAMN!!! It's sad, really it is, I mean talk about MAJOR cliche, it's so cliche I feel sick to my stomach, to think I could write such garbage, sorry I can't help you.
Marco, Rachel and Jake-WHAT!?!?!
Britz-sorry, as I said, soooo cliche it makes me cry, lets do lunch, if you survive of course, if your dead I don't think so, I hate taking dead people to lunch, they don't even make an effort to split the check or ANYTHING, ciao. *dissappear's in a puff of smoke*
Rachel-ASSHOLE!!!!
Visser One-Well, looks like theres nothing to stop me now a-hee-hee. *corners them again*
Jake-This is a very bad situation.
Visser One-MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! *raises his tail to strike, then stops and clutchs his chest.* Oww, heart burn damn, oh well *raises his tail again then stops again, clucthing at his chest* I don't feel so good *an enormus bulge appears in his chest like in "Alien"*
All-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Visser One-*the bulge goes away* hang on, I'm okay, I'm good *an entire arm rips it's way through his chest* or maybe not AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! *the bloody hole gets bigger and Cassie comes tumbling out. Visser One falls down dead*
Cassie-Ewwwwww.
Others-CASSIE!!! *They all run up and hug her*
Jake-What happened to you? *the hug breaks up*
Cassie-The Taco's powerful instincts took me over and I was helpless, then the Visser ate me, I was swirling around his digestive track for a while until I finally managed to break free of the Taco's mind and morph back, which must have killed Visser One.
Jake-*very serene*you've been through quitte an ordeal, come on, lets go home.
Rachel-We're in the year 1756, how are we supposed to get home?
Jake-*still serene* I have no idea *starts walking off, then he slips on Visser One intestinal track, falls down and impales himself on the Visser tail-blade* Owwwww *dies*
Cassie-*gasps* My poor little Jakey-poo, are you alright? *sees that he's been impaled* Ohmigod NOOOOOOOOO!!! *starts sobbing*
Rachel-Say that reminds me, TOBIAS NOOOOOO!!! *also starts crying*
Marco-Awww, ladies ladies, *puts his arms around their shoulders* Marco will make it better, I know "Let's all take off our our clothes and make omelettes."
****ZE MERCIFUL END YOU (whatever nationality you are) PIG-DOG!****
Britz-HA HA HA I totally had you guys right? You really thought that I was gonna end with me morphing and killing the Visser right? AHH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! You were sucked hee hee. Well if you've come this far you might as well write a review, come on, if not for me, then for the starving children in Africa, or cute little puppydogs, and Tiny Tim, DO IT FOR TINY TIM!!! Cause I got Tiny Tim locked in my basement and I'm just gonna kick the crap outta him if I don't get any reviews.
1) There must be a cameo appearance by a washed-up celebrity of my choice.
2) The entire story must be set in a Swedish Meatball factory in the year 1756.
3) One of the main characters must overdose on one of these things...a) Pimple cream, b) Viagra, c) Lip gloss, d) Double-sided sticky tape.
4) The only morphs they are allowed to use are...JAKE: Alpaca, MARCO: Oyster, RACHEL: Peacock, TOBIAS: Demi Moore, CASSIE: A beef taco, (pfft) AX: Leech.
5) The purpose of the story is to prevent Visser 3 (1 now) from opening his own fabric store.
6)The story must end with someone saying "Let's all take off our clothes and make omelettes".
7) In the middle of the story there must be a short intermission in which there is a completely unrelated scene involving the characters, squaredancing and a conversation about how crappy "Malcom in the Middle" is.
Boy with a group of terms like that this story will practically write itself (gag!), oh c'mon you expect me to write a good story with those boundries, if you hate it, blame Salt & Vinegar for her over-restrictive boundries, I embark upon a journy which will challange my arguable "talents" as a humour writer, I'd ask you to wish me luck but if your reading this I've already had it huh? Oh come on be kind, I needed something to tide me over till #54 come's out here in Oz
Disclaimer-Not mine.
Summery- Read the challange, it will pretty well tell you what this is about. Pre-54
VISSER ONE, SWEDISH MEATBALLS AND A CHALLANGE FIC WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE?
(Scene:Some sort of factory, possibly one used for the production of Swedish Meatballs, architecture appears perhaps, early 1756. Suddenly there is a flash of light and a ever-cheesy 'Zap!', then our intrepid morphing heroes and (pfft) Ax stand in the middle of the factory.)
Tobias-GAH!!! Where are we?
Jake and Cassie-*still "tongue-wrestling in the way they were before they got zapped* mmm? Mmmm?!? MMMM!!! *finally break away*
Jake-What the hell? Were are we?
Marco-Ohh I'd say, a factory, with a style of architecture popular with Swedish Meatball factories in the early 1756's.
Rachel-How do you know all that?
Marco-I read the challange terms before we started, took a guess.
Jake-Okay, so why are we here?
Marco-I can tell you that too, we're....
*the Ellimist appears*
Ellimist-STOP MARCO, I CAN GIVE A EXPLANATION JAKE.
Marco-*quickly to Jake* we're here to stop Visser One from getting his own fabric store.
Ellimist-HEEEEEY, I WANTED TO EXPLAIN THE STORY-LINE
Cassie-Why don't you? That still dosn't make anyway.
Ellimist-BELIEVE ME I GIVE YOU THIS EXPLANATION IT STILL WON'T MAKE ANY SENSE SWEET-HEART
Rachel and Cassie-Sweet-heart?
Rachel-You can't talk to her like that it's demeaning to women.
Cassie-Yeah, what about women's right, women's lib, the frantic bra-burnings in the 60's, you can't say things like that to me, *and then as an after-thought* pig!
Ellimist-I'D LIKE TO POINT OUT TO YOU THIS IS 1756, NONE OF THOSE THINGS HAVE HAPPENED YET.
Cassie-Oh, right. Hang on that doesn't make it right!!! And it is in my overly-ethical nature to stop this monstrositie, have at you sir!!! *runs at the Ellimist, morphing as she runs*
Ellimist-*gets suit splatted by Cassie's morph, which is of course, a beef taco* WHAT THE..?
Cassie-*in beef taco morph*Huh? This is new, this taco has such amazingly strong instincts *sounding weary* can't hold onto.....Human brain.....Any longer, rock and roll for...Ever. *flops to the ground having been taken over by the taco's powerful instincts.*
Jake-Cassie!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Cassie-Yes. *flops down again.*
Jake-Oh okay.
Ellimist-WELL WHO GIVES A RAT'S HUH? ANYWAY I'M HERE TO DELIVER YOU A STEAMING ORDER OF PLOT-LINE.
Tobias-So what is going down anyhow?
Ellimist-WELL HERES THE THING TODAY THIS GUY, JOE SHMOE, IS GOING TO MAKE HIS FINAL DECISION ON WETHER OR NOT TO BUT HIS OWN FABRIC STORE, IN THE CORRECT TIME-LINE HE WOULD DECIDE NOT TO OPEN IT, AND INSTEAD USE THE MONEY TO REDO HIS KITCHEN.
Marco-What?
Ellimist-OH YOU KNOW, GET SOME NEW BENCH-TOPS, MAYBE ADD ONE OF THOSE LOVELY LITTLE KITCHEN ISLAND THINGS.
Rachel-Do we really need to hear this? WHY. ARE. WE. HERE?
Ellimist-OH RIGHT, WELL YOU SEE VISSER THR..UH THAT IS ONE, HAS USED THE TIME MATRIX THING-A-ME-BOB TO COME BACK IN TIME AND INFEST THE MR JOE SHMOE, SO AS TO OPEN, HIS OWN FABRIC STORE!!!!!
Animorphs-*gasp*
Jake-Ummm......So?
Ellimist-WELL THE FABRIC STORE IF PUT INTO CREATION, IS DESTINED FOR GREAT THINGS, WHY BY THE TIME OF YOUR PRESENT DAY, IT WOULD BECOME.... *pause for dramatic....Umm is it affect or effect?* A CHAIN OF FABRIC STORES!!!!
Animorphs-*gasp again*
Ellimist-YES, VISSER ONE'S STORES WOULD CRUSH ALL OPPOSING FABRIC STORES INTO THE DUST, HE ALONE WOULD OWN 99% OF THE WORLDS FABRIC-RELATED WEALTH.
Animorphs-*gasp all over again*
Rachel-That all means what to us?
Ellimist-*annoyed* YOU KNOW YOU ASK TO MANY QUESTIONS OF THIS BLOODY FIC, I DON'T KNOW WHATS GOING ON ANY BETTER THAN YOU DO, LOOK THERES THE GUY YOU HAVE TO PROTECT, *points to Mr Joe Shmoe up in his office* NOW DO YOUR HERO THING AND STOP PISSING ME OFF! JEEZ! *disapears with a flash of light and a cheezy 'Zap!'*
Jake-Well, um...I guess we go and protect Joe.
Others-*grunt in agreement*
*the Animorphs and (pfft) Ax walk up to the Sweedish Meatball factories foreman office where Joe Shmoe is, they burst through the door*
Joe-Hey, what are you doing here?!? Get outta my office!!! *(pfft) Ax steps inside* Holy $@#*%^@&!!!!! With a little bit of #$*@@%&$* on the side!!!! *symbolised for the protection of the young un's*
Jake-Please Mr Shmoe, listen to us your in great danger, a great evil is coming here!!
Joe-My ex-wife? *drum rim-shot 'bah-da-buh cish!'*
Rachel-*ignoring him* Mr Shmoe, you're in real trouble, this guy is a heart-less monster.
Joe-What she's got her lawer with her as well? *another rim-shot*
Tobias-Great, out of all of Visser One's innocent victims we have to get a funny guy.
Jake-Alright guys, lets just stick around till the Visser turns up okay?
*twenty minutes later*
Joe-..So I says "buddy that ain't no mutated meatball, that's my wife!!!" *bursts out laughing.
Marco, Rachel and Tobias-*also burst out laughing*
Jake-What? I don't get it. *looks out the window and see's the Blade Ship flying towards the factory* AHH! GUYS!!! Battle stations, Blade ship at....Something o'clock!!!!!
Animorphs-*run around screaming* AHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Rachel-Hang on what are we doing?
Marco-Yeah, we're acting crazy, lets get a hold of ourselves.
Tobias-lets just all calm down, close your eyes, you're in a meadow, visualise people, visualise.
*three seconds later*
Animorphs-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
*meanwhile downstairs: the outer door of the meatball factory blows open and Visser Thr..Uh One steps through, swaggering confidently.*
Visser One-*steps in beef taco Cassie* Aww jeez, what did I step in? *inspects the bottum of his hoof* siiiiiiigh *puts his hoof back down and absorbs the rest of the taco with it*
Cassie-NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! ROCK AND ROLL FOREVER!!! urk! *gets fully eaten by Visser One's hoof.*
Jake-CASSIE! NOOOOOO!!!!
Visser One-Mmm, not bad at all, in fact, yo quiera taco bell.
Jake-YOU MONSTER!!! Everyone! Attack!!!
Visser One-That's what you think, I've got a washed-up celebrity to do my dirty work for me, say hello to my latest secret weapon!!!
*for some bizzare reason MC Hammer runs out of the ship and into the sweedish meatball factory*
MC Hammer-*grooving* MC Hammer Hammer Hammer, Hammer-time!!!
Marco-Why MC Hammer?
Visser One-*shrugs* bets the hell outta me. *long awkward pause*
MC Hammer-*to a beat* oh oh oh OH oh oh oh!!
Visser one-Oh right, lets get on with this shall we? MC Hammer! Attack!!
Jake-Rachel! Ax! With me!! Get morphing!!! *Jake, Rachel and (gag me) Ax start morphing*
Jake-*finishes morphing with the othersand realise's that he's morphed an Alpaca and Rachel is a peacock* Ummm...This is new, Rachel what's going on?
Rachel-*spinning around and flaring her peacock feathers* Ohhh look at me I'm soooo pretty hee hee! Oh sorry Jake, bets me whats going on.
Jake-Where did Ax go?
Rachel-I think he morphed into a leech.
Marco-That would suit him.
Tobias-Hang on guys I see him.
Jake-Where is he then?
MC Hammer-*steps on something that goes "Squish" while randomly dancing*
Tobias-Uhh...Never mind.
Rachel-Ohmigod he killed Ax!
Joe-So?
Rachel-Good point.
Jake-ATTACK!
Marco-How do you plan to attack MC Hammer in those morphs?
Jake-Well......Alpaca's....They can spit can't they?....Oh screw it lets just attack him.
Rachel-Kay. *her and Jake rush at MC Hammer who has suddenly started grooving to a familiar MC Hammer beat.*
MC Hammer-U can't touch this (do do do do) U can't touch this *dances out of Jakes path who goes skidding past* U can't touch this *somersaults over Rachel's head* U can't touch this,
Tobias-*watching Jake and Rachel trying to attack MC Hammer who just keeps singing and dancing away* Oh, this is just sad.
Marco-Maybe we can help *rushes into Joe Scmoe's office*
*****INTERMISSION*****
Britz-Hullo hullo hullo
Jake-What the..? Why aren't I an alpaca?
Britz-Well it's the intermission, duh.
*all the Animorphs simply stare blankly at Britz*
Britz-Did NONE of you read the guidelines before we started, you did Marco, you said so.
Marco-Well...I kinda just skimmed through them.
Britz-You skimmed through SEVEN itsy-bitsy sentences? What the hell is wrong with you? What am I paying you all for?
Rachel-Hang on your not paying us! Wait, should you paying us?
Britz-What? Umm me no speak the English.
Tobias-You cheap bastard! You're ripping us off!
Britz-Ohmigod!!! WHAT'S THAT!!!! *pointing randomly off screen*
All-What? *all turn around and see nothing*
Jake-What are we looking at here?
Britz-Oh never-mind.
Marco-Hey, what were we just talking about, I lost my train of thought.
Britz-We were talking 'bout...Umm...."Malcom in the Middle" Yeah that's it! How poor is that show huh?
Rachel-Yeah tell me about it, that Malcom kid is soooo UGLY too.
Tobias-Stupid little smart-ass bastard! I'd like to rip out his heart and shove it down his throat!!!
Britz-Damn show so stupid, dumb-ass, anal, mind-numbing, idiotic....Etc, etc.
Jake-*musing* that Frances is kinda cute though.
*the others stare at him*
Jake-What? Well he is.
*the others stare at him some more*
Jake-There's nothing I can say here to make this situation better for me is there?
*the others keep staring at him as they shake their heads*
Others-No.
Britz-Time for the square-dancing.
Animorphs-Huh?
Britz-Square-dancing people, we'll be doing a quaint little dance known as the Tennesse two-step.
Rachel-Whatever.
*there is a flash of light and suddenly they're all in a big barn square-dancing perfectly, all but Britz and Ax, Britz because he's so UNBELIVABLY clumsy and Ax because while dancing he neatly decapitates Rachel, fortuantly they simply place her head back on and she comes back to life, hell she's been coming back to life enough times in other peoples fic's why not mine?*
Marco-*when thay stop dancing, sarcastic* Well wasn't that fun? Boy it's all you need for a true country party.
Britz-Actually for a true country party you also need a hell of alot of grain alcohol and a first cousin who believe's it isn't possible to get pregnet twice in one year *rim shot once again*
*****END OF INTERMISSION*****
MC Hammer-*still dancing out of Jake and Rachel's clutches* My-my-my-my (U can't touch this)
*Marco runs back out of Joe Shmoe's office clutching a roll of double-sided sticky tape.*
Tobias-What are you gonna do with that.
Marco-Look, check it! *throws the roll of double-sided sticky tape at MC Hammer*
MC Hammer-I'm telling you homeboy (U can't touch this) *the double-sided sticky-tape hits him on the side of the face and wraps itself all over MC Hammer's head, covering his mouth and nose*
Tobias-*with a passable Maxwell Smart impression* Of course the old "suffocate-the-washed-up-rock-star-with-double-sided-sticky-tape" trick.
MC Hammer-*trying to pull the sticky tape off his face* OH NO! MC Hammer Hammer Hammer, CANT BREATH! *in his death throes he breaks off the actual roll of double-sided sticky-tape and throws it back at Marco, then dies*
Tobias-*picking up the tapes flight with his super-hawk senses* Marco! The tape!!
*suddenly everything is in slow-motion*
Marco-*starts to turn with an expression of shock*
Tobias-*in a style remarkably like in "The Bodyguard, he flaps towards Marco with an intention of taking the tape for him* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *gasp* OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!*he is finally is hit with the tape and he accidentally shallows it* urk!
Marco-TOBIAS!!!! *Tobias falls to the ground and stays down*
*back to normal speed*
Marco-Tobias! Ohmigod!!!
Rachel-*starting to morph back* What is it? Whats with Tobias?
Marco-*kneeling over Tobias* He, he, *sniff* he took a roll of double-sided sticky-tape for me *sniff*
Rachel-*human again* Ohmigod!!! Is he dead? *leaping to Tobias's side*
Marco-*trying to wake Tobias* come on back to us bud, come on wake up *sniff*
Rachel-TOBIAS!!!! NOOOO!!!! *falls protectively over Tobias*
Tobias-*lying there half-dead, starts to foam at the beak.*
Rachel and Marco-AHHHHHHH! MAD HAWK!!! MAD HAWK!!! *both pick up chairs and start to beat Tobias's limp body into the ground.*
Jake-GUYS! STOP! *Rachel and Marco stp beating Tobias* What the hell do you think your doing?!?
Marco-Umm, killing the mad hawk?
Jake-YOU IDIOTS!!! He's not a bloody "Mad Hawk" he O.D. on double-sided sticky tape, we gotta get him to a hospital. Or possibly vets office.
Rachel-OH Tobias! I'm sooo sorry! *wispering to Jake* you're sure he can't hurt us right?
Jake-I'm positive Rachel, he's unconcious.
Rachel-Okay then *goes to hug Tobias*
Tobias-*sits up with a demonic red glow in his eyes*
Others-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tobias-*starts to stalk towards Marco, Rachel and Jake, morphing as he walks along on his little bird feet*
Jake-HE'S MORPHING!!
Rachel-Hang on, he's morphing human.
Marco-A hot female-type human.
Jake-OHMIGOD HE'S DEMI MOORE!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Hang on, wha..?
*Tobias is fully morphed into Demi Moore, and guess what? No morphing suit!*
Marco-Get him to a hospital? HA! If he stays in that morph I'll treat him myself! Just let me rush of to the bathroom for a few minutes while I..Ahh..Wash up for surgery, hee hee hee. *Rachel smacks him upside his head*
Tobias-*still O.Ding on the double-sided sticky tape floats up into the air in the oh-so-familiar Matrix move and kicks Marco in the head.*
Marco-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *hits the far wall of the swedish meatball factory* ouch, and yet I am still, ummm, how you say, excited, maybe now even more so.
Jake-*genuinely confused, to Marco* what do you mean by that? *is hit suddenly by Tobias and is sent flying with a vicious right hook, he lands right next to Marco* Oh, I dig what you saying brotha. *Marco and Jake high five*
Rachel-Now Tobias just calm down, I'm sorry about hitting you with the chair before, really I am, now lets just try and get you to a hospital...*is bitch-slapped several times by Tobias who's still morphed as Demi Moore, Rachels neck snaps back and forth* AHH!, you messed up my hair YOU BASTARD! Tobias in morph or not, YOU'RE GOING DOWN DEMI MOORE!!!!
Marco-*calling out to Rachel* Theres a sentence I bet you never thought you'd say!
*A still naked Demi Moore and an enraged Rachel fly towards each other for the mother of all cat-fights*
Marco-*to Jake* You know, I once had a dream much like this, only Rachel was naked too and they we're, of course, fighting over me.
Jake-*completely fixated on the cat-fight*...Uh-huh...
*Rachel and Demi Moore/Tobias exchange blow for blow, neither gaining and advantage, yet they keep punching and kicking.... And slapping.... And scratching.... And pulling hair....And, uhh, ah-hem...Biting.*
Jake-*to Marco* Marco, are you crying?
Marco-*tears streaming down his face* I'm just so HAPPY, it's all so beautiful. *breaks down into sobs of joy*
Visser One-Okay, I think I've seen enough. *breaks up Rachel and Demi Moore/Tobias*
Jake-YOU SADISTIC BASTARD!!!
Marco-*normal tears now* NO! Why are you taking this away from me?
Visser One-Cause I've been completely forgotten about, how many of the people reading this can honestly say they remembered I was even in this fic?
Marco-SO WHAT?!?!
Visser One-Well I have self-esteem issues.
Marco-Thats it Jake, I'm gonna kill him with my bare hands.
Jake-Hey Tobias is morphing back.
Marco-DAMMIT!!, it's all crumbling down now.
*Tobias morphs back to being his normal, birdy, self, he just stands there quivering*
Rachel-*slowly walking towards Tobias* Tobias? Honey-buns?Are you okay now?
Tobias-*kinda turns his head to look at Rachel, like a confused little puppy-dog, then he shoots off like a rocket, flames and everything.*
Others-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
*Tobias is shooting off all over the place, bouncing off the roof and walls, literally*
Joe-Holy-Moley-Moo, either that hawks about to blow or my 'Nam' flashbacks are getting worse.
Jake-Excuse me? Vietnam? this is supposed to be 1756 damn it!
Joe-oh sorry, forgot about that.
*Tobias bounces off a wall through the open door of the Swedish Meatball factory*
Rachel-He's heading straight for the Blade ship!!
Jake-AHHHH!! Won't somebody think of the children??!!!
*Tobias hits the Blade ship and under the force of his blow, the entire ship blows up as in a whole BABOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!! Bits and pieces go flying everywhere and the entire hulk is engulfed in flames*
Marco-What the..?
Visser One-Aww Jeez, I had one payment till that thing was fully paid off, craaaaap.
Jake-It exploded....Cause Tobias....Flew into it?
Visser One-Well duh! I know what'll make me feel better though... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Marco-A long hot bath and then settling down with a good book?
Visser One-Well..That too, but actually I was refering to...DESTROYING YOU ALL WHILE YOUR MORPHING POWERS AREN'T WORKING!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Jake-Mmmkay, but what about Marco? You don't know about him, he hasn't morphed yet.
Visser One-Well...Okay, let Marco have a go and we'll all go on from there depending on his morph.
Marco, Rachel and Jake-Kay
*One short morph later*
Marco-*As, you guessed it an oyster* What the..? Why am I an oyster, this does not make very much sense.
Visser One-Well, I think I'm pretty safe don't you? *he stalks towards the Animorphs slowly*
Marco-Well this isn't good.
*Marco demorphs and Visser One slowly backs Marco, Rachel and Jake into a corner, he savors the moment and slowely rasies his tail to strike. Then suddenly, up in the rafters of the building, a shadowy figure appears*
Shadowy figure-*authoritive voice* Stop right there Visser!!
Visser One-Why?
Figure-*normal voice* Cause I said so fool! *swings down to reveal it's none other than moi: Britz, who lands right in frount of the Visser*
Britz-*to Visser One* So buddy, you'd better step off.
Visser One-*to the Animorphs* Who is this guy? The comic relief?
Rachel-No, he's just a jack-ass. *Marco and Jake nod in agreement*
Britz-*to the Animorphs* Oh come on guys I'm trying to save your ass's here.
Marco-Uh-huh, how exactly do you plan to do that?
Britz-Well my morphing power isn't screwed up like yours.
Rachel-You can morph, since when?
Britz-HELLO! I don't know how many times I have to mention this, but I do have those groovy Super presto-Not quite Omnipotent-But still not half bad-Writer power's.
Jake-Why have you never mentioned this before?
Britz-Well all I really use the morphing for is for sneaking into the girls changing rooms at school, all of which is beside the point, hell I can morph into anything I want, real or imagined, in about two seconds, check it! *morphs into that dancing/singing frog from that Warner Brothers cartoon, sing like it does* Hello my baby hello my sweetheart hello my rag-time gaaaaaaaal! *morphs back*
Visser One-This is all very fascinating, but could you move it along a little?
Britz-Sweetenly *turns to Visser One* MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *grows up and up and up*
*Britz morphs into a REALLY big T-rex and roars out...*
Britz-*roaring* WASSSSSSUUUUUUUUUPPPPPP!!!!!!! *the force of the "wassup" blows Visser One off his feet and he goes flying into a wall*
*Britz stalks up to the Visser and opens his mouth preparing to eat him in one bite, then he stops*
Britz-Hang on a second, what am I doing? *he morphs back* jeez WHAT WAS I THINKING?!!?
Rachel-You we're thinking 'bout saving our ass's I believe, you almost had him!
Britz-Oh it's pathetic, me, the writer of this fic, coming here and MORPHING? *mocking himself from earlier* oh oh "I can morph anything I want, real or imagined, in about two seconds" GOD DAMN!!! It's sad, really it is, I mean talk about MAJOR cliche, it's so cliche I feel sick to my stomach, to think I could write such garbage, sorry I can't help you.
Marco, Rachel and Jake-WHAT!?!?!
Britz-sorry, as I said, soooo cliche it makes me cry, lets do lunch, if you survive of course, if your dead I don't think so, I hate taking dead people to lunch, they don't even make an effort to split the check or ANYTHING, ciao. *dissappear's in a puff of smoke*
Rachel-ASSHOLE!!!!
Visser One-Well, looks like theres nothing to stop me now a-hee-hee. *corners them again*
Jake-This is a very bad situation.
Visser One-MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! *raises his tail to strike, then stops and clutchs his chest.* Oww, heart burn damn, oh well *raises his tail again then stops again, clucthing at his chest* I don't feel so good *an enormus bulge appears in his chest like in "Alien"*
All-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Visser One-*the bulge goes away* hang on, I'm okay, I'm good *an entire arm rips it's way through his chest* or maybe not AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! *the bloody hole gets bigger and Cassie comes tumbling out. Visser One falls down dead*
Cassie-Ewwwwww.
Others-CASSIE!!! *They all run up and hug her*
Jake-What happened to you? *the hug breaks up*
Cassie-The Taco's powerful instincts took me over and I was helpless, then the Visser ate me, I was swirling around his digestive track for a while until I finally managed to break free of the Taco's mind and morph back, which must have killed Visser One.
Jake-*very serene*you've been through quitte an ordeal, come on, lets go home.
Rachel-We're in the year 1756, how are we supposed to get home?
Jake-*still serene* I have no idea *starts walking off, then he slips on Visser One intestinal track, falls down and impales himself on the Visser tail-blade* Owwwww *dies*
Cassie-*gasps* My poor little Jakey-poo, are you alright? *sees that he's been impaled* Ohmigod NOOOOOOOOO!!! *starts sobbing*
Rachel-Say that reminds me, TOBIAS NOOOOOO!!! *also starts crying*
Marco-Awww, ladies ladies, *puts his arms around their shoulders* Marco will make it better, I know "Let's all take off our our clothes and make omelettes."
****ZE MERCIFUL END YOU (whatever nationality you are) PIG-DOG!****
Britz-HA HA HA I totally had you guys right? You really thought that I was gonna end with me morphing and killing the Visser right? AHH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! You were sucked hee hee. Well if you've come this far you might as well write a review, come on, if not for me, then for the starving children in Africa, or cute little puppydogs, and Tiny Tim, DO IT FOR TINY TIM!!! Cause I got Tiny Tim locked in my basement and I'm just gonna kick the crap outta him if I don't get any reviews.